No Words

Author:Naria Lacour de Fanel
Title: No Words
Disclaimer: Same ol' same ol'. Mah story, not mah characters! Whoo!!
Rating: R!! Like pirates say!
A/N: Fluff. Of the awkward "sorry I tried to kill you but I'm over that now" kind! ^_^

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“I know you didn’t complete your ‘therapy regiment’, Ryou, but this is the best I can do without you getting incarcerated. Though I’ll need a little more time to heal if you plan on doing it again,” the thief drawled lazily with a smile. Ryou shot him an indignant glare. He settled back into his pillows to enjoy the show. The thief king wasn’t quite sure what had happened between Ryou going homicidal maniac and him ending up in the hospital, but he was glad of it. It meant that his hikari had not taken that final step into madness and depravity by killing his one true hatred. It meant that Ryou was healing, even if it was just a little bit. So, his words were quite genuine, despite his sarcastic tone.

“How can you joke at a time like this?!” the irate hikari fumed. “I almost killed you!”

//I know, and you’re better for it.// the thief thought to himself.

“Huh, glad you see that as a bad thing now. I’d say losing murderous desires is making some progress,” Bakura said aloud, still unable to supress his smirk.

“Why wouldn’t you let me turn myself in?” Ryou hissed venomously, fully aware of what his intentions had been.

“That wouldn’t do very well in the whole scheme of things, now would it? Let’s just call it a down payment on your justifiable vengeance for all the hurt I’ve given you. You could even say it was deferred self-defense.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want to call it, Bakura! What I did was-”

“Neccesary,” the thief interrupted calmly. “Wholly necessary.”

“That’s not the POINT!” Ryou roared, then hurriedly covered his own mouth remembering that they were in a hospital. As if to further the reminder, a frenzied nurse came in to check on the ruckus, Ryou blushed profusely and apologized. The nurse shot him a warning glare and left the room, leaving the hikari’s ears burning.

“Keep that up, and you’ll be arrested for something else entirely,” the tomb robber chuckled under his breath. Ryou glared at him furiously.

“Damn you, Bakura!” he sighed, exasperated. “I’ve been here day and night looking after you-”

//Crying when you think I’m asleep…//

“Because you felt guilty, not because you actually care, right?”

“N-no,” Ryou reluctantly answered, the flush deepening in his cheeks.

//Deny all you want, light of mine.//

“Bullshit,” the thief snorted. “Look, I’m fine. What happened happened. The end. If it makes you feel better, even just a little bit, then it’s fine by me.”

“How can you say that?”

//Because I love you.//

“What can I say? Your penchant for putting holes in my body has gotten me addicted, sunshine! As soon as I’m healed, I’ll be lookin’ for another fix,” he drawled sarcastically. “I’ve told you time and again why I let you do this, Ryou. It’s time you listened. The shit I put myself through…damn.”

“Well, why would you do it?!” Ryou nearly shrieked, his nerves frayed and his heart pounding madly. Yes he felt horrible for what he had done, but it was as if the bastard was gloating about just how much Ryou had hurt him! What the hell was wrong with the man?!

“Even if you did this to me a hundred times more, it would never equal what I’ve done to you!” came the dry answer.

“What makes you say that?” Ryou asked, curiosity softening his voice.

//My assholish nature, of course.//

“Hmm, seeing as how I’m usually the one weilding the knife…” Bakura mused sardonically.

“No, not that!” Ryou frowned. “Why do you think me hurting you is nothing?”

//Because it’s the truth.//

“Well, I’m just that damn arrogant. That’s why. I’m so desensitized to pain, you could hurt me twice as much as I’ve hurt you, and I’d only really feel a third of it,” Bakura sighed tiredly. “I wish I could feel like you do, Ryou! I am so damn jealous of how you can be so sensitive and feel things so deeply. I’ve never had that.”

“It’s just easier to bleed,” Ryou mumbled.

“But at least you know you’re bleeding! At least you’re scared you might die!” Bakura bristled. “I don’t have that, hikari! I would give just about anything to take all that pain back to just have an idea how much you’ve been hurt,” he genuinely said. Bakura’s eyes fell as he looked away from Ryou’s still judging eyes.

“And I would give anything to fully feel the love I have for you,” he humbly continued. “Because I’m sure it’s the most wonderful feeling in the universe.”

Ryou was taken aback by the tone in Bakura‘s voice. That was the most sincere and sweetest thing Bakura had ever said to him. Loving Ryou was the greatest feeling in the universe? In all honesty, what could be a greater compliment? But… Ryou felt he was unworthy of such a thing…He was only one man…A psychotic bloodthirsty mess of a man at that. Why would Bakura say something so intimate to the person who had nearly killed him? But because the thief was looking away from him, a strangely hurt look in his eyes, Ryou couldn’t really measure the weight of those tender words, and it left him confused.

Slightly embarrassed and in denial of being moved, Ryou blushed furiously but pressed on.

“Why did you lie to me?” Ryou almost spat, trying to recover his bearings.

“About what?” Bakura asked, genuinely confused.

“About us being apart? I mean…if you really loved me…if you knew I was suffering so much, why didn’t you let me go? Tell me sooner?” Ryou’s voice had originally been harsh, but as his question left his lips, his voice lost it’s edge and faded into genuine hurt and confusion. It tore at Bakura’s heart and deadened his formerly light-hearted attitude.

//Because you’re my light.//

“Because…” Bakura mumbled, voice wavering under the weight of the truth. “I didn’t want to lose you. I wanted to fix it all…I wanted you to get better with my help…I realized it too late that letting you go would be the best thing for you.”

Dead silence.

“So, you were being selfish?” Ryou nearly growled, his voice tinged with returning anger.

//Of course. How could I let something as beautiful as you walk out of my life?//

“Yes and no…” Bakura sighed. “I wanted to give you the love you deserve after all the years of hell I put you through. The only reason I hurt so badly after you had left was because I wasn’t sure if you were alive, let alone making yourself happy.”

“You…You hurt?” the hikari asked, his voice soft and a bit disbelieving.

//I was dying…//

“Yeah. I thought I was going to die…I wanted to. I almost killed myself several times but-”

“But, why?!” Ryou asked, his voice cracking a bit under the weight of his outrage. “Why would you do that?! How am I worth that much to you?!”

//You’re so alive. So warm. So…//

“You are, Ryou,” Bakura said with a finality that seemed unquestionable. “You have been the only source of pure beauty I have ever known, and I nearly killed what you are, WHO you are. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a matter of pure guilt. But let me ask you, could you ever forgive yourself, live with yourself after hurting someone so deeply for so long that they emotionally died? And what if that person was the one who gave your life light, happiness, hope? What if that person was the love of your every lifetime? Would you want to live not knowing if they were suffering or happy?”

“I-I- don’t understand…” said a bewildered hikari. He did not value himself that much, how could another person?

“I don’t expect you to, Ryou. Just seeing you as you are now, alive, fighting with me, being irritated with me…just being *with* me even now. I’m so happy-” Bakura choked on an unexpected sob and tried to stop the sudden welling of tears. The thief had never expected his light to return to his life, and the realization that it was now a reality washed over him and stole his heart away again. Ryou’s shocked expression never changed.

“I’m sorry…I’m getting a little sentimental here,” Bakura chuckled lightly, trying to tame his emotions to keep from making Ryou uncomfortable. He wiped at his eyes with a shaking hand. “I’m just so happy you’re still alive somewhere in that black pit I dug into your heart.”

As if called by those words, somewhere in that black pit, an old buried emotion stirred at seeing the thief king’s sudden tears, and Ryou, for the first time in a long time, didn’t try to deny it’s motion. Instead, he listened a little bit and allowed it to soften his distrusting demeanor, taking the meaning of those words into consideration. He realized he was hurting Bakura even now by continually questioning what he believed in…and he didn’t want to hurt this man anymore. He couldn’t just drop everything and forgive the man before him for all his past crimes. At least this once, he could give his dark the benefit of the doubt. Not just anyone would have willingly put themselves under Ryou’s insane hands…and even when he was dying, Bakura spoke of nothing but love. He deserved a little respect.

“Don’t get yourself so worked up, Bakura,” he said with a little bit of a bite in his voice to mask his softer meaning. “You need to rest.”

Bakura looked at his light a little skeptically, wondering why his hikari hadn’t flown off the handle again with his distrusting questions.

“Yeah,” Bakura agreed with a small tired smile. “I’ve got a long road ahead of me.”

“Go to sleep.” Ryou said, making it quite obvious that their little chat was over for the time being. Bakura nodded and settled into his blankets again.

“I’ll be here when you wake up again,” Ryou added offhandedly as he settled into a chair next to the bed. Bakura gave him a look of astonished gratefulness, and then he smiled a beautifully genuine smile that seemed to erase the heaviness of the atmosphere for just an instant. Ryou placatingly smiled back, and took to reading a magazine, seemingly disinterested.

It didn’t take long for Bakura to fall into deep sleep again, and Ryou watched over him. As he watched that peaceful face in slumber, the remnants of that brilliant smile still tugging at the corners of his lips, Ryou couldn’t help but feel both pity and respect for the thief , as well of a rush of his own guilt.

“You were half right, Bakura,” Ryou whispered to himself. “WE have a long road ahead of us.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Lovely, eh? The road to redemption is long and hard and full of SEX!! Maybe...probably...You'll have to find out!