No Words

Title: No Words
Author: Naria Lacour de Fanel
Rating: Still R
Disclaimer: I still don't own teh characters...*sad*
Warning: Murr. Um, torture, angst, and horrible organization?
AN: Meh heh! I suck! ^_^ I like cliffhangers and, well, just expect it from me. I really am a TARRIBAL author, seeing as how it's been nearly a year since I FIRST posted this ficcy and I'm just now adding new chaps? It's not that I haven't written more, it's just that my muse seems to like to destroy her former writings. Yeah. Go fig. Just don't ever read my Kyo/Yuki Fruits Basket fic, it's worse off...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 3

Immediately his hand lowered to the knife sheath that had become a permanent accessory, he swiftly drew one of the silver blades into his hand. His blood pumped loudly in his ears from both initial fear, and now anger.

“Nice to see I haven’t lost my touch completely,” Bakura casually drawled, noticing the light’s automatic reflex. Ryou didn’t respond, he watched his dark carefully, noting that the dark one wasn’t actually in the room but, simply leaning against the doorframe. “I was just up for a midnight stroll when I saw you sitting there looking very nostalgic. It was endearing, if one fancies deadpan zombie-like expressions; and that I do since I generally tend to be the cause,” Bakura grinned. “…But then I saw those pretty tears of yours! And here I thought you were dead to the world, Little Ryou.”

Ryou looked neutrally at Bakura, not willing to give anything more to him. “Not dead to the world. Just dead to you,” he droned out, his voice as monotonous as before.

Bakura started at that. He hadn’t expected the same behavior as THAT night, especially with the initial glint of anger he saw in his light’s eyes at first.

“So it seems,” Bakura shrugged. “Then again, it seems my training has finally won out, and it only took *four* short years of torture and torment! Ah, the memories…”

Ryou blinked slowly, allowing the deathly calm of his soul take over. “You have won nothing, Bakura. My body, my soul, and my will are not yours and never will be. You are nothing to me, save for the other half of my wretched soul, and I deeply wish that you had never existed to taint what purity I once had.”

Bakura raised an eyebrow at his robotic hikari, wondering how best to make the situation painful. “Well, regardless of what you think, you need me. I am the darkness that balances your light. However, it seems my darkness has eclipsed your light! You admit that you are no longer pure! Therefore, darkness prevails! And you know I’m right, otherwise you wouldn’t even dream of trying to dispose of me with your little daggers again,” he grinned happily, on the verge of cackling evilly. “But here you are, stroking them menacingly, ready to use them.”

The hikari blinked slowly ,and his dead voice filled the room, “As I said before, you have won nothing. I have nothing to give, and that I once did has long been willingly destroyed by my own hand. You cannot take that which does not exist.”

Bakura felt the high he had been riding on at the prospect of torturing his hikari suddenly deflate. The Thief King looked into the death gaze that was his light’s eyes and felt a twinge of some foreign emotion.

It bothered him…

Why would this young thing cause any stir of emotion other than anger? Was it sympathy? Regret? Well, he did regret totally annihilating his one source of amusement…But maybe that death glare just creeped him out?

No…

No. It was something else…

“Hey, hikari,” Bakura said surprisingly softly. Ryou just gave him a remote look. “Why the hell are you acting so… cold?”

Ryou pondered the question for a moment. “You don’t need to know, nor should you…now leave.”

For some reason, that hit something in Bakura…something deep and supposedly dead. He struggled to get a grip on himself as he was bombarded by memories of Ryou.

//Ryou grinned as he happily shared ice cream with his friends.

Ryou laughed while he watched TV alone in the dark.

Ryou smiled warmly as he welcomed home his father.

Ryou hummed merrily to himself while he bustled around the kitchen.

Ryou gazed at *him* in admiration after fighting off some bullies.

Ryou beamed at *him* as he walked through the door with his own body.

Ryou shed tears over *him* as he lay injured in bed.

Ryou winced as *his* hand came down to slap him across the face.

Ryou whimpered as *he* roughly slammed him against a wall.

Ryou screamed in terror as *he* cut fair skin with his dagger.

Ryou cried hysterically while he tried to run away from *him*.

Ryou looked at *him* with determination as his flesh was scored.

Ryou glared at *him* frigidly, no more tears.//


Ryou waited calmly for his yami to leave, not wanting to waste another knife in an attempt to get him to go away.

Bakura was overwhelmed by the flood of memories that came to him. He was surprised when he felt something akin to sorrow as he relived the progression of Ryou’s downfall…

He’d never felt anything like this towards anyone! He rarely cared much about anything but himself! Caring? What the hell was that?! And what was it about Ryou?

It…

Was it the lost innocence that made him ache?

What the hell was wrong with him?! What the hell was going through his head?! A tiny, and damn annoying, half-fleeting feeling inside his chest made him WANT to feel that way.

Ryou had shown him compassion when he first arrived, and he thought of it as weak to accept it, so he beat it out of Ryou to not show kindness…And it had worked. Ryou no longer showed any genuine emotion to anyone. Bakura knew… he had been following his hikari for the past month. Every smile was fake, and every laugh forced and hollow…His eyes did not smile, nor did they glow with inner light like they used to…

Why was Ryou not feeling anything a bad thing?

Why did thinking of Ryou in pain…?

Before he knew it, Bakura was growling, clutching his head, trying to clear his mind. Why did it bother him so much? Ryou was just a play thing! Something that could be broken and thrown away!

//“Bakura, are you okay? You didn’t get hurt too badly, right? Let me look at those, I’ll clean them for you….” Ryou’s voiced cooed, soothing the tomb robber.

“I made your favorite!” Ryou beamed as he proudly presented the meal he had made.

“Yami, please wake up! Please! Don’t leave me alone…” Ryou sobbed as he watched over his injured yami in sleep.

“Bakura, I’m scared!” Ryou cried out as he clutched the thief’s hand.//

Bakura clenched his fists as the memories of Ryou’s old, soulful voice echoed through his head. This voice held emotion…he sounded alive! Bakura should have been proud of himself to bring his hikari to this state! But… he felt no elation from causing this much damage…

He felt only regret; A foreign emotion he was beginning to understand. But why regret of all things?! It wasn’t like he actually cared about the boy…

But Ryou had obviously cared for him…

Bakura hated the thought of someone caring about him…but at the same time he had secretly basked in that knowledge, feeling cherished for the first time in his damned lives. For some reason he thought that would be there forever, no matter how badly he treated Ryou. Now, he had broken it, made it a venomous thing that even Ryou himself rejected.

…He was alone…again…


*That’s* what hurt the most…


When did Bakura start looking forward to seeing his hikari smile? When did it begin to matter how Ryou felt? Why did he start liking the light’s affection? And most importantly, when did he start to want to feel the same way?!

When did Ryou begin to mean so much?

What the fuck had he done?!

Bakura looked at his broken hikari. Ryou looked at him impartially, as if he were nothing but an annoying piece of dirt.

“Leave, Bakura.” he said. No threat, no anger, nothing…And he returned to his seat at the window.

Bakura couldn’t take it anymore…he felt like he had to fix this! He *wanted* to have that feeling back! He needed it now, more than ever…He didn’t want to lose what he had…

The thief faced his light, trying not to let his own emotions show. He carefully walked towards his hikari, trying to make his presence the least threatening as possible.

Ryou palmed one of the knives, ready to throw if Bakura showed any sign of anger. He waited until he felt Bakura standing directly behind him before turning around. His eyes widened slightly in surprise as he looked at his dark.

Bakura’s face shone with silent tears as he obviously was trying to bite back his intense emotions. Before Ryou could react, Bakura threw his arms around the sitting boy and sank to his knees, pulling Ryou into a tight embrace.

Ryou immediately began to struggle, trying to pull himself out of the thief’s grasp. Bakura only pulled him closer, burying his face into the younger one’s neck. He held his light silently as Ryou tensed in anticipation. Ryou could feel Bakura’s warm tears trickling down his neck, and his lips moving against his skin. He could barely hear hushed words flowing from the thief’s mouth…He listened intently…

“I’m so sorry…I’m sorry, Ryou…So sorry…”

Ryou felt a twinge of something echo through his soul. He ignored it wondering how to get out of Bakura’s arms, but the thief was now rocking them, his body shaking now from his pent up emotion. Ryou again tried to move away, even though something told him not to. He stopped when he felt his dark’s arms embracing him gently, no longer as needy…Ryou began to relax as he heard the thief’s mantra change slightly.

“What have I done? Oh, Ryou…”

Again, Ryou felt a twinge of something as he looked at his dark…He was in such a pitiful state, not threatening or conniving…He emitted pure genuine sorrow, and somehow that meant something to a little buried piece of Ryou. This thief had been nothing but torment in his short life, but now here he was, pouring out the pent up feelings he had been hiding! It was moving in a morbid sort of way, but whatever fleeting spark of emotion had been quashed by Ryou’s logical brain.

It changed nothing...Bakura was still Bakura. Not to be trusted.

“I’m so sorry, my light. I’m so sorry I’ve dimmed your warmth and compassion…” Bakura whispered, finally able to form coherent sentences. “I never knew how much I could miss that light…I’m sorry I’ve destroyed it….and you in the process…”

Ryou still felt nothing, even as his dark gently cupped his cheek and looked straight into his eyes. “Come back to me Ryou. Grace me with your radiance again…” His eyes misted over with tears that threatened to spill as Bakura looked into his other half’s eyes…He wanted it back so badly it hurt, and he couldn’t stop himself from feeling that. He didn’t want to stop it…And the emptiness in Ryou’s eyes hurt him…Something cold and menacing ached in his chest, as if to suck the life out of him! How the hell could he have ignored it for so long?

“Why mourn the loss of something dead and gone?” Ryou asked, his voice shattering the seemingly tender moment.

Bakura’s breath hitched at that. Had he really done that much damage?! Had he completely destroyed the hope his light once held for all life?!

“Hikari…” the robber cooed. “Don’t say that. You are the light , you are the hope of the new dawn…”

What the hell was he saying?! This drabbling nonsense just was not the thief’s style, but his heart urged him on to appeal to his light. He had to communicate to the dead part of Ryou’s soul…he had to bring him back! This heartfelt speech would surely bring him around.

“I am nothing to you. You made sure I knew that,” Ryou deadpanned.

“No! No, Ryou!” Bakura cried desperately, his plan floundering. He had to tell him, now! “You don’t understand! I NEED you! I need you more than anything on this Ra-damned earth! I want you to be yourself again! Share your light! Show this filthy fucking world that innocence still exists!”

“What innocence?!” Ryou spat, his anger flaring to life, triggered by those poorly chosen words! How could Bakura say that?! How dare he try to twist the truth! How DARE he try to apologize after the fact! He was sorry now? After everything Ryou once was, was dead?

NOW he missed the light?!

NOW he was acting like he gave a damn?!

Ryou could only see red! He had gone for so long feeling nothing, and now Bakura had awakened his anger! This was something that could possibly destroy everything he had worked for!

Ryou just couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Your inner light-”

“You killed me, Bakura!” Ryou raged, pushing himself forcefully out of Bakura’s arms and stalking towards the doorway. He turned on Bakura, eyes wild, desperate, and full of loathing.
“You made me hate myself and my so-called innocence! You made me despise that which you NOW hold so dear!! I was never good enough for you! Never! No matter how many times I tried to help, you pushed me away! No matter how hard I tried to please you, it was never enough! And then you accused ME of being the imperfect one, so you BEAT me to fuel your own power trip! My humanity irritated you, so you destroyed it! My light was too blinding for you, so you had to kill it to quell your own inadequacies!” Ryou paused, trying to calm himself, but found Bakura’s confused expression more enraging.

“I cared for you so much that it hurt! I did everything for you, you ungrateful sonofabitch! I HAD to stop feeling or go insane, and you’re taking away that hard won privilege as I speak! And even now, as much as I hate your fucking guts, I hate myself more because-”

Ryou suddenly choked on his words, his emotions boiling over and stealing his breath…Ryou suddenly sank to his knees with the power of his outburst. His blood boiled, his head and heart pounded.

“B-Because…Even after I’ve become exactly what you wanted…I- I’m STILL not good enough!”

He felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he fought for self control. He had built a wall so thick around his emotions he was sure it was impenetrable! But Bakura came and broke it down…just like everything else in his life!

His body fought with his mind as he denied the tears that coursed down his face. Ryou couldn’t hear his own heart-wrenching sobs and anguished cries as the last of his repressed anger surfaced. He hugged himself tightly, riding out the raging storm in his mind, trying to gain control again.

“I don’t want to feel like this…” he moaned under his breath. “I don’t want to hurt anymore…I HATE you, you fucking bastard!”

Bakura watched helplessly as his hikari finally broke down…His heart broke watching it. He was vaguely surprised he had a heart *to* break, but what else could explain the breath-stealing, gut wrenching pain he felt? Instinct screamed at him to do something, something to stop the pain mounting in his heart…He had to help… something he was not accustomed to doing…But everything was different now. Everything he knew himself to be was different…because of Ryou…

Bakura calmly picked himself up from off the ground, and walked over to his fallen light. He gently pulled Ryou’s arms from their vice-grip around his knees, and lowered himself to the ground. But before he could say anything, he was pulled into a crushing embrace by none other than Ryou himself!

Ryou buried his face into Bakura’s chest and wept uncontrollably.

The young man couldn’t control himself when he felt Bakura’s hands upon him. Some dark, primal part of his brain begged for comfort and healing from a warm body, while his logical brain screamed to run away.

The primal part won out…

“Make the pain stop…” he mumbled through his tears, sounding pitiful. “I. Hate.You,” he growled through clenched teeth, slightly shaking his yami. “Make it stop!” he sobbed, clutching at Bakura tighter with blind desperation.

Bakura was at a loss as he listened to Ryou’s warring words. It wrenched his heart to hear such confusion and despair in the young man’s voice…The thought of Ryou hating himself just sent chills up his spine…The thought of Ryou hating himself because of Bakura, just made his heart ache. Yes, he was definitely a changed man now… He decided to comfort his light…healing was what was needed most at the moment. Bakura loosely wrapped his arms around the sobbing Ryou, and buried his face in the younger one’s hair, cooing words of comfort to his broken hikari. Bakura held him, listening to his sobbing and mumbled words, hearing him slowly calm down. He gently rocked the both of them while Ryou wept, pouring his unexpressed feelings into his dark’s gentle arms.

“I hate you…So much…” Ryou hiccupped, the bite of his rage now gone from his words, his breakdown subsiding.

“I know…” Bakura murmured, his voice muffled by the young one’s hair. “And you should. But I want to make that stop. I want to be worthy of your affection again…”

“Why now?” the younger man whispered, a tinge of anger in the question. “After all you’ve done to me…after all this…why do you want it now?”

Bakura did not hesitate. He would tell the truth. He did not want to withhold anything from his hikari anymore, it would only cause more pain. “I never knew I had done so much damage, Ryou. Now I realize the last thing I want is for you to hate yourself because of me. I’m a fucking idiot for not seeing that I had what I really wanted all along…I never knew my true happiness came from your warmth, not your pain. I’m really not enjoying this right now, and I don’t think I can ever again…I want to make the pain go away Ryou, and as the cause, I want be the relief,” Bakura paused, nuzzling his face into a stiffened Ryou’s hair.

“I am imperfect without your radiance… I want to bask in your light, and I will cool you in my darkness…If you will let me…” Bakura cooed softly, willing his calm and adoration to flow into his hikari. He held Ryou, feeling the boy’s body shake more violently with emotion.

“Enough!” Ryou spat in a sudden rush of anger as he heavily threw himself out of Bakura’s arms, knocking said yami onto his back. He angrily rounded on the floored man, eyes wild, body tense as if to strike. Did he really think his light was that naive? Did he really expect Ryou to believe that sickly sweet proclamation?! And why had he given in so easily?!

“Don’t fucking touch me, you conniving bastard! I won’t play your games anymore,” he hissed in a deadly tone, calming himself as he had learned. He calmed his breathing and looked to his feet to keep his most hated enemy out of his sight. “I won’t take the bait, Bakura,” he hoarsely rapsed. “Get the hell out! Now.”

Bakura did a mental double take at that!

What the fuck?!

Hadn’t Ryou been the one to throw himself into Bakura’s arms? Hadn’t the young one been begging his yami to make the pain stop?

What the hell was going on in the kid’s head?! He was damn sure that Ryou would have forgiven him…the old one would have!

He angrily looked up at Ryou and saw that the boy still had tears streaming down his face even as he screamed at the thief to leave. But as he looked up into those tear filled eyes, he realized that yes, the young man in front of him was no longer, nor ever would be, the Ryou he once knew.

He really *had* succeeded in destroying the boy…

The former tomb robber just couldn’t bring himself to yell back. Instead, he did as Ryou commanded and left quietly to give the boy what he felt he needed. It was the first step forward on the road to redemption to win back his hikari’s heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


AWWWWW!! SAD ANGST!! ANGST!! Who DOESN'T like to see a pretty boy in pain?! Hurt and comfort, that's the ticket! O.o Mehbe not...Don't worry, Ryou will eventually get over the EMO kid-ness, but not until we thoroughly poke prod and fully explore his wonderfully scarring pain! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ryou: *glare* I hate you.

Bakura: Me?

Ryou: *SUPAH GLARE!* Yes! But I hate /her/ more!

Bakura: Really? Does that mean I have a chance?!

Ryou:*growl* Not. In. /Hell/.

Naria: Well would you look at that? Happenstance, we're NOT in Hell!! YAY!! ^_^

Bakura: Funny you should mention that.

Naria: And I just /happen/ to have this convenient length of silken rope! Isn't that nice, Bakura?

Bakura: *trademark 'You gonna get raped' grin* Indeed.

Ryou: I wish nothing but a slow painful AGONIZING death for BOTH OF YOU!!

Naria: In a Shakespeareian sense?

Ryou: Yes!...O.O...I mean, /no/!

Bakura: Shakespeare it is! *pounce*