Seven Days of Stroke the Kitty

Title: Seven Days of Stroke the Kitty

Chapter: 3/7

Author: Danyella Skyler Silverfire (aka Bountyhunter_Danyella) & Kage Kashu (aka YumeRyu aka Lavender_Saiyajin)

Website: None

Rating: R

Genre(s): Humor/Romance/Action

Pairing(s): Katsuya/Seto

Summary: Everyone's been giving him sugar. Him being Katsuya. They learn to regret it.

Chapter Summery: Ryuuji's POV, Wednesday, and it gets worse.

Warnings: Sugar, and caffeine. Not a good combo. Hyperactive Katsuya. More than mild yaoi insinuations. Very shonen ai... kinda. Insanity is spreading. War has been declared. The lines are being drawn, and not what you'd expect either. And there is a reason to fear cafeteria spaghetti, a fucked one but it works.

Disclaimer: We don’t own them though we wish we did. So Yu-gi-oh! ain't ours.

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so long to get up, but we had to keep stopping because we were laughing to hard and couldn't talk. But it's out and look it's really long too, not to mention fucked. In a manner that you will all probably enjoy. And there's a nekkid Jounouchi and a naked Kaiba.* But you don't get to see it. But it is funny. And don't worry there is more groppage and the now oh-so-classical line, 'Stroke the Kitty!!!'. Oh and btw the beginning A/N are written by me Danye, and the Ending A/N's are written by Lav. It seems like a fair distribution of talent. Although I'm doing most of the actual typing. Lav says, "MNYA!" Okay so I'm actually typing the story, but we both talk it out...extensively. Which is why it takes so long. But I type because I'm the more enthusiastic typer and she's annoying with the grammar. But it all works in the end.

Chapter Word Count MSWord: 8011


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Chapter 3 - Just A Little Oblivious

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_You're_ Jounouchi's father? Are you sure? Huh, I wouldn't have expected someone like you for his father. No, I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that you look... like Kaiba. Nothing like Jounouchi. Actually, you even have the same scary, competent, workaholic aura as Kaiba. Yes, yes, take that as complimentary if you will.

So, you wanto kto know what happened Wednesday, then. Well, Honda-kun and I headed over to Jounouchi's place a little earlier than we had the day before. Huh? Oh, I figured that I need his help if the day before was any indication, and Anzu had to be at her rehearsal preparations. Anyway, we opened the door only to be greeted by the sight of a soaking wet Jounouchi trying to figure out how his shirt came off. And no, it wasn't buttoned. There were no buttons left on the shirt. They had apparently joined the others. Huh? How did we get into your apartment? Oh, Jounouchi told us where the spare key was, so that we could let ourselves in if there's an emergency. And that was when he was still slightly coherent. Huh? How do I know this? Well, he gave me this really weird speech about penguins and emus that actually made sense. Yeah, he does have a talent for making even the most bizarre sound plausible, when he's saying it.

Anyway, we had decided to see if we could make Jounouchi look even more...edible... Well, I'm sorry, but that's the least vulgar way to put it. So, this time, we skipped the tank top. Huh? Oh, yeah, he had been wearing one the day before, under his button down. I think that might have been part of why he was having so much trouble with his shirt when we showed up. So we skipped the undershirt. What? No, we were not taking advantage of him. This was all to help him. How? By helping him with his little crush. I mean, he had gotten more of a reaction out of him in the last two days then anyone else ever had. Not even Mokuba could get that much of a reaction out of him if he took over Kaiba Corp, gave it Dinosaur Ryuzaki, and was marrying the Cheshire Cat to boot. Yes, Kaiba is that cold.

And then there were the pants. Let's just say there were more holes than cloth. There was this one right...um...nevermind. No, I can't show you them; they got destroyed halfway through the day...when Bakura...um... yeah, we'll get to that later. Let's just say it was...messy, and surprisingly enough, not for Jounouchi.

Honda-kun and I just stared at Jounouchi. He was very wet, and covered in mud. So, we had to give him a bath. Oh, you already talked to Honda-kun? Well, yes, he helped. It's not like I could have done it myself. I mean, after the first five minutes we finally stripped down ourselves and had to get in the tub with him. That way he'd stop splashinuh? uh? What? You've never taken a bath with your peers? It's not like we're Americans or something, they're so weird about bathing with others.

We discovered while we were bathing him that not all the mud was mud. A lot of it was chocolate, and caramel. Though I'm wondering where the caramel came from. So anyway, after spending the next ten minutes convincing Jounouchi that we weren't his personal toys, we finally got him back out of the tub. And then the true battle began, trying to persuade Jounouchi that the clothes weren't going to eat him. What? That's what he said. I know it didn't make sense but we managed to convince him that these clothes were nice clothes, and would eat the bad clothes for him. He liked them after that. He mentioned something about hunting with them too, but I wasn't really listening at the time, I was too busy putting on the finishing touches. Huh? Oh, not much, some makeup, jewelry, cat ears, a tail that was supposed to be part of his Halloween costume. It actually moved too, veigh igh tech stuff. And that was because he won a bet with me. Huh? Well, I can't really give you details on that, but I can say that it involved Honda-kun.

So anyway, after we got him dressed, we tied him up and transported him to school. Well, we had to tie him up so that he wouldn't fall off the back of my bike. He wouldn't stop twitching. It almost made me crash several times as it was. So, when we arrived we had a half hour before school started. It took us longer than we thought to get him ready. We hadn't expected to have to bathe him. Although, I wonder why Honda-kun was blushing so much. I wonder if he has a crush on Jounouchi? I mean he was turning rather red for a while there, whenever Jounouchi came near him, after our bet.

Jounouchi, as soon as we untied him from where he was attached to the back of the bike... What? I wasn't going to allow his hands anywhere near my person, while driving, if I could help it. While driving. Otherwise it's okay. Anyway, once he was free, he decided to perch on top of the bike rack. To survey his domain, as it were. I think. I hope. Because if it were anything else... I'd be worried. Honda-kun hurried off somewhere, saying something about a date with a teacher, I think. Isn't that a horrible lie? I wonder what he was doing? Well, you know those times when someone just left, and you suddenly remembered something you meant to return to them? Well, I had one of those moments. Huh? Oh, this book he loaned me, 'How To Be A Green Beret'. Oh, you've heard of it. Interesting, isn't it? Oh, you haven't read it? Well I recommend it. Very interesting; so helpful too.

Well, before I could chase after him, and return his book I was assaulted from behind. Um....hands is the only way I can describe what happened. After I managed to turn myself over, I was greeted with the sight of Malik's grinning face. I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised. I mean it was only a matter of time before he noticed my perfection. Narcissist? What do you mean? I'm quite modest, thank you very much.

"Hello." Malik greeted too cheerfully. He wanted something.

I blinked, "What do you want?"

"I'm insulted. Do I need a reason to grope your luscious body?" Malik leered at me.

Yes, he said that. But before I could answer, Jounouchi was suddenly draped over Malik's back, who was straddling me. Needless to say I wasn't getting up until they moved. "MNYA!!! Hel~lo!!! Whatcha doin'!?! Where's the SUGA!?! OH, THERE IT IS!!!"

Malik made the strangest noise, I can't quite describe it, it was kinda...like a squeak and a growl mixed together. Very interesting though.

A somewhat cold voice broke in on our... parade, "You really are a slut, Jounouchi. Not enough that you had to exhaust my guards by having them chase you, but you have to continue your pursuits here at school as well." That boy really needs to get laid. Or have that stick removed. Either one would work. Though I have to admit that I am curious about what he had meant by his guards chasing Jounouchi.

"MNYA!!! MASTA!!!" And a great weight was lifted from my chest. No, it was physical. "Kitty get Masta SUGA!!! SEE!!! SEE!!! SUGA!!!" Someone was a bit into his sugar. Though, I'm wondering where he got those nerds. And a lot of them too. I mean, when we dressed him, there was no way he could have hidden anything on himself. I mean, we had squeezed him into those pants. And the shirt...well it was loose...no pockets. So, where he got that, I have no idea.

"GET OFF ME!!!" Apparently, Kaiba didn't like having Jounouchi glomped onto him. Maybe he has intimacy issues? I mean what with the rubbing and all. And when he tried to unwrap Jounouchi's legs from around his waist, I think, was the first time he noticed just how many holes were exposing Jounouchi's flesh. Really, that shade red _clashes_ with the school uniforms. "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!?" Really, higher pitched his voice couldn't have gotten.

"MNYA!!! Otogi and Honda dressed me!!! They were nice, my clothes will eat the evil ones!!!" And he laughed maniacally. "Though, I don't see why they had to bathe me!!! But they got in with me so it's a~ll good!!! Can I bathe you!?!" Really, broadcasting everything like that. Luckily I'm not easily embarrassed. But if I had beI woI would have died from the speculative look that Malik was giving me. And yes, he was still on top of me. Of course, Rashid glarglaring at me, but not many actually notice him when Malik decides that he wants attention.

"WHAT!? GET OFF ME!!" Luckily there weren't very many people out...wait, let me take that back, the school bus had just pulled in at about that point. I figured I should maybe get Malik off of me. I do have a certain reputation to uphold after all. And being found with the resident psychopath draped all over you does horrors to your reputation. Although, they just seem to find it amusing when Jounouchi does it. Why yes, I am accusing him of that. So nice of you to notice. I had had to deal with him all freakin' morning, I ask you to recall.

"STROKE THE KITTY!!! Come on Masta!!! Ya know ya wanna!!! MNYA!!!" He then proceeded to nuzzle Kaiba rather provocatively, and one of his hands found its way into Kaiba's shirt. Very iestiesting, apparently his shirt had ridden up at some point and only Jounouchi had noticed. "See!!! Kitty show ya how it's done!!!" Then he proceeded to... do just that.

Kaiba collapsed on the ground at that point, with a choked groan. Apparently, that was a little too much for him. And Jounouchi apparently affects Kaiba to such a degree that he forgets his surroundings. Very interesting bit of information that. So, while Kaiba was being stroked, a crowd was gathering to watch as the normally untouchable Kaiba Seto was being rather blatantly groped and... 'stroked' by another guy, proving that, yes, even _he_ could be touched. By Jounouchi Katsuya at that. Needless to say, no one was going to stop it, even if they could. I mean, would you? Hmm....being the father of one of the participants would probably give you some incentive, I guess. Hm, too bad.

Of course, then Jounouchi decided that he didn't like Kaiba's clothes, or maybe he just wanted bettccesccess, I'm not sure. All I know, is that he started trying to strip Kaiba, but, as he had forgotten that he was human, and that human's have opposable thumbs, that wasn't working too well for him.

"MINE!!! MINE!!!" And that was about when Kaiba...recovered.

"GET OFF OF ME!!"

"NEVA!!! YA IS MINE!!! BELONG TO THE KITTY!!!" That's about the point that I _knew_ Jounouchi had lost it. What? Is there something wrong with me not thinking so before that point?

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Kaiba was shrieking, while trying valiantly to keep Jounouchi out of his clothes.

"Masta is MINE!!! MINE!!! LEAVE TOYS!!! MASTA AND KITTY MUST PLAY!!! MNYA!!!" Apparently, Jounouchi had noticed the crowd. But then again, he had thought he was a cat, so it's not all that surprising, if you think about it in that context.

"STAY OUT OF MY CLOTHES!!"

"NO!!! Kitty must save Masta!!! MNYA!!!" Apparently, Jounouchi had decided that Kaiba's clothes were evil.

"ARE YOU INSANE!? GET OFF ME! RAPE! RAPE!" Kaiba seemed to be fond of yelling that for some reason.

Well, at that point I decided to take some pity on Kaiba and distract Jounouchi; so I cautiously approached the struggling pair. "Jounouchi, there you are; I have to warn you. The evil clothes are gathering, in a meeting, to plot your 'Masta's' destruction. They are gathering in the locker rooms." I know it wasn't plausible, or even logical, but Jounouchi wasn't at that point either, so it might work.

"MRAWRRR!!! KITTY MUST SAVE MASTA!!! MNYA!!!"

It worked. After declaring his intentions to the entire school, he skittered off to go 'battle' the 'evil' clothes. I'm just glad it worked. So was Kaiba, apparently, who actually thanked me before heading off to class.

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Now, in class, things were fairly normal, except for Jounouchi being perched on top of his desk, playing with Kaiba's hair, the owner of which was valiantly trying to ignore him and do his work. Although, he did jump when Jounouchi's tail whacked him in the face. What? I said it was high tech. But other than his jumping at that, he mostly ignored Jounouchi, who was just sitting there, grooming Kaiba, as it were.

He was still twitching and occasionally cackling about the 'evil flesh-eating clothes' and what he did to them. But other than that, he was actually rather caThisThis was before we learned that that was a bad thing. Whenever he was like that, he was planning something, and that something was never good. We all soon discovered just what he had been planning... and let me just say that _no one_ expected _that_. Jounouchi can be quite demented if he tries.

The calm of the class was suddenly interrupted, yet again, by Jounouchi sounding off his 'battle cry,' "MNYA!!!" What was different this time was that Jounouchi decided that he was tired, so he climbed around Kaiba and into his lap, where he immediately went to sleep. Kaiba was not happy. Of course, this might have something to do with the fact we were taking a test at the time. Or that just might have something to do with his unusual aversion to being touched. I'm going with the first one myself; I mean, he didn't push him off. How could I tell he didn't mind? Well, the fact that he started to stroke Jounouchi's back might have been a big indication that he didn't mind so much. That and he, as I said, he didn't push Jounouchi off. Normally he would have.

Well, after that, things were rather quiet, until class let out for lunch. Huh? Oh, the teacher just let Jounouchi do what he wanted. Most of the staff had that policy for that week. What? Well, yes, it was unprofessional, but what could we do? We're students. Not to mention the fact that just about everyone was seeing this as payback against Kaiba for various reasons. Yes, even the staff. As I said, unprofessional, but what could we do?

Well, when the bell sounded for lunch, Kaiba actually left class. Huh? Oh, yeah, that's unusual, because Kaiba _never_ leaves the classroom during lunch, unless he has to. Well, there was also the fact he was carrying the still sleeping Jounouchi, too. I myself thought he was just going to send him home. I didn't find out until about ten minutes later that I was wrong. Very wrong.

You see, I was talking with Ryou about some of the more obscure rules of Dungeon Dice Monsters while we were waiting in line to get what passes for food, when a commotion started up not far from where we stood. Apparently, Kaiba was trying to force _something_ down Jounouchi's throat, and Jounouchi was having nothing of it. Jounouchi was trying to claw at Kaiba, but apparently, he had thought ahead and had tied Jounouchi's hands together with the belt from his trench coat.

After about five minutes, Kaiba was either satisfied or just gave up, because he got off of Jounouchi and let him loose to do what he wanted. Although, I couldn't help but notice that Kaiba was blushing, and he looked quite fetching like that, as it wasn't the nasty red that clashed with our uniforms... just a soft flush. Quite cute, though I would prefer those words never to reach his ears. Breathing hard, a slightly annoyed look on his face, and an embarrassed blush across his features. It was all because he had to pin Jounouchi down, and Jounouchi was quite...em...squirming.

Anyway, Jounouchi, as soon as he got loose, gave Kaiba this wounded look and said rather loudly, "BAD MASTA!!! NO KITTY FER YA!!!" Then he proceeded to hide behind me and Ryou. I'm still not sure as to why. Both me and Ryou have rather thin legs, and were also wearing _pants_, so he really couldn't hide. I also think he wanted to geck ack at Kaiba, in his rather demented way, seeing as he started to rub up against our legs in a rather affectionate feline manner. Needless to say, he knocked us over. As he looked at us in surprise, he noticed that everyone in the room was staring at him; so he responded in a rather...unique manner, "BOW TO THE KITTY!!! I OWN YA ALL!!! MNYA!!!" and then he scampered off. And yes, I do mean scampered. You know, kinda like a rabbit. What do you mean, you've never seen a rabbit scamper? You live under a rock or something?

After Jounouchi burst, rather enthusiastically, out of the lunchroom doors and into the hall, we heard a loud crash as he ran into a group of teens who had been about to enter, and he went off down the hallway, not missing a beat at the mess he left behind him. Before the first of the teens had a chance to even sit uere ere was another crash and we heard Jounouchi yell, "TRASH FALL!!! MNYA!!!" and that's the last I heard of him until class started again.

We were sitting in our math class being bored out of our easily distracted teenage minds when Jounouchi ran into the classroom, pantsed the teacher, hugged Kaiba, petted Yuugi, grabbed the tests off the teachers desk, and ran out again before anyone had a chance to recover, all the while sounding his battle cry...though a little higher pitched than normal. Maybe he'd been given more sugar. This happened in the space of about thirty seconds... I think. Nobody had the presence of mind to time it. Jounouchi always was good at making an impression. Not always an good one, but still a memorable one.

Well, the teacher assigned Ryou and me, along with several others, to hunt down Jounouchi, and get the tests back before he did something unmentionable to them, and bring him back to class. The teachers were still trying to keep him in class at that point, not long later they learned it was pointless, but I digress.

Ryou and I entered into the fray daringly, little knowing what we were getting ourselves into. So young and naïve we were. What do you mean, am I being sarcastic? Really, asking questions like that. Well, when we exited the classroom it was obvious that Jounouchi had been there. There was paint _everywhere_. Apparently, he had visited the art room. I bet you the students in _there_ weren't working. Not that I was. You would have thought that the paint would have made it easier to find him. It didn't. Apparently the art teacher decided that it would make the perfect art project and let the students loose with as much paint as they wanted. They weren't in that hallway anymore though. But they sure made their presence known. I never saw that much graffiti _inside_ a school. I mean, sure, you'll find it occasionally on desks, but man! We just kind of stood there and stared. Then started to blush, as we saw some of what was actually _written_. Let's just say, vulgar. Horrible, and it stayed there the rest of the week. I mean, no one even made an effort to cover it. Although, I'm still curious about the one declaring it's love to me. It wasn't the usual handwriting. Now that I think about it, it looked kinda like...nah, nevermi
W
Well, we snapped out of our stunned stupor to the sound of a loud clang. That had worry written all over it. So, we ran towards the direction it came from. When we actually saw what it was we started to run in the other direction. It was an army sized stew pot, followed by another. We forgot the cafeteria was on the other end of the hallway. All the while we heard a maniacal, "MNYA!!!"

But that wasn't the worst of it. Apparently, the pots weren't even empty. Andhad had been spaghetti that day. So there was spaghetti decorating the walls along with the paint. I think that's about when Bakura switched with Ryou. Ryou's just not the type to deal well with that type of thing. I'm still having nightmares myself. You know, the kind where there's a giant spaghetti pot chasing you down the hall and you can't get away. And then it got worse.

Apparently, we had stepped into the middle of a war. It was with the engineering class, too. How did I know? Well, I think the remote control cars might have tipped me off. And they weren't the cute little store bought kind. These things were dangerous. Think Battlebots and you get what I mean by dangerous. So, we had more to run from. As if the spaghetti pots weren't bad enough. Then the wood shop class got involved as we ran by; apparently, they thought they were pirates-- I'm sorry-- 'privateers'-- seeing as how they kidnapped us yelling something about swag. I'm still not sure if I should be offended.

We swiftly found ourselves tied to the 'mast' of their 'ship' by the 'crew.' Apparently, it was the kendo team's turn in wood shop, so they were actually semi-competent. But luckily, I had a certain knife-wielding-maniac tied up next to me so we got free pretty quick. Huh? Oh, we know two...or three, if you want to get finky, fairly well; knife-wielding-maniacs are surprisingly common. Especially in public schools. Although, it's probably not that surprising to you that your son is one of the three. I've seen him get pretty maniacal with knives. But he doesn't usually wield them himself, that I've noticed.

Well, after sneaking out of the wood shop, we found ourselves in the metal shop. Apparently they were playing Switzerland. Neutral, but selling to both sides, and having some beautiful scenery. I'm not sure if that was a good or a bad thing for us. But it was there that we found ohat hat on _his_ side was the home economics class, along with the art class. Who's side? Oh, Jounouchi's. Apparently, while we were being bored out of our gourds by the math teacher, the school had erupted into war... just inside of fifteen minutes. This all being Jounouchi's fault of course.

Well, while I was closely...inspecting some of the...scenery, Bakura dragged me rather forcefully out the back door of the classroom, and outside. And thus we discovered why he hadn't actually left the school yet. It was raining. And since he thought he was a cat, and cats hate water, it makes perfect sense. Before I could punch Bakura for ruining my hair he explained to me his plan, I would chase Jounouchi towards where Bakura would be waiting and Bakura would tackle him and we would get him back to class. We gave up the tests as 'unfortunate' casualties to the hunt.

I think that was Ryou's idea. I'm not sure. It just somehow sounded like him. It is rather obvious that the insanity was spreading though, isn't it? Well, we spent the next five minutes fighting over just were the ambush should be, before deciding in front of the nurses office. Bakura went to get into place and I went off to try and find our errant 'Kitty' and drive him towards his impending doom.

I spent the next half hour or so trying to track his movements and questioning various students on whether or not they've seen him. I really hadn't realized until that point how well known Jounouchi was. Apparently he's rather infamous around school for various reasons, ranging from being 'adorable,' to 'helpful,' to 'annoying;' although mostly at this point as 'Kitty.'

I'm sure his ing ing the entire school he was gay the day before didn't help matters. Or maybe it did. As I was searching I saw the beginnings of a fan club forming for him. Rather unusual, that. But I guess with the company he keeps, that it isn't that unusual for him to be a bit overshadowed. Well, anyway I finally found Jounouchi in the empty teachers lounge playing with the blender, the contents of some poor teachers bag, and some whiteout. Needless to say it was a messy combination. And I, being the valiant hero that I am, found a way that was guaranteed to get his attention. I opened a soda. I never got tackled so fast in my life.

"MNYA!!!" That one sounded rather vicious. I thought he was going to _bite_ me! What? You weren't there, you didn't see the look in his eye. Although I just think he wanted the soda, so I did the smart thing. I let him have it. "Good toy!!! Toy bring Kitty SUGA!!! Toy shall be rewarded!!! MNYA!!!" He then proceeded to lead me from the room rather enthusiastically. "Toy good to Kitty!!! Kitty take toy to Masta, and give ya ta Masta!!!" I was rather flattered by that one, it's much better than being swag.

"Just a minute Jounouchi..."

"KITTY!!! Kitty's name is Kitty!!! MN~YA!!!" That last mnya was rather annoyed sounding.

"Sorry... _Kitty_... Can we stop by the nurses office first?"

"SURE!!! Kitty is good to TOYS!!!" Even when he's delirious he's still so trusting. Though the delirium may have added to trusting nature of his. So rare to find such a trusting person these days, that isn't complete gullible fool, that is.

As we approached 'Kitty's' 'doom,' I felt slight guilt, I mean Jounouchi _was_ a friend, but it was for his own good. I only hoped that no one got hurt in the process of containing him. If only I had known. We walked into it so trustingly. As if the worst we'd get is a few measly broken bones, or maybe even a lost limb at the most. But what we lost...it was so horrible. And then there's what _Kaiba_ lost! Well, I'll get to that later.

As we approached the trap, I managed somehow to get Jounouchi to release his grip on my arm, which was probably a good thing, considering what happened afterwards. Just as Bakura was about to pounce, Jounouchi had apparently seen something off down the hallway that he just _had_ to have, causing him to suddenly surge forward. So, rather than tackling Jounouchi around the waist, he ended up just holding onto Jounouchi's pants via two of the rips. Everything was still for a moment before there was the sound of ripping denim and Jounouchi was loose. Literally.

"MNYAHAHAHA!!!" I kid you not, he actually mnya'd maniacally. It was even more disturbing to actually hear it. "KITTY IS FREE TO HUNT GODZILLA!!! DIE LIZARD!!! YA SHALL FEED THE KITTY AN' MASTA!!! MRAWRRR!!!" I have no idea what he was talking about, but after he said that he bolted down the hallway wearing nothing but his boxers, socks, and shoes below his waist and looking entirely too happy to be that way.

Bakura and I just stayed where we were, staring at Jounouchi's ripped pants in shock. Things had gone way off plan here. Although, it was defiantly more interesting than being lasslass would ever be, and we would never be able to look at school the same way, ever again. For instance, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a men's public bathroom and not cringe. Huh? Oh right, I haven't gotten to that part yet.

Well, Bakura was the first to snap out of the stupor we had found ourselves in, and he let out a rather...feral growl. Oh, believe me, it _was_ a growl. I mean, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and I did an actual full body cringe away from him. I know, no teenager should ever admit to something like that normally, especially a guy. But, well, you kind of need to know for what happened later. Well, anyway, after Bakura scared the living shit out of me, he picked himself up off of the floor and started chasing after Jounouchi, not even pretending that he was doing anything else. I think Jounouchi managed to piss Bakura off at that moment in ways that Yami only has nightmares about.

I followed as quickly as I could, although this time rather than trying to catch Jounouchi, I was trying to save Jounouchi. Yes, I do mean save. Bakura when he's angry is not a pretty sight. And what he tends to do to people... well, lets just say that I didn't want to see what he could come up with to do to Jounouchi. Even on such short notice. I mean yeah, Bakura is a rather insane, unbalanced, evil person normally, but once you get past that he makes for an interesting acquaintance... but it was like Jounouchi had managed to find all of Bakura's worst buttons and took a sledge hammer to them.

Anyway, enough of my psychoanalyzing Bakura, because if Itinutinue I might even begin to understand him... and I don't want that. Really, I don't. So, Jounouchi was running down the hall minus his pants, Bakura was chasing after Jounouchi holding Jounouchi's pants, I waI was chasing after Bakura with a fire extinguisher. Huh? Oh, I got that when I started to chase after Bakura. I figured, knowing my luck, that I would need it before the end of the day. It turns out I did, but I'll get around to it later.

Anyway, as we were running up the stairs, by 'we' I mean 'I' because I was behind the other two, when we suddenly realized the war had spread to the roof. How did I know this? Well, it might have had something to do with the small riot going on between the wrestling team and the chess club. The chess club was winning by the way, although it's not all that surprising considering they're strategists, and all they had to do was to keep from being grabbed by the wrestling team. Well, anyway, one of the wrestlers apparently got frustrated and threw a trashcan at the chess team, which had somehow managed to build a defensible fort on the roof in one corner. Huh? Oh, they were using the drama club props and tables from class rooms; I'm not sure how they got some of that stuff up there though. They even had a catapult, but then it's not that surprising considering the math, wood shop, drafting, and history teachers had had their classes build it the year before. Huh? Oh, yeah, I was part of that; it made up half our total grade in each of those classes.

Well, the trash can would have destroyed the fort if it had hit, and the tide would have most likely turned. But, fortunately for the chess club, one of the members had been beating on someone with a desk and accidentally hit the trash can, sending it hurtling back across the roof, towards the wrestling club, where it hit the captain of the team and knocked him out. I think that actuamanamanaged to pull Bakura out of his psychotic rage and dropped him into a more exasper sor sort of anger. Much safer, let me tell you.

Jounouchi was standing on top of the catapult yelling, " MRAWRRR!!! THROW ME!!! THROW ME!!! THEARD ARD MUST _DIE_!!! MRAWRRR!!!" He sounded desperate. It seemed worse than mere sugar could do. "YOU SHALL NEVER BEAT THE KITTY!!! FOR I AM THE KITTY!!! MNYAHAHAHA!!!" I think he was starting to like the maniacal mnya.

I was collapsed on the ground, panting for breath. I am _not_ a runner, and I had just been doing a lot of sprinting. Bakura was trying to convince the chess club to let him into their fort, so that he could contain the insane loon that was trying to pull off a Don Quixote, only with Godzilla rather than dragons. He wasn't having much success, because apparently they liked Jounouchi like that and found it amusing. Not that everyone else didn't, but it was still rather funny to listen to Bakura try to convince someone who had to be 90 pounds holding weights, at the very most, and not succeeding. Actually it was highly amusing, and I think that was the captain of the chess team. Luckily for her, he was no longer psychotically pissed.

Well, that and the fact that Jounouchi apparently decided he was bored. "MNYA!!! KITTY IS BORED!!! GODZILLA HAS GONE!!! MNYA!!! FEAR THE KITTY!!! BOW TO THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!!" And he proceed to inform us thus rather vocally. "KITTY MUST BE STROKED!!! STROKE THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!!" And Bakura found himself flat on his back with Jounouchi glomped onto him for the first time that week, that I'm aware of. "SCARY-KNIFE-GUY MUST STROKE THE KITTY!!! MNYA!!! KITTY DEMANDS IT!!!" Then Jounouchi did his normal rub thing.

Bakura turned red, Jounouchi has that effect on people I've noticed, and actually stuttered. "G-get o-off of me! I don't want to 'stroke the kitty!' I hate the kitty!"

Jounouchi got this _horribly_ disappointed look and ran off...over me. That was rather painful, but luckily it had cleared up so I wasn't exactly staring at clouds. But in a way that was worse. The sun was shining directly into my eyes. Thankfully Bakura was swiftly standing over me, blocking the sun and glaring murderously, "Not a word, Otogi."

"About what? Jounouchi actually being hurt by something you said?" What? Of course, I knew what he was talking about. I'm not stupid; you do not tell a knife-wielding maniac that you have incriminating information on them... at least not to their face. Over the phone now... which reminds me, I've got to remember to call him. Don't worry, I'll do that after you leave.

"Let's go, Otogi. Let's go catch the, 'Kitty.'" Bakura just left me laying there; that was so rude of him. But then it was _Bakura_ not Ryou, so it wasn't all that surprising. But I managed to get up on my own and followed Bakura, as I had a few things to discuss with Jounouchi myself. Like his running over me.

We almost caught Jounouchi several times as he paused to grope people, searching for candy. Huh? Oh, apparently people had taken to Malik's trick of hiding candy on their person, and then informing him they had candy but he had to find it. But at least it allowed us to keep up with him.

We finally caught up with him again, as he was bounding down the hall and he suddenly burst out with, "FLUSH!!! MNYAHAHAHA!!!" and entered the bathrooms.

We entered the bathroom and a brawl broke out; we actually managed to tie Jounouchi up using his pants... after I accidentally clonked him with the fire extinguisher, so he was a bit dazed. In the aftermath, I was sitting on Jounouchi's legs, Bakura was straddling his waist, and Kaiba was pressed up against the wall muttering, "I am the wall! I am the _fucking_ wall!" I have no clue when Kaiba got there, but he was just pressed up against the wall muttering terrified about him being the wall. It just confirmed for me that he had issues, so I decided to ignore him for the moment, as we had to figure out how to dress Jounouchi who was being tied up with what was left of his pants. Although I do admit, I did sneak a peek at Kaiba and he was shaking. I'm rather amused by it now, but at that point I was trying to talk Bakura out of his pants, so I couldn't fully appreciate the humor of the situation. Huh? Well, my pants wouldn't fit Jounouchi, my legs are a lot thinner than his, so they would never fit. Bakura, while he's shorter, has a stockier build, so they would fit better.

I finally managed to convince Bakura, and had to take his place holding Jounouchi down as he tried to get his pants onto Jounouchi, who was, at that point, kicking and struggling. When we finally managed to get them on him and stand him up, he apparently noticed Kaiba for the first time. "MNYA!!! MASTA!!! SAVE THE KITTY FROM SCARY-KNIFE PERSON, AND SCARY-DICE PERSON!!! MNYA!!!" This time his battle cry was more scared than scary and he was attaching himself to the 'wall.'

"GET OFF ME!! RAPE!! RAPE!!" That was the first time he said it immediately.

Needless to say, yet another brawl broke out. It ended with me flying out the door via Kaiba-air. I was trying to get to Jounouchi! Okay, so maybe I landed on him, and in a rather compromising position, but still! It's not like I was doing anything to him. And I hit one of the locks with the small of my back. That was not comfy. Anyway, when I was just starting to breathe again, Kaiba burst out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his pants-- wait-- they were... _Bakura's_ pants! I hadn't realized that before. Huh? Oh, Kaiba's legs or even longer than Jounouchi's so... well... they were really short on him. And he wasn't even wearing shoes. He looked absolutely terrified.

Anyway, after giving me this ratpanipanicked look, he bolted down the hall and jumped of the banister of the stairs. Jounouchi burst out right as Kaiba's head dropped out of sight, "MNYA!!! MASTA WAIT UP!!! SAVE THE KITTY FROM SCARY-PERSONS!!! MNYA!!!" At least wasn't mnyaing maniacally anymore, because god that was scary. "KITTY MUST BE SAVED!!! MNYAHAHAHA!!!" I take it back. He was wearing Kaiba's pants though, so it wasn't so bad, but it was only the pants. Nothing else. But what allyally want to know is just _how_ that happened in such a short amount of time, because it couldn't have been more than three minutes, at the absolute most.

Anyway, Jounouchi ran down the hall doing his maniacal mnya, and I went to check on Bakura. Imagine my surprise to find him nowhere in sight. And those were the only two to come out of the bathroom doors after I was introduced to the lockers. There was no way I could have missed him leaving. All that was in the bathroom other than what should be there was Jounouchi and Kaiba's scattered clothes. I checked the stalls and everything, but he had just disappeared.

I gathered the scattered clothes and decided to go back to class and admit defeat, only to find that the math class was embroiled in a vicious battle with the language arts class. The teacher dismissed me and the few others from duty. Those of us who went to search out Jounouchi. They commended me for my supposed bravery in the face of neko-Jounouchi, which is scary in and of itself. But adding on the war that was going on at the time... They gave me medals... okay, not real ones; they were paper. But still, I felt rather proud of myself. And they gave Bakura's to Yuugi post-humus. Somehow, I felt that Bakura would be... offended by that.

Anyway, that's how I found myself sitting in the empty gym, talking with Malik about what had happened, when Jounouchi bound in looking very... smug... and carrying a frozen chicken. Yes, an actual chicken, it even had the feathers still on it. How did I know it was frozen? Well, it made a rather solid thump when Kaiba grabbed Jounouchi from behind and started to grope him rather enthusiastically. "MNYA!!! STROKE THE KITTY!!! GOOD MASTA STROKE KITTY!!! GOOD STROKE!!! MNYA!!!" At least that's what I thought he was doing at first. Apparently he was just looking for his cell phone. Which, once he found, he bolted away with, leaving Jounouchi looking rather hurt at his abandonment. He had been _really_ enjoying the attention. He gave Malik and me rather disgusted looks for witnessing his abandonment and left with his chicken to chase after the running Kaiba. They were still dressed as they had been before.

Malik and I sat there for a few minutes, staring at the spot the drama had just happened in, before I decided to just skip the rest of the day. As we were walking down the hall, we stopped to talk to Honda, who was covered in paint. Apparently, he was one of the artists decorating the halls. That was when we found out where Bakura had been. Malik had been demonstrating something Bak Bakura dropped into his arms... literally. We just stood there and stared at a dust and cobweb covered Bakura as he was being groped Malik. Although, I think that _that_ was more of a reflex than anything else.

"Mother fucker. Put me down, Tomb Guard!" Bakura snarled at Malik rather viciously.

"What happened to you?" I was rather curious about that.

"I don't want to talk about it! Put. Me. Down." Bakura bit out not removing his glare from Malik.

Malik grinned and set Bakura down. "I heard you died."

"I think I would have preferred that. Did you know that there's a giant nest that looks like it's made up of test papers up there?"

"You're kidding." Malik said in disbelief.

"I only wish that I were. What are you three up two?" Bakura demanded eyeing us suspiciously.

"I'm skipping the rest of the day. It's gotten entirely to fucked for me." I told hatheather flatly.

"I think that I'll join you on that endeavor." Malik said cheerfully.

"Interesting idea, Otogi." Bakura said, before walking off as dignified as someone covered in dust, cobwebs, and not wearing pants can.

Well, I managed to get out of school without much further incident, although, as I left, Honda grabbed Yuugi saying something about a crisis he was having. I admit I was curious about that but I would not be so crass as to inquire until he came to me with it. But I could hint that I knew something was going on. I don't really know what happened for the rest of the day, so that's about it for Wednesday.

Rumors? Well, there was the one about one about Bakura being the Rat King. The one where someone was giving Jounouchi drugs. And then there was the one where the reason for Kaiba's lack of clothing was Anzu's fault and Anzu wasn't even there. And apparently Bakura was helping the government control the rats to conquer Mars, and they were using Bakura as their proxy. The Home Economics class was involved in some sort of public assassination attempt on Kaiba, apparently. Apparently, Honda discovered Atlantis and didn't even tell me, but that was the cause of his crisis. That was the rumor, anyway. And apparently, Jounouchi was a cat alien here to help the government take over Egypt, which I'm not sure about, but they might be right.

On Thursday? Well Mokuba was really involved on Thursday; Jounouchi was dragging him around most of the day. Here's his address. Be sure to tell what you want to talk to him about or they might not let you in.

Nice to meet you Jounouchi-san. Hope that Jounouchi gets better.

Now to call Bakura.

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A/N: Hmm hmm... we had a lot of trouble with this one. Not in a bad way, really, it's just... occasionally we'd have a marvelous thread, and we'd follow it... then the thread would be lost... and... Let's see... I know we were slightly drunk for part of this, besides all the sugar and caffeine, we'd also had a bit of vodka. thatthat is beside the point. As Danye mentioned up above, I am a bit stickler for grammar... so, if anything is horribly incorrect, please blame it on such-and-such character's thought processes. ^^ Unfortunately, this wasn't finished quickly enough for the SFC, but it's still something for the readers in this fandom to enjoy, if their neighbors can handle the noise. I thank you all that reviewed, and if I've missed you, please feel free to yowl at me, as I'm the one who types up the replies on the chapter's end. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as we did hashing it up. ^^ I also hope that the length, which is ungodly for either of our stories, more than makes up for the wait.
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Felidae: Sugar is gooooooooooood. Kaiba is........ Naughty. ^^ No. Wait. Jounouchi is naughty. Heheh. And yeah, he dies. At least, he does in the manga... but they show him like that in the anime too. He was dead for like an hour and a half... in the manga. It's quite likely that they changed it in the American release of the anime, from 'dead' to 'unconscious', because the American version was heavily edited. In the original, when Kaiba had been escaping from Pegasus' goons, he had been being shot at. In the US release, they didn't have guns; they were just pointing at him. They edited out all of the cool violent stuff, for some reason. It's actually kind of sad. And anything that could even be _vaguely_ taken as sexual was also edited out. Anyway, I hope that you and any other AFF readers of 'Stroke the Kitty' enjoy this extremely long chapter. ^^

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From the Author Notes* there a difference between being naked and nekkid. Being naked is you have no clothes off, being nekkid is having no clothes on and being up to something.