My World

*Disclaimer - I don't own Yugioh, don't own the charcters and I only wish I made money off it.

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"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Roared through Kaiba's head, sending him bolt-upright in his bed.

"What?!" Staying put, he slid his eyes all over the room. "Hmph, whatever." he mumbled, and turned to go back to sleep. He was alone, or so he thought.

"Wake up, Seto!" This time Kaiba lept from his bed, searching high and low for this voice.

"Who are you?! Show yourself!" he demanded.

"Look at you! You're soft..."

"What?!"

"You're pathetic! Weakening!"

"Gazabouro..." he said with contentment under his breath, "What the hell do you want?!"

"Have I taught you nothing?! Love makes a man weak! You're letting Kaiba Corp sink..."

"You're wrong! It's never been stronger!"

"You're letting your feelings get in the way!"

"Go away!"

"Do I even have to go into what you have feelings for...?!"

"That's none of your business!"

"It is my business! It's my business you're pulling in with you!"

"Go aw..."

"At least I had nothing to do with what you've become! Your feelings for..."

"You had everything to do with what I've become! You're the one who let... you... GO AWAY!"

With his final words, he awoke, soaked in sweat.

Kill you twice and you still haunt me!, "Bastard, Gazabouro!"

He looked to the clock; four-thirty am.

Damn it... He curled back into his blankets and tried to go back to sleep, all the while fighting Gazabouro's words with everything he had.

The next day - or that day - he felt rough. He met Honda at the office, though he couldn't remember what for. Not that it mattered, he didn't need an excuse to see his lover, so long as he got to see him.

"You ok, Seto-chan? You look exausted." He took Kaiba into his arms and held him tightly, reassuringly.

"No, I didn't sleep well..." Kaiba was still fighting every word, trying to forget. He knew he shouldn't care, besides, Gazabouro died... twice! But then, his business sinking? Just because he's in love? No. He wasn't going to believe it.

"Anything I can do?" Honda asked warmly as he began massaging Kaiba's shoulders. He had such strong hands.

"That feels wonderful..."

"I try." he said with a smile Kaiba couldn't see, but could hear. It made him feel safe. Aside from Mokuba and ojiisan, he was the most secure thing in his life right now.

"Hiroto-chan, do you think I'm going soft?"

"What?"

"Weak? You've seen me at work, do you think I have been letting it sink?"

"What are you talking about?" Honda slid around so he was eye-to-eye with him, stratteling his lap, "Weak? You? Geez, I actually think you could be a little nicer sometimes! What's this all about...?"

"I had this nightmare... it's... nevermind."

"Well, I don't think you're soft or weak! Actually, ask anyone, Jounouchi included, I don't think they would say you are weak."

"Thank you, it's just, someone seems to think..."

"That's what this nightmare was? Someone telling you... Gazabouro..."

"What?! How..."

"He's the only one, aside from Jounouchi, who you'd let get to you like this... he's dead! As a doornail! I wouldn't worry..."

"I tell myself that everytime, but, it seems so real..."

"Well, it isn't. Don't let it get to you, or you will weaken..."

"...!"

"Oh, one more thing..."

"...?"

"This..." He took Kaiba's chin and pulled him in for a deep, long kiss. Kaiba felt as though he were melting into the sofa.

"Thank you. I needed that..." he said, trying to catch his breath.

"Promise you won't let some goofy nightmare get to you?"

"Yea, I promise..." he lied through a false smile. Honda was very kind and loving, but understanding was another hurdle it seemed. And as much as he detested lying to his lover, he didn't want him worrying.

He'll understand one day, but he's not ready just yet.

Honda suddenly jolted him back as he jumped from his lap.

"Where are you going?"

"What do you mean, "Where are you going?", it's "Where are we going...", or did you forget?"

"Oh, shit, the carnival!"

"Ok. You forgot. You still coming or what?"

"No, I don't think..."

"Don't tell me you're still worried over..."

"I... I just..."

"Otogi and "the-other" Yugi will get over it! Besides, Mai, Anzu and Shizuka think we're kawaii together." he added with a wink.

"Jounouchi? He still..."

"Since when do you care?! Anyway, he of all people..."

"He only did it because he didn't think you'd go for it."

"How did you... I never told you..."

"No, you didn't. Call it a "gut feeling". And I care because he is your best friend, and no matter his motives for helping me, he did..."

"Seto-chan..."

"Go. Have a good time, and say hello to Mokuba and his new little girlfriend if you see them..."

"When did that happen?!"

"When I got the courage to do something about you, he saw there was nothing to be afraid of, so he went for it..."

"Way to go, little guy!"

"Speaking of "go"..."

"Come on Seto-chan! Come with me! You said..."

"No."

"Fine. Sit here and sulk over what some dead guy called you in your dreams..."

"Hiroto-chan..."

"I'm going. I told everyone we would meet them a half hour ago..."

"I'm sorry..."

Honda was ready to just walk out, but decided it may only add to Kaiba's worries if he thought he was leaving mad. So with a heavy sigh, he strode back over and kissed his cheek.

"It's all right. I'll just tell them you got busy..."

"Thanks."

"Later."

Kaiba watched as Honda exited. He stood at the door listening for the elevator. Once he was assurred Honda was on it and the doors were shut he slowly walked to his desk and reluctantly slid the top drawer open, taking out one of the only other things he knew would relax him.

Clearing his mind of all thought the best he could, he twisted the stubborn cap off and sucked the full half-pint of vodka dry.

"Ugh! So vile..." he staggered back to the sofa and collapsed. He raised his hand to his chest when something hard slammed down with it.

"Ow! What... how did...?!" it was another bottle, "Must have grabbed you too by mistake. Oh well, things happen for a reason, right?" He shrugged it off and drank every drop just as quickly as the first. Then finally closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

"Honda-kun! You made it..." Yugi looked around, "Where's Kaiba-kun?"

"Busy." Honda tried to keep upbeat. He wanted to have a good time with his friends, but at the same time, he couldn't help but worry about Kaiba.

"Figures..." Otogi said flatly.

"Otogi-chan! Be nice, please!" Shizuka nudged him.

Honda became visibly irritated. He tried so hard not to, and he hated doing it, but he did it anyway; defend Kaiba.

He grabbed Otogi by the collar and pulled him in to be face to face, "He can't help it, all right?! He's running that place by himself!" he burst in Otogi's face, then looked to Jounouchi and Yugi, who stayed quiet the whole time, and narrowed his eyes into a silent threat.

"Uh?! We're cool! We're cool!"

"Good. Can we go now?" he said, stomping away.

"Why do you guys always do this?" Anzu said angrily as she followed Honda. Mai and Shizuka quickly followed, both just as irritated and made no secret of it.

"Hmph, is it just me, or has he become one of their best girlfriends?" Otogi jabbed Jounouchi.

"Moron." he answered under his breath, and went to catch up.

"What?!"

"You know, Otogi-kun, the "other" me agrees. He thinks Kaiba-kun can help it, he just doesn't want to..."

"I, myself, think he's going to hurt Honda. Arigatou, "other" Yugi..."

"As for that, and everything else, I don't agree..."

"Why not?! The "other" you..."

"If you're so afraid of Honda getting hurt, why did you..." he pointed to Shizuka, who was motioning them to hurry to catch up.

"Oh... hey! I didn't do anything! She came to me!" Yugi just shrugged and ran to catch up with the rest of the group. Shit... fine, don't believe me or the "other" Yugi. Kaiba's going to hurt Honda somehow... we know it.

Kaiba spent most of the day drifting in and out of his alcohol induced sleep.

His head spun and it hurt to even blink.

Maybe vodka isn't for me., he thought, Guess I should just stick with my scotch and wine.

He slowly tried to get up from the sofa, instead finding himself crawling to his desk. Reaching in, he found what he was looking for.

As he fought with the cap, a sudden pang of guilt overwelmed him.

What am I doing to myself?! Why... Hiroto-chan would... shit! Why am I still thinking?!

He wanted to just relax; no thinking, no nightmares, and NO Gazabouro.

He crawled back to the sofa, staring at the bottle in his hand the whole way.

As he climbed back up, he attempted to take in the scotch as quickly as he did the vodka, but to no avail. He got half way when he started to drift off, spilling most of what was left onto himself and the floor.

I'll...get it... la...

The day was going by quickly for the others. Everyone had calmed down enough to just have a good time. They even ran into Mokuba and his girlfriend.

"Why didn't Seto come, Honda?" Mokuba's girlfriend asked. Unfortunatly, the only thing Honda caught was "Seto" and "Honda". It turned out the girl was American.

"Uh, Mokuba?"

"She's wondering why Kaiba didn't come." Otogi jumped in.

"Otogi-chan, I didn't know you spoke English!" Shizuka exclaimed.

"A little..."

"Show off." Jounouchi scoweled.

"Yea, Honda, why didn't Seto come?" Mokuba asked.

"He got busy..."

"With what?! He made a point he was going to come! He took today off especially..."

"Uh... oh, yea, I know..." he lied, "Something just came up, is all."

"That happens a lot with him, Honda. Don't take it personal."

"I didn't...", Even though everyone else seemed to...

Sensing things were starting to get a bit tense again, Anzu decided to step in.

"Going to give that to Kaiba?" she asked playfully. Petting the little stuffed Blue-Eyes he had won.

"Uh, yea, sure.... I guess..." he could feel his cheeks burning off his face and he quickly hid behind the little stuffed animal.

"It might just be me, but, I don't see Kaiba as the stuffed animal type!" Mai laughed, as everyone, including Honda, joined her.

"Yea, you may be right, but what the hell, right?"

"Well, it's going to be three am by the time I get Shizuka home!" Otogi pointed out it was starting to get late.

She hugged her big brother and everyone good bye.

"Later, everyone!" she called back as she and Otogi left for the train.

"I should go too. I'd like to spend a little time with Seto before I have to go home."

As everyone said their good byes, Mokuba noticed Honda seemed unsure of where to go.

"He's still at the office..."

"You sure?"

"It's still early..."

"It's almost midnight!"

"Like I said, it's still early."

"Got ya. Thanks and hey..."

"Yea?"

"She's cute!" Honda nudged him and winked. The poor girl had some sense he was talking about her, as Mokuba blushed profusely.

"Th-thank you..."

"Later!"

Honda looked up to the top floor. Noticing the light, he decided Mokuba must have been right.

Being one of the privileged few - himself and Mokuba - to know how to get in after hours, he let himself in and quickly shut and locked the door.

This place is so big! Awful creepy and quiet at night! Now I really hope Mokuba was right!

He made his way up to the office, ready to knock the realized who else would it be but him or Mokuba this late, so let himself in.

"Seto-chan! I won this... Seto-chan?!"

Kaiba came staggering out of the bathroom; his beautiful blue eyes blood shot and teary, his face pale and soaked in sweat.

"You told me you wouldn't make yourself sick..."

"I'm not sick." he swayed over to Honda and weakly took him in into his arms, "What's this?"

"Oh, I won this at one of those ring toss games... it's... here... for you."

"Thank you, Hiroto-chan! That's very sweet of you..." his strength seemed to increase more and more each time Honda tried to casually break away. He couldn't take the sickening smell coming from Kaiba's chest where he had spilt the scotch.

"What is that?" he finally asked.

"What?"

"That smell... it's making my eyes burn!"

"Oh, nevermind that..." Kaiba's grip was getting tighter and tighter. He was like a boa constrictor; the more Honda struggled, the tighter and closer he pulled him in.

He guided Honda to the sofa, where Honda noticed the empty bottles and stain.

"What?! What the hell...?!"

"Hiroto-chan, I don't expect you to understand my world..."

"Nothing to understand...", he broke free and made his way toward the door, "I'm not dating Jounouchi-san!"

No sooner had the words left his lips did he soon learn to regret allowing it.

Before he even touched the door, he found himself on the floor, his cheek burning. He never even saw it coming.

"How dare you compare me to a Jounouchi!"

"Seto-ch... please..." Honda quickly stood and backed away. Though he was no slouch in a fight, he knew better than to mess with Kaiba.

As Honda backed away with each step Kaiba took toward him, it seemed he was begining to realize what he had done. He slumped on to the sofa and burried his face into his hands.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he cried.

"Seto-chan... I... maybe I should just go. You just rest."

"No! Please don't go!"

"It's getting late and I don't want to go through another two weeks of..." Honda tried to leave again, but somehow found himself pinned to the sofa.

"Please, Hiroto-chan... stay..." Kaiba leaned in and kissed him roughly. He tried again to break away, the taste was unreal; hard liquor and...

Ugh! He did get sick!, "Seto-chan... get off! I have to..." the more he pleaded, the more forceful Kaiba became.

"Stay with me, it's not a school night..."

"I... CAN'T! Seto-chan, just let me go... don't..."

"How long did you think I was going to wait?!"

"What?!"

"We've been together a little over a month now, correct?"

"Y-yea... why? Seto-chan, what's wrong? What's going on?"

"Your nievite is so cute." he took Honda in again for a not-so-gental kiss. Honda was ready to get sick himself and it was no longer from the taste or smell. He knew where this was going, he wasn't that nieve.

"Please! You had a rough night and you let it get to you all day! You need rest! You're sick!"

"Not sick... well, maybe love sick..." he moved the kisses to Honda's neck, at the same time, Honda could feel his pants becoming loosened and he tried to fight again.

"Get off!"

"I'm trying..."

"That's not funny! I have to go!"

"Please stay... I've waited so long..."

"For what?! Seto..." Kaiba was becoming increasingly impatient. He grabbed Honda's wrists and forced them above his head.

"This trying to fight me off thing isn't so cute, Hiroto-chan." He slipped his belt off in one swift motion and began wrapping it around Honda's wrists. Honda tried not to panic, there had to be something he could do or say...

This isn't happening!, "You do this I'll never forgive you!"

"...?!"

"I'll hate you like you've never been hated before!"

"...!!"

"Get off me, please. I swear, when I'm ready, I'll gladly give myself to you... no fighting..."

"Hiroto-chan..." Kaiba loosened up and untied his wrists, "I-I'm... I'm sorry!" he burst into tears. Honda embraced him tightly, trying to reasure him, and himself, everything would be all right.

"You need sleep. Call your limo driver, tell him I'm taking you home. I have my bike, the air will do you good."

"Y... you're... too good... to me..." he could barely speak through his tears, so Honda, to spare his lover's dignity, called the limo for him.

"You're going to be in trouble again. Your parents will never let me see you again if I keep keeping you like this..."

"No, I'll probably just make it. Besides, I have a fifteen minute window I have yet to abuse, so they'll be cool! Let's just get you home, huh?"

"Yes, thank you..."

"No problem.", Gods, what if he tries this again?! Maybe Jounouchi can help with the drinking thing, but, how to do this without getting him worried... shit!