Abbreviated Peace

Reincarnation

Warnings: YAOI, strong LEMONS, bondage, possible sex-related violence (consensual though, mind you), strong S/M content and AU.

Pairings: Ryuzaki/Haga, evidence of others.

Notes: Yeah, the R/W PWPs aren’t cutting it anymore; I needed to write a full-blown story for the two! By the way, I tried to keep this just straight romance but the drama snuck up on me. I think I did a pretty good job of keeping it angst free though. A little bit of Gundam Wing had twisted it’s way into my mind while I was writing this, so don’t be surprised if you see a pilot or two somewhere in here.

Thanks: To NEB just cuz I can and to piss him off because he hates this pairing. (By the way, I’ll shoot you in the head if you also hate this couple but are reading my story anyway.)

~*~

I sighed sleepily when I woke the next morning, smiling to myself before I even opened my eyes when I felt Haga still curled contently in my arms.

Last night had basically ended after I had pleasured the little Pet, after he had trusted me with his birth name, and had accepted my invitation to retire for the evening. I hadn’t fallen asleep for some time after him though, fascinated in witnessing him fall into slumber peacefully. He was just too gorgeous for his own good, and if I had had the strength to I probably would have been awake all night just watching him.

I didn’t want to wake him just yet though, and glanced over his shoulder to look at my alarm clock. It was just now turning eight o’clock, and thankfully it was a Saturday, so unless Seto, or my manager Eliza called I wouldn’t have to go into work today. Eliza was so sweet though, and I doubted I would have any trouble persuading her to let me stay home even if she did request my presence in the office. Seto was a different story, and to tell you the truth he a little bit more than intimidated me whenever he got into business mode. Unless I was throwing up blood with my brain sticking half way out my skull he’d make me come into the office, because he wouldn’t otherwise have called me personally unless it was a must-do life-or-death type of important.

I yawned, covering my mouth with the back of my hand and slowly eased out of Haga’s arms, gently recovering him with the sheets and comforter. I stood there watching him for a moment longer, completely taken with his innocence, and left the room on silent feet, intent on having his breakfast ready for when he finally did come around.

I sighed happily once more upon reaching the bright kitchen, the sun starting to pour in through the open windows as I watched it rise. It was calming for me, helped me clear my head for the day, and without any more hesitation I brought out the things I would need for a basic egg and bacon breakfast. I had been craving some all week but with my schedule the most I could afford to make in the morning would be a bagel before I ran out the door and maybe a cup of coffee at the office if I got there before everyone else had the chance. I was usually swamped anyway.

I had timed everything perfectly, out of sheer dumb luck, and was just setting the newly finished eggs next to the cooked bacon on the island bar counter when Haga came out into the hallway. His eyes were a little too wide for having just woken up, but when he saw me he looked to relax. I wondered briefly if he thought I had abandoned him, and hugged him firmly when he walked towards me.

“Good morning sunshine.”

He smiles in reply, and although he had been a hell of a lot more vocal last night than I had ever heard him before, I knew his being mute in general was something that would eventually work itself out if I could get him to open up a bit more. It had become an overnight mission for me, to ease the wrinkles out of his distressed soul and help him get along better, but I knew it would take time.

Melodramatic theme, I know, but I couldn’t help myself.

We ate silently, of course, as I read through the morning’s newspaper half-heartedly. Nothing interested me more at the moment than the angel sitting across from me, and soon I set the reading material down in favor of watching the boy eat slowly, his napkin folded in his lap. It intrigued me at how proper and polite he acted, and it made me smile when he took almost dainty like bites and would wipe the corners of his mouth every other time. After a while though, the non-existent noises started to get to me.

“Is there anything you would like to do today?” I asked him quietly, leaning forward on the tabletop, resting on my elbows. He looked up, shocked in the least, and swallowed his current bite.

“I, thought you were going to take me back?”

I frowned, but then grinned as I drew my eyebrows down. I shook my head and sat back crossing my arms casually over my chest.

“Why would you think that?”

He didn’t answer.

“Do you have to go back?”

Again, nothing but a small shake of the head, and I cocked my neck to the side in thought.

“Haga, listen, I don’t know what you’ve assumed about me thus far, but I’m hoping you’ll soon find out that I’m not like that.” I tell him in a careful voice, and then hold out my hand in invitation.

“Come here.”

He looks at me for a moment, glancing between my open palm and my eyes repeatedly, before he stands slowly and walks towards me. Once he’s close enough I wrap my arm around his waist loosely and pull him on to my lap gently, embracing him fully once he’s comfortable and look at him seriously.

“If I’ve gone as far as to bring you home with me, feed you and make sure your happy, do you think I’m just going to kick you back out?”

He doesn’t reply, but his expression tells me he doesn’t know what to do or say, let alone think about what I’m proposing, and he twists his hands together in his lap. I wait though; I want to hear him say something, anything to let me know what’s running through his mind right now.

“What are you going to do then?”

I smile a little bit, “Whatever you want me to do.” I say simply, and he looks down.

I tighten my grip on him, but wait anyway. This had to be by his standards, based on his say-so otherwise it wouldn’t be fair. Like leading a horse to water but letting it decided whether or not it wanted to drink. Haga was tense again, I noticed, and ran my palms along his back in a soothing manner that I hoped he’d react to. The only thing I got though, was a small sigh of defeat.

“What I want from you, I can’t have.” He admits under his breath, in a tone of voice that alters my mood into one of pity and concern, my co-dependence flashing back to life almost violently and I’m moved to bow down to anything he wished.

“Tell me.” I prompt, in a voice that’s almost as low and quiet as his own, but he remains silent with his lips resolutely closed tight.

“Please.”
”I will not put my problems onto you, Ryuzaki. I refuse to bring you into this mess.” He says, his voice in a volume I’ve never heard from him before. It was normal, but it was cold and empty, and I feared he had shut me off completely.

I start to panic internally, I didn’t want to lose him, didn’t want him to fear me or run away. All I wanted to do was make things better for him, give him things he’s never had or things he wants again. I wanted to give him a normal life, wanted to give him the chance to make his life out to be what he’d always dreamed of having. I wished the world for him, and in my alarm I found myself opening my mouth impulsively and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“I want to keep you, Haga.”

His head jerks up to lock eyes with me, and I find my expression is brinking the point of desperation and I know he can see it. Those words had come from my heart, in the deepest, darkest regions of which this shy young man had conquered effortlessly and blindly. He had walked into my life as an accident, and now as we sat like this in a most unlikely situation I thanked whatever God existed for bringing him to me. He was all I ever needed, the only person I wanted now. I needed his trust, needed for him to grant me his heart like he had been given mine on a silver platter.

“Please,” He near whimpered. “Don’t say things like that, when such a promise or a feeling won’t last long. Don’t tease me.”

I hear tears in his voice and see his bottom lip quiver so slightly, and I shake my head gently from side to side.

“I’m not teasing you. I want you to stay with me, please. I need to make things better for you, and I want you to be happy with it. Don’t make me take you back to the club, don’t make me leave you.” I plead, and if he hadn’t been in my lap I would have been on my knees in front of him.

If it weren’t for my natural pride I would have beening,ing, and I found the strength to choke the strong emotions back when a tear slipped down Haga’s cheek. He lunged after that, and wrapped his arms tightly around my neck. I held him back hard, proving to myself he was there and letting him feel me in order to believe tame ame thing. No more words were needed in those moments, that pause in time when Haga broke down on my shoulder, and cried for all he was worth.

I rocked him gently, feeling his weight shift and I protected him, let him shield his emotions in my shirt and let him ride the waves of whatever he was going through right now. This had been my intention of bringing him home with me last night, and now that we were both aware of it’s success, I think our day got that much brighter.

“Promise me.” He sobbed lightly, voice muffled.
”I promise, Haga, I promise you on my life that I won’t ever let you leave me, and I won’t ever leave you unsatisfied.”

~*~

The cracks and potholes in the old city streets rocked the car gently as we rolled down Pennimen Ave. towards Charles’ Buffet, heading to a lunch date with Jou and Kaiba. Jou had called me up earlier to thank me for the help the night before, and Kaiba had actually been gratefully so much as to invite me to lunch. I’d told the two about Venus, and like everyone else before them they had been mildly shocked but respectful enough not to ask questions yet.

It irked me for some reason how everyone was so startled by our relationship or our closeness, and if this had been two or three years ago I would have reacted immaturely. Now I knew better, I’d wait to see what they had to say to my face, hence the reason for having Haga tag along. He would help straighten out rumors into truth or come out completely about why he seemed like such an odd person to every one.

The small diner’s parking lot was almost empty, and ly Ily I spotted Kaiba’s Jaguar near the front entrance, naturally parking next to it. Haga looked nervous, and I began to think twice about having him come with me. Maybe he wasn’t ready to tell me things about his past, but it was a little too late to rush him back to my house and risk the chance of him feeling rejected by it. I didn’t want him to run away from me like he almost had yesterday just because of a suspicion.

When we walked through the front door of the semi-classy diner Haga automatically lowered his head, and it confused me to the extent that I stopped and looked at him with a small frown.

“What are you doing?” I asked carefully, cautious of my curiosity. Haga looked up from under his finely trimmed bangs with a blush.

He didn’t have time to answer me, because Jou had jumped up to meet us, loudly.

“Hey! You guys sure as hell took your sweet ass time getting over here you know?”

I rolled my eyes and smirked as I looked to the tall blonde, snorting at his crudeness and following him back to where Kaiba was schedched gracefully over the stuffed sofa bench, sipping intently on a cup of hot tea. He had the news open and was reading with a scowl marring his features, his eyes angered to the point of icing over. It made me pause mid-smile before Jou motioned us to sit, and I ushered Haga in first so that he sat against the wall and in the corner. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt if I wasn’t blocking him in he’d run away.

“What are you reading?” I asked, not being able to help myself, and the CEO grimaced de bef before sitting back in his seat and pushing the folded paper towards me to read.

“The left column.” He said shortly, and finished his tea in a frustrated gulp.

I felt my eyebrows rise at the title of the article, before they fell to crease like Kaiba’s had been and felt ire sink into my system. The headline was ‘Freedom Fighters Threaten Local Cult Joint - ‘Single Twin’’, and reading further down the line I was met with a story revolving around an activist group called ‘Abbreviated Peace’. What they basically stood for was freeing the Slaves and the Pets, their main goal and their highest of morals was freedom and their biggest enemy was Master Pharaoh’s establishment, his hard earned fantasy world. He’d been threatened with lawsuits before from outsiders who were either jealous or religious and had hated seeing the club front crowded with people, but nothing to the extent of what Abbreviated Peace had proposed.

Their basic trademark phrase was ‘Poor is the man whose Pleasure depends on the Permission of another’, and they broadcasted it nationally for support in tearing down any cult that hosted Master/Slave relationships and encouraged it, ‘Single Twin’ being the top of the list. What they had told Pharaoh to his face was that they’d burn the building and his home to dust if the club wasn’t shut down immediately. There was an interview after that at the end of the column, one between the journalist Zoë Noland and the Master himself, his real name not listed as he had requested.

I stopped reading though, not able to stomach the bullshit anymore and pushed the paper back across the table, roughly exclaiming ‘they can kiss my white ass’ under my breath and turning to avert my irate stare elsewhere. Jou chuckled, knowing what I was talking about, and from the corner of my eye I saw Haga’s pale arm reach out to read the same thing I had not even finished. For some reason I didn’t want him to see it, to know that there were such people in the world, but I knew he’d already probably been through much worse, so I let it go.

“I think they know I’m a member.” Kaiba said suddenly, and I jerked my head up with wide eyes.
”Your not serious.”
”I’m very serious. Yesterday a young man wearing black slacks, a black dress shirt and a gold bowtie confronted me rather rudely, and he looked very proper and polite but the look on his face screamed ‘I’m going to kill you’. He’d told me almost the exact same thing before he walked off. It wasn’t until now I know that that outfit is the standard uniform for this anti-cult.”

I shook my head and huffed, “This is stupid. They need to just back off; it’s none of their business what goes on in the Basement or anywhere else in ‘Single Twin’ if they’re not involved in the first place.”

“I agree, Rex, but they still pose as this year’s newest enemy.” Jou piped in, sipping lightly on his thin glass of Long Island Tea. I growled in the back of my throat.

Haga remained silent, finishing the article that had darkened my mood for the day and sitting back in his seat to watch between the three of us. I sighed finally, and dragged a hand through my clean bangs before picking up the small lunch menu. The waitress arrived to take down our drinks not moments later, and I was slightly disappointed that Haga refused to speak and I had to order his water for him. I wondered if he was intimidated by Kaiba, or both the other men just because he didn’t know them practically at all besides their business relationship at the club, but for whatever reason I was a little saddened by it.

“Well, picking up the tension a little bit here Rex, why not share some details?” Jou very literally chirped, his physically good-natured mood never faltering. I hesitated, glancing at Haga and knowing what the blonde wanted.

“Actually, I think that would, thicken, the tension, Jou. Maybe some other time?”

I was pleased when Haga looked relieved and thankful, but didn’t like the frown on Jou’s face. That kind of expression usually put Kaiba into his over-protective mode and I waited for him to snap at me. The CEO’s wrath never hit me though, and I looked in his direction to find that he was staring between my new Pet and me with a strange sense of respect that I found unnerving. It made me think that he knew more about Haga then said young man thought the taller brunette did, and curiously I quirked an eyebrow at my Boss. He jerked his chin unnoticeably outside, and we both rose to leave.

“Where are you two heading off to?” Jou asked, almost suspiciously, and Kaiba waved a pack of cigarettes he had pulled from his breast pocket. Jou made a sound resembling an ‘oh’, and nodded, letting the situation go.

I didn’t want to leave Haga alone like that, especially since Jou was one to get nosey and ask a lot of questions, but the boy threw me a look that clearly said he would be fine. I smiled for his benefit and followed Kaiba just outside the entrance, the man lighting up as he had initiated that he would, and we leant against the brick wall.

“Pet Venus.” Kaiba mused aloud, as if only to himself as he stared out ahead of him, the smoke from his cigarette wreathing around him in a thin cloud of burning nicotine.

“He’s the shy one, only talked to him one-sided a couple of times when he had to carry liquor out to me, but other than that I’ve heard rumors.”
”What were the rumors about?”
”His past. I didn’t think any of them were true, until I had one of my technicians look up his profile and records on the computer. I guess you could say curiosity killed the cat.”
”But satisfaction brought him back.” I finished, completing the saying, and hung my head.

“I wanted to wait until he came out of his shell enough to tell me himself, but I want you to tell me the truth.”

Kaiba took a deep drag, before exhaling and finally turning his head a little to the side to look at me critically.

“Does he speak to you?” Kaiba asked, and all I could do was nod. “Do you really want to hear this by word of mouth?”
”Yes, as you said before, curiosity is a big problem.” I offered an empty smirk in the dry humor, and Kaiba mirrored it distantly.

“He was raped Ryuzaki.” He said instantly, the entire mood dropping completely at the out of place statement that nearly ripped my heart in two pieces.
”What?” Was all I could utter, my voice breathless.

Kaiba nodded solemnly, inhaling more of the nicotine and letting it out subconsciously. He looked distressed a little now, as if he felt he was betraying someone’s privacy, and in a way, he was. But now that it was started, I needed the rest of it.

“He was put through a string of abusive relationships, all dealing with rape and one was a repeat offender who, when released from jail, came to take his revenge.”
”Why would he want revenge?” I whispered, and Kaiba looked at me critically.
”Venus put every one of his offender’s behind bars for what they did, afterwards committing himself to a mental hospital for a few months due to depression. He blamed himself for letting the men he went with harm him so many times, and bl him himself for being so blind. He ran into Master Pharaoh on a walk that passed the club one night, I guess the Master found him quite attractive. He invited Venus back to the club, and eventually talked his way into getting Venus to join.” Kaiba paused again, “Master Pharaoh is the only other person he’s verbally communicated with, only because the man gave him a home, a sanctuary.”

I groaned and rubbed at my eyes, covering my face with my hands and trying desperately to recompose myself. It was hard, but it needed to be done, and with great caution I was able to build a temporary mask to protect myself with. I would have to decide whether or not I would tell Haga about this little conversation later, and I had a feeling that I would end up spilling it due to the fact the pity I had felt for him earlier was now magnified.

“Thank you Kaiba.”
”You need to pull yourself together. Don’t walk back in there like this, it’ll hurt him you know.”

Kaiba had always been crude and straight to the point, but right now that was what I needed. I fed off his confidence as he aloud himself to share it, and stood straight to stretch. I felt my back crack, and then turned to Kaiba with a new face, one devoid of it’s previous emotional turmoil, and nodded as he flicked the finished cigarette filter into the parking lot.

Walking back into the heated atmosphere of the restaurant, I smiled at Jou and Haga, the two sitting quietly and peacefully with their drinks. Jou had a plate of something in front of him, and there was a plate waiting for Kaiba, but Haga didn’t have anything. I sat with him once more, and underneath the cover of the tabletop I linked our fingers together tightly. I glanced over the menu, just to make sure I knew what I wanted, and then turned to my partner.

“Eat something?”

Haga only stared at me, chewing on his lip delicately, before shaking his head ‘no’. I knew better, and cocked an eyebrow. He chewed a little harder. Carefully, and with shaky fingers, he touched a title under the Pasta portion of the menu, and I smirked, holding in a chuckle. He had a thing for Italian, I guessed, and squeezed his hand in comfort.

The lanky little waitress returned to take down my order and then I told her Haga’s, before she sauntered off carelessly and bored. The table was filled with a conversation about business reports and the economy after that, held up between Kaiba and me with Jou slumped in his spot and Haga wavering uneasily. I watched the pale boy closely, and rubbed my thumb over the soft skin on the top of his hand, catching his eyes when he looked to me.

“It’s ok,” I whispered into his ear. “Just relax, alright?”

He smiled shyly in response, and I took it gratefully, knowing he probably wouldn’t speak until we were alone again. It gave me a poise boost but it also made me sympathetic towards his social skills. It was a conflicting clash of feelings that I tried to ignore, the effects of his past tripling the effects of sadness and pain in my chest. It was tightened into a hard ball of anxiety that I couldn’t hide for much longer, and I vouched at that moment, to tell Haga I knew what was wrong with him the moment we got home and got comfortable around each other once more.

Jou watched the exchange between Haga and me, before crossing his arms curiously. I knew he was about to start asking questions about us, and I didn’t want to make Haga more skittish than he already was, but actually found that Jou had caught on to the boy’s edginess and was being gentle about it.

“So, how’d you two meet?” He asked, a hint of suspicion in his tone. I couldn’t resist the smug smirk that crawled onto my face at the memory, but stopped Haga from seeing the arrogant gesture to avoid any emotional distress on his part.

“Actually it was about a week ago, I had asked Mai if I could order Peace and she told me he was out sick. Our meeting was actually on accident, seeing as how I had picked his name randomly from a list, and I didn’t really expect to order him again if Peace was feeling better last night. Turns out Peace has HIV.”
“I heard about that.” Kaiba murmured mournfully, and Jou’s entire air turned into one of great sympathy and compassion.
“That’s horrible!” The blonde exclaimed.
“But, what made you take Venus home with you?”

I looked up at Kaiba’s question, and felt as if I was under a great judgment, Haga’s eyes pinned to me. I knew he wanted to know the same thing.

“At first, I hadn’t even ordered him, I’d seen him walking towards the bar to give you Popov, and I realized I did want him again. It wasn’t until I did something to upset him later that night that I figured out there was a still open wound, and I kind of made it a goal of mine to fix it…”

I trailed off, unable to explain further under the harsh scrutiny of my friends and my small lover. I lowered head and took a deep breath, running a hand through my hair once more in nervousness. What brought my attention back to the people with me iad oad of my inner turmoil was the small whimper from my right, and my head snapped back up. Haga looked on the verge of tears, his mouth working softly as if he wanted to say something but his constant fear of speaking his mind keeping him from doing so, if only in front of Kaiba and Jou.

“Are you alright?” Jou whispered cautiously, and I heard Kaiba shush him quietly.

Without thinking, or caring about who saw us and who did anything about it, I pulled Haga into my arms tightly. He curled his body slightly, and shivered out feeble ‘thank you’s and mumblings of other random things. I didn’t think the other two men could hear him, but I think Jou did when I saw him smiling a watery smile at me over the top of my lover’s head. He was such an empathetic person; sometimes it made my heart ache.

“Listen,” I murmured, keeping my voice low. “If you guys could, would you cancel our orders? I should take him back home…”
“No.” Was the muffled word from my shirt, much louder and audible enough for Jou and Kaiba to hear.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, and Haga sat back up, wiping away his own tears gingerly.
“You don’t have to leave because of me. Enjoy your lunch, please.”
“Not if you don’t feel like staying.” I tell him sternly, and he attempts a s gri grin. I thought I heard Kaiba gasp a tiny bit, but ignored all outside activity to focus on the young man in my arms.

“I’ll stay.” He said resolutely, trying to keep his tone down and thinking the others couldn’t hear him, but I knew they could.

Although Haga was telling the truth about being fine, I wasn’t. I needed to leave, I needed to take my Pet home and talk to him about what Kaiba had told me. I needed to get this off my chest, and I needed to do it right now while I still could, before it killed me inside. I took a deep breath as I continued to look at Haga, and finally had to move my eyes elsewhere.

“I still wish to go. I will see you either tomorrow night at the club or Monday at work, Kaiba. I have a feeling tonight is going to be too, busy to make it out to ‘Single Twin’.”

Kaiba nodded his understanding, but Jou seemed confused. I knew his lover would explain it to him after we had left, and once we did Haga tugged on my hand, our fingers still linked. His eyes clearly read the question, ‘what’s wrong?’ and all I could do was shake my head sadly and continue leading him into my car. I knew he was worried he might have done something wrong, and that only proved to make me feel worse.

We got back to my house a little too quickly for my liking, and I repressed a wave of anxiousness that crashed over my head. Haga seemed distraught now, having been watching me the entire ride home and fidgeting. Once the door was closed, our shoes off and my keys on the key rack I turned and hugged Haga to me tightly, needihe che comfort. The boy froze for a moment, before I felt him return the embrace carefully, testy of my mood and I felt guilty for making him worry.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, love.” I whisper, and Haga relaxes for a split second before what I said last sinks in and he tenses again.

“Ryuzaki…”
”Yes, I know what I said. Just, know I won’t ever hurt you out of pure-blooded cruelty, alright?”

Haga nodded slowly, and I’m not sure he truly understood, but I did manage to pull myself away from his warmth. I smiled gently, and carefully wiped at the dry tracks of tears on his cheeks from earlier, but fresh rivers quickly formed at my words.

“Why…why did you call me…”
”Because it’s the truth. I know it’s only technically been three days but, I also know that you managed to crawl under my skin quite effortlessly.”

I had meant to lead him into the kitchen to cook our lunch seeing as how we’d missed it with Jou and Kaiba, but Haga hadn’t missed a beat and I found him in my arms again, shivering. I was scared at first, like earlier when he’d acted this strange, but waited while wrapping him in what protection I could give him. I felt so weak, knowing what I did now and realizing I had to be extra careful with him than I had been. I knew that’s why he’d been scared at the club last night, when I had been so demanding and had unconsciously taken him roughly, but I still couldn’t figure out why he’d wanted to erase the damage with finishing the act. I would talk to him about it, but much later.

~*~

We remained quiet the entire night, not able to stomach anything and not finding anything to say. I’d been trying to find something to ask him, something to get him to open up about his past, but it seemed as though he had that knowledge buried deep within his resolve and he was not willing to dig it back up again. I was suddenly very uncomfortable knowing what I did thanks to Kaiba, and I think Haga knew that something was wrong, something that had to do with him. It was depressing him horribly.

I had my arms around him and his weight in my lap as we cradled against each other on the loveseat in my den, nothing on except for the one light in the kitchen across the hall. It was the only thing keeping this part of my house visible, and it worked wonders on Haga’s skin. It made my gut warm at the soft golden glow it created against Haga’s face and bare arms and legs, his nightshirt covering most the rest of his body with another set of my boxers under it. I swallowed deeply at that, and choked down my desire enough to breath properly. I had to do something.

I settled on idly drawing patterns on his back with my fingers, sometimes veering upwards to play with the thin, silky strands of his hair. I hoped it calmed him as much as it did for me, and turned my head a little to kiss his temple softly, barely brushing my lips across his skin. He shudd atd at that, and I finally found my voice.

“Haga I need the truth.” I state, and he looks up, slightly startled from his relaxed position. From his questioning eyes I knew I had to elaborate.

“I know what happened to you, but I want you to tell me.”

I keep my voice in a whisper, watching something akin to fear flashing through his eyes as he slowly pieces things together and realizes what I’m asking, what I’m revealing.

“From who?” He asks.
“Kaiba, my boss.”
“How?” He almost sobbed, and I tightened my hold around him, pressing his cheek back onto my shoulder.

“He got curious and had his secretary do a background search on your records. I’m sorry I didn’t just wait for you to tell me yourself, please forgive me.”

I begin to rock slightly, but I feel the tension in Haga’s body harden. He feels to me like a spring about to explode and I waited for something, anything from him as a response. He jerks a couple of times, flinching and shivering all at once, and then he’s crying, softly at first but then steadily becoming louder and more desperate. I don’t know what to do, but before I could even think about doing anything at all he rips himself away from my arms and stumbles to get on his feet.

In the next moment he’s bolted towards the front door, throwing it open and letting in the voice of a steadily growing, and angry thunder storm. I gasp and run after him, even as he, without thought, tries to disappear out into the downpour.

“Haga!” I yell, but a clap of thunder drowns me out.

I run after him, trying to keep up with his quick pace, but my legs start to ache and I can’t breathe anymore. I wouldn’t stop for as long as I could before cosingsing, but until that happened I wouldn’t let my littler lover out of my sight.

Haga’s thin body became a blur as the rain beat down faster, and I tried to speed up but the slickness of the roads felt dangerous beneath the smooth soles of my soaked house slippers. I didn’t want to get hurt myself anymore than I wanted Haga to. I concentrated on the sounds of my feet slapping against the pavement, how shallow my breathing had become, and how much closer Haga thankfully seemed to be getting. He may have been quite the runner, but in his emotional distress I could see his shoulders slumping and the weight of his inner turmoil slowing him down. I caught up easily enough now, and all but tackled into him, wrapping my arms around him firmly and holding him still.

Haga struggled, feebly trying to pull away, but I didn’t give him any more room to escape. I had said I wanted to keep him, and I meant it.

“Please, Haga calm down. Shh, your ok now, everything’s going to get better. Please trust me, love.” I whisper into his ear, his back pressed into my chest.

He was shivering, and I knew he had to be freezing but remained standing still, gauging his reactions. He sobbed and then hiccupped, shudders coming violently now, wracking through his body without mercy and I dipped to a crouch. Without his consent I picked his entire body into my arms and turned back to the direction of my house, feeling him thankfully droop in my hold. He’d given up, and although I was glad he wasn’t still trying to run from me, I was worried that he might have hurt himself somehow, gotten himself sick.

I felt horrible now, I had almost been the cause for my little heart to run away, off into the night to hide and probably never return. I was suddenly glad that I kept myself in shape nowadays, and hugged Haga to me closer than possible. The young man shifted and whimpered, clenching and unclenching his small fists as he worked at something. I wondered resentfully if he was trying to form a route of escape, but tried to dismiss such a thought.

“I love you.” Haga whispered into my shirt suddenly, and I stopped jerkily, breath catching in my throat. I looked down into the younger man’s swollen gray-blue eyes to see he had meant what he’d said, and remained at a loss.

Slowly, and carefully I knelt, keeping Haga’s body against mine in the fall of rain in the middle of the sidewalk. Cars passed every so often, one or two slowing to see what two young men were doing sitting so close and in the middle of such a rough storm, but they were ignored as I continued to stare at my lover. He was so innocent, and at that moment I knew that he’d never truthfully spoken those three words to anyone else, anyone but me. My chest swelled, and it lifted the corners of my lips into a wide smile.

I couldn’t help myself and leant down to capture the sweet, trembling lips of the boy in my arms, feeling him press closer for warmth and contact as our tongues danced gratefully, passionately. I think it was then I realized how cold and bitter it was outside before I broke away from Haga. I saw him blinking back more tears as I picked us both back up and carried him back to my house. I was lost to that extent, and once inside and dry with new pairs of clothes on, I found we were back to square one and locked inside a thick cloud of silence.

Haga had said he’d loved me, but now that I had his trust in that way I didn’t know what to do to comfort him for the life of me. I was confused and angry about it, but carefully kept my features schooled as I watched Haga curl himself into my side. He was quiet, and I wondered if he regretted saying what he had. He spoke up though, much to my surprise and relief.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

I grimaced lightly, “Why would I hate you, I have no reason to.”
”Yes you do. If you know about my past, why aren’t you disgusted, why don’t you let me leave?” He sniffled. “Why do you pretend to love me back?”

I tensed, taking a deep breath and pulling him back to where he had been in my lap. I rocked us both gently, kissing his hair.

“I do not pretend to do anything. If I say something I mean it, Haga.” I tell him forcefully, and although oes oes cringe it’s not a moment later that he completely relaxes and I can finally breathe.

“I promised you that I’d never hurt you, didn’t I? If I ever lied to you it would be the same thing as hurting you, would it not?” I asked, and Haga nodded. “Then why would I lie?”

There is no answer, but I don’t need one as I tighten my hold. I smile then when I feel Haga sigh, completely relaxfinafinally, and kiss his temple. I was glad he was comfortable with me again, and took the time to cherish each moment and never take anything for granted.

His heartbeat was soft under my hands, it was lulling and peaceful, and I closed my eyes in an effort to absorb it’s calm, absorb Haga himself. I wanted to hold him forever, to be the person he’d always depends on no matter what it was he wanted or needed. There were still a great many secrets to be uncovered, still a lot left to fix, but I knew in that moment that I had gotten somewhere, maybe an inch or two further than I had been, and right now that was good enough for the both of us.

~*~