Happy belated holidays, one and all! I hope you got what you wanted (if you wanted world peace, then you KNOW that you've been a BAD child this year.). If anyone knows the real title to the song I talk about later on in this chapter, please let me know. It's very vital for explaining to people clearer. I don't think that sentence made sense, but whatever. Now then, on with the zaniness!
Chapter 5: “If You Like Pina Colatas, And Getting Sent To The Shadow Realm” or “Field Trip with a Sexy Guide”
It is up to YOU, the reader, to decide which title deserves the right to be placed on top of the screen.
“Umm...wouldn’t it technically be the second to the top?” stammers Cameraman #85.
How dare you defy me and my inability to locate things after my 201st can of Mountain Dew!! To the Shadow Realm with you! I know a certain other cameraman who’s feeling very “lonely” right about now!
“No! Not with Steve! We always knew he was bi! AIEEEEEE!!!” were the last words to come out of Cameraman #85’s mouth.
He is then sent to a fate worse than death.
Bring in a new soul to replace that worthless speck of flesh!
“It’s like witnessing a resolution After Genocide.” whispers Yugi. “Hey, why were those words capitalized?”
Because it is today’s “Card of the Millennium”! (sips from 202nd can)
“That can’t be good for you.”
Do you want to be Shadow Realmed too?!
“No.”
Good. Okay, we wasted just about half a page doing nothing, so let’s get back to the action!
The boat was slowly approaching Bigcreepypossiblyhauntedbutmostcertainlylethal Island, thinking to itself
I think I can, I think I can... The riders on the retarded boat were looking out towards the island, each with a different thought inside their head.
What is on that island? I will defeat you, fiend! Looks deserted; means more privacy for me and...hey! Don’t put your hand there! Did Tristan just cup Duke’s butt?! I must be seeing things. (blank) The last one was Tea’s mind. The boat merged with the shores of the dreadful place and came to a complete stop. All was quiet on the island. The gang thought that it looks scary, if not suspicious as well.
“Actually,” said Yami. “I think
I’m the only one who thought that. I have a reasonably good head on my shoulders.”
No one tries to deny anything. Everyone gets off the boat and heads for the beach. Once there, a mysterious voice from out of nowhere says “Do the Tea!”. The lights dim down and everything is set up. Without raising a question of protest, everyone just starts doing the Tea.
An explanation is needed, for this is an inside joke. The Tea is a dance move that requires the dancer to do the Monkey dancing technique while hopping on one foot. It is accompanied by the music “Do the Hot Stuff” (the music from the old Old Navy commercials with everyone dancing around), and it is usually preferable to have a disco ball spinning over top the dancers. It is on its way to being a patented dance move, and was created by the narrator and his pseudo-girlfriend during a psychology experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong.
So everybody does the Tea, including Tea, without resistance. After a couple minutes of doing this, the music stops, the lights go back up, and everyone stops dancing. Then they keep on walking like nothing had happened.
As they are walking around aimlessly, not a smart thing to do on an uncharted island that they know nothing about, sort of like a cheesy teen slasher movie, and everyone knows that Serenity will be the only survivor, and that Mai and quite possibly Joey will be the first to get the axe, quite literally, and...and...what was I about to say? Oh yeah, Tea suddenly faints and collapses to the ground. Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, Marik’s ears perk up. But back at the island, everyone actually takes notice of Tea’s condition and rush to her. They see that she is out cold. Then they all hear a forced laughter.
“BWAHAHAHA!!! As I predicted, you all came here. I have no need for the girl’s body anymore. I will use this woman’s body as a host for now.”
“Who are you?” says Pegasus.
“The shell’s name is Ishizu. MY name would make you long to drown in your own vomit.”
“Michelle? Robert? Ernie? Allison?” came from the group.
“NO!!! I’m not going to tell you just yet. Now come along while I lead you to my lair.”
“Wait!” yells Joey. “We still have unfinished business here!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Tea’s mind.”
“It is hers again. She will wa...”
“That’s the thing. We don’t want her to be back to normal.”
“WHAT?”
“We’re tired of all her friendship speeches. Friendship this, friendship that, love everyone; it all gets to be very annoying.”
Everyone else in the group nods in agreement.
"Well, too bad! It looks like you’re stuck with her then. (insert Mandarkish evil laughter here)"
“Then I challenge you to a duel! Right here, right now! If I win, you have to take Tea‘s mind and body back under your control. If you win, her mind is free again.”
“Fine. I accept your challenge.”
With no Duel Disks anywhere, they had Yami keep track of lifepoints while they played on the sand.
1.25 SECONDS LATER...
“GWAAAAHHHHH!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE I LOST!!!” yells Joey.
On the sand is written the following:
ISHIZU: 8000LP JOEY: 8000LP
ISHIZU: 8000LP JOEY: 0000LP
“Wow, I wish all the Yu-Gi-Oh! episode duels lasted that long.” says Ryo. He then gets a serious decrease in his hourly wage. “Ouch.”
“MWAHAHAHAHA!!! It looks like you better go ‘Survivor’ on her and vote her off the island as soon as she regains consciousness.”
Mai, upset by all this, and secretly jealous that Tea can pull off that “innocent” look and she can’t, goes over and B-slaps the brain-controlled Egyptian across the face. The new Millennium Items must’ve been created by Windows, because the effect on Ishizu’s mind broke instantly upon contact.
“Huh? What am I doing here? And why am I not wearing any clothes?”
“Never mind that. You were brainwashed by some unknown person to do their bidding.” explains Joey.
“How rude! I knew that it was a big mistake to give the Pharaoh my Millennium Necklace. As soon as I did that, everything just started going wrong. First my brother goes all ‘possessed’ on me, then threatens to rape me, then threatens to kill me, then...”
“Wait, he threatened to rape you?” asks Yami.
“Oh, it’s no big deal. He does it all the time. He’s all talk and no action. Besides, whenever he comes home from his friend’s house, he’s usually very exhausted and claims that he’s sore all over. Doesn’t really sit down as much. When I ask him who he’s hanging with, he just says ‘some white guy’.”
No one sees Bakura flush an interesting shade of red.
“Well it can’t be Bakura because he’s all red right now.” says Tea, who has just regained consciousness and joined the group. Much to the dismay of her comrades.
Everyone buys that reasoning and Bakura relaxes a little bit. Then everyone realizes that Tea is back. They give half-hearted comments about how worried they were, they were so scared of what would happen to her, blah blah blah, etc. Tea, being empty-headed still, believed all of them.
Soon they are all standing around, silently looking at each other, not knowing what to do.
“Sooo...what do we do now?” asks Tristan.
“I guess we walk into the forest and hope to find our enemy’s lair.” says Yami.
“Uh, guys?” says Mai, nervously. “I think you should look at this.”
Many pairs of eyes instantly go for Mai’s oversized breasts, analyzing them thoroughly.
“NOT THOSE, YOU IDIOTS!!! MY WATCH!” she screams.
The group huddles around her watch and see that it is going much faster than it should be going.
“Oh no. Time must move really fast on this island!” says Serenity.
“It’s only supposed to be our second day left alive, but according to Mai’s watch, we’re already almost done with our third!” exclaims Pegasus.
The gang looks at each other again, then hustles as quick as they can towards the thick forest.
Time is starting to run out for the group, minus Ishizu, who must be feeling pretty good about herself right now. How will she factor in? Who else is on the island? Why did Tea have to come back? What were they smoking when they came up with ‘Do the Tea’? Something hard, that’s what. Set your pacemakers for the next time I force you to read...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be continued...
