Hellraisers II: Lights, Camera, BAKURA?
Merry Something or Another
*disclaimer: I don’t own any part in anything that has a copyright. It ain’t worth suing over either... it’s like free advertising, okay? On with the ficcage now.
Hellraisers II
Lights, Camera, BAKURA!
Chapter 1- Merry Something or Another
The tangy scent of apples and cinnamon clung in the air, lightly tainted with sweet
evergreen. Bakura scrunched up his nose and scowled as he kicked open the bathroom door.
up a on a silver platter for Christmas dinner tomorrow.”A drippy wet Marik poked his head out from behind the plain white vinyl shower curtain.“Why don’t you just join me in here? I could use an extra hand soaping up my hard to reach
places.”Bakura made a sour face at the wet Egyptian as he unscrewed the cap from the toothpaste.“Not after what happened last time, asshole. Now rinse that hideous mop on your head and get
out.”“Don’t get your nuts in a twist. I’ll be out in a minute.” Marik remarked as he closed the shower
curtain.Bakura finished brushing his teeth just as Marik turned the water off.The Egyptian walked out of the shower stark naked and dripping water everywhere. Bakura
slapped his hand over his eyes and groaned.“Don’t you know what a towel is, you freak?”Marik grinned as he grabbed a small hand towel that was laying next to the sink and wrapped it
around his waist. It barely wound around him, so he had to hold in place with his hand. He
picked a comb up off the counter and started running it through his drenched hair.“So what did you buy Ryou for Christmas?” Marik asked casually.“Hnn....Buy? Since when must I buy him things?” Bakura responded shrilly as he began
unbuttoning his light blue shirt, still bearing some tell-tale stains from the night prior.“He’s your hikari, Bakura. You really should get him something.” Marik answered calmly as he
set down the comb.“I need a shower, not a fucking lecture!” Bakura snapped while taking off his jeans.“You’re such a snot, Bakura. I’m only trying to help.”“Did I ask for your input? No.” Bakura scoffed, tossing his jeans on top a pile of dirty clothes
next to the wall. He pointed towards the door and glared. “Now get out.”Marik admired himself in the mirror for a moment than turned to leave.“You may want to get something for Ryou......HINT HINT.”Bakura rolled his eyes. “LEAVE!” He snarled viciously as he reached for a clean towel.“Grinch!” Marik smirked as he turned to leave, dropping his towel on the floor. Bakura turned his head away and rubbed his eyes.“I think I’m blind......fucking Ishtar’s! What possessed me to allow you to move in again? Oh
yes, I remember now.....I didn’t! This was all Ryou’s doing! When you and the Fruit Loop got
kicked out of your apartment, Ryou invited you to live with us. I had nothing to do with it! Why
must I always be the one who ends up suffering!”Bakura quickly lunged at the bathroom door and slammed it shut, locking it before Marik could
come back in. He never used to lock the door until THEY moved in. You never know when one
of those lifeless Egyptians are going to sneak in with a pitcher of ice water......assholes. After taking a shower, Bakura headed to his room to get dressed. He found Marik laying
on his bed.......... again, AND he was still naked as the day his better half was born. Not only
that, he was strumming Bakura’s second most prized possession......his guitar. “Why must you always lay on my bed when yours is only a few feet away?”“Because I can.” Marik laughed as he played something that sounded passably like a chord.“OFF” Bakura snarled, trying to sound as mean as possible. It’s quite difficult to sound mean
when you’re wearing a fluffy pink towel around your waist though. It was the only one left that
was clean, alright? Ishtar just laughed.“You look very sexy in pink, bitch-fiend.”If Bakura could have choked him to death, he would have.....but not right now. He had to get
dressed and go take care of some important business down at the radio station. He took it over
after he...uhhh.....disposed of its former owners. Since than, Marik, Ryou and Malik, along with
himself, were playing the role of disc jockeys. Ryou and Malik run the airwaves by day, and
Marik and Bakura do it by night. On the weekends, Katsuya Jounouchi and Hiroto Honda are at
the helm. Since Bakura took over, the station had become quite popular amongst the mortals.
Bakura, of course, took all the credit for it’s popularity, claiming it was his quit wit and natural
talent to charm the masses that drew people’s admiration. Everybody else knew it was just
because they swore and talked about sex alot.“Fuck off, Ishtar. Now get your useless ass over onto your own bed, unless you want me to
systematically break every bone in your body.”Ishtar’s. Heaven to look at, Hell to live with........“Yeah, yeah.......” Marik scoffed as he dragged his naked ass off Bakura’s bed and got onto his
own.“Shit. It’s almost 11 o’clock now. I’ll have to spray disinfectant on my bed later, I better get my
ass dressed and get down to the station.” Bakura thought aloud as he dressed in a black White
Zombie t-shirt and black leather pants. He pulled on a black leather jacket and grabbed a set of
car keys off the bureau. (When did Bakura get a car, you ask? He bought it. Yes, you heard me
correctly, Bakura King of Thieves BOUGHT a car. If you saw it, I’m sure you would have done
the same. A black 1972 Chevy Nova SS. 355 Cubic inch, roller motor, over 450 horse power
under the hood, aluminum Dart heads, competition cam and rocker assembly, Holley dual
pumper 750 carb, Flowmasters...ect, ect....his ride kicks ass, wouldn’t you agree? Enough about
his car now, my tired brain is working too hard on describing it.) He bought it from Jounouchi
for a $1000.00, money of which he’d managed to slip out of Seto Kaiba’s wallet when he was
distracted. If Kaiba was really as smart as he thinks, don’t you think he’d know better than to
carry that large of an amount of money around? Arrogant fool..... “Oh hell, what the fuck is this shit? This isn’t my leather! It must be yours, Marik. Only reason I
know this is because the pocket I just stuck my hand into has a bunch of used condom wrappers
in it. Fucking Ishtars! You’re always fucking something! It wouldn’t surprise me if both your
dicks fell off!” Bakura dropped the jacket on the floor and kick it out of his way. “Any idea
where my jacket is?”“Hey, watch the threads you fucking moron! You probably left it at the studio last night. I don’t
remember you wearing it when I drove us home.” Marik snapped sharply as he dove off his bed
to rescue his beloved leather jacket that Bakura so rudely had just kicked like a football. “Fuck it,” Bakura growled as he grabbed his riding boots off the floor, hopping on one foot as he
pulled them on. “I’ll just go without.” Bakura knew it was going to be one hell of a cold ride to the radio station. The heater in
his car had took a shit the week before. Not only was his heater on the fritz, he realized he didn’t
have his cigarettes on him.“Fucker! I must have left my smokes in my jacket. Damn it! I don’t have time to stop for a pack
either. I guess I’ll have to puff on these cigarette butts in the ashtray until I get there.”
Disgusting, but a yami’s gotta do what a yami’s gotta do. The 20 minute drive felt like an eternity. It was snowing again, making driving quite
hazardous. At times he couldn’t even see the road ahead of him. White-out conditions was an
understatement. Normally it only took 10 minutes to get to the station, but today Bakura had to
take his sweet time. He wasn’t going to risk smashing his car, even IF he was freezing his nuts
off and craving a decent cigarette. Just because he had the reputation of being a bad ass, didn’t
mean he was a stupid ass. He somehow managed to make it to the studio in one piece. Being the
boss had its perks, one of which was a reserved parking spot right infront of the building. He
parked his car and hurried inside where it was warm. First thing he saw as he entered the studio was Ryou sitting on Malik’s lap. They were
sharing a microphone and looked like they were having too good of a time. There were empty
containers of Chinese food and soda bottles littering the area around them, along with some
marshmallow Fluff and blueberry pancake syrup.“We’ve put together a special top 5 list for you all today-”Ryou grabbed the mic from Malik and interrupted him. “-You mean I put together a top 5! You just sat there with your pencil up your nose watching
me!”Malik chuckled as he picked up a sheet of notebook paper. “You really want to take credit for coming up with this shit? I was trying to save your face by
placing the blame on us both.”“Just read it, you git.” Ryou giggled. He knew Malik was only joking.Bakura rolled his eyes as he snuck up behind them.“You freaks know the rules here.....no fun on the job!”Both Malik and Ryou jumped from the yami’s unexpected presence. Malik quickly grabbed the
microphone.“Holy shit! The uber-evil vice-lord of the night shift has decided to grace us with his magnificent
presence today! Tell us, what brings you to the studio this early in the day?”Bakura chuckled as he leaned over to speak into the microphone.“You ask too many questions, Cocoa Puff.”“If you came to try to hide the evidence from last night’s show, you’re a little late. We already
found the blueberry syrup and naked Polaroids.” Ryou chimed in.Bakura scratched his head and tried to look innocent, only making him look more guilty of some
sort of carnal activities. Bakura quickly tried to change the subject. He snatched the top 5 list out
of Malik’s hand and looked it over. “What do we have here?” Bakura looked the list over for a minute and started to laugh.“You really read this frivolity over the air? Remind me to fire you idiots.” He joked as he took a
seat across from them infront of a second microphone. Malik and Ryou smirked as Bakura switched on the microphone.“The top 5 reasons we work in radio.” Bakura read out loud.Malik and Ryou covered their mouths to muffle their laughter. Bakura was usually the
inspiration for Ryou’s top 5 lists, unbeknownst to him. “Number one: People keep a respectful distance because they're not sure if you're really a
bonafide freak of nature, or just plain nuts with the ability to snap at any second.”
Bakura cracked a little smile. Ryou and Malik’s top 5 lists were always good. On occasion, he
and Marik would get requests to replay them for the listeners at night.
“Reason number two: Rock and roll doesn’t create psychos, it just helps psychos be more
creative.”
Bakura continued down the list. He couldn’t help but notice Ryou’s creepy little drawings
scattered around on the piece of notebook paper. They would have been a disturbing sight to any
other individual, but cracked bloody skulls with detailed daggers impaled through them was
quite amusing to the Thief King.
“Reason three: People praise you for doing insulant things.” Bakura grinned over at his light.
//You really came up with these?// He asked through their mind-link.
/Yes, now please, continue!/ Ryou answered him.
Bakura nodded his head.
“Reason four: Our lives are fulfilled by spending the day denigrating people with real jobs.”
Malik stuck his tongue out and giggled. “Yeah, fuck that 9-5 shit! I used to sell fireworks before
I agreed to throw myself to the dogs and work here!”
“At least you weren’t running a phone sex line... like your darker half....” Ryou snickered.
“Oooh....BURN!” Malik chuckled as he played with Ryou’s long, white hair.
Bakura ignored Ryou and Malik and continued to read the last reason on the list.
“I like this one. The number one reason we work in radio is.......*insert Ryou doing a drum roll
on the desk with a pair of pencils*.......We can talk to ourselves and get paid to do it!”
Malik cued up a funny ‘boi-yoi-yoi-oing’ sound, followed by a chorus of groans after Bakura
finished reading. Ryou got up off of Malik’s lap and smiled at his yami.
“Great job, yami. I need to talk to you real quick.” Ryou glanced at Malik, “Can you handle this
by yourself for a few?”
Malik nodded his head.
“Of course.” He answered as he grabbed a jar of marshmallow Fluff and scooped some of the
sticky white goo into his mouth.
Ryou pulled Bakura aside and handed him a white envelope.
“It’s another citation from the FCC.”
Bakura yanked the envelope out of his hand and looked inside.
“No kidding? What’s this one for?” He asked as he opened the neatly folded ticket.
“They didn’t appreciate the content of one of the antics you and Marik pulled last month. The
one including a certain nameless Pharaoh.” Ryou replied hesitantly.
Bakura rolled his eyes and crumpled up the ticket in his hands.
“What a joke! Fuck them! This is my radio station and I’ll be damned if I’m going to stop
allowing ‘objectionable content’ to be broadcast. They can go fuck themselves with sharp, rusty,
serrated objects!”
Ryou didn’t seemed surprised by his yami’s reaction. This was always how Bakura
handled things. Frankly, he didn’t give a flying fuck about what others thought. The only
problem was that Ryou always ended up taking the brunt of all Bakura’s shenanigans and
misdirected schemes. This was the 12th fine that the FCC had slapped on the station this month,
and Ryou was beginning to crumble under pressure. Though his and Malik’s radio show wasn’t
all rainbows and butterflies, it still paled in vulgarity comparison to Bakura and Marik’s. Sure
Ryou and Malik would use foul language here and there, but that was about it. Nothing was
sacred in Bakura and Marik’s late night broadcasts though. Aside from using colorful curse
words in every other sentence, it was nothing out of the ordinary for them to openly discuss
different forms of sex, describe different sexual positions in great detail, or just discuss the hot
demonic sex they’d just had during the last song while on the air. In one broadcast in particular,
Marik had went as far as to call up Yami and initiate live phone sex with him over the air. Talk
about balls of steel.....
Bakura tossed the citation into the trash and turned to go into his ‘office.’ (His office was
only a small corner of the studio with two big blankets nailed to the ceiling to hide his desk. Not
your typical office, to say the least.)
Ryou didn’t have the nerve to confront Bakura about the issue, so he sighed and rejoined Malik
on the air.
Bakura went about his business. He was sorting through the mail when one letter
happened to catch his eye. It a list of the latest radio program ratings. He was used to seeing
"Vice Lord and Ram-Rod" on top the list, (his and Marik’s radio aliases) but their #1 spot had been
snatched up by a rival stations show this time! Needless to say, Bakura was furious! He grabbed
his leather jacket, which yes, he’d left behind the night before, and stormed out of the building.
Ryou could feel Bakura’s rage, so he quickly jumped out of his seat behind the microphone and
rushed out to see what was the matter.
Ryou wrapped his arms around himself to shield him from the piercing cold wind
blowing through the alley. The snow was coming down even more heavily than before. A deep
snow drift had already accumulated infront of the studio door.
“Bakura! What’s going on!” He shouted after his enraged yami as he stood in the freezing cold.
Bakura stopped and looked back. His white hair whipped around his face as the wind caught it
just right.
“Don’t fucking worry about it! You just get you’re pathetic ass back inside, you hear me? It’s too
fucking cold for a wimp like you out here! I’ll meet you at home later!” Bakura yelled loudly
before rushing off to his car.
Later that evening, Bakura returned home after a grueling day of banishing his
competition and a few moral obsessed FCC executives to the Realm of Shadows. He was greeted
by Marik as he stepped inside.
“What the fuck is on your head, moron?” The ancient thief asked gruffly as he tossed his leather
jacket on the sofa.
Marik grinned as he patted the bright red Santa hat on top of his head. A little bell attached to
the tassel jingled as Marik shook it.
"Tis the season, Bakura." The Egyptian winked.
Bakura pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up. He groaned as he watched
Marik bounce around the room stringing up long strands of gold and silver garland.
“Must you?” He griped as he settled back in his cushy blue reclining chair with the tv remote in
hand.
“SCROOGE!” Marik laughed as he wrapped some garland around his shoulders and pretended it
was an expensive mink stole.
“Freak.” Bakura growled as he turned on the television and flipped through the channels. He was
quick to grow angry when he discovered nothing but Christmas shows airing on every network.
“What the fuck is this shit!?!” He spat angrily as he jumped out of his seat and threw the remote
control at the wall. “Hell was so much better than this......curse the gods!”
Marik continued decorating, completely blocking out Bakura’s condemnations and blasphemies.
Bakura charged down to his bedroom and slammed the door shut.
As Bakura’s door was closing, Malik and Ryou were walking in from a long day at work.
“Oh my, Marik! Did you do all this?” Ryou exclaimed as he looked around his glittering
livingroom.
“Looks great in here, Marik. Only thing missing is a tree.” Malik chimed in enthusiastically as
he looked around at his counterparts work.
Marik smiled proudly and flopped back onto the sofa.
“Whoo! I’m beat. Malik, how about you go grab me a cold one out of the fridge for making this
place all pretty and stuff.”
Malik hung his jacket up on a hook by the door and nodded his head.
Ryou hung his coat next to Malik’s and looked around cautiously.
“Did Bakura get home yet?”
Marik motioned toward the bedroom with his thumb and rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, but he’s cranky as fuck. I think he sat on an icicle or something.”
“Oh, alright.” Ryou answered as he headed to his own room.
Marik snapped his fingers. “An icicle! That gives me an idea for the next show!”
“That’s twisted.” Malik laughed as he came into the livingroom with two beers. He sat next to
Marik and handed him a beer.
“So what’d you get me for Christmas?” Marik asked curiously as he sipped his ice cold brew.
Malik winked at his other half as stretched his long legs out over Marik’s lap.
“You’ll just have to wait and see.” He grinned at Marik.
Marik took another drink of his beer and set it down on the coffee table. He chuckled as he
pulled off Malik’s boots for him.
“Don’t make me tickle it out of you.” Marik laughed.
Ryou walked back into the livingroom dressed in a comfy looking pair of blue sweatpants and a
grey t-shirt. He had his hair pulled back in a ponytail and was holding a book in his hands. He
was just about to take a seat in his yami’s chair when there came a knock at the door.
Marik sprung up off the sofa and bolted to answer the door. He grinned as he stepped aside to let
their guests in.
Yami and Yugi walked inside, both bundled up in warm winter coats. Yami was carrying a
duffle bag in his right hand.
Marik didn’t hesitate to grab the former Pharaoh by his hips and pull him into a deep,
welcoming kiss. Yugi made a funny face as he walked passed them and shook off the cold. He
smiled brightly at Malik at Ryou as he took his coat off.
“Hey guys, how’s it going?”
*******************************************************
A/N: Here ya go folks.......the Hellraisers sequel is finally a reality. Kinky is almost done, so I
figured what the hell, might as well. Hope it’s not too disappointing! If I get enough feedback, I'll post chapter 2. (there's a Yugi/Bakura lemon......for those of you who don't remember, Bakura and Yugi had a little 'thing' going on in HRI)