My life my pain

After I took his hand and saw the different complexion of our skin, I wanted to pull back immediately. I’ve always tried to keep myself clean, but given the way I live, that’s not exactly easy; especially not in this kind of weather where everything is muddy.

Looking up from his dirtied hand and into his eyes, I expected from him to be disgusted. Strangely though, he just smiled and pulled me into a standing position.

“We should hurry. We’re both drenched and I really don’t want us to get sick. Come on. I don’t live too far from here.” He said while pulling me along with him.

I was surprised at his words. I hadn’t really thought of where he would bring me, but his home definitely wasn’t my first guess. Yet sure enough, we soon arrived at an apartment building where he let go of my hand to fish out a set of keys from his pocket.

Just then, it occurred to me that he had held my hand for the entire duration of our trip. And while the streets defiantly hadn’t been crowded, there must have been some people who saw us. I blushed at the thought. We must have looked like the beauty and the beast or like beauty and tramp or beauty and…

“Well, this is my home, come in.” The blond’s clear voice called, interrupting my thoughts. Suddenly I realized that I must have climbed the stairs to his apartment without being aware of it. Glancing round I admired the slightly run-down place. It wasn’t dirty or anything, but it looked well lived in. “Look’s nice.” I rasped; still not used to using my voice, but not wanting to seem rude.


He laughed. “No it doesn’t, but its home. And for now its all my dad and I can afford. Oh, you don’t have to worry about him; my dad is a great guy and won’t mind you being here. With his new job and new ´special friend´ he isn’t home too often anyway.” He said with a smile as he noticed my nervous expression at the mention of his father.

“You should take a shower, you look frozen. The bathroom is over there. You can take the towels on the right shelve, they’re clean. And just leave you clothes on the floor. When you’re finished, come to the room right next to the bathroom. That’s my room. I’ll try finding some clothes for you.” He ranted while ushering me into the small bathroom.

I closed the door behind me and without further ado, stepped out of my clothes and under the showerhead. I sighed contently when the first hot drops of clean water hit my body. More then the cold bothering me was my dirtiness –especially in front of HIM. I found a rag and some shower gel and started scrubbing away at my filthy skin. I knew I would feel guilty later for simply using his things, but for now I relished in the thought of the heavily scented soap washing away all the grease and dirt from my body. When I was done with the scrubbing of my body, I hesitated shortly before grabbing his shampoo too. No, I couldn’t do that. That would be really too much. I sighed again and finally turned off the shower.

I dried myself and slung the towel around my hips before I went to his room as he had told me to do.

Stepping into his room, I was hit with the image of numerous dragons – red and blue eyes glaring at me. Strangely enough though, I felt myself relax. There was something really familiar and comforting about those creatures I decided as I stepped further into the room, and only when I heard a light chuckle did I become aware of the blond sitting on the bed. “I think you are the first person not to scream and run at the sight of this room.”

I looked at him in bewilderment.

“Most people are afraid of dragons.” He explained, answering my silent question.

“But they’re so beautiful.” I rasped.

He flashed me a dazzlingly smile. “They are, aren’t they? The black one is my favourite…but lately I seem to have become enchanted by blue eyes here.” He said, his eyes racking over my half naked body before moving to one of the pictures with a blue-eyed-white-dragon on it. I felt myself blush. He did not just indicate that…no way had he just…

“I better take a shower now myself.” He declared, unknowingly breaking away my foolish thoughts. “Here’re some clothes you can try on. You’re a lot taller than me or my dad, so they’ll probably be a bit short, but at least they’ll keep you warm while your clothes are being washed. Okay?”

I nodded and he got up and left the room to take a shower.

He was right, the clothes were a bit short, but they were warm enough that I felt comfortable in them. For the next few minutes I just sat in the chair at his desk, waiting; but I felt myself get bored rather quickly. So I decided to inspect his room a bit –of course without invading his privacy. He had quite a few pictures lined up on his shelves and at his desk. Most of them showed him and the same group of boys; but some of them had just him and a girl with reddish-brown hair in them. One of the pictures even had them locked together in a tight hug; both of them wearing the most brilliant smiles. I sighed. That was probably his girlfriend.

“That was the day after her bandages were cut off.” I jumped and whirled around at the noise behind me. Had I been so deep in thought that I didn’t hear him come in?

“Bandages?”

“Yeah, she was born with an optical complication that made her vision defective; but after I won the money in Dualist Kingdom we finally had enough money for her operation.”

“That’s kind of you; doing that for your girlfriend”

He looked at me perplexed and then laughed. “She is not my girlfriend. Gosh, no. That’s my sister. Ew, that’s just…besides, she is a girl.”

Strangely enough I felt myself getting exited. “What do you mean by that?”

He blushed a little and then took a deep breath, “I’m gay…and actually just lately come out of the closet.”

I felt butterflies dancing the tango in my stomach at his admission, and I smiled.

“So…ahm…are…are you hungry?” He stuttered nervously for whatever reason. “I can make us some dinner? And while we are at it, you can tell me some stuff about you. For starters maybe your name.” He said grinning.

“I…I don’t—tell me yours first.” I countered. I wasn’t ready to tell him that I couldn’t remember anything about myself.

“Oh god! I’m so stupid. Here am I pestering you about your name all the time and I haven’t even given you mine.” He said and hit his head with his palm. “I’m Jounouichi Katsuya, but Katsuya is also my dads name, so all my friends call me Jou.”

He extended his hand and I took it in mine gently. “Hello Jou, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m… currently, I’m going by the name Blue eyes as I don’t remember my real one.”

He looked at me disappointingly; his occupied hand going slack. “If you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to.”

I grasped his hand firmer. “I’m not lying. I would love to tell you my name, as I would love knowing who I am, but…I don’t know a thing about myself.”

He looked into my eyes, still somewhat disbelievingly. Then his eyes widened and he gasped.

“You’re not lying! You really don’t remember a thing. How? What happened to you?” He sat down on his bed and pulled me next to him. His fingers caressed my hand tenderly and suddenly I found it difficult to concentrate.

“Two month ago I woke up in that park. I couldn’t remember anything. Neither my name nor where I was or how I’d gotten there. I couldn’t even speak or walk correctly. I was disorientated and didn’t know what to do. One of the homeless guys there found me and gave me some of his scotch…actually he forced it down my throat, saying it would make everything feel better…it didn’t. When I was finally able to talk again, I had a slur and stunk like a bar on football night. When I tried to talk to people they just looked at me with disgust. It was a couple of days later, when it finally occurred to me to go to the police. They didn’t look at me any differently then the people at the park though, and they told me that they hadn’t received a report of a missing person fitting my appearance. And that I had probably just drunk too much and the memories would most likely return sooner or later.”

My throat felt raw from all the speaking and I had to clear it a couple of times to be able to speak again.

“I didn’t know what else to do, so I returned to the park. I would have probably been forced to eat from the garbage can if…if it hadn’t been for you feeding me all the time. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Jou looked sad and thoughtful. He shook his head and then smiled at me.

“So you’ll have to stay blue eyes for a while then, at least till we figure out what your real name is. Come on, I promised you some dinner, didn’t I?”

I only really knew Jou for a couple of hours, but I knew he was sincere when he said that WE would figure it out. I promised myself that, whether or not he would be able to help me, I would find a way to repay him.”

“Yes you did.” I said while he dragged me into the kitchen.

He rummaged around the freezer and then frowned. “Damn! I thought for sure we had at least something edible in here, but all there is… is salad dressing and mayonnaise…what am I supposed to do with salad dressing and mayonnaise? Drench them in each other? Do you mind waiting while I go to the grocery store?”

“I don’t mind, but you don’t have to go on my behalf.”

“Its not only for you, I’m hungry too, and when my dad comes home I’m sure he would appreciate some food too.”

“Then I will come with you” I said, feeling uncomfortable staying at his home alone.

“With these clothes? I don’t think so. You just wait here. I’ll be back in no time.” He answered and within the blink of an eye he was out the door.

I smiled at his eagerness and went back to his room to look around his room some more. Strangely, I found myself to want to know more about my savour.

When I got to his desk, I found a black folder on it that I must have missed earlier. I opened it and found myself staring at the bold, black letters that made up the word ´Kaiba Corp´. Something about that struck me as familiar and I skimmed through it. It was a plan for some kind of tournament, and without realising it I sat down, gripped a pen and started working through it –marking things that struck me as questionable and making comments at some of the ideas. Some of the numbers were wrong, so I also corrected them. I was almost through the folder when I heard a bang on the door.

I went to open the front door, when it opened from the outside and a tangle of arms and legs stumbled in. The blond –with his back to me was locked in a kiss with an older looking guy. There was loud groaning and moaning coming from them and I could see the hand from the older guy slowly creeping to Jou’s bottom. Without really having a right too, I felt my heart constrict. Really, what right had I to be hurt? Of course this beauty wouldn’t be single, and even if he were, he would have never been interested in a guy without past or future like me.

Thanks to Cody_Thomas for reviewing

And thanks to Crimson2006 for betaing.