Marik, We Know

AN: Hikari Marik is just called Marik in this fic. Ryou is Hikari Bakura, and Bakura is Yami Bakura.

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It had been a while since Ryou's Yami had been destroyed, but not a very long while. Ryou was still deep in his grief. He felt very alone. Of course, it was normal that he feel alone after losing his Yami. But he felt alone even in his grief. That's why he sought out Marik. Marik would understand.



Ryou walked across the sand, approaching Marik cautiously. "Marik..." he said softly.



Marik turned around. For a moment, he looked as if he'd seen a ghost, but he quickly regained his composure. "Ryou," he greeted him laconically. He projected an air of formality and detachment.



Ryou was a bit disconcerted by Marik's initial response, despite the fact that he had expected this sort of thing. Marik was now looking at him questioningly. Ryou said, a bit nervously, "I can't talk to any of the others."



"Then why talk to me?" asked Marik. He sounded cold and standoffish.



It unnerved Ryou to be spoken to so harshly, but he knew he had to press on. "Marik...the others are glad my Yami is dead. He was their enemy; they saw him as evil. But it's different for me. I know he did some bad things...but there were things in his past that gave him good reason to do a lot of the things he did. And besides...he cared about me. He protected me before. I know it sounds strange, but he was kind of like a brother to me. I loved him. Like family," Ryou finished.




Marik looked somewhat shaken, but again he seemed to compose himself. "And that still doesn't explain why you're telling me these things," said Marik. Ryou thought Marik's tone seemed a little gentler now, but he could have just been imagining it.



"I know you worked with my Yami. I know you two spent a lot of time together. You were partners. The others can't relate to my sadness...but you're different. You get it," said Ryou.



"And what makes you think I'm sad?!" said Marik defensively. Ryou just looked at him with round, sorrowful eyes.



Marik sighed in resignation. "I suppose there's no sense playing it tough, is there? After all, I'm one of the "good guys" now, aren't I? Being tough doesn't suit me anymore."



"I think it suits you," said Ryou shyly.



Marik seemed to ignore Ryou's comment. "Yes, we were partners," Marik said, sounding bitter.




"You were partners; you were close," confirmed Ryou.



"More than you know," said Marik, and laughed ironically.



"Marik..." said Ryou, "I do know. You don't know this, but...sometimes, when my Yami was in control, I was aware of what was going on. Sometimes I could even influence him. After all, he cared for me, so he listened to my input at times. Besides, he'd tell me things."



"You mean you..." said Marik. His eyes were large with shock.



"Yes, I know you two were together. And my Yami loved you, Marik. He was so much in love with you. And I...I could feel his feelings. So I really do know how much," said Ryou.



Marik's defenses finally came down. "You could feel..." he broke off. "I do miss him, Ryou. I loved him, too."




"I know you did," said Ryou. "That's why I came. Because you understand. I only hope that seeing me isn't painful for you. You know, because I look so much like him."



"It's not painful, exactly," said Marik thoughtfully. "It's...bittersweet. Seeing you, in a way...it's like a part of him is still here."



"A part of him is still here, Marik," said Ryou. "Because he was a part of me. In some sense, he'll always be here, inside me."



Marik pondered this for a moment. "Yeah...yeah, I guess I get that," said Marik. The wind ruffled Ryou's hair. Pale wisps fluttered over his eyes, and Marik wanted to reach out and brush them away, the way he'd always done before. "You look so much like him," said Marik in awe, as if noticing it for the first time.



Ryou nodded solemnly. The death of his Yami had made him much more serious and grave. "I wanted to be near someone else who shares my grief," said Ryou. "Someone else who...lost his other half. Because he was your other half, too."



Marik closed his eyes. He was going to cry. He didn't want to cry. Ryou moved to hug him, and Marik allowed it. There was nothing sexual in Ryou's hug; just comfort and strength. 'How could this little Hikari be the strong one?' thought Marik. They stood and embraced in the glow of the sunset.




"I'll cry with you," whispered Ryou. Ryou's tears came, and this finally allowed Marik to let go, to let out all he'd been feeling since the loss of his love, and he cried as well. They clung to each other in shared sorrow.



When there were no more tears, they separated, and wordlessly they sat down next to each other. They sat in silence for a long while. Eventually, darkness fell. The night was clear, and stars shone overhead.



"Thanks," said Marik stiffly. He was embarrassed now.



"I should thank you," said Ryou. Ryou's hand sought Marik's, and Marik took it gladly.



"I'll never forget him," said Ryou. "He'll always be in my heart, but you...you're like the one link I have to him in the physical world." Marik nodded in total understanding. Ryou thought that Marik's lavender eyes looked beautiful in the moonlight. "I honestly hope this doesn't sound horrible," Ryou continued, "but as I said, I could feel what he felt. And..."



"And sometimes, you were aware of things when he was in control of your body," Marik finished for him. "Sometimes...you were there with me when he was."




Ryou looked at him guiltily. "I didn't mean to intrude...it wasn't a choice for me, it just happened sometimes. We were so close. The closer we became, the more often we shared awareness at the same time. And my Yami didn't mind. But he was afraid you might. And it wasn't exactly something we could help. We should have told you. I know he planned to, eventually. He was just afraid of what you'd think."



Marik actually laughed. It was the first time in a while that he had laughed. "I think I just would have been surprised! I mean, you're so sweet and innocent! I can't imagine you being there when we..."



"Love is innocent," Ryou broke in primly.



"I was going to say, I can't imagine you being there when we were concocting evil schemes! What did you think I meant? Not so innocent after all, are you?" Marik was smiling. Ryou blushed deeply. "Well, still innocent enough to blush, I guess," said Marik. "I suppose sweet and innocent does have its charms." Ryou looked down and blushed even more. "Hell, I guess I always kind of thought so," Marik continued. "Remember when your arm was hurt, and I was holding you up, trying to help you? Our arms were around each other, and you were just so cute and helpless, and I wanted to make it better, to protect you. But now you're the one helping me."



"You're helping me, too," said Ryou. "Besides, I'm not that sweet and innocent." Marik rolled his eyes playfully at Ryou's words. "Well, alright, I suppose I am," said Ryou. "But I did help my Yami sometimes, because I understood why he was doing what he was doing. I didn't always like what he did, but I can see more than black and white. I didn't totally dislike being along for the ride during your so-called evil plans. I felt conflicted at times, yes, but as I said...there's more than just black and white in this world. I wanted my friends to be safe, but I wanted justice for my Yami as well. Maybe that's even what makes me sweet and innocent...caring about all my friends and being able to see everyone's side at once. And I always cared about you, too."




Marik raised his eyebrows at this last. "Did you?" he asked.



"Yeah," said Ryou. "I do remember when my arm was hurt and you were helping me. It was...nice. You know now that I was there with you sometimes when my Yami was in control, but actually being near you while I was in control myself was a more intense feeling, in a way. Not that it wasn't intense when my Yami was with you...I could feel his feelings so strongly..." Ryou leaned towards Marik, almost unconsciously, until their shoulders were touching. Marik breathed in his scent. Ryou smelled the same as Bakura, the same as he always had when Marik was with him. Marik felt an ache in his chest. He wanted to be closer that scent, to this body.



Hesitantly, Marik leaned in and brushed his lips against Ryou's. He noted that Ryou did not stiffen or pull away. He leaned in again, but this time it was only to rest his forehead against Ryou's. Ryou's arms came up and encircled Marik, and Marik responded in kind. He was compelled to kiss Ryou again, and this time he lingered a little longer at Ryou's lips. After he pulled his head back, he looked into Ryou's eyes. They were a deep brown, and there was beauty in them...but they weren't Bakura's eyes. He could see that.



"Gods, this is wrong," said Marik. "Is this wrong?" he asked Ryou.



"I don't think so," said Ryou. "I knew my Yami better than anyone, and I think he would have liked this. I know this may sound very odd to you, but he sort of thought of you as...ours. Both mine and his."




Marik looked contemplative. "That's good to know. Really good. That he wouldn't mind this, I mean. But still, being with you...it's not...it's not the same."



"Marik, you don't have to do this if you don't want to," said Ryou. "I'm the last person who would ever try to push anyone to do anything. That was the sort of thing my Yami might do, but not me. And that's the thing- I'm not my Yami. He and I did share many things in common, not the least of which was our physical appearance. We shared thoughts, and we shared feelings. But there were many differences between us, as well. We were never the same person. He'll always be a part of me, but I'm not him. You can't ever expect me to be a replacement for him- I know better than anyone that he can never be replaced. So no, it's not the same. You and I have something in common- we both loved my Yami very much, though in quite different ways. But there's more than that between us, at least for me. Believe me, Marik, my feelings for you began long before this day. And I couldn't bear it if all you wanted to do was to pretend that I was him."



Marik thought for a long time, and Ryou was respectfully silent. Ryou tried not to stare, but it was difficult to keep himself from noticing Marik's lithe form, his exposed stomach, his golden hair. But no, now was not the time for that. And Ryou had significantly more self-control than his Yami had had. Ryou turned his face upwards and stared at the small sliver of moon that shone in the sky. The wind blew, stirring the sand around them, the cold air easily getting underneath the thin fabric that both boys were wearing. Ryou shivered. Marik noticed this, and instinctively moved nearer to Ryou, drawing him close in order to warm him.



"Marik?" Ryou questioned.



"Well," said Marik, "you did say that Bakura wanted me to be both of yours. I guess now I really can be." He laughed softly. "I admit, being close to you makes me feel closer to him, as if he's not totally gone...but you're right, I can't pretend that you're him, because you're not. You're a different person...and as I said, I always did think you had your...charms."



Ryou smiled shyly and snuggled closer to Marik. Marik looked into Ryou's eyes again, and this time, instead of only seeing the absence of Bakura, he saw what was there. Ryou was so soft and sweet and innocent. Yeah, he'd always liked that. That aura of innocence made Marik feel protective, but it also made him feel...other things. Marik smiled, and the smile was mischievous, maybe a little evil. Was it wrong that he longed to turn that innocence into experience? He could do things to Ryou that Ryou had never experienced before...at least, things he'd never been able to experience fully, while being in control of his own body. Ryou had been mentally present during some of Bakura's sexual encounters with Marik, and he'd said that the experiences were intense for him. But Ryou had also said that he'd gotten an even more intense feeling when he and Marik had merely had their arms around each other- because Ryou had been in control of his own body at that time. He obviously had not been able to experience anything close to the full intensity of sex and intimate touch during the times when Bakura was in control. For all intents and purposes, Ryou was an untouched virgin. The things they could do together would actually be new for Ryou, and Ryou would feel things far more powerful than anything he'd felt before. If the simple closeness of having their arms around each other had been intense for Ryou, then Marik could do things with him that would drive him out of his mind. Marik thought about it, and he was positive that Bakura would have liked that idea.




As long as he didn't forget that Ryou's innocence meant he needed to be protected, as well. Bakura had obviously cared deeply for Ryou, and he would never want Marik to hurt him. Marik's respect for his late lover would never allow him to harm Ryou. And Marik found that he didn't want to hurt Ryou, anyways, for reasons that were completely his own. Ryou was gentle, and shy...being with him would definitely be different, but he thought it could be nice in its own unique way. Maybe more than just nice.



And he had been staring at Ryou for much too long now. He didn't need to think about it anymore. Marik's eyes fluttered closed as he leaned in and met Ryou's lips with his own.