To Find a Hidden Love

Title: To Find a Hidden Love

Author: Daisey

Rating: R

Pairing: Atem/Katenen (Yami/Jou); mention of Yugi/Katenen (Yugi/Jou), Atem/ Seth (Yami/ Seto)

Beta: Akuchan **hugs**

Spoilers: None that I'm aware of

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or it's characters, just a few keepsakes, cards, and daydreams that are precious to me...(not to mention VHS tapes, DVD's, manga... ^__^ )

A/N: I have included some Egyptian/Arabic words in the text to add to the feel to the story; explanations/definitions will be listed at the end of the chapter.

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"Yugi... Merwet..." Tawny eyes blinked heavily as the blonde came back into consciousness. The woman next to him gave a startled gasp and called over her shoulder to her Hi.

"Herihor, hurry. He awakens." She turned back to the prone figure before her, removing the damp rag from his forehead to remoisten it. A gentle hand landed on her shoulder, and Herihor smiled down at Anhay lovingly as she replaced the rag on Katenen’s head.

"It is because of your excellent healing skills that he has revived so quickly," he complimented, allowing his pride toward his Hemet to show through his voice. "I thank Sekhmet daily that she blessed you with her gift. What is it, Merwet?" he asked, noting the expression of sorrow on Anhay's face.

"He calls for him," she intoned softly. "He calls for his Love, but Yugi Re-Pat cannot hear his pleas."

"But... I ~saw~ him..." Husband and wife ~both~ gasped as Katenen spoke. "In Atem's chambers..." he persisted, attempting to sit up. "He stood before me there." Dazed eyes turned to Herihor. "Why am I here?" he asked weakly. "Why did you take me from him?" Herihor gazed sorrowfully at the blonde.

"Katenen, I must ask you... have you ~never~ laid eyes on Atem before today?"

"Of course I have," he snapped, a hint of his defiance returning. "I attend the ceremonies required of a worshipper of Ra."

The guard shook his head and heaved a sigh. "But you have never seen him elsewhere? A street procession perhaps, ~without~ the encumbrances of his ceremonial dress?" The blonde's face flushed slightly.

"What does this matter?" he demanded, sliding off the pallet and standing shakily. "If you will not take me to him, then I will find him myself." Herihor felt rather than heard Anhay's stifled sob and, while his heart also ached for Katenen, he knew that he must bring an end to the other's denial. The hand that had so gently squeezed his Hemet's shoulder reached out and roughly grasped the young man's arm.

"Katenen you ~must~ stop this," he insisted harshly. "Yugi has passed; you told me so yourself. Now come." He began to lead the blonde through his chambers. "I will show what has caused you to think as you do. But you must be quiet," he added once Anhay could no longer hear them. "For my life will be forfeit if we are caught." Katenen nodded and silently followed the guard out of his rooms and into the hall that led to the royal quarters. This time, however, the two bypassed the heavy doors. Katenen's curiosity piqued when Herihor- after insuring that the hallway was empty save for them- lifted a heavy tapestry and slid behind it, only to re-appear moments later. "Go," he instructed, his voice lower than a whisper. "It is safe. But you must not stay long."

After hesitating a moment, Katenen did as he was told, slipping behind the wall hanging. Blindly he followed the narrow tunnel, silently sighing in relief as it began to widen out. Cautiously the blonde lifted the tapestry at the end of the passage and froze, once again feeling as if a fist had tightened around his heart. The hidden walkway had led to Atem Nisu's chambers; the tapestry hanging behind the very chaise that the god-king had lounged on earlier that day. However, this time, the seat was empty as Atem paced to and fro in front of the dais.

Comprehension filled Katenen's mind and shattered his heart as he realized who he had ~truly~ seen. Despite the tears that nearly blinded his eyes, he could see the differences between the king and his Merwet clearly. Atem was taller, if only by a few inches and his hair had more of the golden streaks in it than Yugi's had. His facial features were sharper than Yugi's... his skin tone slightly darker. But it was the eyes... the crimson, slanted eyes of Atem Nisu that ~really~ made the difference; so different they were from the kind and gentle amethyst ones of his Merwet.

"He is gone," he whispered brokenly, stumbling through the darkness back to where Herihor waited. "My Yugi is truly gone."

Herihor held his breath as the tapestry parted from the wall and Katenen stepped out. He sighed in a mixture of relief and pity as he saw the pained clarity in the blonde's amber eyes that he had remembered from earlier that day. "Forgive me, Katenen," the brunette stated softly as they returned to his quarters. "But I knew of no other way. It would have served no purpose to have let you continue on as you were." He paused outside the door and once again placed a hand on the other's arm, his touch just as gentle this time as it had been for his Hemet. "You witnessed his passing," Herihor said. "You brought Yugi Re-Pat home so that he might be properly entombed. You proved yourself to Atem Nisu, and you have accepted the fact that your Merwet is gone. Now the healing can begin."

Katenen looked at the brunette in grateful surprise; he was the first one to verbally acknowledge what he and Yugi had been. "But... what is to become of me?" he inquired, feeling somewhat like a petulant child when he heard the quiver in his voice.

"That is yet to be decided." Herihor dropped his eyes away from the pained ones of the blonde. "Atem Nisu has postponed all activities, save the ceremonies of Ra, until after the period of mourning is over and the rite of entombment is complete." He winced at Katenen's startled gasp.

"But that is at ~least~ seventy days!" Herihor looked up contritely, just in time to see the blonde's eyes harden as he turned away.

"Wh... where are you going?"

"I am leaving," Katenen stated firmly. "There is nothing for me here." The slender man snorted derisively as he moved down the hall. "There never was."

"Katenen, wait!" the guard exclaimed, reluctantly putting his hand to his sword, "I cannot let you go." His expression became desperate as he watched the blonde wave his command away. Drawing his sword, Herihor gave chase, increasing his pace as Katenen did. "Does my life mean so little to you then?" He called out. "Did we not form a bond, you and I?" The blonde paused at his words and gave the approaching brunette a questioning glance. "When you regained consciousness did you not wonder why you were in my chambers instead of a healing ward... or a prison cell?" Herihor asked, lowering his sword yet keeping it unsheathed lest the blonde run again. "For that was Atem's intent: to lock you away for the seventy days whilst he pondered his decision." Katenen's face paled slightly and he took a step away. "But I interceded on your behalf." The brunette's voice rose slightly as he gestured with his sword. "I risked death and separation from my Anhay simply by ~addressing~ our king without consent. When I finally convinced him that it would be an insult to Yugi Re-Pat's ka to have his Merwet-ib imprisoned and unable to properly mourn, he consented to releasing you to me... with my life ~and~ Anhay's as forfeit should you escape." By the time Herihor had finished, Katenen had slumped against the wall, tears once again filling his eyes.

"I... did not know..." he rasped, drawing a shaky hand down his face. "Of course, Herihor. Of course I'll return with you." Almost meekly, the blonde fell into pace, slightly ahead of the guard. They continued silently, the only sound being that of Herihor finally sheathing his sword. Once again they paused outside of the brunette's door, only this time it was Katenen who brought them to a halt. "I did, you know. Sense the bond between us," he explained at Herihor's look of confusion. "I felt it almost immediately. I can never repay you for what you have done, Herihor. From almost the moment we met you have shown me nothing but kindness."

Herihor blushed lightly at the blonde's earnest words. "I was not ~that~ kind..." he mumbled, "I ~did~ strike you, you know." Much to his surprise Katenen laughed.

"Trust me," he said dryly, bringing a hand to his jaw. "I did not forget." He smirked at the reddening guard. "~That~ is why I said `from ~almost~ the moment we met.'" Despite his embarrassment, Herihor began to laugh with him. As their laughter faded, the two young men looked at each other, the expression in their eyes one of warmth and kinship.

"Shall we go in then?" Herihor invited. "I know that it is not by your choice that you are here, but nothing would please me more than to have you make my chambers your own until your fate has been decided."

Katenen took the hand that was offered him. "Nothing would please me more or serve to ease my grief better than to accept your gracious offer... though it is not by your choice that you make it," the blonde couldn't help but tease.

Herihor, knowing that the other was sincere ~despite~ his gentle taunt, threw his hands to the heavens. "May the gods have mercy on me these next seventy days," he cried in mock despair. "Ra knows that I will need it!" Laughing once again Herihor opened the door, ushering Katenen into the room. And, though Katenen was grieving, he couldn't help but feel his heart lighten as he crossed the threshold and heard the door close behind him.

*****

Atem stood outside of a room whose threshold he'd not crossed in almost a year. He wasn't there because he wanted to be there; he was there because he had been driven there. For almost two days he had neither slept nor ate, and the sorrow and guilt over Yugi's death was slowly eroding away his sanity and strength. He had considered praying for guidance, but was fearful lest he anger the gods even further than what they seemed to already be. Thus he found himself outside the door of the lodgings of his cousin, high priest, and ex-lover- Seth, who had just returned from a two week sabbatical.

Staring at the door, he found himself thinking of the day that Seth had come to him, asking to be released from their troth... telling him that he had found his heart's ~true~ mate- a female called Kisara. Atem Nisu had been furious, nearly calling for the execution of both the high priest and his set. Atem the ~lover~ had been devastated, cursing Seth and his treacherous heart. However, Atem the ~man~ had presided, giving his cousin his freedom and turning him loose of their troth. Since that day, the two had hardly spoken; at first because Atem's hurt was too deep, and later because Seth's Hemet was too jealous- ever worried that her Hi would return to his first love. But now...

Atem knocked on the door. Almost immediately, Seth himself opened it. Quietly, the slender brunette slipped through the door and into the hallway. "You got my message," Atem observed as they began to walk down the hall.

"I did." Seth followed his king into a small alcove. "How may I serve you, Atem Nisu?" Atem rolled his eyes at Seth's formality.

"Honestly, Seth, you act like we barely know each other let alone..."

"Would you be quiet?" the taller man snapped, "You ~know~ how Kisara..."

"Yes, yes," Atem interrupted impatiently. "I know." He sighed and his face grew troubled. "But you know that I would not have asked you to meet like this had it not been important." Seth studied his cousin for a moment.

"This regards Yugi." It was a statement, not a question; his Hemet had informed him of his young cousin's death upon his return.

"Very good, Seth," the god-king replied dryly. "I see you have not lost your touch." Suddenly Atem's bravado was gone, and he clutched at Seth's arm like a drowning man. "He knew!" Atem sobbed. "About you and me... about our troth of fidelity... Yugi knew and it is my fault that he is dead!" Dropping all pretenses, Seth gathered his cousin into his arms.

"It is ~not~ your fault," he soothed, tears welling in his own eyes as his grief over Yugi's passing was intensified by that of Atem's. "He was his own man. You did not force him to..."

Atem wrenched himself out of Seth's comforting embrace. "Did you not hear me?" he cried, "Yugi knew ~everything~, including our troth and what I said to you about him providing an heir." Seth stared at his cousin in confusion.

"But how does that make you guilty of his death?" he asked gently. His eyes widened as Atem whirled to face him.

"Yugi preferred solely males, just as I." Seth's face paled, and Atem laughed bitterly. "I see by your reaction that you, like I, were unaware of that fact." The laughter turned back into tears. "He had a lover, Seth, a man named Katenen. It was he who brought my Sen's body home." Dashing the tears from his eye, Atem continued to speak. "According to him, Yugi knew of our troth and- out of love for his Sen and respect for Atem Nisu- hid his preferences to keep my mind at ease. Had it not been for us... for me, had he not been forced to tryst in secret; my Sen would still be alive."

Seth stared at his king in disbelief. "Did you not ~tell~ him that we broke troth?" Again came the bitter laugh.

"Out of pain and foolish pride I remained silent at first. When I finally ~did~ tell him, he sensed the despair within me... sensed the weakness. He lent me his strength... became my support… and kept his secret to the death rather than add one more burden to my heart." Once again tears fell down Atem's cheeks. "I thought I had lost everything when I lost you..." he whispered brokenly. "But now... now I ~truly~ have nothing. Look at me, Seth!" he suddenly cried out. "High Priest, look at your King. He stands broken before you- with all of Egypt to bow at his feet but nothing to mend his heart." Completely exhausted, Atem's body finally succumbed as he fell unconscious to the ground.


**tbc**

Translations:

Hi- husband

Hemet- wife

Sekhmet- Egyptian goddess of healing

Merwet- love

Re-Pat- prince

Ka- life force

Merwet-ib- heart's love

Set- woman