No Words

Title: No Words
Author: Naria Lacour de Fanel
Rating: Still R-ish
Warnings: Buttload of crazy straight ahead!
A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I laugh at my sadistic muse! I LAUGH AT HER!! She makes me do scary things. //=Ryou's thoughts.

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Bakura frowned as Ryou’s smiling face faded away into blackness, carrying those heartfelt words with it…

He blinked slowly as the last remnants of sleep left his mind, though he was till foggy as to what had happened…

Ryou faded further still, and he was left with only the echoing voice resounding over and over.

“I love you, too…More than ever.”

He felt an overwhelming ache start to form in his chest at the loss, the beginnings of something that could be much more devastating…

A fucking dream!

Ryou would never say that to him.

Never.

And why did that hurt so much? It shouldn’t! He didn’t deserve Ryou’s love! After everything his light had done for himself, how could Bakura even THINK of having that love?!

What the fuck was his brain doing?! Where the fuck did that come from?!

As if it wasn’t bad enough suffering through all of that for four years, but now his heart was making his mind fuck up! FUCK!! Stupid! Don’t even think about it!! Even if it was really the one thing he wanted more than anything he even considered wanting…He could never allow himself to have it! He couldn’t even think about having it, he didn’t have the right! Then…Why was his entire body trembling? Why wouldn’t that awful ache go away?! Why wouldn’t that hope just fucking die already?!

Dammit!!

Bakura angrily threw himself out of bed, he needed a shower! That would clear his head! As he attempted to stand, a wave of dizziness overtook his senses, and he stumbled a bit, his body trembling uncontrollably. He leaned heavily on his dresser as he forced himself to take another step forward, but his legs suddenly crumbled beneath him!

Bakura pitched forward onto his stomach, but found he could not not move…Could not make his limbs stop trembling…Could not say anything as his cheek lay against the carpet…Could not breathe as silent tears fell down his cheeks…Bakura could not fight the grief.

His rage at the audacity of his heart was not enough to quench the hollowness his soul felt, and the sadness took him completely. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling as the ache grew to tremendous proportions…

He couldn’t stop himself from letting out the heart wrenching cry that had built up in his throat.

And he finally let his own pain out.

The years of lonliness excused as atonement. The years of guilt disguised as obligation…The years of unrequited love felt as deserved. Even after Ryou had left, Bakura had not willed himself to feel what he had truly wanted, and now he was paying the price. The dam had finally broken at the return of the one he loved most.

There was so much pain…

His body knew of no other way to cope, so he wept. He moaned, he cursed, he wailed as his body shook and shuddered under the stress.

And yet, through his tears and moans of despair, he still thought of nothing but Ryou.

“Please…” he gasped. “Please…Don’t let me ruin this for him. Please…Just let him be happy. Grant me the strength to do at least his for him without fucking it up…please.”

His prayer left his lips broken and pitiful…It was a desperate plea to anyone who would listen…He was praying. The thief had not prayed to anyone in millenia, he had lost his faith long ago…But he was desperate, he was begging. Bakura never begged, and yet one young man had succeeded in making him do it without lifting a finger.

Unbeknownst to Bakura, this young man was witness to this same prayer…

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Ryou, with cold calculation, decided that his most advantageous time would be while Bakura was sleeping. He convinced himself that it would be much safer if the thief was unconscious… He could not let his fear and hatred seethe any longer without letting them cloud his mind. As it was, he clinically knew he was fucking crazy, but he didn’t care anymore. It was all going to finally end soon anyway and he could return to his old self! Not that Bakura could tell anyway as Ryou had been able to mask his true emotions with the help of his conditioned behaviors.

Ironic.

This was one of the few times in his life that Ryou was grateful for his awful conditioning. It was only just that Bakura reap the rewards of his teachings, and Ryou was going to make sure he got what he had earned.

Ryou tenderly ran his thumb along the sharp edge of his very own blade, relishing the feel of it parting his skin. He adored the way his blood glinted and winked in the sparse half-light in the gloom of the hallway. Of course, he hadn’t ever been able to admit his admiration for pain and only discovered his “issue” with his therapist’s help. It was all because of Bakura. Bakura was the one who made him confuse bad with good, friendship with torture, admiration with fear…It was that bastard’s fault that Ryou couldn’t trust anyone. It was that thief’s fault that Ryou had so many social issues and had awful fetishes! It was Bakura’s fault that he had nightmares when his insomnia wasn’t bothering him! It was Bakura’s fault that Ryou’s heart had never mended…

Yes.

All Bakura’s fault.

At least, that’s what made the most sense.

Once that monstrosity of a life was gone, Ryou could return to himself! He could finally be free! And happy.

Ryou almost giggled at that. Happiness was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

But seeing Bakura’s blood spill would make him plenty happy.

The hikari swiftly but silently cracked open the door to his tormentor’s room and crept towards the slumbering man with a silence that would make any cat jealous.

This was it.

All he had to do was plunge the blade he was so carefully coddling into the heart of his slumbering yami. Simple: hand over mouth, blade up and under rib cage, remove blade, set fire, done. It would be quick, clean, and freeing. Who cared about the consequences?! Who cared if he was discovered? Who cared if the man’s sleeping face was so peaceful it hurt to look at? It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Bakura would be dead and gone and the world better for it!

Right? Ryou reasoned with his rational half, but hatred and hysteria were taking their toll on his warped mind. Murder was easy…At least, it should have been. Why was he being hesitant this late in the game? It didn’t matter that Bakura seemed different! It didn’t! He could never change, not completely! Even IF Ryou managed to “talk it out”, there was no guarantee that they could have any semblance of a normal relationship! There was no guarantee that this wasn’t all an act all to hurt Ryou again! He just couldn’t take the risk! This way, the only way, the *final* way to make sure he wasn’t tempted by such a cruel promise was to be rid of the thief!

Ryou made his way to the man’s side, ignoring the flush threatening to cover his face at the sight of the sleeping yami. His reaction was enough to make him shudder with disgust in himself. He thought he had thoroughly killed those desires when Bakura crushed his heart all those years ago…But the thief still took his breath away unwillingly, and it made Ryou hate him all the more. The tomb robber was always taking things against his will, and Ryou would have no more of it! A rancid wave of deeply rooted hate spilled over Ryou as he gazed on that cruel face, compelling his quaking hand to drive that blade into that sleeping body over and over until there was nothing left! The hikari bit his lip to subdue the rage and allowed the calm of logic to quell the insane feeling. Yes, quickly and quietly; that would be best…But his hand still shook not with hesitancy, but with anger, he convinced himself.

“I hate you so much,” Ryou voiced his contempt, barely above a breath. “More than ever.”

And he made to place his hand over the sleeping man’s frowning mouth when said man’s breath suddenly hitched and he arched as in waking! Ryou quickly ducked down and soundlessly rolled beneath the bed, hoping Bakura didn’t notice the slight scrabbling noise the hikari had made! Ryou listened intently, but only heard some muttered curses with the shuffling of sheets being thrown aside. He could not make out the words, but jumped when Bakura’s feet suddenly stomped to the floor right in front of his face! He was surprised as he watched Bakura’s feet seemingly stagger and stop at the dresser, but he nearly jumped out of his skin as he watched the thief’s knees drop to the floor followed by his body!

Ryou waited. He waited for the tomb robber’s eyes to catch him with an accusatory glare! But Bakura just laid there, unmoving save for his breathing…He didn’t even try to pick himself up! And those once so cruel eyes were glazed and distant…with tears?

Tears?!

The hikari watched in morbid fascination as those firey eyes spilt tears over an expressionless face. Ryou knew what this was. His mind automatically grasped the symptoms and he could not believe it! He didn’t want to believe it! Bakura had gone catatonic!

What the hell?! What kind of distress could have pushed the thief so far over the edge? But Ryou didn’t have long to think because his thoughts were quickly shattered by a heart-wrenching cry from Bakura! It was the most sorrowful sound Ryou had ever heard! It shouldn’t have even been human! It seemed to pierce his heart and draw tears to his own eyes with the sheer volume of pain it communicated!

But it didn’t stop there. Ryou listened in horrified curiosity to the pathetic mewls and groans of pain that just seemed to stream out of the prone man! Never had Ryou imagined Bakura in such a sorry and vulnerable state. The hikari never believed that his yami had the emotional capacity to feel pain so deeply! But Ryou also knew in his gut that this was genuine. Bakura would never demean himself or show such weakness on purpose. The thief had pulled himself into a ball, clutching at his own sides as his body shook violently. Obviously this was a heavily suppressed break-down, Ryou guessed. But then, the thief began to pray! He begged like a commoner for help! He, who could do everything with his own power, wanted help! He, who was evil incarnate, wanted strength! It almost made him seem human…like he had a heart. He had fallen so far in so little time, it was almost pitiful. It tugged at something in Ryou’s heart, but he excused it as a therapist’s sympathy in witnessing such weakness. His logical mind pressed him to move forward and take advantage of this opportunity!

It couldn’t be more perfect, really!

Now he would actually FEEL his life slipping away…

Bakura would know fear compounded with agony!

Bakura would die shrieking!

There would be pain…and lots of it!

Suffering!

Justice!

Blood!

Ryou felt his heart flutter at the thought. Giddy. He felt light headed and giddy and completely guilt free as he rolled out from underneath the bed to stalk his prey. It would be alright now. It was okay to be free now. It was okay to let go…Let go…

Knife raised, body nearly limp with relaxation, Ryou’s shadow fell upon the sobbing tomb robber. Ryou smiled lazily as the euphoria of insanity settled over his mind, calming, soothing, demanding blood. But that was okay, it would get Bakura’s blood and go away. It was a happy thought.

Happy time.

So. Happy.

Ryou knelt gently by his yami’s head and gently caressed the man’s cheek. Bakura flinched involuntarily under the touch. He was downright shocked as he looked up into the crazed eyes of his hikari. He hadn’t even heard the boy come into the room, let alone kneel next to him! Ryou giggled.

“I’m so glad I finally get to see you like this,” Ryou cooed dreamily, petting his knife. Bakura looked at him pathetically, his eyes screaming the pain he felt in his soul. “It makes me so…happy! Happy.”

Bakura frowned at the tone in Ryou’s voice. The boy’s eyes were vacant; not cold, vacant.

The boy was completely gone…

No one home.

It hurt to have him so close with the thief’s own heart bleeding to death. But he wanted to touch his hikari! He wanted to hold him! He wanted anything! He craved it! And he knew he needed the contact. So, he uncurled from his tight ball and reached a hand towards the giggling thing his light had become, having some dim hope that maybe he could bring him back from wherever he had gone.

With lighting reflexes, Ryou stabbed through that seeking hand and pinned it to the floor, giggling madly with delight! Bakura screamed and convulsed violently! But he did not move to take the blade out of his hand; he bit his lip and tried not to move. Now he knew he was in danger. He knew this type of insanity…He had lived it himself. And Bakura knew he was powerless in the face of this pitiless madness. Perhaps the most wounding thought of all was that he had created this being before him.

The hikari had other plans.

“I thought you knew better than that, Ba-ku-ra!” Ryou chimed in a sing-song voice. With jerky movements, he raggedly yanked the knife, pulling from side to side as he mutilated Bakura’s hand. “Tsk! Tsk! Looks like we’ll have to replace the carpet in here, too! All that pretty blood will ruin it!”

Bakura said nothing, though Ryou’s obvious madness was very disturbing! It hurt him to look into the crazed eyes of the once so loving Ryou as they boiled with madness. It made his heart ache with unnamable pity to see the one he loved to have fallen so far...But he could not hold back a shriek of pain as Ryou finally pulled the blade free with a sawing motion, snapping bone and ligaments as he went.

The tomb robber reached out his useless hand to touch the boy, but was stopped by a stab to the shoulder.

“No! Nonononono! Baaa-d Ba-ku-ra! You can’t hurt me! I hurt *you*! Those are the new rules! Orders! Laws! Under my mercy!” Ryou giggled wildly, nearly keening, crazily driving his bloody knife into Bakura’s already aching shoulder, grating on bone. “And there is no mercy for you,” the hikari whispered darkly and lowly, his venomous words speaking volumes of his insanity.

But something told Bakura to keep going…

Something told him to hold his light, no matter what pain was caused…

No matter what Ryou did to him…

He reached out again and grasped his hikari’s hip to pull himself into the madman’s lap. He was rewarded with a slash across his chest, but he was in Ryou’s lap! He continued his way up the light’s body, punished with new cuts to his back or arms with each movement…but he had to! He HAD TO!! Ryou needed this…he needed this control, this closure…No matter what the pain. No matter the cost!

Ryou cackled madly as he slashed at his yami! Each new wound was so pretty! So wonderful! so freeing! and lovely! and vicious! and raw! and…

…so deserved!

Bakura took every following blow without a sound.

“Yami, no pretty screams? My pretty yami should have pretty screams! But, s’okay! I know how to swallow screams…I understand. Don’t want to provoke me, eh? You shouldn’t anger the one with the knife! No no! Defiant are we? Shall we play the martyr game?”

Bakura said nothing as another laceration was added to his back.

//Pain! Cause pain!! Hurt him! Hurt him!//

“Silly yami, do you want me to hurt you? Yes yes! You need to be punished!”

Bakura wanted to shut that keening mouth. He wanted that insane, childish voice to go away and never speak again! It hurt so damn much to hear Ryou like this! It hurt to see his face contorted with rage as he laughed wildly! This wasn’t his hikari! This wasn’t who he was supposed to be…Ryou was supposed to have gotten better…He was supposed to heal…But it was all the thief’s fault in the first place, wasn’t it? It was his fault that Ryou was still suffering…still hurting…He had to save him. By any means.

Bakura dragged himself up Ryou’s body, agonizingly slow. It seemed like an eternity before he reached the boy’s eye-level. Bakura almost wished he hadn’t looked into those mad eyes again, but he knew this was Ryou’s true retribution and he would not back down. He had sworn and promised and begged for an opportunity like this…If it helped him to heal…If it made the tiniest change in the boy’s suffering heart, then Bakura would take it. He promised anything and he had meant it! Bakura bit back the tears that threatened to spill, but failed. He wrapped his wounded arms around the boy’s neck and kept his weeping eyes locked onto the crazed eyes of his hikari.

“Tears won’t protect you, Bakura. I know that better than anyone! They don’t make pain go away! They don’t stop a knife from dicing your flesh! They don’t even keep you warm when you’re fighting off the cold blackness of your heart,” Ryou hissed vehemently. “No no no! Oh, no, my yami! If anything, they’re inspiring,” he cooed dramatically. “No! Aggrivating,” he growled. “No! They make me want to hurt you more just to see more pretty tears come from those pretty eyes of yours!”

Bakura kept his gaze. Ryou smiled serenely, then violently yanked the man forward into his arms and nuzzled his neck. It was an echo of the desperate embrace they shared when Bakura came to love Ryou all those years ago!

It hurt so much.

Bakura, while greatly surprised, did not move, but flinched when Ryou rubbed his cheek against the blood streaked side of his face. He knew he was walking a thin wire and did not want to upset Ryou.

“Oh, my, my, my yami,” Ryou whispered, lovingly rubbing circles across his dark’s back, digging fingers into cuts they came across. Bakura hissed at the clumsy jabs and shivered as Ryou breathed into his ear. “You smell so good. Like blood. So sweet...Strange, considering how much I hate you. But blood is blood is blood!”

Bakura suppressed a shudder at the nonchalant tone of Ryou’s voice. It could have been a romantic tone if he hadn’t been talking so hungrily about blood… But he still found himself cautiously returning the boy’s embrace, so gently and so lightly he was barely touching him.

“Oh…” Ryou sighed wistfully, nuzzling into the thief’s neck. “I’d like to listen to you scream.”

Bakura tightened his hold ever so slightly, preparing for…something. Just then, Ryou threaded his hand into the Thief King’s silvery locks

“I’m going to kill you!” the light growled threateningly, gripping Bakura’s hair maliciously. “And-

“And I will let you,” Bakura calmly interrupted. The sped up beating of his heart was the only indication of his fear. Ryou jerked at the interruption, thrown off by the man’s sudden words…Just words. No pain…No fear…Just words.

“Yes,” Ryou sniffed indignantly, digging the intended murder weapon into Bakura’s back. “You don’t have a choice.”

“But I’m not worth it,” the thief replied calmly, his voice unwavering.

“Yes! Yes! SO worth it! It’s the only thing you ARE worth!” the hikari nearly screeched, his fingers clawing into the thief’s scalp.

“What do you want?” Bakura gently asked, keeping himself calm.

“I-” Ryou jerked again and paused, face flushing with anger. “I want you dead and gone from my life!”

“What do you want?” Bakura asked again. Ryou growled and smiled smugly as he drove the knife’s tip further. But Bakura did not drop his gaze, but he could not stop his breath from hitching in pain!

//I want…//

“You. Blood. Dead.” the light growled again, his hold loosening. He found it very hard to look Bakura in the eye anymore.

“What do you want?”

//I want to…//

“Want want want! Death!” Ryou shrieked, his eyes regaining some conciousness as he shook his gaze away!

“What do you want?”

//I want to…be…//

“Your pain! Your death! My freedom!” the boy’s voice cracked, panic creeping into his face as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He was coming back to himself.

“What do you want?” Bakura asked again, his voice gaining strength.

//..loved…I want to…//

“Aagh!! Stop it! Stop asking me!” Ryou wailed, tearing himself out of Bakura’s arms again! He hugged his knees to his chest as he fought an onslaught of sobs.“It’s here! The time is here and you’ll be gone for good, you bastard! Don’t make me!”

“Ryou, what do you want?” he asked, pulling the now sobbing boy firmly to his chest.

//I want to be loved…//

“Stop it!” he shrieked, clawing at his own hair. “Stop making me-”

“What do you want, Ryou?” Bakura intoned again, pulling the hikari’s clawing hands away.

//…by you.//

“No! Nooooo!” Ryou wailed, resisting Bakura’s hands as he thrashed. “You take it all away! You take and hurt and scar and maim! I hate you! I HATE YOU!”

“Ryou. What do you want?” Bakura asked once again, his heart breaking all over again at the sight of the broken boy in his arms. Ryou slowly stopped thrashing and fell into a sobbing mess in his dark’s arms.

“I want…” he sobbed limply into Bakura’s gracious arms. “…to stop hurting.”

He wept and Bakura wept with him, the pieces of their shattered hearts falling away with their mingled tears of sorrow.

Ryou had tried so hard. He tried to get Bakura out of his life…But Bakura had stopped him. Again. Ryou tried so hard to hate him. He tried and that was taken away, too. Bakura was always taking, and never giving back…never. Why?

Why?

//All I’ve wanted is revenge…//

Why?!

//But now that I’ve seen all this…//

//Now that I’ve survived hell…//

//I want to be loved…//

“Ryou…” Bakura sniffed weakly, his voice barely above a whisper. “…love you…”

Ryou literally felt the world tumble out from beneath him as Bakura collapsed onto the blood-soaked carpet with those parting words. Ryou barely registered that the man was still breathing before he felt his hand cradling the phone, his fingers dialing.

//…by you.//

“Domino City Hospital…”

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I'll tell you my fiancee's first reaction to this, and I quote: "WHAT THE SHIT?!"

Yeah, special, eh? I can't help it! I happen to love crazy people. Homicidal crazy people. It's weird. Anyway, I hope you weren't expecting that! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! I has more for yous if yous wants it!