My World

Honda styed hidden in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor.

He didn't feel good at all. He had lied to Kaiba; he did feel guilty. He didn't want to make love that day, it was too soon.

What is going on? How could he want to forgive me? Shit..., "I can't forgive myself!" he cried, throwing a pillow across the room causing a crash that caught his mother's attention.; neither knowing the other was home.

"Hiroto? You're home? You ok?"

Damn it, just ignore her!

"Hiroto?! Open up!" she demanded.

Shit..., "It's open."

"What happened?! What's wrong?!"

"Nothing." he answered, concentrating on cleaning the mess and not having to look her in the eye.

"You and Seto ok?"

"Why does everyone assume it has to do with me and Seto?!" he asked angrily.

She looked at him cock-eyed and puzzled when the answer hit her, "Maybe it's because of reactions like that."

"Like what?"

"You get so defensive..."

"Not defensive... fustrated."

"What did you mean by you can't forgive yourself?"

"Nothing, nothing... nothing..." his voice trailed off as it began to choke.

His mother stared in disbelief as she watched him sink to the floor, burry his head in the pillow and begin to cry.

"It is about Seto, isn't it?" she joined him on the floor and hugged him to her.

He gripped tightly and cried into her shoulder.

"I can't... I-I did something... t-terrible..."

"Hiroto?!"

"I can't get in-into it... I'm forgiven... I just... I can't..."

"Forgive yourself?"

"Y-yea!"

"Calm down, please! You said you're forgiven, it's going to be alright..."

"But... how?! W-why?! I don't d-deserve..."

"What could you have possibly done to make yourself believe you don't deserve to be forgiven?!"

"I-I told you..."

"You can't get into it. Hiroto, did you cheat on Seto?"

"I told you I can't tell you!" he pushed her away and went back to cleaning the mess, "No. I didn't cheat on him."

She sat back on his bed for a moment and watched him for a moment. Then with a heavy sigh, she left him to his cleaning.

Sorry, mom. You just wouldn't understand.

He decided to meet up with the others. If anyone could cheer him up, it would be them; so long as they stayed out of his and Kaiba's business.

Keep cool. Smile... no worries...


"Hey, Honda-kun!"

"Oy, minnasa..."

"What's with the extra skip in your step, eh?" Otogi grinned, elbowing Jounouchi, who also grinned rather eerily.

"Wh-what? What extra...?"

"You got laid!" Mai sang.

"Wha... moron! S-so what if I did?!", Maybe I laid the cool on a little too thick!, "W-what business..."

"None! Just kidding, man!" Otogi hid behind Shizuka as Jounouchi grabbed hold of Mai, catching himself gagging.

"So how much longer till you can go back into the shop?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Till ojiisan fixes everything..." Yugi sighed.

"Or until we can come up with the money to pay for the damages." Anzu said.

"He said we could do errands for him, but, none of us has the time..." Otogi grumbled.

"Maybe I can help?"

"K-Kaiba-kun?!"

"Kaiba?! Why would you..." Jounouchi started.

Honda jumped up, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him around the corner as if he were a child about to be scolded.

"What are you doing?!" Honda demanded to know, "Why..."

"Why not?"

"That's not a reason! What are you doing here anyway..."

"Last I checked I owned this place." he answered, pointing to the large KC above the entrance way.

"S-sorry. I-I just..."

"Let me do this, please?"

"What are you trying to prove?!"

"I should ask the same of you, but this isn't the time or place to ask you such things..."

"..."

"Think you can stay with me tonight?"

Honda wasn't sure what was going on; he didn't know how to respond to the first statement, nor answer the question; he was stunned.

He is trying to prove something, but, what?! And what the hell did he mean by he should ask the same... damn it..., "I-I'll see, but, I still want answers..."

"Of course..."

"You know though, Yugi's ojiisan isn't going to take anything from you. He'll feel he'll owe you..."

"He won't. Actually, I believe I owe him."

"?!"

"See you tonight? Maybe?" he kissed him lightly on the cheek and nodded his goodbye to the stunned group.

Not that any of the could hear what was going on; the sight of Honda dragging him away was enough.

"What was that all about?" Jounouchi asked, not really expecting an answer.

"He's going to see Mouto-san..."

"Why?!" Yugi asked, ready to go after Kaiba before he could get to his ojiisan.

"He's going to pay for the damages." Honda said matter-of-factly.

"Why the hell would he do that?!" Otogi asked.

Honda couldn't take much more. He knew Kaiba was just trying to be nice, even though he still felt there was more to it.

He stood and clentched his fists, wanting to get his fustration out on anything.

Unable to move, speak or even blink, the group of friends watched in horror as Honda's fist just about met with Jounouchi's nose when he suddenly stopped an inch away.

Instead, he grabbed Jounouchi up and shook him a little with each word; "Did you guys ever stop to think he's just trying to be nice?!"

"?!?!"

"I know it's hard to believe! He really isn't what he wants everyone to believe! Gazabouro did that to him! It's like Mokuba has been trying to tell us all along! He's... he's... shit!!" he dropped Jounouchi, turned and ran away.

He was almost to his bike when the sound of high heels came up fast behind him.

"We need to talk." Mai demanded.

"Why?" Honda was a little harsher with his tone than he realized, forcing Mai into attack mode.

"Shut up! Get on your bike and take me to anywhere you know we won't be bothered! You have some issues and taking them out on us isn't going to cut it!"

"What?! You guys..."

"Shut up!" she exclaimed as she hopped onto the bike and kicked him to go, "Giddy up!"

He took her to his and Kaiba's spot. A little on the personal side for him, but he knew they wouldn't be bothered there.

"Pretty view."

"Yea. I come here to think. Get away, ya know?"

"Yea. Now..."

"Look, before you start in on me, I don't know why you guys, well, I can't tell if it's just you care, or are just curious or nosy..."

"We care, idiot. Neither of you have been yourselves. While we don't really miss the old Kaiba, we do miss you. You don't seem happy. Then again, neither does Kaiba..."

"I am happy. I'd be happier if you all didn't 'care' so much and stayed out of..."

"You know better. What about Kaiba?"

"He has been himself, Mai. I told you all..."

"..."

"He really isn't so bad. Mokuba has been right all along, but, we just chose to see what..."

"What he wanted us to see. But, you?"

"What about me? I told you I'm fine. He's good to me..."

"Let me clear this up; what about how you treat..."

"?!"

"Don't look at me like that! Anyone else tries to treat him that way they'd pull back a bloody stump if they live to pull anything back at all..."

"I don't know! I'm new to this! It's just sometimes he... he really pisses me off..."

"By being himself?"

"I guess. I'm not used to this Kaiba; I don't..."

"You're used to him being an ass to us..."

"Y-yea. Yet I want him to get along with you all..."

"Honda, I don't envy you a bit..."

"Geez, thanks. So he's got some baggage..."

Some?, "Honda, I..."

"Mai, you may want to sit down for this..." Honda took a seat himself next to his bike. Hugging his knees to his chest, he tried to hold in a painful sob.

She did as he asked and took a seat next to him and wrapped a reasurring arm around him whe he opened up everything; Kaiba's nightmares, their first time, his staying the night, Kaiba's drinking, Kaiba trying to rape him... everything leading up to his raping Kaiba.

"Wh... what?! You r-ra... how?! Honda?!"

"Y-yea! And what makes it worse..."

"It can get worse?!"

"He... he was... Gazabouro let some asshole... gods Mai, I really do treat him badly!" he cried into her shoulder.

"Honda, Gazabouro let some asshole what?!"

"Gazabouro... when Seto was about Mokuba's age... he 'loaned' him to him!"

Mai was at a loss. She was begining to regret volunteering to be the one to get him to open up. It was no wonder Honda kept to himself about everything. Had Jounouchi, Otogi or Yugi been the one to volunteer, Honda would have probably been at the bottom of a cliff.

"Honda, you were right. I don't know what to say or do. This is a bit much, but, I guess so long as you feel better getting it off your chest, that's all that matters... I mean, for someone who was just raped, he seemed fine, and even offering to pay for what we had done to Mouto-san's shop..."

"No, I don't feel better. He does forgive me, but, I can't forgive myself... I won't..."

"Honda, I just thought of something..."

Uh-oh..., "What?"

"Maybe Kaiba likes being dominated..."

"What?! Damn it, Mai! I should have known better than to think you wouldn't pull something perverted from all this!!" he exclaimed angrily.

"No! Not perverted. Serious..."

"Not a chance! You know he doesn't like when people have more than..."

"Ah-ah! You just told us what we see and what he is are two different things, ne?"

"Y-yea... but..."

"Oh, and as far as those nightmares, that's not Gazabouro haunting him..."

"?"

"It's him. He's scared. This is new to him too..."

"You think he's afraid..."

"Yes. Gazabouro pounded a lot of crap into him, which is why it makes it so easy for him to use Gazabouro as an excuse to be scared."

"What about what I did to him?! Mai, I hurt him! I can't..."

"I look at it this way; so long as he forgives you, all you can do is hope he doesn't use it against you one day..."

"What?!"

"Then again, you did say he tried to take you... so I..."

"Shit, that doesn't make it right! He stopped when I pushed him off!"

"Honda, like I said, this is a bit much to digest in one sitting. Let's get back before they all worry, ok?"

"Ok. Mai?

"?"

"Why? If you didn't think you could take it all..."

"We're friends, ne?"

"Yes. Sorry. Thanks... and nothing..."

"Nothing said here leaves this spot. I promise.", No one else could take it anyway!


Kaiba relaxed for a while with a glass of wine and book waiting for Honda to call and let him know if he would be staying the night.

It had been a while since his last encounter with Gazabouro, so he felt this time he and Honda could just relax and just enjoy eachothers company.

With that thought, he relaxed a bit more and went for a sip of wine when a sudden knock at the door startled him, causing him to spill half the glass down the front of him.

"Damn it! Who is it?!"

"I-it's just me, Seto-chan..."

"H-Hiroto! I-I'm coming!" he called as he tried to cover up the wine, Shit, shit!

"Seto, you ok?"

"Yea! I'm coming!" once he was sure he had it well hidden he ran for the door, threw it open and swooped Honda into his arms, "I wasn't expecting you to actually come over. I thought you would call first..."

"What were you doing?" he asked suspiciously.

"N-nothing, Just relaxing... reading..."

"Drinking."

"Wh-what?! What makes you think..."

"Your breath smells like when you first kissed me..."

"?!"

"Strawberry, right?"

"Y-yea..."

Honda took him in for a sweet tasting kiss, finding himself gently nudged away.

"Why...?"

"You usually get so angry when I drink... I don't..."

"Wine doesn't seem to affect you the way that harsh stuff does..."

"I don't drink it the same way..."

"I don't get it..."

"The faster you drink, especially in the quantity I was, the quicker it makes you sick..."

"Then why... I don't get it at all!"

"I don't expect you to. Now, something like wine; it's to be sipped. Savored. It's not meant to be guzzled..."

"I didn't think any of that stuff was meant to be guzzled."

Kaiba tried, but couldn't find anything but truth in what Honda had said.

"Hiroto, think anyone would want this?" he asked, handing him a smalll bottle of scotch.

"No, why?"

"I couldn't bring myself to dump it out..."

"Y-you dumped your stash?! Seto-chan that's great! But, why save this?"

"This is called 'Johnny Walker: Blue Lable', it's one-hundred-fifty US dollars a pint..."

"?"

"About sixteen-thousand yen..."

"For this?! This little bottle?!"

"Yes. Know anyone who would want it?"

"My dad maybe, but how do I explain where I got it?!"

"You'll think of something, I'm sure." he said, taking his place back on his bed with his wine..

Honda joined him, flopping across it, resting his head on one of Kaiba's legs.

"What's this?" he asked, taking the book and flipping through the pages.

"Just something I've been reading..."

"For fun?" he joked.

"Yes. For fun."

"Hey, I read for fun too..."

"Manga?" he said with a wink.

"Ha-ha. What is it, anyway? It's in..."

"English. "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens."

"Never heard of it..."

"Never took English Lit?"

"Never took English." he said tossing the book back to him.

"Maybe one day we can work on that..." he joined Honda at the other end of the bed, holding the glass out infront of Honda, "Like to try it?"

"No. You tried that before..."

"Just a sip?"

"Are you trying to get me drunk or something?" he joked, elbowing Kaiba's arm.

"No. I was just trying to play the good host is all..."

"Thanks, but, I'll stick to getting it the safe way..."

"Safe...?"

Honda took the glass and set it aside, then rolled Kaiba onto his back and softly kissed his lips, "See? I get to taste it without getting sick... not to mention, it's more fun this way."

"Y-yea..."

"Yea, anyway, I was wondering; why'd you ask me to stay the night?"

"I need a reason?"

"N-no... I... you haven't said much about Gazabouro lately, I figured everything was better..."

"True, he hasn't bothered me lately. I was wondering something myself..."

"?"

"Where did you and Mai dissapear to today?"

"What?! How did you... you spying on me or something?!"

"No, Sakura-san said she saw you with a pretty young blonde on your bike and I assumed it was Mai... or Jounouchi." he laughed.

"Wh-what?! Moron! It was Mai!"

"I was joking, Hiroto-chan! I knew it had to be Mai..."

"?"

"Jounouchi isn't that pretty!" he laughed harder this time, trying to get the serious Honda to laugh with him, "Ugh, lighten up Hiroto..."

"Sorry, it's just you already said you think Otogi is pretty, I just..."

"You are jealous!" Kaiba exclaimed, pouncing him and pinning him to the bed.

"Yea, maybe a little..." he said meakly.

"You have nothing to worry about, I promise, but, what was with you and Mai?"

"Jealous?"

"Yes."

"It was nothing... you know Jounouchi... she just needed to get somethings off her chest, that's all."

She did? Or you did., "I see. They have a difficult relationship then?"

"Yea, you can say that..."

"But, everything is all right, ne?"

"Why so concerned... oh, I get it, you know I mean..."

"I know you have been troubled..."

"Me? What about you? This whole mess with Gazabouro..."

"?!"

"It's not Gazabouro, is it? It's you. You're scared aren't you?"

"It seems Mai-san has missed her calling as a shrink..."

"So she's right. Why are you scared? You said you trust me..."

"It's not you I don't trust it's me. It's all me..."

"Gods, if that isn't the old Kaiba shining through..."

"I'm not being selfish or selfcentered here! Yes, I'm scared... I'm scared..." his voice trailed into sobs as he slid off the bed onto the floor.

"Sorry, Seto-chan... I didn't mean to upset you..."

"You didn't. I am glad you came tonight..."

"Look, calm down, have some wine... maybe translate some of that book for me?"

"Read to you?"

"Read to me... or I can think of other things, but, you don't seem in the..." he was caught off guard by Kaiba's jumping back onto the bed and tackling him with a strong kiss.

"Who's not in the mood?" he said slyly into Honda' ear, then glidded the tip of his tongue up and down his neck.

"I-I just... o-ok..." he stammered, then rolled over so to be on top and take lead.