I want out
folder
Yu-Gi-Oh › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
3,255
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Yu-Gi-Oh › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
3,255
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
What happened?
Ok, my first YuGiOh! Fic so be nice! I’m just writing this because I have writer’s block …
I’m from Sweden so I might have grammar/spelling errors. Since I don’t know the Japanese names of the characters I’ll use those we have here in Sweden. Hopefully you’ll not notice any differences.
This fic lives on reviews just to let you know.
Warnings: Yaoi, crossdressing, BDSM, violence and more…
//Yugi, Ryou//
/Yami, Bakura/
OoOo
Flash back
OoOo
‘Thoughts’
“Speech”
Xxxx
I want out
Chapter one: What happened?
Xxxx
Yami stared out through the large window as he trailed his fingers across the cold glass. Sighing he let his gaze drop. He still couldn’t believe what had happened.
OoOo
Everything had started as normal. Yugi had gone to school with his friends and afterwards they had gone out to eat. Things hadn’t been all that peaceful when Yami Bakura decided he wanted to play a little. After many threats from his light, the old thief had gone back to his, muttering some Egyptian curses while doing so. After dinner they had decided to go to the game hall, nothing out of the ordinary, until Kaiba showed up.
Ice blue eyes glared down at the group as Kaiba approached them with long strides. He didn’t wear his usual white coat, instead he wore a black leather coat that were almost identical to his white one. He wore black tight fitting jeans and a blood red shirt and on his hands he wore black fingerless gloves. His eyes were partly hidden behind black sunglasses. The older teen’s face was slightly paler then it usually was. “I was looking for you, Yugi” he said, his face expressionless.
Joey frowned. “Why do you always have to show up when we are having a great time, hu? Jealous that we can smile in public?” he asked. After so many months and things that had happened, Joey’s anger for Kaiba never seemed to vanish…
Seto snorted but never left Yugi with his glare. “Stay out from this pup if you know what’s good for you. I came to challenge you, Mouto. Right here, right now”
Yugi shivered at the cold glare he received and took a step closer to Yami. “Look, Kaiba, I’m not interested in a duel right now. I want to be with my friends and have some fun. We can duel another day” he said, trying to sound tougher then he felt at the moment. Never before had Seto’s glare made him feel so small.
Yami glared at Seto. Something about the teen was not right. The way Seto was looking at his light made him feel uneasy. /Be careful, Yugi. I don’t know what Kaiba has up his sleeve but whatever it is it can’t be good/
Yugi looked up at his slightly taller copy. //Yeah, I get what you mean. I wonder why Kaiba challenges me and not you when you are standing before him. I don’t like this one bit// Yugi agreed before turning back to the brunette before them. Ever since Kaiba had found out about Yami he had only challenged him and left Yugi alone.
Seto took of his glasses with one smooth motion of his hand and with his other he brought out a deck from his inner coat pocket. “Who ever said that I was going to duel you, Yugi? What I want is to challenge you in a small game” he said, his face still as expressionless as it had been before.
Ryou could feel the tension in the air and he wasn’t alone.
/Game? Did he say ‘Game’?/ Bakura wondered in his mind link. It had been so long since he had been available to use his shadow powers and his fingers itched for blood.
Ryou frowned. //Bakura, no. Leave this to Yugi. There is no need to bring forth a Shadow Game just because Kaiba wants to challenge Yugi// the small white haired teen told his darkness. After being with Bakura for so long he had learned to be less afraid and more stubborn with the thief.
Bakura frowned and snorted. /Why does the Pharaoh always get to have fun while I sit here and rot? It is just so unfair/
//Bakura, you whined// Ryou pointed out before concentrating on the group before him.
Bakura ran a hand through his hair and ‘hn’ed. /I don’t whine/ he sent back and emerged from his ring. “Much better. Now I can see Kaiba’s face when Yugi beats him from the first row” he smirked.
Ryou looked at his dark and lifted an eyebrow. “You are cheering on Yugi? I thought you hate him” he said, somewhat confused. He never seemed to understand his darkness.
Bakura shook his head. “True, I hate Yugi as much as I hate the pharaoh, but the high priest is slightly higher on my hate list”
Seto held out the deck to the younger boy and the tiniest smile appeared on his lips. “Are you up for the challenge?”
Yugi eyed the deck and the lifted his glance. “What kind of game are you talking about?” he asked.
Seto gave Joey the deck without looking at him. “Shuffle it well, dog” he said and then let his arm drop. “Before I explain the rules of the game, I want to know if you accept my challenge”
Joey was slightly surprised when Seto gave him his deck. Flipping it he looked through the deck. ‘What a lousy deck! Only a few good cards in this and no magic cards. This deck looks like a beginner’s deck and that is unusual for a man like Kaiba. I wonder what he is up to’ he thought. He didn’t want to admit that this deck looked like the one he had been using before Yugi showed him how to make a perfect deck.
Tristan looked over Joey’s shoulder. “Is that truly Kaiba’s deck? It is so lousy. Still better then Bakura’s deck though” the brunette said, not having noticed that the said spirit had emerged from his ring.
Bakura lifted an eyebrow and placed a hand on Tristan’s shoulder. “Want to know how lousy my deck is in a shadow game? If not you better watch your tongue, worm” he said, feeling the boy tense under his hand.
Tristan looked at Bakura before backing of. “Sorry, I didn’t mean what I said ok? Don’t send me to the shadow realm” He could remember still when Bakura had transformed them into duel monsters and he had gone to the grave yard. Not a very happy memory.
Bakura smirked but he didn’t escape the warning glare Ryou send his way. “For this once, I’ll let it slide” /What? I was just trying to have some fun!/ he sent to his light.
Ryou didn’t look at him. //Leave them alone if you want stake tonight. If you even dare to touch Tristan or anyone else you can forget about both stake and desert//
Bakura sighed and went back to stand beside his light. /I’ll be nice just for the stake/
Yugi looked at Seto and nodded once. “Alright, I accept. Now tell me the rules”
Seto took the deck from Joey and gave it to Tea. “Divide this in two piles and give me and Yugi five cards each from each pile. Don’t look at the cards. The rules are simple. We take the five cards your friend gives us. There are only monsters in the deck. We aren’t allowed to look at them. We will both flip one card at the time. The one with the weakest monster must discard the card from your hand. Only Attack points counts. The one with the most cards left in their hand wins” he said and took the five cards Tea handed him.
Yugi took his cards and placed them face down in one of his palms. “Alright. If I win I want you to leave us alone for at least a month. It is getting tiring to be challenged by you six days a week” he said and looked at Seto.
Seto nodded and a small smile appeared once again on his face. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone if you win, but if I win…” he ended and flipped his first card. 1000 AT. “..I want your puzzle. Spirit and all…”
Yami took a sharp breath and growled. “Why are you after the puzzle?! You have never been interested in it before!” he snapped. How did Kaiba have the nerve to challenge Yugi for the puzzle… and him for that matter.
Yugi was shocked. Had he heard Kaiba correctly? “Did you just say that you wanted my puzzle and Yami?” he asked. Receiving a nod he clutched his beloved Puzzle. “But if you are after the puzzle and Yami, why didn’t you challenge him? It is after all Yami’s puzzle” he asked.
Seto just smiled. “I have my reasons which I won’t say. Your turn, Yugi”
Yugi looked at his dark. ‘I have to win! For Yami’s sake!’ he thought and turned his card. 1200 AT. ‘So far so good’ “I win. You must discard your monster” he said.
Seto placed the card to the side and flipped his next card. 2000 AT. “You were lucky but the match is far from over. We still have four cards left and this monster is pretty strong” he said and looked as Yugi flipped his second card. Blue eyes looked up to meet amethyst ones. “Too bad. Only 1500 AT. The card to the side please” he said calmly.
Bakura looked over Yami’s shoulder and sighed. “I thought this battle would be bloodier then this. All they can get here is a paper cut or something like that” he muttered to the other darkness.
Yami glared at Bakura. “My light is duelling for my puzzle and you want blood? I thought Ryou had gotten you of that track” he said and looked back at the game.
The white haired thief just snorted. “Yeah right… Ryou can’t get me to stop my favourite hobby. I must say that I’m glad that he is after your millennium item and not mine. I would send myself to the shadow realm if he had challenged Ryou” he said and looked back at his light. “I don’t know why the high priest is interested in the puzzle all of a sudden, but I don’t like it”
Yami looked at Bakura and gave him a smile. “Have you gone good all of a sudden or are you just acting this way because Ryou is watching you? You haven’t told him yet, haven’t you?” Yami asked. He knew that the white haired thief was head over heals in love with his white haired light. Oh, how often hadn’t he tried to talk Bakura into admitting his feeling?
Bakura snorted and turned his head to the side. “I’m leaving!” he snapped and vanished back to his ring, watching the fight from there.
Yami sighed at Bakura’s behaviour. The white haired thief could act like a child sometimes.
Yugi stared into Kaiba’s eyes as the blue eyed teen flipped his next card. 1400 AT. Kaiba was lucky so far. Flipping a card Yugi shied in relief that they were at the same AT. “I guess both our cards goes to the side” he said and discarded the monster.
Kaiba nodded. “Correct. My next card has…” he began and flipped his card. “… 1200 At. Your turn” Kaiba said.
Yugi nodded. ‘Only one card to go!’ His heart dunked heart in his chest. ‘We both have two cards each, this last one will tell who wins!’ he thought and flipped his last card, 1400 AT. //I hope that that is enough…// he sent to Yami, hoping that his spirit could give him some hope.
Yami smiled. /I think so, Yugi. Believe in the heart of the cards/ he sent to his little light.
Kaiba snorted and flipped his card. 1400 AT.
Joey threw a fist into the air. “It’s a tie! No winners, no losers! Way to go, Yug!” he cheered and threw an arm around Yugi’s shoulders. “Ya did it man!”
Kaiba smirked and reached out with his hand. “The puzzle is mine if I’m not mistaken” he sai as his eyes sparked.
Yami growled and fisted one hand. “Yugi won fare and square, Kaiba! You don’t get the puzzle since you didn’t win!” he snapped and stood before Yugi.
“Yeah, Yami is right! Yugi won!” Ryou joined in and soon everyone was nodding.
The brown haired teen laughed and lifted the last card he had flipped. “Didn’t I mention that if the monster has a special effect it counts? I placed two of these card in the pile and I was lucky that I flipped it last. See what monster it is?” he asked Yugi and held the card closer.
Yugi gulped and looked at the card. “Giant Rat”
“Correct. And what is the Giant Rat’s special effect?” Seto asked.
Yami paled. “When defeated you can draw a new card from your deck. Any card that has up to 1500 AT”
Kaiba smirked wider. “Correct. It doesn’t matter what card I draw I win anyway. The puzzle” he said and reached out again.
Yami looked at Yugi with wide eyes. “You can’t give it to him!” he said and looked into Yugi’s eyes.
Yugi avoided Yami’s gaze and held up the puzzle. “You know that I can’t go back on my words, Yami. Please, just go back to the puzzle. I’ll win it back somehow” he whispered to the spirit.
Yami sighed. He knew better then to argue with Yugi. Nodding once he vanished into his puzzle.
OoOo
Yami shuddered as he remembered how Kaiba had lured him out from the puzzle and then hid it from him. The ruby eyed pharaoh hat tried over and over again to reach his light but it felt like the link between them never existed.
“Day dreaming, Yami?” a purring voice asked into his ear as strong arms warped around the small frame of the ancient spirit.
Yami had to bite his lip to force himself to remain still. He wouldn’t show any fear before Kaiba. Not now, not ever. “Tell me why you did this” he said, amazed that he managed to hold his voice even while he shook inside.
Seto chuckled and looked out through the window over Yami’s shoulder. “Why do you want to know?” he asked. He could feel the body in his arms tremble slightly. How he loved to torture this boy.
Yami tilted his head away from the brown haired youth as Sato nuzzled his neck. “Tell me”
Kaiba tightened his hold around Yami and turned him around. Catching a hold on Yami’s chin he looked in to the ruby depths. “I have always wanted to defeat you. Yet I never succeeded. A few moths back I finally figured out how I could manage to beat you without much struggle” he said and leaned close to Yami’s face. Brushing his lips over the trembling boy’s he smirked. “Without Yugi you’re nothing. Without your puzzle you’re weak. Now when I got you in my grasp, I’ll break you” he said and caught Yami’s lips in a powerful kiss.
“You’re mine, pharaoh”
xxxx
So you like? I wrote this just to get out from my writer’s block
I’m from Sweden so I might have grammar/spelling errors. Since I don’t know the Japanese names of the characters I’ll use those we have here in Sweden. Hopefully you’ll not notice any differences.
This fic lives on reviews just to let you know.
Warnings: Yaoi, crossdressing, BDSM, violence and more…
//Yugi, Ryou//
/Yami, Bakura/
OoOo
Flash back
OoOo
‘Thoughts’
“Speech”
Xxxx
I want out
Chapter one: What happened?
Xxxx
Yami stared out through the large window as he trailed his fingers across the cold glass. Sighing he let his gaze drop. He still couldn’t believe what had happened.
OoOo
Everything had started as normal. Yugi had gone to school with his friends and afterwards they had gone out to eat. Things hadn’t been all that peaceful when Yami Bakura decided he wanted to play a little. After many threats from his light, the old thief had gone back to his, muttering some Egyptian curses while doing so. After dinner they had decided to go to the game hall, nothing out of the ordinary, until Kaiba showed up.
Ice blue eyes glared down at the group as Kaiba approached them with long strides. He didn’t wear his usual white coat, instead he wore a black leather coat that were almost identical to his white one. He wore black tight fitting jeans and a blood red shirt and on his hands he wore black fingerless gloves. His eyes were partly hidden behind black sunglasses. The older teen’s face was slightly paler then it usually was. “I was looking for you, Yugi” he said, his face expressionless.
Joey frowned. “Why do you always have to show up when we are having a great time, hu? Jealous that we can smile in public?” he asked. After so many months and things that had happened, Joey’s anger for Kaiba never seemed to vanish…
Seto snorted but never left Yugi with his glare. “Stay out from this pup if you know what’s good for you. I came to challenge you, Mouto. Right here, right now”
Yugi shivered at the cold glare he received and took a step closer to Yami. “Look, Kaiba, I’m not interested in a duel right now. I want to be with my friends and have some fun. We can duel another day” he said, trying to sound tougher then he felt at the moment. Never before had Seto’s glare made him feel so small.
Yami glared at Seto. Something about the teen was not right. The way Seto was looking at his light made him feel uneasy. /Be careful, Yugi. I don’t know what Kaiba has up his sleeve but whatever it is it can’t be good/
Yugi looked up at his slightly taller copy. //Yeah, I get what you mean. I wonder why Kaiba challenges me and not you when you are standing before him. I don’t like this one bit// Yugi agreed before turning back to the brunette before them. Ever since Kaiba had found out about Yami he had only challenged him and left Yugi alone.
Seto took of his glasses with one smooth motion of his hand and with his other he brought out a deck from his inner coat pocket. “Who ever said that I was going to duel you, Yugi? What I want is to challenge you in a small game” he said, his face still as expressionless as it had been before.
Ryou could feel the tension in the air and he wasn’t alone.
/Game? Did he say ‘Game’?/ Bakura wondered in his mind link. It had been so long since he had been available to use his shadow powers and his fingers itched for blood.
Ryou frowned. //Bakura, no. Leave this to Yugi. There is no need to bring forth a Shadow Game just because Kaiba wants to challenge Yugi// the small white haired teen told his darkness. After being with Bakura for so long he had learned to be less afraid and more stubborn with the thief.
Bakura frowned and snorted. /Why does the Pharaoh always get to have fun while I sit here and rot? It is just so unfair/
//Bakura, you whined// Ryou pointed out before concentrating on the group before him.
Bakura ran a hand through his hair and ‘hn’ed. /I don’t whine/ he sent back and emerged from his ring. “Much better. Now I can see Kaiba’s face when Yugi beats him from the first row” he smirked.
Ryou looked at his dark and lifted an eyebrow. “You are cheering on Yugi? I thought you hate him” he said, somewhat confused. He never seemed to understand his darkness.
Bakura shook his head. “True, I hate Yugi as much as I hate the pharaoh, but the high priest is slightly higher on my hate list”
Seto held out the deck to the younger boy and the tiniest smile appeared on his lips. “Are you up for the challenge?”
Yugi eyed the deck and the lifted his glance. “What kind of game are you talking about?” he asked.
Seto gave Joey the deck without looking at him. “Shuffle it well, dog” he said and then let his arm drop. “Before I explain the rules of the game, I want to know if you accept my challenge”
Joey was slightly surprised when Seto gave him his deck. Flipping it he looked through the deck. ‘What a lousy deck! Only a few good cards in this and no magic cards. This deck looks like a beginner’s deck and that is unusual for a man like Kaiba. I wonder what he is up to’ he thought. He didn’t want to admit that this deck looked like the one he had been using before Yugi showed him how to make a perfect deck.
Tristan looked over Joey’s shoulder. “Is that truly Kaiba’s deck? It is so lousy. Still better then Bakura’s deck though” the brunette said, not having noticed that the said spirit had emerged from his ring.
Bakura lifted an eyebrow and placed a hand on Tristan’s shoulder. “Want to know how lousy my deck is in a shadow game? If not you better watch your tongue, worm” he said, feeling the boy tense under his hand.
Tristan looked at Bakura before backing of. “Sorry, I didn’t mean what I said ok? Don’t send me to the shadow realm” He could remember still when Bakura had transformed them into duel monsters and he had gone to the grave yard. Not a very happy memory.
Bakura smirked but he didn’t escape the warning glare Ryou send his way. “For this once, I’ll let it slide” /What? I was just trying to have some fun!/ he sent to his light.
Ryou didn’t look at him. //Leave them alone if you want stake tonight. If you even dare to touch Tristan or anyone else you can forget about both stake and desert//
Bakura sighed and went back to stand beside his light. /I’ll be nice just for the stake/
Yugi looked at Seto and nodded once. “Alright, I accept. Now tell me the rules”
Seto took the deck from Joey and gave it to Tea. “Divide this in two piles and give me and Yugi five cards each from each pile. Don’t look at the cards. The rules are simple. We take the five cards your friend gives us. There are only monsters in the deck. We aren’t allowed to look at them. We will both flip one card at the time. The one with the weakest monster must discard the card from your hand. Only Attack points counts. The one with the most cards left in their hand wins” he said and took the five cards Tea handed him.
Yugi took his cards and placed them face down in one of his palms. “Alright. If I win I want you to leave us alone for at least a month. It is getting tiring to be challenged by you six days a week” he said and looked at Seto.
Seto nodded and a small smile appeared once again on his face. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone if you win, but if I win…” he ended and flipped his first card. 1000 AT. “..I want your puzzle. Spirit and all…”
Yami took a sharp breath and growled. “Why are you after the puzzle?! You have never been interested in it before!” he snapped. How did Kaiba have the nerve to challenge Yugi for the puzzle… and him for that matter.
Yugi was shocked. Had he heard Kaiba correctly? “Did you just say that you wanted my puzzle and Yami?” he asked. Receiving a nod he clutched his beloved Puzzle. “But if you are after the puzzle and Yami, why didn’t you challenge him? It is after all Yami’s puzzle” he asked.
Seto just smiled. “I have my reasons which I won’t say. Your turn, Yugi”
Yugi looked at his dark. ‘I have to win! For Yami’s sake!’ he thought and turned his card. 1200 AT. ‘So far so good’ “I win. You must discard your monster” he said.
Seto placed the card to the side and flipped his next card. 2000 AT. “You were lucky but the match is far from over. We still have four cards left and this monster is pretty strong” he said and looked as Yugi flipped his second card. Blue eyes looked up to meet amethyst ones. “Too bad. Only 1500 AT. The card to the side please” he said calmly.
Bakura looked over Yami’s shoulder and sighed. “I thought this battle would be bloodier then this. All they can get here is a paper cut or something like that” he muttered to the other darkness.
Yami glared at Bakura. “My light is duelling for my puzzle and you want blood? I thought Ryou had gotten you of that track” he said and looked back at the game.
The white haired thief just snorted. “Yeah right… Ryou can’t get me to stop my favourite hobby. I must say that I’m glad that he is after your millennium item and not mine. I would send myself to the shadow realm if he had challenged Ryou” he said and looked back at his light. “I don’t know why the high priest is interested in the puzzle all of a sudden, but I don’t like it”
Yami looked at Bakura and gave him a smile. “Have you gone good all of a sudden or are you just acting this way because Ryou is watching you? You haven’t told him yet, haven’t you?” Yami asked. He knew that the white haired thief was head over heals in love with his white haired light. Oh, how often hadn’t he tried to talk Bakura into admitting his feeling?
Bakura snorted and turned his head to the side. “I’m leaving!” he snapped and vanished back to his ring, watching the fight from there.
Yami sighed at Bakura’s behaviour. The white haired thief could act like a child sometimes.
Yugi stared into Kaiba’s eyes as the blue eyed teen flipped his next card. 1400 AT. Kaiba was lucky so far. Flipping a card Yugi shied in relief that they were at the same AT. “I guess both our cards goes to the side” he said and discarded the monster.
Kaiba nodded. “Correct. My next card has…” he began and flipped his card. “… 1200 At. Your turn” Kaiba said.
Yugi nodded. ‘Only one card to go!’ His heart dunked heart in his chest. ‘We both have two cards each, this last one will tell who wins!’ he thought and flipped his last card, 1400 AT. //I hope that that is enough…// he sent to Yami, hoping that his spirit could give him some hope.
Yami smiled. /I think so, Yugi. Believe in the heart of the cards/ he sent to his little light.
Kaiba snorted and flipped his card. 1400 AT.
Joey threw a fist into the air. “It’s a tie! No winners, no losers! Way to go, Yug!” he cheered and threw an arm around Yugi’s shoulders. “Ya did it man!”
Kaiba smirked and reached out with his hand. “The puzzle is mine if I’m not mistaken” he sai as his eyes sparked.
Yami growled and fisted one hand. “Yugi won fare and square, Kaiba! You don’t get the puzzle since you didn’t win!” he snapped and stood before Yugi.
“Yeah, Yami is right! Yugi won!” Ryou joined in and soon everyone was nodding.
The brown haired teen laughed and lifted the last card he had flipped. “Didn’t I mention that if the monster has a special effect it counts? I placed two of these card in the pile and I was lucky that I flipped it last. See what monster it is?” he asked Yugi and held the card closer.
Yugi gulped and looked at the card. “Giant Rat”
“Correct. And what is the Giant Rat’s special effect?” Seto asked.
Yami paled. “When defeated you can draw a new card from your deck. Any card that has up to 1500 AT”
Kaiba smirked wider. “Correct. It doesn’t matter what card I draw I win anyway. The puzzle” he said and reached out again.
Yami looked at Yugi with wide eyes. “You can’t give it to him!” he said and looked into Yugi’s eyes.
Yugi avoided Yami’s gaze and held up the puzzle. “You know that I can’t go back on my words, Yami. Please, just go back to the puzzle. I’ll win it back somehow” he whispered to the spirit.
Yami sighed. He knew better then to argue with Yugi. Nodding once he vanished into his puzzle.
OoOo
Yami shuddered as he remembered how Kaiba had lured him out from the puzzle and then hid it from him. The ruby eyed pharaoh hat tried over and over again to reach his light but it felt like the link between them never existed.
“Day dreaming, Yami?” a purring voice asked into his ear as strong arms warped around the small frame of the ancient spirit.
Yami had to bite his lip to force himself to remain still. He wouldn’t show any fear before Kaiba. Not now, not ever. “Tell me why you did this” he said, amazed that he managed to hold his voice even while he shook inside.
Seto chuckled and looked out through the window over Yami’s shoulder. “Why do you want to know?” he asked. He could feel the body in his arms tremble slightly. How he loved to torture this boy.
Yami tilted his head away from the brown haired youth as Sato nuzzled his neck. “Tell me”
Kaiba tightened his hold around Yami and turned him around. Catching a hold on Yami’s chin he looked in to the ruby depths. “I have always wanted to defeat you. Yet I never succeeded. A few moths back I finally figured out how I could manage to beat you without much struggle” he said and leaned close to Yami’s face. Brushing his lips over the trembling boy’s he smirked. “Without Yugi you’re nothing. Without your puzzle you’re weak. Now when I got you in my grasp, I’ll break you” he said and caught Yami’s lips in a powerful kiss.
“You’re mine, pharaoh”
xxxx
So you like? I wrote this just to get out from my writer’s block