schedule
November 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
tl;dr
schedule
November 17, 2009 at 12:00 AM
WOOT!!! Yami bashing! Loved this chapter but sad they didn't go to the dance. Can't wait for more! xoxo
schedule
November 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
That was an AWESOME update!!! I was so glad to see you had updated, it made my weekend! I loved this chapter as it showed that even Seto can have an overemotional moment too. Though I think most people would hae reacted the same way!
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
xoxo
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
xoxo
schedule
September 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
can't you rewrite chapter 31?... since you're the one who came up with the plot, doesn't that mean you might be able to recall even a small part of it and start from there? It really feels incomplete if it's missing a chapter... please consider... thanks...
schedule
August 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
If I may ask, Won't you be able to recreate chapter 31?
schedule
August 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hello!
First, you should check your formatting. It's very hard to tell who is talking when you keep alternating who talks within a paragraph, and then switch and then switch again. Without even a ," said Joey. ," replied Kaiba.
Also, length is good, so formatting is good. Right now I can read your entire first chapter on my screen - though there are a lot of chapters (which promises length) it is off-putting and seems tiresome to read such short story snippets, click, read short story snippet, click, read, click continuously. Spacing out the text will help amend this. A very easy fix. (almost didn't bother reading, so short.. but .. chapters)
The first chapter seemed unbelievable. I liked your reasoning, the plot of having joey be seto's bought boyfriend for a year is adorable. But 12 million?! For someone seto was all... ehhh...maybe I should get a boyfriend, oh jou for 12 MILLION, sure, why not. I'm not even clear if this is just for Seto lending the millions... or paid in full for the service of being a boyfriend. (I hope it's for the ability to get the loan). And then he was all, oh, but, don't feel pressured, I might make you hold my hand or other things like that but you can stake the details of this transaction if you're uncomfortable. (I'm thinking jou would have to be his sex slave to even hope to try to pay his debt, but no, not even on the table - off, and on the floor under the carpet apparently).
I understand that Seto is being appealing, likely to get Jou after the year, but where's the guy who runs a company?! Who makes solid decisions that run in *his* interest. Surely just having Jou under his control would give him leeway enough to manipulate jou into falling for him. And why is Jou, who is getting this money, even have a say (he *needs* it, seto could kinda sorta do with a boyfriend). Why didn't Seto say, "You also must live with me, you cannot see anyone else." For 12 million dollars in one year he could tell Jou he was the only person to be interacted with the entire time, certainly not be, well, yeah, this is open-ended if you want. Just paying you 12 million dollars, don't worry, you'd still get it if you aren't providing the service I'm asking for.
The logic in how it played out seemed ridiculous. A thousand dollars a month for holding hands, that seems like a rich kids game, could be open ended. It'a a thousand dollars, just take it outta the safe in the house every month but certainly something Jou wouldn't be able to obtain easily. My main concern with this extreme amount is that nothing extreme is being asked in turn. (And why did he say he'd negotiate his already weak terms?) Is that 12 million is a lot of money. In a business that would come out of his shares. Shares of the company go down, people get worried about why K.Corp is suffering, don't buy shares.... worse, find out it was a personal issue - and to buy a boy at that. It's a giant decision that didn't seem weighed, certainly not in his favour.
And if you said, well, he's so rich it's limitless, what's a couple mill - then kaiba would have to EARN all of it, he'd be a very fierce business man and would certainly not give out the 12 mill to someone he's all, ehhh about, without advantages, certainly not giving all the advantages to Jou instead of himself.
I'm sorry, I know I'm half tirading, usually I'm more constructive in my criticism. This was probably written a while ago and nitpicking plausible now probably isn't helpful. But please keep in mind both parties characteristics and why they act like they do. And give definite reasons when someone does something OOC - like toss 12 mill away (he won't see that money again, his company, his company).
But that you've stuck with your fic and wrote so many chapters is truly praise-worthy. A lot must be going on and happening, I've only read the first chapter which must have been setting something specific up. You are sticking with your fic and writing out the progression, that's amazing perseverance. Truly, any author with loyalty to their story and readers are remarkable.
~Happy writings!
~~Draggy2
First, you should check your formatting. It's very hard to tell who is talking when you keep alternating who talks within a paragraph, and then switch and then switch again. Without even a ," said Joey. ," replied Kaiba.
Also, length is good, so formatting is good. Right now I can read your entire first chapter on my screen - though there are a lot of chapters (which promises length) it is off-putting and seems tiresome to read such short story snippets, click, read short story snippet, click, read, click continuously. Spacing out the text will help amend this. A very easy fix. (almost didn't bother reading, so short.. but .. chapters)
The first chapter seemed unbelievable. I liked your reasoning, the plot of having joey be seto's bought boyfriend for a year is adorable. But 12 million?! For someone seto was all... ehhh...maybe I should get a boyfriend, oh jou for 12 MILLION, sure, why not. I'm not even clear if this is just for Seto lending the millions... or paid in full for the service of being a boyfriend. (I hope it's for the ability to get the loan). And then he was all, oh, but, don't feel pressured, I might make you hold my hand or other things like that but you can stake the details of this transaction if you're uncomfortable. (I'm thinking jou would have to be his sex slave to even hope to try to pay his debt, but no, not even on the table - off, and on the floor under the carpet apparently).
I understand that Seto is being appealing, likely to get Jou after the year, but where's the guy who runs a company?! Who makes solid decisions that run in *his* interest. Surely just having Jou under his control would give him leeway enough to manipulate jou into falling for him. And why is Jou, who is getting this money, even have a say (he *needs* it, seto could kinda sorta do with a boyfriend). Why didn't Seto say, "You also must live with me, you cannot see anyone else." For 12 million dollars in one year he could tell Jou he was the only person to be interacted with the entire time, certainly not be, well, yeah, this is open-ended if you want. Just paying you 12 million dollars, don't worry, you'd still get it if you aren't providing the service I'm asking for.
The logic in how it played out seemed ridiculous. A thousand dollars a month for holding hands, that seems like a rich kids game, could be open ended. It'a a thousand dollars, just take it outta the safe in the house every month but certainly something Jou wouldn't be able to obtain easily. My main concern with this extreme amount is that nothing extreme is being asked in turn. (And why did he say he'd negotiate his already weak terms?) Is that 12 million is a lot of money. In a business that would come out of his shares. Shares of the company go down, people get worried about why K.Corp is suffering, don't buy shares.... worse, find out it was a personal issue - and to buy a boy at that. It's a giant decision that didn't seem weighed, certainly not in his favour.
And if you said, well, he's so rich it's limitless, what's a couple mill - then kaiba would have to EARN all of it, he'd be a very fierce business man and would certainly not give out the 12 mill to someone he's all, ehhh about, without advantages, certainly not giving all the advantages to Jou instead of himself.
I'm sorry, I know I'm half tirading, usually I'm more constructive in my criticism. This was probably written a while ago and nitpicking plausible now probably isn't helpful. But please keep in mind both parties characteristics and why they act like they do. And give definite reasons when someone does something OOC - like toss 12 mill away (he won't see that money again, his company, his company).
But that you've stuck with your fic and wrote so many chapters is truly praise-worthy. A lot must be going on and happening, I've only read the first chapter which must have been setting something specific up. You are sticking with your fic and writing out the progression, that's amazing perseverance. Truly, any author with loyalty to their story and readers are remarkable.
~Happy writings!
~~Draggy2
schedule
August 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
WOOT!!! BULK UPDATE!!!!I love how the storu is progressing and even withount chap 31 it still makes heaps of sense and i can't wait to read the next chapter. xoxo
schedule
July 16, 2009 at 12:00 AM
hmmm I don't think the keeping the tapes secret thing is gonna work. Seto specifically hired Marik and Bakura to find those tapes, he KNOWS they exist. and I KNOW he wouldn't like finding out that anyone has watched them, especially if they already knew what they contained before hand. I see this turning very sticky very VERY soon.
schedule
July 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Awww sad to hear that Chapter 31 has been lost to cyberspace, CURSE YOU INTERNET! YOU AND YOUR DAMN WEB! lol Oh well, loved this chapter and I too would run away if Yugi tried to do a friendship speech to me cause seriously that is way too much friendship to take. Eagerly awaiting chapter 32 =D
xoxo
xoxo
schedule
June 16, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Always a pleasure to see you back