Homelife

A/N: I am so basking in the warm fuzzies right now! I love all of you wonderful reviewers!! I'm still not sure what will happen, who'll end up coming through alright (lol, if any) and as for love, well, Dragondreamer put it best, 'let the characters decide' which is the best advice I've gotten.
I was half afraid people'd hate the peptic-ulcer cop-out, but I wanted a legitimate illness with long term symptoms that would've gone by with out Jounouchi noticing. (I also like the fact that stress can upset an ulcer.) I took the idea of something more common and realistic than going for big drama...while doing research there were a lot more exotic virus' and such I could've used, but I wanted something basic.
I hope you keep enjoying and reviewing, so here's the next part:
(Since last chapter was short I'm treating you guys with speedy posts instead. I wrote this chappie in under 2 hours.)

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HOMELIFE PART 5
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I can't get a straight answer out of him. He barely talks to me at all now. I'm not sure what's going on inside his head, what that damnable look in his eye means anymore. I never thought I could manage to screw up the simple friendship we used to have, but of course, screwing up is what I do best.

He's wearing a cream coloured sweater and his leather jacket, his hands shoved deep in the pockets. His hair is gelled up like usual and he's leaning casually against the door frame. Honda's smiling slightly, his eyes flicking back and forth between Yugi and myself, occasionally flitting over to Anzu when she has something to say.

Anzu's acting almost as strange as Honda is, all quiet and moody. It's not like her to be so remote, she's a one person cheer squad, well usually she is. Only Yugi is acting anything like normal, anything like the friend I'm used to. I don't know if he's acting or if he's being kept in the dark. How much does Anzu know? Honda wouldn't betray me like that and spread my dirty laundry out for all my friends to gape at, he's better than that, right? But after he told me that everything would be fine, I have to wonder what that means to him. He always tries to go the moral high road, so wouldn't that mean he's obligated to go tell someone, like the authorities or something? No cops or social workers have shown up, so I guess that wasn't what he had in mind. So what is he planning? He might have told Anzu, asked for her help and opinion, he might have--

"Jounouchi-kun!" Yugi waves a hand in front of my face and I jump a mile. He instantly looks concerned and sorry, his large eyes wide and worried. "I'm sorry!" he apologizes, trying to straighten out my covers for me.

I'm still stuck here in this damn hospital bed, going nuts from the boredom. There was a small lapse of new bleeding late yesterday, so they're keeping me under observation for a bit longer. Stress aggravates the ulcer somewhat, so I'm supposed to keep calm, but how in the hell am I supposed to manage that? There's way too much on my mind to keep my stomach from tossing and turning all day and night. It doesn't hurt so much now, just when I'm too upset or if I jostle around suddenly. If there's no more bleeding than I should be fine once I'm out of here, provided I take my proper meds. I've never been good at remembering the small stuff, but I've got a reason to now, and if I do lose track the fire in my gut will bring me back to my senses. Lucky me.

"Are you okay Jounouchi?" Anzu asks, her hand resting lightly on my arm now in a friendly gesture. To her touching is important, I asked her once why and she said that her mother always taught her that it helped to build people closer. Apparently animals do it all the time, to make their groups closer, so why not humans? To be honest, it didn't bother me, I liked it. My own mother left me behind, and I guess because of the way Anzu is, it filled a bit of a void. Having a girl touch me just doesn't bug me like when a guy does. Well, except Yugi, he's terribly huggable. He looks so innocent though, I don't have the same tremors touching him like with others.

Damn it, I'm full of contractions. Touching Kaiba doesn't bug me either, so long as we're pounding the shit out of each other. Okay, so long as he's pounding the shit out of me, but then again, I'm usually asking for it. Then again, soesn't that seem to be a symptom of all my other problems? It seems I'm just begging to be hit.

Before I can get into the complications of my relationship with Kaiba, Yugi thankfully interrupts me.
"Maybe we should be going, you look tired Jounouchi-kun."

I shook my head, but Yugi began packing up his deck and everything into his backpack anyway. I didn't really want them to go, I didn't want to be alone again. Time trickled past slowly in this damn sterile room. There aren't even any posters on the walls to look at. Nothing but plain ol' whiteness, far as the eye could see. How do they expect us patients to get any healthier in such a damn depressing room?

Anzu stood and bent over me, wrapping her arms gently around my neck. "You take care of yourself, you got that Jounouchi?" she whispered fiercely, squeezing me to her. I noticed that she smelled like strawberries, it was rather nice. My mother had always smelled like lavender, a scent I can't stand, it makes my nose itch.

I gave Anzu a lopsided smile. "As good of care as always."

She puts her hands on her hips andmps mps her foot at me, but her face loses the irritated cast and she's smiling. She thankfully understands that I can't be all serious and emotional about this, I have to play my usual part and joke and tease. If I didn't I'd go nuts and start bawling all over again, and I can't do that with them. I know they're my best friends and I love them all, but I can't let them in and see me in that way. It'd ruin everything I've tried to be for them, I don't want to shatter that image of myself, the image of what I rather be. She gets that, but it's no surprise, she's the smartest one of us.

Yugi also gives me a quick hug and smiles at me, slinging his bag over his shoulders and settling it in place. He waves brightly and walks out the door with Anzu. Honda's stepped out of the way and is peering down the hall, his hands still jammed in his pockets and his foot tapping impatiently. He stands there not even looking at me for over ten minutes, just tapping away and focusing on the hall like I don't even exist. I'm about to shout at him and ask what the hell he's doing when someone else comes running up. I can only see their back at first, but the large black ponytail and bright red clothing is enough of a clue. Why the hell would Otogi be here?

Honda's grinning, Otogi steps around beside him and both bow for some strange reason. I catch Otogi glance over at me, there's a strange sparkle in his green eyes, and then I understand.

Her long hair is pulled back and tied up nicely with a pink ribbon, falling softly to her shoulders. I notice it's grown since I saw her last and it looks even more beautiful than before. Her sweater is white with pink trim at the collar and sleeves, and the skirt is long and flowing in a soft rose colour. They somehow managed to bring Shizuka to me.

She smiles brightly as she comes in the door, Otogi flashes me a quick grin and closes it behind her. She stands at the door nervously a moment, her hands clasped in front of her to keep from fidgeting. She then suddenly flings herself to my bed and grabs me roughly around the shoulders, clinging to me and crying.

"I was so scared for you oniichan!" she sniffs as she pulls back to look me in the face. "Okaasan wouldn't bring me here to see you, she said it wasn't a good idea!"

My eyes go steely and I want to curst myt my mother even though she isn't here. Of course, I'm not about to go doing that in front of my little sister now and tarnish my unblemished image in her eyes. I am after all the best big brother in the world. Well, in her eyes, and thats all that matters to me.

"You came all the way to see me when I was in the hospital, so I had to come see you. Then last night Honda-kun called and asked me if I would come. I said yes and Otogi picked me up this morning so I be with you!" she nuzzled her face into my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her. I could feel her body shaking and she was sobbing over me again. I hate making people worry.

"I'm so glad you came, Shizuka." I murmur quietly, holding her tightly. She smells like something I can't even describe, but I can tell you it's my favourite scent of all time. Jasmine maybe, or orchids, I can't be sure.

She moves away and sits on the edge of the bed, one hand holding lightly onto mine. She's careful because this was the hand the IV was in, although I don't need it right now, I can eat on my own again. Her eyes are still wet, but she's smiling and I hope that we can have a nice visit with out either of us bawling too much. It's so rare that we get this kind of chance to just spend time together and I'm damn lucky to have friends like Honda and Otogi that would go out of their way and do this for me. Of course, I know neither of the guys mind because after all, they get the joys of seeing my sister too. Not that I'm gonna let either do anything more than just seeing. Looking, no touching--My sister, my rules.

"How do you feel, oniichan?"

I shrug and try to make light of my condition. "I'm fine. It's a pretty common condition, so it won't be any trouble."

"After Okaasan told me what was wrong I looked it up on the Internet...people can die from this!"

"Only if it isn't taken care of." I disagree stubbornly. I really wish she wouldn't do all this worrying and upset over me. I don't want her to feel bad.

"Oh, but sure, your's is taken care of, that's why your in the hospital!"

Oh great, this isn't going in a really good direction. I know she's just upset and she wants to be mad at something, to get her feelings out. At least she's not as violent as I am about stuff. "Sorry, Shizuka." I apologize, trying my best to look contrite. "Now that I am here and being looked after things'll be okay. I'll be out of here soon."

She sniffed and raise a hand to wipe her eyes, I grabbed the tissues from my night stand and gave the box to her. "But who'll look after you once you're out of here?"

I blink and instinctively pull back. "Uh..." I'm absolutely brilliant, all that comes out of my mouth are various stammering sounds.

"Katsuya." Damn, this can't be good. Shizuka almost never calls me by my name. Hell, no one calls me by my first name anymore. "You should think about coming home with me."

Whoa. I never expected her to say that of all things. I know the offer is from her heart, but it's pointless and ridiculous to even consider it. I know with certainty she hasn't asked Mother about this little plan of hers, she'd just take me with her and when I show up on the doorstep expect things to go all sugary. There's no way in hell my mother would take me back with open arms. Even if she did I rather spit in her face than accept her charity, taking me in like some damn unfortunate. She could've taken me all along, before I was such a screw up, like hell she'd want me now after all the shit I've lived through.

I don't have the heart to put it that way to Shizuka, so I just shake my head reluctantly. "Thanks sis, but I'm fine here, I can take care of myself."

"That's why you almost died!" she wailed, burying her face in her hands and sobbing. I reach out to pull her close but she flinches back from me. "NO! I don't want you to try and comfort me and tell me things are alright when I know they aren't!" she's standing over me now, her eyes are flashing, and she's pouring out all her feelings. I wish I had the freedom to do that like she can. "I worry about you all the time Katsuya! I know Father doesn't have a job, and you always phone from Honda-kun's place because you can't afford to keep paying the bills on yours. You've never let me come by and see your home, you're ashamed!"

"Shizuka, please--"

"No oniichan!" she grabs my hands. "You can't stay like this, you have to be somewhere where you're looked after. Someplace where you're cared for!"

"Daddy takes care of me." I whisper sullenly and my heart immediately begins to beat ferociously in my chest. I shouldn't have called him that with her here.

She catches my slip and pulls back from me, one hand going to her chest. Her eyes are confused and she's blinking back her tears. It's like she's in autopilot mode, her feet taking small steps backwards until she bumps into the wall, and I can see that her eyes are wide and her breathing is irregular. She's noticed something, and she's not sure what. "...Katsuya..." she whispers softly into the deafening silence of the sterile room and the look painted on her face makes me want to scream and throw a tantrum. There's a steady fire growing in my stomach and I know I should push the button for the nurse to come with medication before it gets worse, but I can't.

My hands go without thought to the Kleenex box that she left on the covers beside me, and my numb fingers grip it tightly. The sides of the box are giving in to the steel clench of my fist as I crush it with trembling hands. I'm not sure of what I'm doing. My fear seems to be in control and I want to do anything to wipe that look of her face, to make her close her eyes so she can't look at me like that anymore. I just need her to not look at me at all.

"GET!" T!" I scream, tossing the crumpled box at her, but it's not enough. I grab the pillow behind my head and chuck that at her with all my strength. Considering the pain wracking up in my abdomen, it's not much, I'm still too weak. I always have been. I wished for freedom to ess ess my emotions, and here I am letting them carry me away and terrify my sister, the person I love most. She's sobbing again and the pillow hits her in the arm, but it's a pillow so it doesn't hurt. She looks more scared and shocked than in pain. "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU!"

She hurls herself toward the door and jerks it open roughly, running headlong out into the dimly lit hall. Honda and Otogi both come upright immediately from the chairs they were waiting in and they look at each other in confusion. Honda nods his head in Shizuka's direction and Otogi takes the hint and goes off after her. Honda stares darkly at me and comes in the room.

"GO AWAY!" I scream, wondering at the laxity of the hospital staff who seem to take my frequent bouts of hollering and such in stride. As I expected Honda ignores my plea and walks in anywaylosilosing the door behind him.

"You are being such a jerk, Jounouchi."

"Go away." I whine pitifully, the fire inside quenching my anger and making me shake with pain. I reach out for the call button, but Honda grabs the switch beforean. an.

"No way. Maybe this is the only way I'll be able to knock some sense into you. You listen, and if you're good I'll get the nurse, got it?"

Damn him. I clutch at my stomach and nod once, trying to calm down and put the pain out of focus.

"I brought her here 'cause I thought maybe seeing how worried she is about you might actually get through that damn thick skull of yours. You're a damn stubborn idiot Jounouchi, and I'm trying to work with it, but you're making this hard. If I go to the authorities or some shit, you're going to be put through hell, and I don't want to do that to you. I'm trying to let you make the right decision for yourself, but you're being a jackass and refusing. Why the hell are you letting this happen?"

"Are you done?" I grumble between clenched teeth.

He sighs and pushes the button for the nurse. "Yeah, I guess so." he says quietly and slumps into a chair beside me.

As we sit in silence, him with his head lowered in defeat, me clenching my abdomen and sweating profusely, the nurse comes in with a tray in hand. She smiles and comes around to the bedside, handing me a glass of water. She puts the tray down and next hands me a little cup filled with a few pills. I know the pink ones are painkillers, which I'm thankful for. They also make me sleepy, which is a bonus.

"You really need to keep calm, Jounouchi-kun." she chides gently as she picks up the pillow I tossed to the floor. She fluffs it twice and pulls me up so she can prop it behind my head. Next she pulls up the covers and smooths them over me. She's very pleasant and motherly in manner, one of my favourite nurses that have been checking on me. The night nurse is a regular beast, she had to change my IV needle once and I could swear she smiled when I yelped as she pulled it out. "Do you need anything else, Jounouchi-kun?" they all have started calling me Jounouchi-kun, I guess I'm just a charming kind of guy.

"No, thanks." I reply and wave once as she leaves the room with the tray back in hand.

"What the hell am I going to do, Jounouchi?" Honda suddenly speaks up, his voice soft but intent.

"You can't do anything, Honda." I answer, surprising myself at how cold and final my voice sounds.

He looks over at me, his eyes wide and shocked. "Why Jounouchi?"

I shrug and turn over to lay on my side, facing away from him. My eyes study the patterns of the tiled floors, white with the occasional gray diamond. How exciting.

"You keep going back and I just can't figure it out, man. Why the hell won't you do anything about it?"

"It's the way it is. I want you to shut up and never talk to me, or anyone else, about this ever again. It's my business Honda, if I needed help I'd ask for it. I'm fine. I can take care of things."

"You really believe that?"

I blink. "Yes. I have to."

"I can go to the cops, they'll do something about it."

I turn back over and stare him down, my eyes hot and angry. "And what the hell happens then?" I ask with a deadly tone. "My mother doesn't want me and I have no other family. I'm alone Honda. I'd be put in some shitty orphanage or state ward home and it'll be just as crappy as my own home."

"But he won't--"

"There'll always be someone else to take his place, don't you get that?? There always is. I'd just go from one hell to another, one punishment to the next. At home at least I know him, I know how to keep him happy and what he needs. If you get me sent somewhere else I'll have to learn all over again for someone else. The learning is the worst part." I trail off miserably.

"Jounouchi."

"Leave it, Honda. Don't mess things up for me. Just let me do this like I have to."

"Is this what yant?ant? Do you like this?" His voice is hot with anger and incomprehension. I also envy him for not being able to understand. His home life may not be idyllic, but at least his family gets along and treats each other passingly well.

"I just want him to love me." I whisper.

"He doesn't, you know. Whatever the hell he might have said to screw you up so bad, it's just a lie. He'll never love you."

I shut my tightly against the tears that I don't want him to see. "Get the hell out of here."

I don't open my eyes again until I hear the door close again behind him. I can still feel the coldness and anger of him staying behind like some emotional residual left in the room. I clench my fists in the fabric of the blankets and bury my face in the pillow. I scream out into the soft buffer all the hate and hurt I feel right now. My crys sound muffled and patheitcly quiet in the emptiness of my room.

I'm hurting everyone. My sister is afraid of me, my best friend hates me for not wanting help. My father won't even come and talk to me since I wound up here. I've gone and ruined the things I hold as most important, and I just keep digging myself in deeper. I'm worthless enough that no one wants me, I'm a lost, abandoned, pathetic thing. So really, things are normal in my little world.

I cry into my pillow until I fall into a troubled sleep. Honda's eyes stare balefully at me, Shizuka's sobs pierce me, and my fathers hands wrap tightly around my neck, choking the life from me.

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A/N: Well, there it is. I'm not sure when the next part is coming, but hopefully soon. I'm just glad that no one was freaked out before about the small HonJou stuff, since or some reason people don't really write that pair. Most people saw like I do, a really close friendship/brotherly type deal. That's what I was thinking, I just didn't want to weird people out.