Not Meant For Me

I storm out of the mahogany double doors and into the cold pouring
rain. The skies, it seems, that, like me, wish to let their tears fall.
But I won’t. I won’t let them fall. Not for him, not for anyone. No one
sees me cry. No one. My feet thud hard on the ground, the slick
pavement spread out hazardously in front of me. One little slip and my
head could crack open on the sidewalk, a rich red fusing with the clear
of the rain water to drip down into the gutter. The gutter where my
heart lays shattered and broken.

He thought he was so smart, didn’t he? Oh yeah, he’s smart. Pretty
damn smart. Too smart for me I guess. That’s what he thinks. That I’m
not good enough for him. That he’s not meant for me. Damn fucking smart
ass, that’s what he is. That’s what he is.

Yeah, if he had the gall he’d come take me on. But no, he just
let me go. Let me run out, out of there into the rain, into the cold. I
forgot my jacket back there. But I won’t go back. Ever. I won’t ever go
back. Cold, wet, hungry, dying, I won’t go back. Ever.

And when I finally arrive home, no one was there. I am alone.
So alone and so lonely. I could call someone but… No. No one knew about
us. And no one had to know now. Not now when I am feeling so weak, so
helpless. I am never weak or helpless. And no one wile the that. Ever.

I run into my room, my small, bare room. Almost like a prison
cell, it served as one a lot of the time. Trapped in there, locked
sometimes. But it was my room, my room. One of the only things that was
mine. Mine. My room.

And here on the floor I sit. The hard wooden floorboards
creaking under my weight as I rock back and forth, back and forth, back
and forth. My knees to my chin, my bangs dripping with cold as it
rained on my arms crossed on my legs, even inside. My bare arms
shivering, my body trembling with more than just cold. But I will not
cry. I will not cry. I will never cry.

My eyes fall on the telephone there in the corner. Maybe… Maybe
he’ll call. He can call and talk to me. I will wait for him to call.
That is what I will do. Sit here, heart broke and waiting. Heart broke
and waiting.

Rock, rock, rock30; 30; Rocking back and forth, back and forth, back
and forth. Light comes, it goes. Light comes, it goes. I feel empty…
Fading. So lonely and fading… Heart broke and waiting… Rock, rock,
rock. Rock, rock, rock…

“You have to come out! It’s not good for you to be in there!”

The voice… From outside the door again. “I’m waiting!”

“Waiting for what?”

“Waiting… For him to call.”

“What?”

Rock, rock, rock. The door is locked. From the inside. I am
here, I am trapped. Trapped in this world... Lonely and fading… Heart
broke and waiting… For you to come…

But you are not meant for me.

You think you're smart

You're not, it's plain to see

That you want o foo follow

It's killing me let's see

You've got the gall

Come take it all

The jury is coming

Coming to tear me apart

All this bitching and moaning

Come on it's on

I'm trapped in this world

Lonely and fading

Heart broke and waiting

For you to come

We are stuck in this world

That's not meant for me

For me

So what you got

One last shot

It seems to me

That you're not needed

Come on

It's killing me let's see

You got the gall

Come take it all

The jury is coming

coming to tear me apart

All this bitching and moaning

Come on it's on

I'm trapped in this world

Lonely and fading

Heart broke and waiting

For you to come

We are stuck in this world

That's not meant for me

For me

Come on it’s on

Come on it’s on

Come on it’s on

Come on it’s on

I'm trapped in this world

Lonely and fading

Heart broke and waiting

For you to come

We are stuck in this world

That's not meant for me

For me

I'm trapped in this world

Lonely and fading

Heart broke and waiting

For you to come

We are stuck in this world

That's not meant for me

For me

For me