Darkness Addiction to Light

Title: Darkness' Addiction to Light
Part: 1/3
Author: Usagi-chan [usagilikesduochan@hotmail.com]
Warnings: some madness, lime, lemon, light spoilers for everything in
the manga till Death-T
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Darkfic, PWP
Pairings: Yami no YuugixYuugi

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, I don't make money from fanfiction. I
write only for fun and to get better at English. ^__^

Description: This fic starts from the mangas, right after Yami no
Yuugi won his game against Seto Kaiba in Death-T. Yuugi has been
aware of his other half for some time now and he had also told his
three best friends about his darkness during Death-T. After Kaiba's
games, thinking that he doesn't fear his other half anymore, Yuugi's
assuming is taken back when he starts to remain more and more
conscious during the times when Yami no Yuugi takes control over his
body and plays his games against the people who hurt him. Shocked
about what he has to watch from afar and confused by what he is
feeling during these times, Yuugi becomes sad and fearful again about
his other half. That is, until Yami no Yuugi does more than punish
bad people. He's finally able to talk to Yuugi and tries to convince
him to attend a meeting in their soul room. Will this meeting help
Yuugi to understand his darkness and his own feelings? Will he even
dare to meet his Yami after all?

And I must not forget, many thanks to Deb for betareading.


This thing with the names:
Well, I am using the original Japanese Names but... since I saw a lot
of fics where this terrible English names were used, I will give
a "who is who here for help". ^^

Yami Yuugi = Yami no Yuugi, Mou hitori no Boku (called by Yuugi) (YY)
Yugi Mutou = Yuugi Mutou (YM)
Joey Wheeler = Katsuya Jonouchi (KJ)
Seto Kaiba = Seto Kaiba (SK)
Tristan Taylor = Hiroto Honda
Tea Gardener = Anzu Mazaki


"Speaking" = Speaking
'Thinking' = Thinking
-Mind communication- = Mind communication between Hikari and Yami +
speaking of the spirits outside the soul room

*****************************************************************

In Ancient Egypt, there existed a force so powerful, that it
threatened to destroy the world. But then a brave, young pharaoh
locked the power away by sacrificing his own life. Though this dark
power was great, it was nothing compared to the light which existed
in the form of a young boy at the same time. Many people tried to
take control of the boy and to use his powers. But the boy was
extremely well protected by the pharaoh, unlike no other treasure in
the whole Egypt had ever been.

And as time went on, kindness and friendship between the pharaoh and
the light changed to obsession for the pharaoh. He kept the boy close
and allowed nobody to even touch him anymore. But the light wouldn't
have it any other way. They loved each other with a passion nobody
ever thought a holder of darkness and light could possess for each
other. And if someone hurt the light, the person would find hell
descend upon him, from the hands of the ruler of Egypt himself.

Still, through all the protection, a marionette of the shadows was
able to kill the light thanks to a hideout. This made the pharaoh so
angry, that every power was taken and locked away, together with the
soul of the pharaoh himself. Since then the soul had been waiting to
be released to find his reborn light and never let go of him ever
again.


Darkness' addiction to Light
Light's Fear


"Did you hear about Wakabe-kun?"

"Yeah, horrible, wasn't it?"

"But he was a bully..."

"Still it's already the 20th, isn't it?"

Whispers all around him. Why wouldn't they stop? He didn't want to be
reminded.

'Oh please stop it, please don't talk about it anymore,' he thought
desperately. But his prayers weren't answered. The whispers and
talking continued to echo through the classroom; and no matter how
much he tried to shut the voices out, he just couldn't.

Suddenly two new figures entered the classroom. Nobody paid much
attention to them as they walked through the room straight to the
table where their friend was sitting.

"Hey Yuugi!" the tall blond cheered joyfully, oblivious to the hung
head and the slight shaking of fingers which gripped onto the table.
He gave a slight glance at the two figures.

"Jonouchi-kun, Honda-kun," he acknowledged quietly.

'Oh please don't you two talk about it as well, please don't,' his
mind pleaded. But the next second his hopes where shattered again.

"Did you hear the talk about Wakabe?" Jonouchi asked, still cheerful
and oblivious to Yuugi's unusual condition. The grip of the fingers
around the table fortified. This didn't go unnoticed by Honda this
time and the brown haired teen raised an eyebrow in surprise.

Normally Yuugi was always cheerful and optimistic. That was the way
Jonouchi and he had met this boy for the first time. To be this down
and shaken could only mean something bad had happened. He looked over
to Anzu, who sat two tables away, her eyes watching her small friend
from childhood like a hawk. When she noticed Honda's questioning gaze
though, he just shrugged her shoulders in a helpless motion.

She had already noticed her friend's condition before, but hadn't
been able to get anything out of him. So Honda focused back on Yuugi
and Jonouchi. First one just confirmed of his knowledge of Wakabe.

"Strange thing, isn't it?" Jonouchi went on easily. "He plainly
became insane from one day to the next, just like so many others
before him. And another one even died."

'Oh stop it!' the thoughts became panicked now, while Honda and Anzu
stared at the blonde with wide, shocked eyes. 'Stop it!'

"I know not many heard about that but... Satoshi was found dead in an
empty classroom this morning. I heard them say it was a heart attack.
But... what the hell could have scared him so much that he just
shrieked and died?"

'Quit it!' The thoughts in his head became even more frantic.

"Still, I can't be really sorry." Jonouchi added and shrugged. "They
were really bad bullies. I mean Honda an' me were not the best of
guys either, I admit, but I was not as bad as these two were, right
Honda?"

'QUIET!'

Honda was just to give a comment of his own, when Yuugi finally
looked up. Now it was obvious to even the carefree Jonouchi that
something was very wrong. Yuugi was as pale as a ghost, scratches and
dried blood still visible on forehead and cheeks, his lips trembling
and his eyes shone with a desperation nobody knew he possessed. Anzu,
who had just joined the two boys, gasped when she saw the state her
friend was in.

"Yuugi, what's happened to you?" Jonouchi whispered, while his face
became nearly as pale as the one of his best friend.

"They beat me up...," he whispered to his three friends so quietly,
it was nearly unable to be understood. But the words still reached
their ears and anger showed on Jonouchi's face.

"They WHAT?" he growled. "WHO? WHO did it?"

"Wakabe-kun beat me up," Yuugi repeated in hollow voice. "And Satoshi-
kun threatened to kill me... yesterday."

Realization shone in three pairs of eyes.

"The other Yuugi," Jonouchi spoke aloud the thought of everyone, for
one time in his life left speechless.

"Yami no Yuugi," Anzu added in a whisper. Honda just nodded in
agreement and Yuugi hung his head again.

"But...," started Jonouchi after a while of awkward silence. "This
isn't a bad thing, nothing for you to feel bad about, Yuugi. They
hurt people. And... and you said Satoshi tried to kill you? So what
if he was the one to die? He didn't deserve anything else!"

At these words, Yuugi shook his head violently.

"No, no, no!" he nearly shouted, now hysterical. "Not like this, they
didn't... I mean... you can't judge them. You didn't see how things
happened. But I... I remember things happening, Jonouchi-kun! Slowly,
with every new bully who faces mou hitori no boku, I can remember
more about it, I can WATCH while he does what he does."

He looked up again at his friends, tears now clearly at the corner of
his eyes.

"And, the most terrible thing is... every time I watch him punish
someone... I feel oddly satisfied and... for a second I don't feel
sorry... this is not like me... it shouldn't be this way!"

Anzu's eyes had softened when she listened to Yuugi, while Honda and
Jonouchi exchanged a helpless look, not sure what to say or do.

"Yuugi it's OK," the girl tried to soothe him. "I think mou hitori no
Yuugi is only trying to protect you by punishing the people who hurt
you with the same thing they normally do to other people. And who
would not be satisfied to see the person who was mean and brutal to
you, getting what he deserved?"

"But that's not like me!" Yuugi cried. "I normally don't hate people,
even if they are mean to me or hurt me. I just can't hate people nor
find satisfaction in their punishment. But... now it's changing
and... I am afraid that I could become like him."

'So this is what's bothering him,' Anzu thought, surprised. 'And he
takes it so badly.'

"Oh Yuugi," Jonouchi sighed. "You shouldn't be upset about yourself.
You are a great guy, always caring about others, always friendly and
loving and you give bad people so many new chances. You did so when
it came to Honda and me and we are very grateful for it."

At his side, Honda nodded seriously and a small encouraging smile
danced over his lips.

"But at some point," Jonouchi continued, "It really should be enough.
If people don't take the hints, they have to face the consequences
and then nobody should be sorry for them."

Yuugi still hung his head and his friends weren't able to change his
mind for the time being, because at that moment the teacher chose to
walk into the classroom. The whispers and talks around Yuugi died
down immediately and for this, one small built boy of fifteen years,
was really, really grateful.

***

Yuugi lay on his bed crying. It was all he had done since he'd
arrived home. His grandfather and mother hadn't noticed his distress
so far. How could they? His grandfather was busy in the shop and
hadn't seen more than a fleeting glimpse of his grandson and his
mother was away visiting a friend.

So here he was, all alone in his small room with a burden of guilt so
heavy he was not sure how to carry it. His friends had tried the
entire school day to ease his pain and his guilt. Right after they
had taken him to the nurse's office to clean up his still, untended
wounds, did the three teens try to coax him into believing that the
satisfaction he had felt when his tormentors had got their cruel
punishment was only fair. In the end they had given up on their small
built friend and chosen to give him some time alone to think and sort
out things. But Yuugi was far too depressed to even try thinking
straight.

It started to become dark outside now and the small boy still lay on
his bed, hiccuping and sniffling into his pillows.

-Little Light, why so sad? Why so deeply hurt?-

Yuugi jerked up his head so suddenly that his vision became blurred
for a moment. His eyes were red and wet streams of salty tears
garnished his cheeks. But this didn't matter to him at the moment.
All that mattered was what got his attention so suddenly just seconds
before.

It couldn't be. He was hearing things, surely he was. There was no
way that a voice just spoke inside his head.

-Kind Light, why are you crying? Please tell me what's your distress?
Who caused you such pain?-

Again the voice in his head, there was no denying this time. Yuugi's
whole body started to tremble. Now that he was sure he wasn't
imagining things, he had a pretty good idea about who was talking to
him right now... and he feared the speaker, feared the one who seemed
to live inside his soul.

"Go away!" he cried out and buried his face into his pillow in a weak
attempt to shut out the voice in his head. "Please, just leave me
alone, I don't want to talk to you."

Strange feelings brushed through the inside of Yuugi's consciousness.
Feelings which were not his. First there was anger, but only for a
second, followed by slight hurt and confusion. Then there was
calmness, warmth and comfort, which tried to soothe his distressed
soul.

-Why do you try to deny me?- the voice inside his head spoke up
again, the tone sad and thoughtful. -I am not here to hurt you. I'd
never hurt you. My only desire is to protect you and keep you safe
from any bad soul.-

"But you hurt me!" Yuugi whimpered back. "You hurt me and you scare
me. You possessed my body and caused all these terrible things to
these people out there. So many who became insane and then there are
those two who even died. I don't want to feel satisfied watching them
being punished... this is not what I am supposed to feel, I should
feel sorry for them, I should have tried something to stop you. But I
didn't. I simply watched; and the last time I even felt content with
it. You noticed it, didn't you? But this is not the way I want to
feel about people. I hate beatings, I hate fights and sorrow, I hate
to see people getting hurt, even if they are bullies."

The voice was silent for a while and Yuugi was already hoping that he
had been left alone again, but no such luck.

-Yes, you feel sorry for every being in this world,- the voice
admitted thoughtfully. -You are an innocent and I don't want you any
other way, believe me. You are my Light, my sweet, lovely, innocent,
pure little Light.-

"Then why change me?" the small teen cried out desperately, new tears
streaming down his face.

-I didn't change you. You never changed. But realize one thing, as
pure and innocent as you are, in the deepest depths of your heart,
you can't deny that the punishment your tormentors got, was the right
thing and that they didn't deserve anything less. This is what you
felt last time you were able to watch my actions. It was your heart
which agreed with what I did. Don't deny it, little Light. Don't
betray your heart's judgment.-

"Nooooooo! I don't want to believe in such things! Don't make me,
don't try to persuade me into believing things I don't think are
right."

-I won't,- the voice in his head vowed solemnly. -I would never do
such a thing. It would destroy your pure light. That is the last
thing I would do. But... please understand that I also can't change
my way of dealing with threats to my little Light. I will continue to
punish whoever causes you pain. But if it makes you so distressed,
please let me soothe you. Let me hold you, coax you and do everything
to make my actions up to you, to help you feel better.-

"What... do you mean?" Yuugi asked timidly, his tears finally
subsiding, but his body shaking even more now.

-Come to me, little Light,- the voice enticed. -Come to me and let me
give you the peace you crave so much.-

"NO!" Yuugi jerked up on his bed again, his eyes wide and trembling
with fear now. "No, please, I don't want to... please... just leave
me alone... I want to be alone, just be by myself!"

There was a small silence before the voice spoke up again, defeat
obvious in its tone.

-As you wish. I will leave you for now. But remember this... I am
here with you and I care for you more than anything else in this
world. I won't let you get hurt by other people and I won't watch you
crying yourself to sleep night after night forever. I accept your
wishes, but not forever... because you are half of my soul... you are
mine as I am yours. So I won't wait forever. Sleep well, little
Light. Sleep well and dream the dreams you like. Dreams of light and
innocence, of friends and a world without hurt. Just remember I'll
try everything in my power to let at least a part of this dream-world
come true for you.-

And with that, the voice fell silent, leaving Yuugi alone to think
and sort out what just happened.

After that, the small teen lay awake for quite a while, not able to
get any sleep. His thoughts always circled around his other half, his
darker side and what he'd told him.

It was after midnight before exhaustion finally took over and Yuugi
fell into a deep slumber, with dreams full of light and happiness,
sorrow and worry forgotten for this moment of time.

***

Next day was a Saturday and there was no school for Yuugi. For that
the boy was thankful, because it meant no talks and whispers about
the latest events and no reminders for him. Also he had recovered a
little from what he had witnessed as well as from the talk he'd had
with his other half the night before. Now in daylight it all seemed
to be just a bad dream.

The small teen spend the time with his new and old friends Anzu,
Jonouchi and Honda. Jonouchi had developed a liking for the card
game 'Duel Monsters' which Yuugi played and won against Seto Kaiba.
So, now the group spend most of their time shopping for cards and
trying to built a good deck for the tall blonde.

Anzu and Honda bought some cards as well and they also played one
round against Yuugi for fun. But since the small one won easily, they
gave up and were content to just watch their friend explaining some
strategies to the slightly clueless Jonouchi.

The day was fun for the four friends and since they all seemed to
have come to the silent agreement to not talk about Yuugi's distress
from the day before, it was easy for him to totally forget about it
while he spent time with his friends.

When the sun set, giving way to nighttime, Yuugi stood happily in
front of the game shop and waved goodbye to his three friends. The
day really had been great and during dinner with his family the small
one chatted eagerly about the events of the day and when the talks
went on to Duel Monsters, a big discussion about the card game
started between him and his grandfather, much to the distress of his
very straight and rational thinking mother.

Finally Yuugi retreated to his room, full stomach and content with
life for once. But the peace of his soul was shattered sooner than he
had hoped for.

He was laying on his bed, eyes closed and a small smile playing
around his lips, but it quickly vanished, to be replaced by shock and
fear when the now familiar voice spoke up inside his head again.

-You are happy today,- it was not a question. -Your friends take good
care of your soul. But it saddens me that I, who is a part of you, is
not allowed to give you what you need, to give you peace and comfort.-

"You... are still there?" Yuugi whispered, terrified. "I thought...
thought you..."

A chuckle was the answer.

-I will always be here, sweet little Light. I am your darkness, don't
forget that. I would never leave your side. Even if I would like to
do so, I couldn't. I have no such desires to leave you alone. I will
stay by your side to protect you, even if the world is ending, I will
be here, mou hitori no ore.-

"I don't want to be protected," Yuugi mumbled out while he buried his
head under his pillow. Anything to just get away from the voice. He
wasn't as distressed as he had been the day before, but he still felt
bad about the bullies and he was afraid of this being inside of him.
So brutal, so merciless, so cold, how could he not be afraid of this
darkness, which possessed him from time to time?

But, funnily enough, when he was alone with his darkness, when they'd
talked yesterday, wasn't the voice warmer? Wasn't his other half
friendly and caring and concerning and so, so protective over him?
Hadn't he said that he would protect him from every threat, that he
would watch out for any harm? Did this mean he shouldn't be afraid of
this darkness inside him?

-That's right, I would never harm you, sweet little Light,- the voice
told him, just as though it had felt Yuugi's hesitation and
confusion. -Let me prove this to you, Aibou. Let me prove that I
would never harm you, that I only wish to protect you, that I want to
soothe, to hold you, to love you. This is all I've ever wanted, my
whole purpose of existence.-

"How can you prove this to me?" Yuugi whispered, still afraid, his
body shaking, but his head had come up from the pillows again, his
eyes wide, as if looking through his room and seeing nothing at the
same time.

-Come to me,- the voice coaxed again, like it had the day before. -
Let me guide you to me, allow me look at you face to face. Let me be
looked at by you. Don't be afraid because no harm is waiting here
with me. I wish only for you to meet me fully and for me to prove to
you my liking for you, my feelings, my love. You are everything to
me, sweet Light. Never would I allow harm to come to you, not even
from myself.-

"Love?" Yuugi squeaked surprised and afraid at the same time. "But...
but... I am still afraid of you, I am sorry. You are..."

He trailed off, never ending his sentence. His thoughts running in
sheer confusion, but also in a desperation he never knew of.

'Love? I have never been loved before. I am liked by my friends now.
They like me, but love? No one ever loved me. Not this kind of love
at least. Kaa-san and Jii-chan love me, family love. But it is not
the kind of love I long for. Still, this is mou hitori no boku I am
thinking about. He is so cruel, how can he ever love anyone, let
alone me?'

-Let me prove it to you,- the darkness tempted, like it had the night
before. -Come to me, my sweet Light. Aibou, Hikari, sweet, sweet
Innocence, let me prove my love and affection to you. Don't be
afraid, don't fear me. Never do. Come to me, come!-

Yuugi closed his eyes for a minute. Against his better judgment he
allowed the voice to coax him, to take his fears away. He let the
darkness sing and tempt and call and plead; and he had never felt
such warmth building up inside him as he felt happening now. It was a
good feeling, soothing and calming and it left him longing for
something he didn't know. Did he long to see his darkness as much as
it longed to see him? Did he want it? Did he dare to risk it? Should
he? Would he?

"What do I have to do?" Yuugi whispered, finally submitting to the
pleadings inside his head.

-Good, brave little Light. Sweet, willing, little Light,- Yuugi could
feel the delight and excitement his answer had caused the darkness
inside of him. -Just close your eyes and let me guide you. Don't fear
me, don't be afraid, my Light. Have faith that no harm will come upon
you from my hands. You will be safe with me, I will keep you close to
my heart, I will protect you, even die for you if I have to.-

Yuugi knew that what he was doing right now was just plain crazy and
went against all his better judgment. But he couldn't help it, it was
like the voice was drawing him into his actions like a moth drawn to
the fire. Deep inside him was a desperation he couldn't explain, but
he just had to comply and follow the instructions given by his other
half. It needed to be done, he needed to see, to verify with his own
eyes that his darkness was speaking the truth. He needed to see the
being which was able to cause such horrible things but... being
infatuating and enthralling while doing what it did. A terrible,
dreaded being, which sounded so gentle and caring at the same time.

Maybe, somehow he'd also felt there was something more he needed to
experience. But this was something lying so deep and dark within his
consciousness that he wasn't able to put a finger on it. So, although
his whole body was shaking with anticipation and fear he couldn't
deny it any longer. He closed his eyes and forced body and mind to be
caressed and guided by darkness' hands.

First there was nothing, he only felt a little cold, like someone had
opened his window and a nightwind was blowing into the room. Then
Yuugi could feel a fine tug inside his mind and it was as if he was
flying, but he didn't dare to open his eyes. Instead his eyelids
pressed even more tightly together too afraid of what he might see if
he dared to look.

Finally, the flying feeling and the chill were gone and it was quiet.
The only thing he heard was his own, restless breathing and the loud
pounding of his heart.

"Open your eyes, little one!" the voice suddenly jerked him out of
the silence. But this time it didn't sound in his head anymore. It
was more as if someone spoke to him through the door of his room.
Hesitantly and still a little afraid, he opened his eyes, but slowly,
oh very, very slowly.

The first thing he saw through blurred slits, was white. When he
opened his eyes a little more and everything became focused, his eyes
grew wide in surprise. He was no longer sitting on his bed in his
room. Though he still sat on a bed, it was the bed of a child,
colorful but a little bigger than a usual child-bed was supposed to
be. The only familiar thing which had stayed with him while he'd come
to this place, were the nightclothes he wore.

Yuugi was in a single room, with a white ceiling and walls and a
carpet in glowing, happy colors covering the ground. The white was
glowing in a soft, comforting and friendly light. On the ground lay
toys, tons and tons of toys, most of them puzzles and card games.
Wherever he was, it didn't look dangerous to his eyes.

As if sensing his question, the voice spoke up again.

"You are in your soul room, little Light. Innocence of the heart as
you can see symbolized by light, white, toys and pureness. Your room
is blessed and a peace of mind to every human being out there."

This time, Yuugi could define the voice's descent. Just on the other
side of this room was a single door. It was slightly open, but
through the slit, all he could see was darkness. Still Yuugi was sure
that the owner of the voice stood just outside this room, speaking to
him from whatever lay behind the door.

"By the way, I won't enter your room if you are fearing me, sweet
Light. You may come outside if you wish to see me. I am right behind
the door. But I won't go against your wishes. This is the last thing
I can do to prove to you my peaceful intentions. I do not wish to
force myself onto you. So far I am patient. I can wait. But... I have
to warn you, my patience will not last forever."

For a moment, there was silence. The small teen tried to process what
had just happened and what his darkness had told him. It was up to
him to make his final decision now.

"I... won't back away," Yuugi whispered slowly, not sure if his other
half could still understand him. It was more a reinforcement to
himself anyway. "I came to this place to meet you and I will do so
now, though I still fear you, I am still nervous, but I also feel
strangely drawn to you. I can't back away now, I just can't, even if
I want to. There is no backing away anymore."

He stood up from his bed, his body shaking only slightly now. Slowly
he set one foot in front of the other. Slowly, he neared the door.
Slowly he neared his fate and his insides pulled together in
anticipation as if in the deepest depths of his mind he knew what
would happen. And somehow he couldn't get rid of the feeling that
whatever would happen this night in this strange place, he was
already looking forward to it.

He had reached the door now. For a moment, he stopped dead in his
tracks, trying to calm his nerves, to slow his quick breathing and to
calm his wildly pounding heart. His hand reached out, even more
slower than his steps had been. He touched the door and then... he
pushed, letting the door open wide. He took the final step, out from
the safety of his soulroom. He entered the darkness.


TBC...


Author's comment:
Just to point this out, because I am not sure if this will be cleared
in the story later. When Yami no Yuugi is talking about Yuugi's
innocence, he doesn't mean that kind of innocence where you have a
clean mind and would never think dirty thoughts or something like
that. I never believed in Yuugi being thaaaaat innocent. Especially
if your best friend is called "Katsuya Jonouchi" *chuckles*. And
already the first episode of the manga proves that Yuugi has his own
not so innocent ideas after all (when Anzu talks about the fact that
the boys only want to play basketball with the girls so they can look
under their skits, Yuugi has an exact mental image of this in his
mind and becomes very red *eg*). Anyway, the innocence Yami no Yuugi
is talking about, is the innocence of the heart, Yuugi's way to feel
for even the bad people. His ability to forgive mistakes, to give
bullies always a second chance, to trust people so easily and never
think anything bad about someone, even if people tell him otherwise.
He always wants to get his own idea of a person first, before he
decides if he agrees with rumours or not. And of course, there is his
helping nature, if someone is in danger, even if he doesn't know this
person very well, he tries to help them with all he can. He is no
liar but a honest person, with no ill-disposed thoughts and he
doesn't hurt people in purpose. He doesn't play with dirty tricks and
in my opinion, this kind of character is also a form of innocence. To
be a little naiv and good natured, this is the innocence Yami no
Yuugi is talking about and praising. ^^