I Never Promised You A Rose Garden

I Never Promised You A Rose Garden
Chapter 4: Wait and Bleed
By: Rinnikka

Notes: {indicate the collective or a dweller of Sanctus speaking} *Yugi To Yami*. [general thoughts] *Italics*
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, I never will, if you sue me then all you'll get is a dollar and some lint, I am just using the characters for my own personal enjoyment and that is all.

A/N: I'd like to thank you who reviewed, I was a little bit upset thinking I had messed up the 3rd chapter but then lo and behold I see more reviews and I'm even more revved up to write the next chapter. And yes Tenshi No Seto, the names are in Latin, I don't know if they're accurate considering I got them off of a translation site... but they're probably close if not on the mark. And yeap Kay and Fantasychick has it right, Mokuba has a part in this, after all, when does he not? ^_~ But thanks all of you XD

P.S. Sorry for the messed up perspectives, I intended for Jou to be the focus, but then it just started sliding into other things.

This is not the way I pictured me, I can't control my shakes, How the hell did I get here? Something about this, so very wrong... I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this, Is it a dream or a memory?~ Slipknot~Wait and Bleed


Seto sat quietly mulling over his thoughts, he mentally reviewed back to Jou's words..
*Frigus...The Cold one, you're always so cold Seto, always in the shadows, always wanting to hide...I wish I could warm you up but what's a dog like me gonna do for you...Mou Ichido*

Then lips, lips slightly chapped yet satiny smooth, a contradiction, just like Jou. Jou was a contradiction, always smiling, always laughing, always cracking jokes... why this? Why now? Knowing was so different from understanding, being able to go into someones hand and fuck with them was something he knew how to do easily, being able to go into someone's head and help them... was something he wasn't sure he could do but he could try...

Sound, Seto's attention was reverted back to Jou.

Rustling of covers, focusing onto the groggily moving figure on his bed, amber catched Seto's gaze and immediately softened, while pale hair fell loosely into those eyes...

***

Slowly Jou felt himself coming to, eyes focusing blearily on the ceiling he moved slowly as if through water before turning his head to catch Seto, unguarded and deep in thought. As if knowing that gaze was upon him, Seto focused his gaze upon Jou and said,"You look like a disgruntled puppy." A small laugh, he had sensed no malice laced throughout those words, so he could shrug it off and smile saying jokingly, "You sleep on enemy territory and see how it goes."

Frowning Seto compared the Jou right now to the Jou last night and still couldn't find the answer to the problem that layed within Jou's head but then again hadn't the blonde told him not to treat him like a problem, but rather a person.

"What are you thinking?" asked Jou softly as he sat up and wiped his arm across his eyes to get rid of morning blurriness, "Still thinking I'm mentally unstable right?" "No," replied Seto calmly, "I reserve judgement until I hear the whole story." Laughing Jou felt his fingers fist into the bed's fabric asking in a disbelieving voice, "The whole story Kaiba? That was the whole story, I'm crazy, I hear voices, I think, no I KNOW Sanctus is real but now that I'm such a bad dog they lock me up and torture me, trying to tame me."

"I've been trying for a couple of years and it still hasn't happened, so I doubt this Collective of yours can succeed," commented Seto dryly, his mind churning for an answer, calculation risks and statistics, what he should do, what he shouldn't, what would trigger, what would not.

"That's right, you have been trying to do that, haven't you?" asked Jou with a somber smile, "But then again I've been marked as a dog, so I might as well be treated like one," before Seto had time to interject Jou arched a brow easily while continuing, "Now Kaiba, how's about you tell me what you plan on doing with me? You gonna help me with my little "problem" is there some magic way that you can get inside my head and erase Sanctus as easily as you do with the viruses in your computer systems?"

"No I wasn't planning-" At that Seto stopped, eyes widening in realization, he knew what to do, planning furiously while Jou stared at him, waiting for a reply he stood up quickly an began to pace mumbling, "It could work... it should work, that damned Pharoah d hed help..."

"What the fuck are you yammering about Kaiba, and you tell me to shut my big mouth," said Jou rolling his eyes before falling back onto the bed to stare once more up at the ceiling, "Give up Kaiba, you can't solve me, you can't fix me, you can't fix everything that's been broken, just give up."

"Have you given up?" asked Seto, finally stopping and staring at the blonde, he had an idea and Ra be damned if it didn't work, it had to work, Seto Kaiba has never concocted a plan that failed and he didn't plan on starting now, especially one involving a certain blonde mutt.

"No," whispered Jou quietly, "I haven't, I don't have it in me to give up, I always have to fight back no matter what...but that's my problem isn't it? I always keep going, keep running, the pace is sometimes too fast, but I keep going even if it kills me... even if there's no way out..." Trailing off he sat back up and looked querulously up at Seto, seeing the conviction held in cobalt blue eyes, he almost felt like he could get through this, weather out the storm and come out alive. It had happened before, he had gone through the fire only to come out of it hurting but stronger then before, his soul hardening even more like a crystal diamond that was unable to shatter. But if closely looked at, there were deep abberations and scratches, the wounds of his soul and bleeding heart. But sometimes being through that fire killed his hope, killed his dreams, made him travel to the brink of breaking before finally going through, the next time... he was afraid he wouldn't come out alive, wouldn't come out sane... but then again he wasn't sane was he, he was just Canis, always a dog, always a slave, never a boy, never someone filled with hopes and dreams, no those hopes and dreams had died.. or they had been buried alive with his sanity.

"Then fight back pup, it's your own fault for giving this Sanctus enough of your belief for it to be alive to you," snorted Seto recalling an old american horror flick with a killer that killed you through your dreams, "You're allowing your mind to confine you to limitations you shouldn't have, and sooner or later you'll be shoved in phy physical prison in which you won't get out of because you won't let yourself."

"What did you say!?" demanded Jou getting to his feet, "Don't you dare put this all on me, do you thinlikelike being this way?! Do you think I ENJOY being 'mentally unstable' as you put it? WELL I DON'T." Fire ran through his veins, his old fire, he could almost feel being alive again, but then again the pain came and immediately he wanted to get rid of the lava flowing through heinseins, he couldn't take this, he just couldn't take the fire anymore, it burned him and caused him so much pain... like living. Was this living? Was this fire burning it's way through his system living? If so he didn't think he could take it, didn't think he could make it, the facet was twirling and spinning, he couldn't see his reflection anymore, the ice frosted to the glass... if he could only touch it he could make it melt away with the living that burned throughout him, if only.

"I didn't say you did," came Seto's quiet reply, "I was merely saying that your belief in this imaginary world constructs it, allows it to be alive, like your fears, it feeds on your fear and by allowing it to do that it grows stronger until it has completely overpowered you." He was tempted to smile, already it seemed as if Jou was normal again, that stupid punky little street trash that always fought back with fire and a smile but then again had that all been a mask? A facade? Like the one he put on everyday... would he too fall to the end like Jou had? Or would he have the strength to keep it at bay... already he felt the straining of work, numbend pnd papers, signing and simpering fools that always kissed his ass and sucked up to him wanting another 0 or two added to their paycheck of thousands. Greedy little fools that he could manipulate and use for his own gains...

"So what do you suggest I do? Keep saying to myself, "The only thing to fear is fear itself," scoffed Jou, "As if that would help, Sanctus is as real as Verus, The Collective is as real as Pegasus. What the hell am I suppose to do Kaiba, tell me because I've already run out of options!" Already the fire was receding, suprising Jou yet not dousing the impatiencehin,hin, there was nothing to do against the Collective, even if he died the Collective would probably have some way to bring him back and torture him some more. But then again... puppets can't die, dreams can't die if you lose hope in them. But the Collective would never lose hope in him, they enjoyed torturing him too much, they would use him as long as they saw and and when they lost interest it would be the end of the dream, the end of him.

Dreams can't die if you lose hope in them... the thought nagged at him, reminded him of when he used to think that he had dreamed Sanctus up... would it hurt to let the dream die? At that a huge surge of denial came about, NO, Sanctus would never die, he would never let it... he could never let it for it was the life blood that he bled, it was the very thing that helped him breathe and eat and live. Yet it was still also the same thing that caused him to want to die, the thing that kicked him when he was down and degrade him till there was nothing left of his self esteem but slivers of a broken mirror. But that yearning inside to be free made him want to take the step, break the mirror that he saw Sanctus through but when he lifted his hand to reach out he found himself dropping it, fear making him withdraw.

Finally coming back to himself he only heard one word, Yami, "What did you say... Yami? How can he help?" asked Jou confused, already he was receding from Verus and drifting off to the gate that led to Sanctus, but it was locked, tightened and sealed, he couldn't get in, The Collective had been true to it's word.

"Yami. Can. Go. Into. Your. Mind," repeated Seto monotonously, "He has the power, he can get us into your head to fi-help you out." Already worried.. worried? Why the hell would he be worried about a worthless mutt, aly hey he felt a of of guilt for calling Jou such a thing. And worry... why did he keep flashing back to the moment when those soft chapped lips had brushed against his own... the spark of pleasure and warmth it had left inside of him, settling down into the pit of his stomach and the way Jou had whispered those last words, like a summer's breeze that caressed and comforted yet at the same time brought desire tumbling out of him.

"And what would you do in my head?" asked Jou quietly,"Would both you and Yami vanquish my demons, would you destroy Sanctus?" Oh how he desperately wanted Sus tus to die, but at the same time he deathly feared it, it had been his home for 2 years already, his solace, his comfort and his pain. Where was Furor, he had been gone for a while but it unnerved him for the spirit to be gone for so long. Even more softer then before he asked, "What if I don't want you to?"

"Goddamn it Jou! Why wouldn't you not want to? This Collective that you speak of TORTURES you, you're afraid to even catch a GLIMPSE of it outside of my window, I'm surprised that they haven't attacked you even now! And the thing is, what you don't realize is that it's YOU who's torturing yourself, it's just YOU and only YOU, no one else!" shouted Seto angrily as he glared rigidly at the blonde, "Why can't you just let me and Yami help you?"

"Why would you want to help me?" demanded Jou angrily as he caught the scent of blood in the air, "All you've done is put me down and ridicule me, why? Why do you want to help me? Because I saved your bro's life? Because I hang out with him and make him laugh? Geez Kaiba, I didn't do it so you would be indebted to me, why can't you fucking realize that, I did it because I couldn't let myself do anything else. ME, I couldn't let myself not do anything less then what I did. Why? Because I just can't help myself, because I'm impulsive and I react quicker then I think, so don't think you can pity me and help me because you want to get rid of the fact you feel you owe me because you don't."

A surprised look shown in Seto's eyes, he had never before even considered that Jou had done those things just because he wanted to, always surrounded by greedy men who tried to squirm their way into his wallet, he felt an odd sense of respect for the amber eyed boy and a feeling of relief that he no longer owed him, once again he found himself at an odd crossroads. He was so used to being surrouded by people that wanted to use ho ito it was was unexpected to find out that Jou... was not what he seemed yet was. Before he could stop himself he found himself whispering, "You think this, yet you can't comprehend that it's also YOU, just YOU, who has created Sanctus and it's YOU, just YOU who can get rid of it, only, for some unfathomable reason, you won't let yourself." efeaefeated for the moment Jou looked away and bit his lip, tears welling up slightly before he blinked them away and dropped his head saying, "Only if you want to."

For a moment Seto was confused before the meaning finally dawned on him and he found himself soften and reply huskily with a hint of uncertainty at this display of kindness, "I want to, not because I have to, but because I want to and I won't let myself do anything less."

At this Jou tilted his head slightly to look eto eto through flaxen strands, with a hesitant smile whispering scratchily,"Really?"

Reminded of Mokuba with that one action, Seto found the ice inside melting and he nodded with a smile that touched the corners of his mouth only and fuzzed the edges of his sharp cobalt eyes... Also understanding the soft pleading held in amber whiskey eyes he voiced his reply softly, "Yes, really."

As if taking an unspoken invitation he licked his lips uncertainly with the tip of his tongue before standing up, hesitating just for a second, before leaning down to brush his lips against Seto's and with a certain burst of courage settling them more firmly in a close lipped kiss, eyes shuttered closed, not wanting to see the hate or the rejection in those ice blue depths. Yet the lips remained unmoving to his dismay and feeling a sense of disappointment he made a move to back away but before he could slender fingers wound their way into his pale hair and slowly, ever so slowly, tongue's slid out to meet before mouth's opened to let them tangle and he found himself collapsing on top of the ever so stoic CEO, arms sliding their way around Seto's neck and tongue thrusting forward to explore the sweet depths before the need for air finally overcame them both and they pulled away. Panting softly into Seto's silk blue shirt Jou looked up into the slightly glazed yet confused cobalt eyes of Seto Kaiba and asked tremulously, "Why?"

Immediately understanding what Jou was asking, asking why he had accepted, why he had responded, he stiffened slightly before relaxing and replied, "Because I wanted to."

Looking deeper into Seto's eyes he found the words he needed to know to reassure himself:

Not because I had to, but because I wanted to, because I wouldn't let myself do anything less...


A/N: Sorry it took so long to write this out, school started and everything was so bleh, I have so many electives and I was hoping for free periods, but there's this new rule that everyone has to have at least 6 pes, ws, which 5|_|x0|25 for me. But I hope you liked it... I'm really trying not to rush, and I'm sorry it's progressing so slowly... I just... ahhh. Newayz. I hope everyone likes it.