My life my pain

POV JOU

I think I’m going to hyperventilate!!!

Here standing right before me is Seto Kaiba telling me he is here not only for Ryou and Yugi’s friendship but for mine as well. Oh my God!

I tried to keep my voice cool even though I was about to faint: this guy had hated my guts and made my school life a living hell (okay, maybe I wasn’t always the innocent victim, but when ever I saw him I just felt like… like I had to say something to him make him realize he is not the only one on the planet. Make him notice me…), and now he wants to be my friend. Not fucking likely.

“I…well, I’m not going to forget everything you did in the past.”

“I don’t expect that Jounouchi. I just want a chance,” he said, looking kind of nervous, which, in fact, was kind of cute… I have never seen this expression on him…or any other than the I-hate-you-and-you-are-beneath-me-expression.

What should I say to that?

Kaiba saw my hesitation and went for the last blow.

“Please Jounouchi.”

“Okay, that’s it. Who are you and what have you done to Kaiba?”

He gave me a small smile.

“Its me. Still the best, smartest and most competent businessman,” he said pompously. “And maybe still a arrogant as ever,” he adds with a grin.

“Well, I agree with that last part.” I grin back. Maybe he has changed. The old Kaiba would never joke like that with me.

“Okay Kaiba, if you’re really serious I guess we could visit Ryou and Yugi together. Chat a bit while we’re here. They’re not exactly the best conversation partners …”

I sighed at that. Even though Yugi would wake up from time to time he never spoke or gave any sign that he was aware of what happened around him. He would just stare off into space.

And Ryou…When he wasn’t asleep, Ryou was mostly aggressive. He wouldn’t listen to me, let alone the doctors. I wasn’t allowed to visit him often. Too dangerous, the doctors say. And if they do allow me to visit him while he is awake, I usually just stay for a short time because he always screamed at me to `leave him the fuck alone.’ Not very encouraging and extremely hurtful from a person who used to be so gentle and for whom you care deeply for.

Kaiba smiled genially at me. “Thanks Jounouchi. I really appreciate that.” He looked deep into my eyes. An awkward silence followed.

He looked at his watch. “Well I have a meeting in an hour, so I should probably go…Do you need a ride?”

I blushed. “No thanks. I promised Yugi I would come back.”

He looked disappointed at that.

“But,” I said hesitantly, “I’ll be here the day after tomorrow and you could come too, I mean I, if you would like…You could drive me home after that.”

“That would be great Jounouichi. So the day after tomorrow it is. I’ll be here at 2 O’clock. Is that aright with you?” I nodded.

“I really should leave now.” He held out his hand and as I took it to shake I felt a pleasant tingle. His hand was so smooth…

After Kaiba had left I shook my head to get it clear again. This day had certainly turned out surprising.

On my way back I meet Yugi’s doctor, who had just come out of his room. I looked questioningly at him, but he just shook his head sadly. Still no improvement.

As I opened the door I saw Yugi sitting up in his bad. At least he was awake. I sat down on the chair next to his bed and started to talk to him. I told him how Kaiba had been there to see him and Ryou, and that he would like to be friends with him.

Yugi just continued to stare off into space and I continued talking about various things, like TV shows and other stuff.

I knew that Yugi was still somewhere in his head and that he could hear me. I just knew that…or, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that he was totally lost to me.

When it was time for me to leave, I kissed him on his forehead and promised to visit again soon.


On my way home I couldn’t stop thinking about Kaiba. I had been so shocked when I saw him standing at the door. He was the last person I ever expected to see at the hospital.

After all those years of rejecting me and the gang, ignoring us hurting us, he suddenly came to make an offer of friendship. Really, who would have believed that. And then he dared to complain about his life. Seto Kaiba, the famous rich asshole, dared to complain while my two best friends were seriously sick and I was totally alone.

And I wanted to hurt him. I knew I was being unfair. But I couldn’t help it. I was so caught up in my own pain and my own loss that I couldn’t believe other people could feel pain too. Could be alone.

So I insulted him. Stepped on his pride. Told him that he just came out of boredom, to see other people in pain. And even though I knew not one word of what I said was true, I still tried to hurt him.

I almost instantly regretted it.

His sad expression bored deep into my soul, and as he turned around to leave I felt panic rising up. I hadn’t wanted him to leave; I wanted him to explain himself. I wanted to talk to someone from the old days, back when everything had still been alright. I still had Honda to talk to, but he is always with Otogi (not that I blamed him. Unlike me had someone to live for, and he couldn’t always hang out with a miserable person like me. At least one of my friends had to be happy). So I had tried to stop Kaiba from leaving, in the only way I knew how. I tried to provoke him, to challenge him. I knew he wouldn’t just let me call him a chicken.

And I was right. He did turn around and after he opened his mouth my world began to spin.

Seto Kaiba was gay, and he had gotten dumped. I was so stunned; I almost told him that I thought he was hot. Who could leave this guy? And from how hurt Kaiba had sounded, he really had loved his ex. I would give anything to be with someone like Kaiba. Someone who loved me… wait. Being with `the Seto Kaiba` meant that people would eventually find out about our relationship. He was as famous here as some Hollywood actors. That would’ve meant everybody would’ve known that I liked taking it up the ass.

So no matter how hot Kaiba was, I could never be with him. Not that he would want me anyway.

But I knew that I could never be with a woman just to keep my secret. Not when I knew that neither of us would be happy. That wouldn’t be fair to neither her nor me. And I could never use anyone in such a way.


I arrived at the front door to my father’s apartment. It was actually mine, because I’m paying the bills, but I couldn’t tell him that. He liked to think that he was able to take care of me.

When I opened the door I saw my father on the living room floor, passed out, still with a bottle of bear hanging limply in his hand. I sighed as I tried to haul him on to the couch. Poor old man. After my mom left with my sister he had just lost it. And the only way to dull his pain was to drink. I felt sorry for him. Even though he was drunk most of the time and he got sometimes rough with me, I still loved him, and I knew it was the same for him. I could tell.

I was the only thing that kept him alive. He had nothing else to live for. He hated the person he had become, and he hated how he wasted his life. But once you’re in the vicious cycle of depression and drinking it’s hard to get out. God knows he had tried, but without proper treatment I fear, he will fail again and again, and for that we just didn’t have enough money.

I took some blankets from his bedroom and covered him up so he wouldn’t get cold and wake up. It was better he didn’t realize I wasn’t home that night. I was going out. Seeing sexy Seto Kaiba had literally stirred something in me and I needed to satisfy that feeling.


The club was already packed when I arrived and it was rather difficult to get to the bar.
When I finally made it I ordered a `Vodka Red Bull´ and looked around. There were quite a lot men there and of what I could see, a lot of them were gay too. It wasn’t difficult to tell. Especially since a good share of them were peeking glances at me. Which wasn’t surprising with the outfit I wore. I had decided on a red tank top which was ripped around my abdomen and both my nipples and a pair of tight leather pants which hung low on my hips and showed exactly what I wore underneath - nothing. I looked quite sluttish but not excessively gay.

I was still focused on the dance floor when I heard a murmur right next to my ear.

“Hey hot stuff. You waiting for someone?”

I turned around, and my eyes met dark ones behind glasses. The guy had dark hair and was as tall as me. Maybe one or two centimeters taller. He took my breath away. Man was that guy hot.

“I think the one I waited for has just arrived.” I smirked.

Smirking back he said, “Well then, I won’t make you wait any longer. Let’s dance, hot stuff.”

On the dance floor he put his hands on my ass and pulled me close. “What’s your name, hot stuff?”

“Just call me Jou. What’s yours?”

“My name is Yuki.” He said as he grounds his hips into mine.

________________________________________


I thought that was a good point to stop. Hi Hi


LadyVirgo
Takaouto
Seto´s wife
Anon

Thanks for reviewing.

And special thanks to my beta blackwidow

Next chapter will explain about Yugi‘s and Ryou´s situation.