Marik, We Know

Ryou and Marik's relationship was going well. They were in love, and everything was good. Except...




Except lately, Marik had felt drawn to the ruins where the Millennium Ring was buried. He didn't understand why, but he felt like something inside of him was pulling him to go there. He didn't tell Ryou about it. The boy seemed to be healing- seemed to actually be happy lately- and he didn't want to burden him with this. But he couldn't seem to help going. He sneaked out at night to go and sit there, just staring into the darkness. He didn't even know why he went. What was the point? But still, he felt compelled to do so.



"Bakura...I don't think you can hear me...but if you're out there somewhere, I miss you," he said one night, into the nothingness, feeling foolish. He didn't even know if the thief's soul existed at all anymore. Thief King Bakura's soul had merged with Zorc's; it was possible that his soul had been destroyed along with Zorc. That idea disturbed Marik more than anything- the thought that Bakura was completely gone, his very essence destroyed forever. Every part of Marik's being rebelled against the idea, but he couldn't stop thinking of it.



Even if Bakura's soul still existed somewhere, it may have gone somewhere very unpleasant. If Bakura was in Hell, could he hear Marik from there? Probably not. But more and more, he felt the compulsion to speak to him. Even if he was just talking to himself.



"Bakura, if you can hear me somehow, I'm sorry I never told you that I love you when you were alive," he said one night. "I figured you'd probably smack me and call me an idiot if I said that to you. Hell, you probably would have- even though I know now that you felt the same way. Ryou told me. I'm still sorry I never told you, though. I'll take care of Ryou for you." Marik was crying now. Gods, he hated it when he cried. If Bakura knew he was crying over him, he probably would have called him an idiot for that, too. He smiled a little at that thought, a bittersweet smile through the tears that he couldn't stop.



Then the dreams started. He kept dreaming that Bakura was trapped someplace, calling out to him. He would awaken in a cold sweat, feeling disturbed. Then he'd look at over Ryou's angelic form, still asleep, and he'd thank the gods that he hadn't woken him. Why couldn't he stop this?



Though he hid his torment from Ryou, he actually drew closer to him during this time, needing the companionship and the affection. "I love you," he told Ryou. He told him over and over, as if to make up for all the times he'd never said those words to Bakura. But it didn't make up for it. Ryou would always smile sweetly and return the sentiment- never a hint of malice from Ryou; he didn't have it in him. So wasn't Marik better off this way? He truly did love Ryou- so why couldn't he stop his longing for Bakura? Of course, Ryou had warned him from the start that he could never be a replacement for Bakura. Ryou had known. Ryou was wise and world-weary in a way that belied his innocent demeanor.




One day, Ryou and Marik were sitting together in their special place, talking. Marik was trying to keep the conversation light, but this had been getting more and more difficult lately. Finally he just laid his head down on Ryou's shoulder and closed his eyes. They sat in silence for a time.



"Marik..." Ryou started. Marik looked up at him. "Do you ever wonder..." Ryou faltered, as if he wasn't sure whether he should say this. Finally he decided to continue. "Do you ever wonder if Bakura's soul is still out there somewhere?"



"Of course I do!" Marik exclaimed, much more quickly and fervently than he'd intended. "I wonder about it all the time," Marik finished softly, his eyes downcast.



"I wasn't sure at first, but now...I think his soul still exists. I'm almost positive of it," said Ryou.



"What makes you so sure?" asked Marik.



"Well, I know his soul was merged with Zorc's, and Zorc was destroyed. But Zorc was an embodiment of pure evil. You can destroy that, but can you actually destroy a human soul? I've thought about it a lot, I don't think you can. The soul is eternal," said Ryou.




"Even if he still exists, what if he's..." Marik paused, unsure whether he wanted to bring up such an unpleasant idea. But then he decided that it was time to finally be honest with his lover. He'd been hiding too much, and there wasn't even any reason for it, because Ryou thought about Bakura too- of course he did. Originally they'd been able to talk about their pain together, and it had helped both of them. Why had they stopped? He had wanted to try to move on and find happiness with Ryou- and he had found some happiness with him, certainly. But he still hadn't been able to stop the sadness he felt over losing Bakura. He'd thought that he was protecting Ryou by avoiding the subject of Bakura, but he realized now that he couldn't protect Ryou from this. Ryou would never stop missing Bakura, either; Ryou had told him that from the start, too. Avoiding the subject wouldn't make the pain disappear for either of them.



"What if he's what?" asked Ryou.



"What if...if he's in Hell?" Marik finally asked, wincing at the thought. Somehow, the idea of Bakura being in Hell was better than the idea of his soul having been completely obliterated, but it was still terrible.



Ryou shook his head violently. "No, the gods wouldn't send him to Hell," Ryou said. "Bakura didn't even know that a piece of Zorc's soul was already in the Ring when he placed his soul into it. He was just trying to preserve his soul so that he could eventually get vengeance for the murder of his family and friends. It's not his fault that his soul was merged with Zorc's. Towards the end, I think Zorc's soul was starting to suppress his soul more and more. We used to share awareness so often...but I don't even know what happened during his final days, except by second-hand accounts. I wasn't aware during that time...it was like being asleep, the same way it was when I first got the Ring. If it had been him in control- Bakura- I would have been aware, I would have been there with him. But Zorc was making the decisions in those final days. I know Bakura did some bad things in his own right, before the very end when Zorc started taking over everything. But as I've said before, he had good reasons for the things he did. He just wanted justice for what happened to his village."



Marik nodded slowly, unsure whether to allow himself to believe that Bakura's soul actually still existed somewhere, and that he wasn't suffering in some eternal Hell.



"Bakura was a jerk," Ryou said suddenly, and Marik laughed at his frank admission. "He was a jerk," Ryou continued, "and you and I both know it. But we also both know he had a good heart deep down. He cared about his deceased family and friends from his village, he cared about me...and he cared about you. And he's still out there somewhere, and he's trapped."




Marik widened his eyes. "What makes you say that?" he asked.



"Well..." said Ryou, "The thing is, lately, I've felt drawn to the place where the Ring is buried. I started going there...and then I started having these dreams. I kept dreaming that Bakura was trapped, calling out to me."



"You're kidding!" said Marik. "I've been having exactly the same kind of dreams! And I've been going to the place where the Ring is buried, too...because I felt something pulling me there. Why didn't you tell me you were going there? Why didn't you tell me you were having these dreams?"



Ryou shrugged. "Same reason you didn't tell me, I guess."



"I didn't want to upset you with it..." said Marik. "Anyways, I thought they were just dreams. But if you're having the same dreams, too...is it real, Ryou? Is he really trapped somewhere?"



"He's in the Ring," said Ryou with surety. "I don't know how I know, exactly, but I do. It makes sense, anyways. When Zorc was destroyed, the Thief King's soul was still in the Ring. So that's where he still is. And he can't get out."




Marik took a moment to absorb this. If this was all real, then Bakura's soul still existed...but was being trapped inside the Ring, all alone, forever, much better than being in Hell?



"So...we can't do anything, then," Marik said with a sad sigh. "The Ring is buried. And all the Millennium items are sealed away forever, and there's no way to retrieve any of them."



"We can't get the Millennium items, but maybe we can get his soul," said Ryou. "A soul should be able to travel through matter. Maybe we can draw his soul out of the Ring somehow, without actually getting the Ring."



"But how could we ever do that?" asked Marik, not even wanting to dare to hope.



"I don't know," said Ryou sadly.



Marik thought for a moment. "Well, I come from generations upon generations of tomb keepers. My ancestors knew something about magics. Maybe there's a spell? Something that could draw out a soul? I have no idea if such a thing exists, but I can search and try to find something."




"That would be wonderful, if it could be done," said Ryou.



"Don't get your hopes up, Ryou. I don't know if I can find anything. There may not be anything in existence," said Marik. He feared that if he tried to find something, he would fail, and he'd only end up crushing his own hopes and disappointing Ryou in the process.



"Just try, Marik. Please. I know this is as hard for you as it is for me. But he needs us, Marik," said Ryou.



Marik nodded. He would try. For both Bakura and Ryou's sake...and his own.



So, Marik searched. He didn't think he would find anything...but he did. And it wouldn't do. They couldn't use that spell. So he kept searching. But there was nothing else. He searched in every place he knew, and there just wasn't anything else.



Finally, one day, Ryou confronted him. "You know something, don't you?" said Ryou. It was more of a statement than a question. "I've been getting to know you quite well, and I think I'm starting to be able to tell when you're hiding something. What did you find, Marik?"




Marik hesitated. He wanted to lie, to say there was nothing, but the look on Ryou's face was making it impossible. "Look, Ryou...I did find something, a spell that can be used to draw a soul to you when it's trapped somewhere in the Earthly realm. But we can't use it, Ryou. I can't let you," he said.



"What do you mean?" asked Ryou.



"It's...well, part of it seems simple. It involves making a circle on the ground, stepping into the circle, and saying an incantation. It has to be started before the sun sets on the night of Sham el-Nessim, and a magical barrier prevents anything from entering or leaving the circle until the sun rises the next morning. But the thing is...the ritual requires blood. A minimum of seven hons of blood, spilled inside the circle. And not just any blood. The blood has to come from...well, the best translation would be "the body containing the other half of the soul that is being summoned." It doesn't mean the literal other half of the soul, as in a split soul or anything. It means the soul's metaphorical "other half." In Bakura's case, that would have to be you, Ryou. And I can't let you do it," Marik said.



"Why not?" asked Ryou. "If I have to spill a little blood..."



"It's not just a little, Ryou. It's seven hons. The ancient Egyptians measured volume in hons, and seven hons is...well, it's the majority of the blood in your body. It's meant to be a sacrifice, Ryou. In those days, there's no way anyone could have survived after losing seven hons of blood. With today's medicine, a person might- might- be able survive losing that much blood with immediate medical treatment. But if anyone is in the circle at the start of the ritual- anyone besides the spirit's metaphorical "other half"- then the spell won't work. And as I said, once the ritual starts, nothing can enter or leave the circle until the sun rises the next morning. Since the ritual has to start before sundown on Sham el-Nessim, that's about twelve hours before anyone else can enter the circle and get to you. You would die, Ryou," said Marik.



"I don't care," said Ryou. "I would die for him. Besides, if I die, I'm sure I'd be reincarnated. But Bakura is trapped- he can't be reincarnated, he can't do anything, he's just trapped, all by himself for the rest of eternity...if I don't do something."




"Ryou! I just can't let you do it! I have to protect you- not only because I love you, but also because I promised it to Bakura," said Marik.



"But I just...I can't sit and do nothing, when I know there's a way I can save him," said Ryou.



"I can't lose you," said Marik.



"Maybe there's another way," said Ryou thoughtfully.



Marik shook his head. "I've looked and looked, Ryou. There's no other spell."



"I don't mean another spell," said Ryou. "I mean another way with this spell...do you remember what I said to you when I first came to talk to you? I said I knew that you would understand how I felt, losing my other half...because you lost your other half, too. Maybe we both qualify as the other half of his soul...if we both entered the circle, and combined our blood..."




"Me, the other half of his soul?" Marik scoffed. "Do you really think he loved me...that much?"



"Yes," said Ryou simply.



"I just can't believe..." said Marik. He started over. "It's a big gamble, Ryou. Even losing three and a half hons of blood can cause death with no medical treatment. And if we don't both actually qualify as the other half of his soul...well, the spell would fail, and we might both be dead on top of that."



"We have to try!" said Ryou fiercely. "Besides, if we die, we'd be reincarnated. We'd have another chance at happiness. Bakura has none, being trapped all alone, forever. I don't want to lose you, either, Marik...I love you...but I couldn't live with myself, knowing that there's a way I could have freed Bakura, and I didn't even try. Could you? Could you really?"



"I guess not," said Marik in resignation. "But if this doesn't work, and you die, then I will have lost both of you. How could I live with that?"



"By knowing that you did everything you could to save Bakura," said Ryou.




"Look, if we do this- if- then you have to go first. You have to spill your blood first, because once a person has bled that much, they'll pass out. I'll wait to spill my own blood until you're done. That way, I can be fully aware and able to bandage you and put a tourniquet on you. Then I can start cutting myself," said Marik. He was almost positive that he could ensure Ryou's survival if they did things this way. There would still be some risk to Ryou- he couldn't kid himself about that- but the risk would be minimal.



"But what about you?" asked Ryou. "If I've already passed out, who will bandage you?"



"I'm bigger than you, so I should be able to stay conscious for longer. I can take care of myself; don't worry. That's the deal. I won't do it otherwise. I have to protect you the best I can," said Marik. Marik wasn't truly so confident in his ability to bandage himself and survive, but he wasn't going to tell Ryou that. If he did, Ryou wouldn't agree to do things in the way that he'd suggested; Ryou would insist on putting himself in more danger for Marik's sake.



Ryou sighed. "I don't like it. I don't like leaving you take care of yourself once I've passed out. But if you really think you can handle it...and if it's the only way...then I guess we have to do it. When in this Sham el-whatever thing anyways?"



"Sham el-Nessim is a holiday that has been celebrated in Egypt for many thousands of years. It's the vernal equinox. It'll be in a couple of months," Marik told him.



Ryou nodded solemnly. Marik shook his head and smiled an ironic smile. He was putting his life on the line based on the theory that he was important enough to Bakura to qualify as the other half of his soul. It was completely ridiculous. And he was going to do it anyways. For Bakura. And for Ryou, too.




Now that Marik and Ryou had decided to go through with the ritual, neither of them seemed to want to talk about it. But it was obvious that it was on both of their minds. They kissed like they were dying, and made love like they were dying- because maybe they were.



When it was finally time, Marik made the circle. He made it near the place where the Ring was buried- he wasn't sure whether that would help, but he figured it couldn't hurt. He had the scroll with the incantation on it, and a container to measure out seven hons of blood. The first drop of blood would have to be spilled in the circle before the sun set.



Marik stood outside the circle holding a very sharp knife. The sun was dipping low in the sky. "Are you sure about this, Ryou?" Marik asked, already knowing the answer.



Ryou was holding an armful of bandages. "I'm sure," he said.



Marik grabbed Ryou and kissed him fiercely, trying not to wonder if it might be the last time. Ryou, on the other hand, finally seemed serene, and returned the kiss gently.



"I swear I won't let anything happen to you," whispered Marik.




"I know," said Ryou. "And you be careful with yourself. I'm counting on you to make it through this."



The sun was almost down. The two looked at each other and nodded, then walked into the circle. Marik handed Ryou the knife. Ryou slashed his arm with no hesitation. His hand didn't even shake. Marik knew that that Ryou had demonstrated a willingness to die for his friends before, and yet the little Hikari's bravery still amazed him. Marik began reading the incantation from the scroll. There would not be time to do so later- later, he'd be busy bandaging Ryou and then cutting himself. It was good to be able to concentrate on reading the incantation. That way, he didn't have to watch Ryou bleeding.



By the time Marik was done reading, the container was almost half full, and Ryou was clearly fading. Marik put his arms around him. "I've got you," Marik said. Ryou's head was dropping, and he was obviously struggling to stay conscious. This was enough- Marik had to do something. He grabbed Ryou's arm and began covering the wound. As Ryou bled through the bandages, Marik took the knife from where Ryou had dropped it and slashed his own arm- if blood stopped flowing in the circle, the ritual would be broken. He then used another bandage as a tourniquet to tie off Ryou's arm so that his bleeding would stop. By this time, Ryou had passed out, so Marik laid him gently on the ground. He quickly added another layer of bandages to Ryou's arm to cover the ones that were now completely soaked in blood.



Marik held his own bleeding arm over the container as he used his free hand to apply pressure to Ryou's wound. He knew that some blood had been spilled outside of the container, but there was no way to tell exactly how much. He supposed that meant that he didn't have to fill the container completely- but he didn't want to risk ending up with less than the correct amount of blood.



Marik stared at his own bleeding arm, and wondered at the fact that he didn't feel any pain. All he felt was worry for Ryou, and a desperate hope that this ritual would work. He looked over at Ryou. Ryou didn't seem to be bleeding anymore. That was good. It didn't mean that Ryou was totally out of danger, but it meant he had a very good chance of making it.



As the container neared fullness, Marik felt himself becoming delirious. He saw colors and shapes in front of him, things he knew weren't really there. The thoughts in his mind were broken and rambling as he prayed to the gods that the spell had worked.




Something in the back of his mind told him it was time to start bandaging his wounds, but he didn't know if he had the strength. He felt like he was about to faint, but he somehow found the will to reach over and grab a bandage and attempt to wrap it around his arm. But his vision was going dark. He was collapsing onto the ground. He wouldn't be able to finish bandaging himself- he knew that now. He regretted that he would die without ever having told Bakura how he felt. Had the ritual even worked? There was no way to know.



He could feel himself slipping away from consciousness. With effort, he turned his head, looking at Ryou. He wanted to see Ryou one more time. It was hard to see him clearly- colors and shapes were still dancing all around in front of his eyes. A silvery form was hovering over Ryou. It looked like...but no, it had to be one of his hallucinations. Darkness closed in, and he thought no more.