Glycerine

**song lyrics**
There are pretty much no spoken words in this fic. It's all just thought and lyrics.

This is a sequel…well a perspective change of my fic “Passive aggressive bullshit” it’s as song fic. It’s Ryou’s perspective and thoughts on the events occurring. The song is By moist and it’s called “Glycerine”. Enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Must be your skin that I'm sinkin’ in
Must be for real cause now I can feel
and I didn't mind
it's not my kind
not my time to wonder why**
So here it starts again, I can hear you very clearly. Your voice is smooth, like smoke and it slowly rises around taking me in. I feel the sinking deep inside me, an image of you flashing through my mind over and over again. I love to see, to hear, to feel you because I know that your actually here, not a ghost, a spirit like you have been for so long. I haven’t questioned this gift, it seems like a blessing somehow when you hold me tight enough that my bones ache. When you push so hard, and force me…It’s not my kind of love, but I don’t mind it because I love you too. I’m not sure how many times you call me, before I’m able to answer. Before I’m able to get my legs respond and by body to scuttle from the shadows in which it hid

**everything's gone white
and everything's grey **
. From the shadows…The shadows that seem to be a part of you. I know it’s coming, even as beckon me over, even as you unzip your fly. Before I know it your hand flies and the world fades away from white, to grey to black. And I open my eyes again, and I’m crying and I’m hating, I could stop you…I should stop you. But aren’t those who love supposed to hurt you the most? Is that why your love hurts so much? I can’t help but cry now, I love you. I want you. I need you…I hate you.

**Now your here now you away
I don't want this
remember that
I'll never forget where your at
don't let the days go by
glycerine**
I can barely take it anymore. I don’t want this hurt anymore, sometimes I wonder if I can handle your love. I look into your eyes, and I’m looking for your reason. Pleading with you, I know you can see it in my eyes. See that I don’t want this pain anymore, that I don’t know what ask of me, don’t know how to give you what you want. You come and go like the rains, leaving destruction in your wake. Can you remember a time when it wasn’t like this, when you weren’t like this? Can you remember the place where you heart was pure and your eyes untainted. I’ve seen that place in your dreams and I’ll never forget it. Don’t let that time fade away, don’t let the centuries, the years, the months, the days go by until u can remember where you started and who you were. Don’t let the deserts of the past dry you out into a bitter crisp.

**I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
are you at one
or do you lie**
I can feel you inside me, around me and the pain is so overwhelming I can hardly breathe. You’ve always told that I’d never be alone. That no matter how much I needed, I’d never be rid of you. You’ve always told me, that you live in my heart and in body, and in bones and in my blood. You’ve always shown me that you own me and that just as the shadows are rooted in your heart, you are rooted in my mind. But as your pain overtakes me, I drown in it. I wish you could understand that you I’m alone in this pain…all the time. What were you trying to tell me? Did you lie? Are you mocking me, like you mock all the rest. Do you hate me, like you hate all the rest?

**we live in a wheel
where everyone steals
but when we rise it's like strawberry fields**
You tread in the world around you as though you sit in a merry-go-round of deceit and thievery. You lie to the world with you acts of vengeance to hide pain. And you steal my life, my love and my reason from me to justify your confused emotions. Why can’t you love me? Why won’t you love me? Why can’t you accept what it is you want from me? And not try to hide it behind anger.

**If I treated you bad
you bruise my face
couldn't love you more
you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by
could have been easier on you
I coudn't change though I wanted to
could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
glycerine (repeat)
don't let the days go by
glycerine**
Why can’t I turn and face you? How could I disappoint you? When you hold me so tightly I can barely move, I can feel the scars forming in my brain; can feel my body bruising as you thrust. But your lips taste like heaven, no matter how bloody they make mine. I know I could never love another as I love you. I’m sorry that I disappoint you, and that I can’t turn and face you. But you need to turn and face yourself; you need to see what you do. Understand what you are, maybe that way you’d be easier. Maybe that way my fear would be easier for you to accept. Maybe it would become easier to accept that I can’t change in the face of you…for you… no matter how much I want to. You’ll just have make room for my fear. If you love…if you can love…

**I needed you more
when we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress**
You’re done now, and you look me briefly. There is pain you eyes and you seem like you might cry. As though I’ve betrayed and that this is really over. Over….over, that I might never see you again. I’ve never needed you more then when you’re done and ready to leave, you’ve never needed less then you’re done and ready to leave. I can’t follow you, and cannot rise to hold you, to touch your skin, or to kiss those lips that I love so much.

**it might just be
clear simple and plain
that's just fine
that's just one of my names
don't let the days go by
could've been easier on you
glycerine**
It may seem obviously clear to you. That all I am in the end is a scared little boy, and I guess you’re right. I guess that’s all I really am, but all you really are, all you have become is a monster. Look back. Look back at these days sometime and maybe you’ll realize that just as you’ve loved me, I’ve loved you. Look back at these days at what we ask of each other. Doesn’t it go against our nature? So, remember just as I’ve betrayed you, you’ve betrayed me.