Sorry I'm so late with this (a whole day)! Education (college) and all that nonsense. Don't worry! That just means that it'll be sooner that you get the next chapter! A whole day! Fun fact: this is a really old fanfic. I believe I started writing this...3 years ago? Four? So no, I am not stealing any material from Little Kuriboh's Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series. These rants of insanity are older that his series (and what a good series it is). And, blasphemy it may be, he just might be, coincidentally, stealing MY material. And yes, that also means that my series is done and over with, and I'm just posting the chapters one by one, every other week, until I run out. And again, no, I am not on crack, or any other powdery substance. Send in the reviews (and keep out the clowns)! I think I'm done...yep, I'm done. Enjoy the show.
Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic
Chapter 8: Dumb Cheerleader and the Schizophrenic
Meanwhile... “This dungeon hallway never seems to end, Yugi.” says Tea.
“It has to lead somewhere. It’s not like it can be never-ending. That’s impossible. Even in
this manga.”
Hey, nothing is impossible when
I’m in charge.
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” says Yugi.
Pharaoh rape!
“NOOOOO!!! It didn’t happen! I know it didn’t! Leave me alone!”
The provoked midget collapses to the ground in tears while Tea goes over to soothe him.
“What was that for?! Why did you say such a thing? You know how sensitive he gets around that subject!”
That’s why I said it.
After a couple of minutes, Yugi stops crying and composes himself. The couple walk further into the dungeon. After awhile, Tea starts to tremble.
“Tea, what’s wrong? Why are you shaking like that?”
“It’s been so long...since I last recited a friendship speech.”
Yugi freezes in his tracks, a scared impression plastered on his face. He was alone in these corridors, with no one else to protect him from hearing yet another one of Tea’s infamous friendship speeches. And everybody knows that when Tea wants to recite a friendship speech, no force on Earth can stop her.
“Ummm...really? Here? Now? But I’m the only one here. Maybe we should wait until we find everybody else. I’m sure they could use an inspirational, motivating speech then.”
“I...can’t hold off any longer! It’s moving through my systems! I got to let it out!”
“NO! Hold it in! Hold it in!!”
“Here it comes!!!”
“NOOOOO!!!!!”
“Yugi, do you know why we made it this far? It’s because we’re FRIENDS!”
The scene focuses on the wall, where we see the shadow of Yugi, falling to the ground, screaming in agony.
Four hours later...
“...and that’s why our unbreakable bond of friendship will conquer world hunger and AIDS. Ah, that’s much better. Hey Yugi, why are you on the ground twitching like that?”
Yugi is in the fetal position, eyes glazed over.
“Yugi, snap out of it. It wasn’t that bad.”
Midget-boy remains motionless.
“What a drama-queen. No wonder people question your sexuality in the manga, but not the anime. I can’t believe I have to do this but, PHARAOH RAPE!”
“NOOOOO!!! It didn’t happen! I know it didn’t! Leave me alone! Oh. Why am I on the floor? Did Yami drink too much Jack Daniels again?”
“No, you have your clothes on this time, and you’re not missing any teeth. Anyways, let’s go. We have to find the others.”
“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.” said a mysterious voice.
“If you’re so afraid that you can’t do it, then will you let us do it?” asks Yugi.
“Yes, I mean NO!” says the voice.
“Where are you anyways?” asks Tea.
“I’m all around you.”
The voice then takes the blindfolds of Yugi and Tea, and they see that they are, indeed, completely surrounded by a huge, you guessed it, dragon.
“What’s with all the dragons?” ponders Tea.
“Our leader just happens to have a fetish for our kind, that’s all.”
“How come some of you guys can talk, while others just roar?” inquires Yugi.
“The others are just retarded. But this isn’t a question/answer session. This is-”
VERY DEEP UNDERGROUND DUEL OF THE SPECIES...OF DOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!
And I, the narrator, will be the host of this evening’s televised duel to the death! Because I maimed the original host.
“That’s mean.” says Tea, who is ignored.
But not for long, because in this duel to the death, the roles will be switched around! It will be Tea who will be dueling the dragon. (The audience roars with excitement, including Yugi, at the prospect of another attempt of getting rid of Tea.) And it will be Yugi who will be the prize for the victor to use as they please! (The audience roars with more excitement. Yugi is now not so sure of what outcome he wants more: Tea gone and him as the dragon’s plaything, or Tea still reciting friendship speeches and him keeping his butthole virginity.)
“But I don’t even have my Death By Friendship deck with me.” says Tea.
“Here you go.” says someone in the stands, as they throw a deck at Tea.
The deck hits Tea in the head, knocking her to the floor.
“I’m doomed.” Yugi says simply. “Hope the dragon uses a condom.” He suddenly finds himself locked in a human-sized bird cage, suspended above the two combatants. “Figures.”
The dashing narrator, clad only in a tube sock, and not on his foot, appears in the middle of the duel circle and grabs the suspended microphone.
“LLLLET’S GET READY TO DUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL!!!!”
(The following duel actually took place between the narrator, with his water deck, and a friend of his, with a dragon deck. To shorten time, only 4000 LP are used.)
The decks are shuffled and the initiator is determined. Tea will be going first. Both players draw cards.
“I set two face down trap cards (couldn’t you just say two spell or trap cards?) and a face down monster in defense position (like it could be in any other position?). That ends my turn.”
“Fine. I draw. How, since I only have the standard three toes, I don’t know. But I do it anyways! I summon Luster Dragon #1, in attack position. Then I attack your monster.”
“You attacked and destroyed Mother Grizzly! Since she’s destroyed, I activate her effect, and I special summon Neo Aqua Madoor in attack position!”
“I don’t know why most of our sentences are ending with exclamation points! I play two face down spell or trap cards as well and end my turn.”
“I draw. Hmmm. I will do something unexpected!”
“What’s that!?”
“A good move. I’ll switch Neo Aqua Madoor into defense position! I’ll place one face down monster on the field. End turn.”
“I’ll see your move.”
“Ummm. I think I can do this now. I sacrifice my face down for Bitelon! He’ll attack your face down monster.”
“Not so fast! I activate my trap card, Raigeki Break! I’ll discard a card and destroy your Bitelon.”
“Oh well. It’s your move.”
“Hmmm...I’ll pass.”
“What? That’s good, I guess. I’ll set another monster down.”
“I pass again.”
“You mean I might actually win this?!”
“What a good frame of mind to have.” says Yugi, grimly.
“Okay then.” says Tea. “I’ll sacrifice my face down for Terrorking Salmon! Yay! I’ll go ahead and attack Luster Dragon!”
“Negate Attack.”
“Drats, and double drats.”
“On my turn, I’ll set one spell or trap.”
“I’ll set another monster down and attack Luster Dragon with Terrorking.”
“Now for something complicated. I’ll activate Rivalry of the Warlords. I select dragons.”
“I’ll select spellcasters. Hey! There goes my Terrorking!”
“Now that it is my turn, I’ll play Dark Hole! Die monsters die!!! Once they’re gone, I’ll play another Luster Dragon #1.”
“I’ll never let you get away with destroying my spellcaster! I activate Trap Hole!”
“AAAUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!”
“Now I play Heavy Storm! Now we both have clear fields! So, I play Familiar-Possessed- Eria! Attack his Life Points directly!”
“Grrrrr...you’ll pay for that. I play the deadly White Dragon Ritual! Now I can use my paladin as a sacrifice to summon the Blue-Eyes White Dragon! Stare into the eyes of defeat.”
“I am.” Tea says, holding up a mirror. “But these eyes will cast YOUR defeat instead! I play a face down monster and trap card.”
“I summon the Twin-Headed Behemoth, and I attack Eria with Blue-Eyes!”
“I activate Gravity Bind. And now, on my turn, I flip over the Abyss Soldier and activate its effect, sending the Blue-Eyes back to your hand. And then I summon Gagagigo!”
“You are
very good. The force is strong with this one. However, you are still no match for me!”
“What are you going to do?”
“Pass.”
(Anime-style falls over)
“Then I play another face down monster and trap card.”
“I pass again.”
“I pass too.”
“This is getting boring.” comments Yugi.
“I pass again.”
“Then I’ll play Umi, and chain it too Tornado Wall, so you can’t touch my Life Points!”
“Yes! Tea should be able to win now.”
“Hahahahaha! Don’t count on it! I counter with Dust Tornado! That shatters Umi, along with Tornado Wall. And now, for my finishing move.”
“What?! You mean you’ve been stalling on purpose?”
“That’s right! First, I play Mystical Space Typhoon to get rid of your stupid Gravity Bind. Then, I’ll play Monster Reborn, allowing me to bring back my White Dragon Paladin, which allows me to once again Special Summon the Blue-Eyes White Dragon! But that’s not all! Then I summon the Lord of D., and then play the Flute of Summoning Dragon. I play two more Blue-Eyes, and use Polymerization to fuse them all together to create...the Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon! Pantpantpantpantpantpantgasppant.”
“Oh no! How will I defeat THAT?!”
“You can’t! Blue-Eyes, attack Gagagigo!”
“Oh no! Tea’s Life Point’s more than halved! I’m going to be that dragon’s boytoy after all!”
“Must...protect...Yugi...and...our financial security. I won’t give up! I must topdeck...I mean, draw the winning card. Here it is! I play Big Wave Small Wave! Now my Eria and Abyss Soldier are destroyed and in their place are Levia-Dragon- Daedalus and Catapult Turtle! And now I play A Legendary Ocean! Using Daedalus’s effect, I destroy all cards on the field, which leaves you with nothing to protect yourself. Daedalus, obliterate!”
“Hey, that’s my line!” complains Yugi.
“NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” cries out the dragon.
And the winner, surprisingly, is Tea!
As the dragon weeps in defeat, the cage Yugi is in opens up, and Yugi runs out and races for the exit.
“Yugi, wait! I still have to put on my strap-on!”
“What?!”
“Yeah. You remember? The winner gets to do whatever they please with you.”
“Tea! There’s no time for that right now!”
‘
Or ever’, he thinks.
“We have to get out of here now before the dragon decided to eat us! C’mon!”
Yugi grabs Tea’s arm in order to drag her out of there. They keep running for awhile until they believe that they are at a safe distance.
“Wow. How come I only win Duels when it’s against impossibly tough bosses?” says Tea.
“I don’t know. I question how I do it myself all the time.”
“Hey, that looks like a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe we finally reached the exit!”
The two goody-two-shoes run, run for their lives!, towards the light, which I heard was never a good thing to do.
Was that the best chapter yet?! I bet nobody expected actual duels to take place in a Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic. The duel actually took place in real life. What will happen to our remaining heroes, and Pegasus? Will the next chapter be as long? Has Tea gained any amount of IQ throughout this chapter? Ah, here are the scientific results. Hmmmm...nope, not an ounce. Up next, oh no, it’s Tristian, Duke, and Pegasus. You might want to shield your eyes for what I got planned for this one. But if you prefer an alternative lifestyle, then don’t miss the next chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be continued...
