Yugi In Bakaland

Yugi and Akio Cat walked through the forest...
[Good for them. *walks to her medicine cabinet for her trusty bottle of Advil*]

"Forest? I thought we were in a field?" Yugi asked.
[I thought question marks were only used in questions?]

"Yes, we were," Akio Cat said ^_^
[That’s news to me.]

Yeah! Don't confuse the poor author!
[Confused is an exceptionally mild term for what you are.]

"Sorry," Yugi said and bowed his head a bit.
[What the hell is apologizing for?]

'He's so cute!' Akio thought as a smile painted itself on his face.
[First Escher words, now an Escher smile. What’s next?
…Never mind. I’m afraid to find out.]

...ok, as I was saying...
[It was nothing of importance. Trust me.]

Yugi and Akio Cat were walking through the forest. The two had found their way out of the field and entered a thick patch of forest filled with various kinds of trees.
[WHAT field?
Forests usually do have various types of trees. It kinda gives the place a reason to be called a forest.]

It was probably halfway through the forest when the couple came across a small cottage.
[Probably? Oi…so much for the ‘authors are omnipotent’ theory.]

"Look, a cottage!" Yugi said and Akio Cat looked.
[What’s so exciting about that?]

"Yep, it's a cottage," Akio Cat said.
[Good boy. You get another cookie.]

Smart ass.
[*grins* Just wait.]

Akio just smirked and stuck out his tongue.
[Hey, don’t stick that out unless you plan to use it.]

"Why did you do that?" Yugi asked.
[The Escher words are getting to him. Pay him no heed.]

"Just a habit.
[He has a habit of smirking and sticking his tongue out @ nobody for no reason…. Yep, they’re all mad here.]

Let's go to the cottage and see if they have any water," Akio Cat said.
[To make it through this ‘fic,’ might I suggest vodka?]

"Ok," Yugi said, seeing as how he was thirsty anyway. So the two guys walked up to the front door of the cottage.
[Riveting stuff, this.]

Yugi was about to knock on the door when he heard noises coming from the back yard.
"I think they're out back," Yugi said as he looked up Akio Cat.
[Brilliant deduction, my dear Watson.
He looked up Akio? Did he look him up in the phone book or what? Or did he feel him up instead? With the way stuff is going here, it’s anyone’s guess.]

"Then let's go in the back and see," he said with a big grin
[If it’s thek yak yard, you go out back, not in back. In a house you can go in THE back, but never in back.]

and led the way to the back yard where Yugi was surprised to see two people at a long table with many chairt upt up for a big tea party.
[What’s the surprise? He’s the one that heard the people back here!
How did he KNOW that it was set up for a tea party?
And we have yet another run-on. Oi vey.]

One was Duo Maxwell dressed up as the Mad Hatter and the other was Heero Yue as the March Hare.
[One and the other what? They could be two of the chairs for all we know.]

If Hero
[“Did you ever know that you’re my hero…”]

had human ears, Yugi would never know because his hair hid where they would have been and a pair of rabbit ears protruded from his head.
[Heero’s hair isn’t that long.
Purkledragongoddess had another good point. If Heero has rabbit ears, WHY would he need human ears, too??]

Both men were dressed in casual suits and had a nice little party at the blue table.
[What was going on at the tables of other colours? What about the red table? Or the creusreuse one?]

"Look, guests!" Heero exclaimed and Yugi raised an eyebrow.
[I’ve had both of mine raised for quite a while.]

"Isn’t he suppose
[Even a grammar checker would have caught that. You just type shit into the text box as you come up with it, don’t you?]

to be cold or something?" Yugi asked.
[Well, he does run around in a tank top and shorts all the time….
Oh, Yugi actually recognizes the characters. Then why the hell does heher her asking for names?]

"Not anymore! This tea warmed him up and now he's hot hot hot!" Duo said.
[Wow…I can almost see the braided baka saying something like that.]

Heero then proceeded to lick his finger, place it on his neck and there came a loud hiss as steam came off his skin.
[That’s gotta make sex uncomfortable for Duo.
Yet another screwed up sentence structure. Surprise, surprise.]

This was followed by a brief moment of silence before Duo Hatter and Heero Hare bursted
[Burst. Bursted is NOT a real word.
If that steam trick was followed by a moment of silence, then it only stands to reason that the silence comes before the laughter.]

into insane laughter which only worried Yugi as Akio Cat smiled as usual.
[It only worried Yugi? It just worried him. What else could it do to him?]

"I think we better go," Yugi tried to say as quietly as he could but Heero Hare still heard him.
[Damn Perfect Soldier Bunny hearing.]

"No! Sit and stay awhile," he said.
"Yes, we don't get very many guests around here," Duo Hatter said and gestured to the two chairs across from himself & Heero Hare.
[With they way you’ve been written here, it’s no wonder.]

'I can see why,' Yugi thought as he sat down and Akio Cat sat next to him.
[As can we all.]

"So, let's start with introductions. Everyone knows me as the Mad Hatter but you can just call me Duo Hatter," he said as he poured each of his guests a cup of tea.
[What’s wrong w/ just Duo? That’s actually shorter.]

"And 'everyone' around here calls me the March Hare but since it's May you can call me Heero Hare,"
[Why not Heero? Usually, you tell someone to ‘just call me such-and-such’ because it’s shorter than what they’d call you formally.]

Heero said as he passed along the sugar bowl and cream pitcher...which were interesting shaped...like...well.
[Spit it out already. This IS an NC-17 fic…so you say.]

The bowl like more like a set of testicles
[Like, is this like, Wonderland 90210 now?
A SET of testicles? And here I though they only came in pairs.]

and the cream pitch
[Now THERE’S a pitch I’ve never seen them do in the National League. But I thought we were talking about the tea set….]

looked very much like a dildo. Yugi looked at these items and a light blush made itself known
[Escher-ism number three.]

on his face as Akio Cat handles
[*smacks forehead* Of course! How could I forget? These aren’t tense errors; they’re just doing the Time Warp!]

these to fix Yugi’s tea just right before he tended to his own.
["Just right before…."
Either you are once again demonstrating which department you work for, or Akio fixed Yugi’s tea just right. Odd…Yugi never said how he liked his tea.]

"Formally, I am the Cheshire Cat but you can call me Akio Cat," he sat as he placed the cream and the sugar back on the table.
[I thought he was already sitting.]

"Oh, so you're the one we heard so much about," Duo Hatter said.
[Why? What did he do?]

"Yes, it's exciting to have an [a] celebrity for tea," Duo Hare
[Wasn’t Heero the Hare?]

said as he dipped a saucer in her
[Not only is Duo now in Heero’s place, he’s had a sex change to boot. Hope Hee-chan is bi….]

teacup which he was holding up with a cookie. He then took a crispy bite
[Where’d he take it?
That adjective should modify saucer, not bite.]

out of the saucer...which turned out to be the cookie while the cookie was indeed the saucer
[Don’t bother trying to explain things; it just makes this worse.]
...and turned to Yugi.

"And who's your friend?" he asked.
"This is Yugi. He seems to be new around here so I'm showing him around," Akio Cat said with a big grin.
[Jusems ems to be? Is this some BS like ‘alleged killer?’
If Duo turned to Yugi, he’d be asking Yugi the question, not Akio.]

"That's a good idea, you never know what kind of crazy people you're gonna find around here," Duo Hatter said as he balanced a tea pot on his hat and tipped it just enough to pout himself enough tea.
[How does done pout tea? I’ve often wondered.]

Then, when he had enough, he used a pair of scissors to literally cut the flow of the tea.
[I’m literally banging my head against the wall now.]

'Look who's talking,' Yugi thought as he raised an eyebrow at this.
[Actually, since what Duo is doing works, he’s not being crazy. If you really can stop the flow of liquid with scissors, that is the normal thing to do. Either it’s normal, or Yugi is suffering from hallucinations brought about by that concussion in the 1st post.]

Hey! Anymore of those comments and I'll stick you in the Wizard of Oz as a Munchkin.
[Bring it.]

"Ok! I'll be good," Yugi said defensively as Duo Hatter and Heero Hare looked up and around.
[You don’t respond to a threat defensively. Apologetically, maybe.]

"What was that? God or something?" Duo Hatter asked.
[Nope, just those self-asserting Escher words again.]

*snorts* Wouldn't that be great?
[How can I put this? Ah, yes.
FUCK NO.]

"The author," Akio Cat said, still grig.
g.
[Or unreasonable facsimile.]

"Oh...does she mind if we..." Duo Hatter started.

Nope, go right ahead.
[Are you just doing this because you couldn’t figure any other way to have them jump each other in the story other than random self-insertion?]

"Wee!" Duo Hatter squealed and glomped Heero Hare.
"Duo, the company," Heero Hatter said with a light blush.
[The Perfect Soldier…blush? OOC alert!]

"Oh come on, I have had your special desert all day,"
[He must be full then]

Duo Hatter said with a leery grin
[Look up words before you use them. Leer and leery do NOT mean the same thing.
Leery: adj : openly distrustful and unwilling to confide {syn: mistrustful, suspicious, untrusting, wary}
Leer: v: To look with a sidelong glance, indicative especially of sexual desire or sly and malicious intent.
I think Heero is the leery one at the moment.]

before he closed in and sealed off Heero Hare's mouth with a kiss.
[He sealed it off? Now how’s he gonna get any head?]

Heero Hare is caught off guard by this kiss and Duo Hatter slipped his tongue into his lover's mouth before he
had the chance to protest.
[Let’s do the Time Warp again….]

Gods, he tasted so sweet! Sure, it might have had something to do with those cookies Heero tasted like no one else
[Heero can taste cookies like no one else. Hmm…may need to watch that sometime.]

and Duo took his time as he relished this taste as he slowly explored the inner folds of his lover's mouth.
[‘Inner folds?’ There is only one part of the human body that I have ever heard those words used to describe, and guys don’t one one.]

As the kiss continued, Duo's hands acted of their own accord as they felt Heero up and caused him to moaned lightly into the kiss as shivers of excitement ran up his spine.
["It’s a jump to the left…"]

As the heat of desire built up inside both of them, Duo was the first to make a move
[He’s already made the first move.]

as his right arm swung towards the table and cleared off a huge spot.
[Just how big is his arm? Is he wielding the thermal scythe or something?]

Once he had done this, Duo promptly pulled Heero out of his seat and toward the table
[They’re sitting @ the damn table.]

where he was laid on his back and Duo quickly got on top of him so as to prevent his escape...
[Poor, poor Heero. I guess if Duo can’t get out, neither of them are getting out.]

Yet escape was the last thing on Heero Hatter's mind as the simple French kiss
[Another observation by Purkledragongoddess: There is no such thing as a "simple" French kiss...well I've never had a simple one, but then again are they really all that complicated?]

swiftly changed into hungry kisses peppered
[When you say kisses are peppered over most any area, it tends to mean that they are light little kisses. A hungry kiss is generally longer lasting.]

across each other's faces and neck
[There’s only one neck between the two of them? Damn.]

as impatient hand
[There’s only one of these too, it would seem.]

gropped
[The hand WHAT?? Did they steal Vampire Hunter D’s hand for this?]

for the other's body and tug at cloths
[I thought they were wearing casual suits.
"…and then a step to the ri-yi-yi-yi-yight…"]

that didn't seem to want to be removed anytime soon.

"Akio Cat," Yugi said as he turned away from the scene before him, a bright blush on his face.
[Y’know, 'blush' is also a verb.]

"Yes?" Akio Cat asked as he finally took a sip of his tea.
[I guess he was waiting on it to cool.]

"What are they doing?" Yugi asked as he tried to look up as one of the two lovers made a lusty groan.
[He’s in high school and he doesn’t know YET? Ye gods!]

"Making love," Akio Cat simply said as he casually picked up an
[A, not an. Is C a vowel? Didn’t think so.
And I would call that random fucking, not making love.]

cookie that was near Duo's knee.
"Oh...can we go now?" Yugi asked as he looked up at Akio Cat.
"No," he replied.
"Why not?" Yugi asked.
"Because, we have to be dismissed first," Akio Cat said with his usual grin.
[Besides, you might learn something.]

"Oh," Yugi said and this was followed by a heavy sigh as Yugi did his best to try and tune out what was going on the table.
[Hmm…that might be best. Wait until you get put in a good fic and get your sex ed from a lemon scene there instead.]

By this time both Duo Hatter and Heero Hare was stark naked,
[They both was stark nekkid. They wuz. I sawed them.]

their cloths strewn wildly all around them. While articles had found safe resting places,
[No part of speech is safe here.]

others weren't so lucky as slipped
[Huh? What slipped? Oh, they weren’t so lucky as Slipped. Who the hell is that and when did this person get here?]

and fell to the floor...
[Ellipses have a proper place. That is not one of them.]

one of which, a shirt, had landed on Akio Cat's head and simple jerk of his head
[The shirt had a head? How the hell do you wear that?
So we’re back to clothes now? Make up your mind.
This Wonderland is on acid.]

caused the white shirt to fall to the grassy ground below.
Duo Hatter's slipped
[His WHAT slipped?]

into Heero Hare's puckering entrance and began the process of preparing
his lover for his "big entrance".
[Then I guess it’s safe to assume that it wasn’t his dick that slipped.]

One probing finger gave way to two...and then three...finally four fingers slipped in
[You like that word, don’t you?
I have to wonder how well this slipping is going, though. Nowhere did I see any mention of lube.]

and out of Heero Hare's anus and he whimpered at the torture of being pleased by his lovers
[He has more than one lover here? *rereads* When did that happen? Oh, I know! It’s Slipped, right?]

fingers but being tormented by not having what he really wanted.
[That was a truly monstrous sentence.]

Duo Hatter grinned wicked [wickedLY]
as he enjoyed the sight of his lover squirming underneath him, filled with a want for him and him alone.
[Actually, the impression I got was that Heero just wanted something big and thick up his ass.]

Finally, he removed his fingers from Heero Hatter who pouted but this pout was erased
[And now poor Hee-chan has no mouth.]

from his face as Duo positioned the tip of his shaft at his lover's entrance. Duo slipped easily inside of Heero
[The readers began to slip easily into comas yet somehow managed to hit their ‘back’ buttons before they were too far gone.
I still have seen no mention of lube. Owww….]

yet took his sweet time and made sure to move inside ever so slowly.
[If he’s taking his sweet time, I’m sureryoeryone can figure he’s going slowly.]

Heero was tormented again by his lover's action
[Or lack thereof.]

and tried to hurry the process yet this only caused Duo to stop and wait until Heero was still again.
[Bad Duo!]

Finally, Duo was all the way inside and Heero relished in the feeling of being filled by
Duo's firm length as he quickly pulled back
[Sounds like Heero’s pulling back. See? Told you they needed lube. Hee-chan can’t stand it.
And it’d be hard to relish the feeling of being filled as the other person pulls OUT.]

only to thrust forward ever so slowly again.
[If you’re moving that slowly, it’s not a thrust.]

These series of motions were repeated three more times
[Because the number is SO important. What is it with kids these days?]

as Heero tried to be patient with his lover but that wasn't his best virtue in the world.
[If he has a virtue, the virtue is in whatever world he’s in. He’s either not the most patient person in the world, or patience is not his best virtue. You can’t put in everything. Pick one.]

"Duo, please..." Heero whimpered.
[When’d his mouth get drawn back on? Oh yeah, it probably just drew itself. Escher mouth.
Heero is uke and a very sub uke at that. Does anyone else find this bizarre?]

"Please what?" Duo asked as he pulled back and then thrusted
[Thrust is a neat word. Present tense- thrust. Past tense-thrust. Thrusted- does not exist in the English language.]

forward slowly.
"Don't torment me like this," Heero asked
[He’s making a request, not asking a question.]

as he looked up at his lover with those big eyes that pulled on one's heart strings...even Duo Hatter's.
[Duo isn’t the one that’s hard to get to, that would be Heero.]

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Duo said as he finally thrusted
[You like making up words, ne?]

all the way to the hilt.
[I just thought he was being slow. You never said that he didn’t go all the way in. In fact, you said he DID go all the way in.]

"But you better hang on," Duo said as he flashed a savage grin. Heero's eyes widen
slightly
["…put your hands on your hips…"]

for only a moment as Duo pulled back only to slam forward.
[Well, that IS kinda the way it goes.]

Heero was getting what he wa...a...and then some. Duo no longer tormented him with those slow forward thrusts but thrusted
[Need I say it?]

into him as far as hard as he could without hurting him.
[With no lubrication, that’s not much. Hee-chan’s gonna be SORE.]

Heero gasped with the first thrust and all the others were followed by moans as he wrapped his arms around Duo
[How long are HIS arms???]

for some sort of support
[He’s on his back; the table can support him]

as he continued with his fast and steady gyrating pace.
[Duo’s the one setting the pace here, not Heero.
And if anyone can tell me how a pace can be gyrating, I will be eternally grateful.]

No one knew how much time passed as the heat and waves of pleasure built up inside the two men on the table,
[And no one cares, either.]

it seemed as if the sun hung fixed in the sk as as [try: so THAT] Hatter and Hare would have all the time in the world to consummate their relation once again.
[You know, it IS possible to fuck in the dark.]

Finally, all those waves of pleasure joined together to create a type of tsunami
[A tsunami is a type of wave. There aren’t types of tsunamis. Unless you mean a tsunami of semen, but that’s just gross.]

that washed over both men.
[They need a shower now.]

Their bodies locked in the orgasim
[Repeat after me, kids: There is no ‘I’ in orgasm.]

of the moment and the only muscles that remained active were their vocal cords
[I’m not 100% certain on this, but I don’t think your vocal cords are muscles.
The heart IS a muscle, however. So their hearts stopped. *blinks* You killed Duo! You bastard!]

which allowed them to call out each other's name
[But they can’t use their facial muscles; that’s going to sound rather odd. “Mm-mm!” “Mmm-mm!”]

as Duo came deep within Heero and Heero came both on them.
Only then did the sun begin to move again as it returned to its normal pace
[So the sun really did stop, it didn’t just SEEM to have stopped.]

as if nothing had happened...or it had stopped to watch the two like a voyeuristic peeping tom.
[And we return to the department of redundancy department.]

Even so, the passage of time allowed the two boys to relax as their orgasim
[Again: There is no ‘I’ in orgasm.
Unless you’re masturbating. Tit’sit’s a whole new ballgame.]

came to an end and the two began to lay next to each other in the afterglow...
[Came to an end? With guys, it’s kind of a quick thing.]

Yet the moment was ruined when Akio Cat finished his tea and placed the teacup on his saucer.
[Bad kitty! No cookie for you!]

Both Heero Hare and Duo Hatter looked up in surprise to see Akio Cat grinning at them and Yugi looking down at his lap.
[They forgot they were in a crossover.]

While Heero Hare was naturally embarrassed, Duo Hatter was not pleased and it showed by the anger in his eyes.
[I wouldn’t call embarrassed pleased, either.]

"How dare you!" he yelled and moved Duo behind himself so as to cover his nudity in some small way.
[If Heero’s the one who is embarrassed, wouldn’t he be hiding behind Duo?
Oh, I get it now! They’re co-dependant with an identity crisis to boot!]

"What?" Yugi asked as he snapped his head up.
"Don't what me, you have been very rude guests by staying while we..." Duo Hatter
started.
[I think you were a rude host by having sex on the table and not even having the decency to ask your guests if they would like to join in. Akio might have even had lube.]

"But, he...we...I..." Yugi stuttered, trying to speak while under the pressure of Duo's
anger.
"We merely waited to be excused," Akio said as if it wasn't a big deal.
[It’s not. Like this whole story.]

"Even so, you should have discreetly excused yourselves. Now you will see what happens to rude guest around here," Duo Hatter said as he pulled a Duel Monsters card from the inside of his nearby top hat.
[I think he’s overreacting just a tad here. Must be all that caffeine from the tea.]

"No!" Heero shouted and tried to stop Duo but he was to late.
[Definite identity crisis. Duo’s the more forgiving of the two.]

"Eternal Tea!" Duo shouted and a giant teapot appeared over Yugi and Akio Cat. The moment the two looked up, the teapot tipped over and immediately began to pour tea on them.
[Hope it’s not hot tea.]

"Yugi, hang on!" Akio Cat shouted as he grabbed onto Yugi who started to cough on the tea. Yugi only nodded as he took hold of Akio Cat's pants
[only to find that they were pull away pants….]

and looked up to see that they were now in a giant teacup with a swirling vortex ie mie middle.
[If he looked up, he wouldn’t be able to tell what kind of vessel they were in, and the whirlpool would be below him. Oh yeah, it’s Super Yugi! He sees all, knows nothing. About sex, anyway.]

With no other way out, the two guys were quickly sucked up into the vortex
[As my physics professor is so fond of saying, “Physics doesn’t suck. It creates an area of low pressure.”
{Yes, I know. Only physics students will get that one.}]

and they fell through a pit of darkness
[Super Yugi: I’m attacking the darkness!]

before they landed with a sickening splat on a dry.
[On a dry what? And if it’s dry, how did they go ‘splat?’]

Yugi and Akio Cat groaned as pain radiated through out their bodies.
[The readers groaned at the grammar errors throughout the fic.]

"You allright?" Akio Cat asked.
[I’ll be all right when I read a the next chapter to “Hostile Takeover.”]

"Yes...but, where are we now?" Yugi asked as he looked around as the room filled with books.
[Do they just appear on the shelves or land in a pile?]

"In a library. Now will you two please be quiet, I'm trying to give a lecture," said a male voice.
[And I’m trying to stave off a headache.]

And now a word to the wise:
Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes. ~Brendan Hills