Wounded Tears Of My Pain

(Author's Note: The worst possible thing happened to me when I was a freshman in high school...my mother found this story, lying on my bed after I had just printed it off...yeah...it was a hard one to explain, so I told her I wrote it a long time ago, and that I wasn't like that anymore hehe. Well, here it is, back again! Beat that mom!)

~


((All my life I’ve been waiting for you to bring a fairytale my way…))

Chapter 1 - Living Fear

Life is a fuck without your own family. Hell sure yeah, Mokuba is my family…if that’s what you call it…but not to me…not really. I was adopted you see, and I have no real patience for people who get in my way. Just like him.

Joey Wheeler.

That handsome, but prick like attitude allures me to him…even though he doesn’t know it. He has no clue at all… Not a single clue. I’m watching him run the track now…watching him on this stupid bench. Day to day, night to night…just…sitting.

I really don’t know why I do it. Maybe I’m just stupid or bored, and like taking my time watching this pathetic fool run in circles…or maybe…it was something else. I can’t put my fingers on it…but something in me is starting to flicker again.

I used to be lit, but since I lost my family nothing is like it used to be. It happened along time ago, I know that; and I know I should be over it and all, but your mind is strange. It’s like a book; it has a million pages and memories, and maybe some torn out pages that you’ve forgotten over the years… It’s a very hard thing to read or explain. I don’t know why I’ve never forgotten my parents or how to explain it, but…how would you explain other things; like love. What makes one’s mind love or want to not let go…maybe love causes it all in the start. Is love all that grand?

My real name is Kamori. Kamori Kaiba. The Kaiba family adopted me and named me Seto when I was small. It went by last name order, and Mr. Gozaburo had to have “everything in immaculate order”. Or at least that was his saying to us. I was to “train” Mokuba, and teach them “proper obedience”. Before I was adopted, my foster home was not as fun as I expected when I was a little kid. I grew up there. And I never stop thinking about that horrible place. Not one waking moment.

“Ahh…why the fuck am I sitting here for?”

I gradually sit up and grab my stuff. I feel as though his eyes are on me, but I pass on by, trying not to think.

I’ll think I’ll take a trip up there again…yeah. It’s been a while.

***

The building’s gotten a little older looking…its shutters that unforgettable red. I hold my suitcase in hand. My knees are starting to buckle…the sweat making it’s way to my forehead. It’s not even that hot, but the beginning of fall season. The autumn leaves are on the ground, slaying around my boots…the creaking and swaying noises of the old mansion are sending wavering chills up my spine. I look at every little detail of the place…the gate with it’s broken up chain; the cobble stone path leading it’s way to the main doors. They are made out of black iron with their rusty doorknockers…the roof made of plain red and white bricks…yeah, I remember.

((…I’m living in a fantasy without meaning. It’s not ok… I don’t feel safe.))

I feel as though I’m standing here all over again, getting ready to walk in. I find myself going through flashbacks, sauntering through the corridors of the old place…it’s pretty much abandoned now. But in a way, it’s always been like that.

I shuffle my feet, putting my weight on my left foot. The pain is coming back again. My boots make a slight scuffing noise and I cringe at the most painful memory in my life.
I turn around because I heard a noise behind me. It was…Joey.

“Seto? What are you doing here?”

I’m in one of my moods again, and don’t feel like explaining myself, so I really don’t even answer him.

The wind of fall blows through our hair as I turn around to face him again, eyes boring deep into his soul. I often hear people can tell how I feel because my eyes have this “powerful” emotion. I hope he notices too…

I feel…like shit and hell all rolled into one. But…Wheeler…he’s almost in the same boat as me.

“Seto…it’s chilly. Why don’t ya get out of the cold?”

“I’m fine.”

I made sure I made eye contact with him, again with the eye thing. He just smiled, his chocolate eyes glistening…

“Look…I know we don’t talk much but…maybe ya can talk to me more? It might-”

“Look Wheeler-I don’t know who you think you are, but you can’t just go walk up to someone and decide you can tell then all your secrets. You have to earn it!”

I stormed away…but, he was following me.

((Left broken empty in despair, wanna breath can’t find there, thought you were sent from up above…))

“Wait-Seto! I didn’t mean anything by it! Please stop!”

For some reason, I stopped.

“What!”

“Look…you need help Seto. You’re not well…”

My eyes went down. I felt something cool pricking at my wrists…oh shit, not again.

***

“Three places in one night, I’m surprised Kaiba.” Joey laughed.

My eyes were beady. Why oh WHY did I have to cut myself again? I guess I was squeezing my arm so tight I broke skin…I sighed…Why did this have to happen now, especially with Joey around…

It was silent in the room…I could tell Wheeler was trying to make conversation. I slightly looked up at him.

“Do you ever do this?”

He was taken back a little, I could tell, but once again, he only smiled at me.

“Yes…sometimes…when I get stressed and all. But…I don’t let it ruin my life.”

“I didn’t say that it did.”

The doctor came in.

“Ahh, Mr. Keba.”

“Kaiba,” I seethed.

“Yesss…Mr. Kaiba. Um…do you know what happened?”

“I…was…thinking…”

“Thinking huh? What did I tell you? Thinking too hard is too much on your head right now Mr., Ke-Kaiba.”

I saw Joey giving me an odd stare. He moved over to the doctor.

((…but you and me never had love, so much more I have to say, help me find a way…))

“What do ya mean doc?”

“Well, Mr. Kaiba here has had some memory lapses. His brain is physically worked out if you should say.”

“So ya mean, if I worked my butt off all day I could have that too?”

“As a matter of fact yes, and you HAVE been known to do that yourself Mr. Katsuya.”

Katsuya? Joey’s name wasn’t Wheeler?

“Oh…”

Joey trailed off. Whaddya know, the mutt trails off too…

“So…doctor, when can I get out of here,” I asked impatiently.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Now I guess, just be careful. I’m going to give you some Isotonoxide medicine for the pain.”

Joey quickly swirled around to the doctor.

“Pain! Wha-what pain?!”

I smiled. The doctor put his hands up in defense.

“Whoa-whoa Joey, don’t worry, only a little pain, that’s all. Nothing to worry about!”

Joey sighed. He cared, but my heart…always wouldn’t let him.

“I’m fine doctor! I can take a little-”

“Nonsense Mr. Kaiba! You NEED this medicine. Joey…I want you to take Seto to your place for the night. I hear we might be getting some winter snow already.”

“Already?! Damn…”

Joey rubbed the back of his neck too…then I started to notice…the similarity between them…and the fact that the doctor knew Joey before…

“Wait. Joey do you know him?”

They took a glance at one another then burst out in laughter. I felt like an idiot and shrunk down in my seat some. The doctor put a hand on my shoulder.

“Joey is my nephew!”

“…Oh!”

I smiled slightly and so did Joey.

“Finally, he smiled,” Joey sighed.

((And I wonder if you know, how it really feels to be left outside alone, when it’s cold out here…))

I blushed slightly as his gaze lingered on me a little. I felt like melting into his eyes. Doctor Jimmy London looked at us I think, the winked at Joey. Joey fumed slightly with a pout only a mother dog could love…well, maybe not only a dog…

Then it dawned on me again.

“Wait what? Go over to Joey’s place?”

“Yeah,” he put a hand on me, “why not? He has some space, I think you’ll be welcome! Right Joe?”

Joe?

“Yeah…right.”

He was flushed as much as I was, I just wasn’t showing it. Is it true you can blush on the inside? He sounded a little agitated as he picked up my suitcase quickly.

“Let’s get a move on Kaiba!”

Oh Mr. Mutt was ordering me now? I wasn’t moving. He turned and looked at me.

“Seto!”

“Fine-shit don’t yell!”

I saw him smile. We usually fought all the time. In school…in collage…everywhere. Even in the oddest of places. Once on a hoarse back ride. We were 15 and in high school. It was some sort of play day event and he pulled me on a ride, declaring HE could ride it better than me. Turns out he was right. I fell on my ass that day.

I followed him out to his car. When was I in his car? Man I was going nuts…

He shoved my belongings inside the trunk then slammed it shut, running around to the driver’s door. He unlocked it and unlocked my door. I hopped in and we sped off.

I retorted to grabbing the side of the car while he drove. What a maniac! But I think he noticed cause after a while he slowed down. What was he so pissed about?

“Hey, Katsuya?”

He shot his eyes at me with a glare.

“What?”

“What’s with the name? I thought you were always Wheeler.”

“Wheeler was my mother’s last name. I like it better.”

He trailed off, and I could see slight pain in those eyes of his. I wanted to make him feel better… I knew about his past…I’d just stop having to bother him about it. I know how it feels…

((…Well maybe you should know just how it feels, to be left outside alone…))

“Hey…thanks.”

His eyebrows went up.

“You, thanking me? Wow Seto…”

His voice was tainted in sarcasm. I was starting to get pissed off now.

“Hey, what’s your problem Katsuya?”

“Don’t you EVER call me that!”

I backed off. His voice…was so full of hate. I heard his father was a drunk, and a pretty bad one to boot. I winced. I forgot about the bandages. Joey looked over and sighed sympathetically. He gently took my wrists and placed them by the heater.

“Here, this helps.”

He was still a little angry, but I guess he was getting relaxed. I honestly wondered what was wrong with him. Did I offend him by calling him Katsuya?

“Hey…mutt…”

“Joey.”

I sighed.

“Fine, JOEY, why are you ticked?”

He was quiet for a moment, then began:

“Well…I wish people can tell me when shit like this bothers them.”

“You don’t know WHAT’S bothering me.”

He sighed now and placed one hand on the steering wheel. The car swerved slightly and I tensed up. But…I liked the way he looked with one hand on the wheel…

“Then tell me.”

Just plain and sweet to the point. I blushed and shifted slightly.

((I tell you: all my life I’ve been waiting for you to bring a fairytale my way…))

“Um…about what?”

“Ahh-Seto! Just…”

He looked down.

“Just fucking tell me what’s bothering you. You never do. How long have we been dating now huh?”

“Almost a year.”

“So…don’t you think you can tell me?”

“Only if you give me sex.”

“Seto!”

He blushed like a tomato. We never have really kissed or had any sexual intimacy yet…he was shy when it came to that stuff. I wasn’t…or at least I didn’t want to be.

“Look Seto, you better tell me…or…or…”

“You’ll what?”

“Ahh, I don’t know-but you better tell me!”

I sat up and looked at him. He was looking at the road and I was starting to get pissed off. He never looked at me when I talked to him. He just always tries to run away from my eyes. I finally had it and grabbed the wheel, making the car go to the side of the road. Joey made a slight squeaking noise and fell into my lap. I felt his breath on me…somewhere I shouldn’t mention…

((I’m living in a fantasy without meaning.))

He panted slightly, and then lifted up glaring out the window. I was panting too, but only from anger.

“Look at me damnit Joey!”

He slowly looked at me, taking a second while he turned the car off. He threw the keys angrily in the back of the car.

“What!?”

I sighed.

“Look Joey. I know…I don’t say much…and I’m sorry ok? I…oh never mind.”

He looked at me now. I usually never say sorry, unless I really mean it. I looked down at my knees as they started to shake.

“Seto...I just worry. I love you so damn much!”

He suddenly pulled me into him, and I blushed from the sudden contact.

“Se-Seto I…I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you…if you died…if you weren’t here,” he choked up, “I would never EVER forgive myself! I would die and strangle myself to death knowing that I couldn’t save you! Save my-my lover!”

He cried gently. I leaned up, grabbing his wrists in my hands. His eyes bored into mine, chocolate meeting blueberry. He sniffled slightly as I leaned forward, placing my lips on his eyelids, kissing away his warm tears.

“Oh Joey…I’m sorry. Don’t worry about me anymore baby. I’ll be fine.”

“N-no I wont Seto! You don’t understand!”

“What don’t you understand,” I asked reassuringly.

He was starting to go hysteric on me, and I was getting a little scared. It was blizarding outside the window, and it was starting to get cold in the car. I worried about Joey and how sensitive he was to temperatures. I took a hold on his hands.

“Joey-listen. Right now we should go home. We need to get out of this weather ok?”

He sniffled again and looked out the window. I was looking at his face. I hated seeing him in so much pain. His nose was a light red from crying, and I now noticed that he had also been crying before…was all this my fault?

((Why do you play me like a game, always someone else to blame…))

“Come on babe. Move over, we’ll switch seats. I’ll drive.”

“Seto-no! Your wrists!”

“I’ll be fine Joey…it’s ok…” I said lightly rubbing his shoulders.

He finally nodded then uncomfortably we switched places. He gave me a little more room to get over into the drivers seat.

It was a silent trip to Joey’s and it took us a little while longer. Joey gave me directions here and there, telling me where to turn and whatnot. I was more worried about how nervous he was acting. Did I worry him that much? Well…I guess I would considering I probably gave him a heart attack when he saw my wrists. I don’t even remember doing it. I got so frustrated at myself, and couldn’t contain it any longer.

“Joey. The place you saw me standing at, was my old foster home.”

It got even quieter as we drove on. He looked up at me slowly.

“So…is that what you were thinking about?”

“Yeah…but…it was a horrible place Joey. I never want to go back there.”