It was cold

Hi everyone sorry for the very long wait. Work got busy and then winter and the holidays. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year.

Just want to that my reviewers

Anon

My TombTheif

Letainajup

Tenshi

and sorry again, I’ll try not to be so long with the next chapter.

" " speach

' ' thought

* * * change of view

disclaimer: i don't own yugioh!

Chapter 4

It was quiet in the kitchen has Ryou sat on the couch. He was worried about Bakura. He had never looked so confused before and he had no clue how to help him, or even if he could. It was strange seeing him like that since he was always so confident about what he did and acted. Even if most of the time what he did was unpleasant to others. Even when he was rude to others or caused him pain, he was always confident. He never seemed to show weakness of any kind even to Ryou. He could only wonder what was going through the accent spirit’s mind right now and that worried him even more because right now he couldn’t seem to figure out Bakura at all.

‘If only I could help Bakura in some way,’ Ryou thought. He looked at the t.v. and reached for the remote. He turned it on and begun to flip through the channels. Nothing was really catching his eye so he left it on the music channel. The noise coming into the room giving him something to focus on while he thought. ‘If there was just something I could do to help clear his mind then hopefully things would go back to normal.’ But Ryou didn’t really want things to go back to the way they once were. ‘If only we could be happy together then things would be all right.’

It was a dream that he kept close to his heart and one that he wished would come true someday soon. But until that day comes he had more important things to deal with. More important matters to be concerned about, but he was unsure o how he should go about it. If it was anyone else, he would know what he could so to help them, but Bakura was no ordinary person. So he had no clue on how to go about this. Talking would be involved and it wasn’t something that Bakura did unless it involved some plan on getting the millennium items or on some revenge scheme. Getting Bakura to talk about his problems, or himself well be difficult. How could he go about it without enraging Bakura? He didn’t want to pry into Bakura’s past but he was curious about what his life was like before he was trapped in the ring. He wanted to know what could have happened to make Bakura into the person he was today. He would have to proceed carefully and slowly and hopefully Bakura would say what was bothering him, maybe even let him help. But it would be worth it if it worked. He nodded to himself as he continued to think. He hoped that if he could get Bakura to open up, even just a little bit that maybe it would all just come out like a flood wall coming down. He would just have to watch out for through throwing objects. He doubted that Bakura would breakdown crying and most likely get angry and throw things around. He let out a sigh.

‘This is going to be harder to go about then I wish it would be. But I want to help, I can’t back out now and let things go back to the way they were. If I want things to change for the better I have to do something, anything or things well remain the same.’ Ryou shuddered at the thought of how cruel Bakura could be when provoked, often depending on his moods it didn’t take much to provoke him. But lately Bakura had been distracted for some reason. He had been acting off form his regular moods, he was treating Ryou nicer and it was noticed. Ryou would notice when Bakura would do something different then normal then try to cover it up with an excuse or rough behaviour. In a way it was cute to watch and it started around the time that Bakura began to stand our tin the rain. It was when Ryou began to worry about him.

He had known for a while now that Bakura was the only one for him, despite all that was done to him. He knew that he loved Bakura and was willing to endure whatever it was just so he could stay by his side. Maybe he was just being foolish but he couldn’t help but hope that maybe Bakura was starting to have feelings for him. Even though he always thought such emotions to be weak and useless. He couldn’t help but hope deep in his heart that things were beginning to change for the better.

“Now all I have to do is finds a way to talk to Bakura.” He said to himself.

“Talk to me about what?” A voice said behind him.

“BAKURA!” Ryou jumped up and spun around. “I thought you were in the kitchen” he said nervously.

“I was. I finished eating and came in here to find you talking to yourself.”

“Oh” Ryou said sitting back down. “I was just thinking out loud that’s all. Why don’t you go lay down and get some rest so your fever doesn’t come back?” He smiled nervously at Bakura hoping he would go. But it didn’t look like that was going to happen as Bakura came around and sat down next to him.

“I well but it sounds like you want to talk to me about something first.”

Ryou paled for a moment at Bakura’s words. He wanted to talk to him but not so soon. He still wasn’t sure on how to begin this conservation, let alone what else he planned to say.

‘Well I guess it’s now or never, but I still would have liked a little more time to prepare.’ He noticed Bakura looking at him funny as he composed himself.

* * * *
‘I wonder what I said to make him go pale’ Bakura thought. ‘He was the one that said he wanted to talk. Maybe this would be a good chance to get things cleared up between us a little bit.’ He watched Ryou compose himself. ‘He looks so cute when he makes that face.’ He paused for a moment rethinking what he just thought. ‘Well I have thought stranger things, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by that thought. ‘Either way I think this should be interesting,’ he sat and watched Ryou.

“When you are ready Ryou” he said patiently keeping his voice calm so he wouldn’t scare Ryou. He could see how nervous he was. Ryou looked at him and gave him a smile that made his heart skip a beat.

‘Yes it would be different. It would be worth it if we could work things out between us.’ He relaxed as he watched Ryou. He looked like he had calmed down enough to start their talk. ‘Well it looks like we can start now.’

* * * *

Ryou finally calmed down enough to talk.

“Well I wanted to talk about us actually and why you have been acting differently lately. Why you go out in the rain and don’t come back tell it’s over . . .” He trailed off hoping he hadn’t gone too far.

“I go out in the rain to think.”

Ryou looked at Bakura shocked. He honestly wasn’t expecting an answer from him. It seemed Bakura was actually in the mood to talk.

“Lately I’ve been noticing a few things and the rain helps me to think, to sort out my thoughts and clear my head.”

“Oh, but wouldn’t it have been easier just to sit by the window?”

“No. It’s just not the sound of the rain. It’s the feel of it too. The coldness of the rain has it soaks your clothing, the feel of it has it comes down from the sky to land on you. Then run down your body touching every part of you has it obeys the command of gravity and makes its way to the ground. The sound it makes around you varies depending on the rainfall. It’s calming and relaxing so my thought flow freer. The wind blows forcing the rain to fall differently making it change its natural pattern and changing the way it hits the body. It also makes the rain feel colder and harsher had it falls. Changing the pattern of my thoughts. In a way it was like an escape. It shielding me in its cold embrace so I can find peace in my thoughts and perhaps my soul.” Bakura had stopped speaking and looked at Ryou.

“I had no idea you felt that way Bakura,” Ryou was mystified by his words. Bakura had spoken with such emotion that he forgot who he was listening to. When he looked into Bakura’s eyes, he could see just how much emotion there was, it reviled that which he heard in his voice if not more. It was overwhelming. It was like he was a completely different person then what he let on, and maybe he was. Bakura always appeared cold and cruel in the past, enjoying the pain that he inflected on others, but the person that sat before him right now was not that person.

“That’s what I feel when I stand in the rain. I stay out has long has I can, waiting for the rain to numb me. To numb my body, mind, my emotions and soul so that I no longer feel these new emotions that this new time has brought out. Or maybe its just old emotions that I buried so long ago that I forgot about them. In a way it’s heard to tell, but the rain doesn’t work anymore. When I started, it kept everything at bay. I was able to be myself for a time but slowly things begun to change. At first it was little things that I didn’t notice until recently, and then it was the way I was beginning to act toward you. After that I was beginning to look at myself differently too. I tried to cover up little slips but I got the feeling that you noticed.” Ryou nodded.

“It was kinda hard to hide when you would say or do something nice or out of character and then yell, glare or hit something to try to cover it up. It confused and worried me. I had no clue what was going through your mind. No idea what could be wrong, or causing you to act in such a way.” Ryou looked at Bakura, watching him as he stared at the t.v., not really watching it. Ryou had forgotten that it was even on once Bakura started talking. His gaze was else where when Bakura started to talk again. Ryou held his breath unsure of what to expect from the spirit that sat next to him.

“I was trying too hid the changes that I was going through. Trying to put myself back to the way I was before, but finding that I didn’t like that. I didn’t like the way I saw myself. When I tried to go back, I saw how I was and a part of me despised it. At times it almost made me sick when I acted the way I did, it was only to cover up so no one would notice but still me no longer liked who I was and a part of me seemed to want to change if only a little bit. But a part doesn’t really want to change either.”

“Change is difficult no matter what it is. But it’s not necessarily a bad thing.” The look Bakura gave him made Ryou nervous again. He wasn’t sure when he had relaxed but now he hoped he hadn’t just said something wrong.

“Change isn’t easy no matter the time, but there are some things worth changing for.” The tone in Bakura’s voice made Ryou wonder what he meant. It sounded almost hopeful for some reason.

“Do you have a reason for changing Bakura?” Ryou asked quietly, almost not wanting to know.

“At first no. I thought I was just getting soft, but then I started to see things that I hadn’t noticed before and I began to wonder what things would be like. If some things would be worth it, to find someone and be happy . . . maybe.” Bakura trailed off lost in his thoughts once more. A silence settled between them as they sat on the couch. The only noise coming from the t.v. has the song changed only to be ignored. Ryou was puzzled by Bakura’s last sentence.

‘He just wants to find someone and be happy.’ Ryou’s heart skipped a beat. ‘I wonder if he’s found someone already, maybe I’m too late and he’s together with someone else right now which is why he is acting strange’ he thought sadly.
“Have you found someone to make you happy?” Ryou whispered.

* * * *
Ryou sounded so sad to Bakura. He looked st him and he was staring at the couch. It was a good question he just wasn’t sure how to answer it. He knew what he wanted to say he just didn’t know how Ryou would react. He didn’t want to scare his light off but he did want him to know how he felt and what he wanted.

‘Maybe I should risk it. I don’t want to scare him off but I do want him to know how I feel and what I would like. Unless I put it off, I could risk losing him to someone else and it would be my fault. I know I’ve never treated him the way he was meant to be but I can change that and show him what he means to me.’

“I think I have found that someone but it all depends on him.”

“What do you mean?” it was a quiet question that Bakura almost missed to the music coming from the t.v..

“I’ve never really treated this person the way they were meant to be treated so when I tell him how I feel I have no clue how he well takes it.”

“Him?”

“Yes him. It seems that I like guys better then I thought I did. Do you have a problem with that?” He watched Ryou for any reaction to what he just said. But it was heard to tell since he was looking intently at the couch fabric he was sitting on. He didn’t say anything so Bakura decided that he would continue.

“I’ve known this person for a while now and I’ve never been nice to him. I’ve always been cruel and heartless and have done all that I could to make his life impossible. I’ve shown him nothing but pain and terror. I’ve given him no reason to trust me. But lately I’ve begun to see this person differently. My view of his has changed so much from what it used to be that it’s beginning to affect how I treat him. I want to show him what he means to me, to treat him how he was always meant to be treated. It would be a challenge for both of us and I don’t know how he well take it. I would really like a chance to show him how much he means to me. To show him that I can change for the better. To make up for all the pain and suffering that I caused you. To show you how much I love you.”

Ryou’s head shot up so fast that Bakura thought he might have gotten whiplash. He could tell that he was shocked by what he said.

“Me?” Bakura could hear how shaky Ryou’s voice was he even saw tears gathered at the corners of his eyes.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t have told him, it seems I’ve only upset him with my confession.’ Bakura thought as he watched Ryou. He looked like he was ready to cry. Once again he had made Ryou cry but this time it wasn’t what he wanted to do. He wanted him to smile, to be happy, but it seamed that all he could do was make him cry. ‘All I wanted to do was make those tears go away . . . I wonder . . . ’
“Ryou just sit here for a moment I’ll be right back.” With that Bakura got up and made his way to his room.

* * * *
Ryou was shocked at what he heard. He couldn’t believe it but it was true, he was so happy that he could cry. The one thing that he desired more then anything else came true before his eyes. Bakura sounded so hopeful when he said it too. It made Ryou feel so warm to hear those words from Bakura. ‘But he looked so sad when I didn’t say anything. I should have told him then how I feel. Now that I know how he feels it well be easier for me. I wonder if he thinks that I’ve rejected him with my silence. I was just so shocked. My mind went blank. When he comes back, I’ll tell him. I wonder where he went.’ Ryou sat on the couch looking at the spot that Bakura left. ‘I hope he doesn’t take long.’ The music from the t.v. began to fill the room, being listened to for the first time that day.

* * * *
Bakura stood in him room staring at the object sitting on his bed. It was a simple white teddy bear which he had got the other day. He had seen it in the store and thought of Ryou. He figured that was why he had bought it, but he had no idea what to do with it. He didn’t think that Ryou would accept anything from him after what just happened but it was worth a try. If it could bring a smile to Ryou’s lips then it would be worth it. He picked up the bear and headed back down. He found Ryou sitting where he left him. It surprised him. His back was to him so Bakura approached him quietly. Watching Ryou as he got closer. Ryou was watching the music channel while he waited. Bakura just hoped that Ryou would accept his gift even if he thought it was a hollow jester.

“Ryou” he said quietly holding the bear behind his back. Ryou stood up and faced him.

“Yes” he said shyly. Bakura looked him in the eye searching for anything that might give him any clue of to what he was thinking or feeling. Bakura didn’t want to make Ryou anymore uncomfortable than he already did. But he did want to know that he meant what he said.

“There’s something I want you to have if you would accept it.”

Ryou looked surprised as Bakura showed him the bear that was behind his back. He looked at the bear so he didn’t have to see Ryou’s face. He felt silly giving him the bear, but he wanted him to smile and for some reason that was all the matter at the moment. Ryou reached out slowly and took the bear from Bakura. Their fingers brushed each other gently as he did.

“For me” Ryou said quietly. Bakura looked up from the bear to Ryou.

“Yes, for you” Bakura replied. Ryou looked up from the bear to Bakura.

“Why?”

“Why?! Because I thought, you would like it!” Bakura snapped. Mushy stuff was definitely not his thing and this was making him uncomfortable. Bakura crossed his arms across his chest. He heard a chuckle and looked at Ryou. He was holding the bear to his chest smiling. It was a small smile but it was enough for Bakura.

“Thank you. I know this isn’t your thing and I appreciate it. About what you said earlier, I just wanted to tell you that I love you too.” Bakura was shocked. “You got up so fast that I didn’t have a chance to tell you. I have for a while now but I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Really!”

“Really. Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

“I do. I didn’t know when it happened but it did. At first I fought it but then I began to see things differently. I noticed things that I didn’t see or feel before. It took me a while to figure out what I was feeling and why. But when I did I had no clue what I should do. I had done so many things to hurt you that I figured you wouldn’t care for me the way I cared for you. I had been blind to my own feelings besides hate and cruelty that it confused me when I felt something other then that. I tried everything I could think of to try and stop the way I felt, but I couldn’t. As for standing in the rain . . . I tried to freeze the emotions, but it didn’t work. All it got me was a cold. Thank you for watching over me.”

Talking like this wasn’t easy for Bakura, but for some reason the words just flew for him. It was strange but he felt better now that he said what was needed to be said.

“So that’s why you went out into the rain. It worried me when you did that. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know if I could help.” Concern reflected in Ryou’s eyes making Bakura feel ashamed for worrying him so.

‘He wanted to help me! All this time he was worried and I didn’t see it. That’s why he waited up for me.’ Bakura smiled at Ryou. Closed the distanced between them, embracing Ryou in a hug. If felt right for him to do this as the tension in the air disappeared. Leaving understanding between the two as Ryou returned the hug. They held each other enjoying the closeness. It was new wonderful for both of them.

“So I guess this means that we are together now” Ryou asked. His face buried in Bakura’s shirt.

“Yeah, now that I know how you feel I don’t plan to let you go,” he replied on a yawn.

“You’re still tired.”

“Maybe.”

“Lay down on the couch and take a nap.”


“Only if you join me.”

“All right, I think there might be a movie on too.”

Ryou grabbed the remote and layed on the couch.

“Comfy?” Bakura asked as he lay on top of him. “I’m not to heavy am I?”

“No.”

Ryou started to flip through the channels as he combed his fingers through Bakura’s hair. He found something decent and looked down at Bakura. His head rested on Ryou’s shoulder, eyes closed in sleep. Ryou wrapped his arms around him and drifted off to sleep.


tbc


well thanks for reading. Hopefully I won’t be so long with the next chapter.