Solitude

How many times have you told me you love him?

Yugi's POV

I arrived at the game shop quickly, and slammed the door as soon as I was inside, my anger only have increased as I thought about all the frustration and pain I'd been through on my way home. And it was Atemu's fault(even though part of it was mine). I went immediately to my room, slamming the door behind me, and flopped onto my bed, feeling the anger leave and tears follow in it's wake. Of course, all my door-slamming had caught Atemu's attention.

"Yugi? Are you okay?"

Atemu hadn't called me anything but name for a long time now, in case you were wondering where the 'aibou', 'hikari', and 'little one' went to. Just Yugi. No terms of endearment, not gentle, tender eyes glancing at me as the name was said, no gorgeous smile flashing my way as our eyes meet... No, all of that had been tossed out the window. It was gone, utterly and completely.


As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth.


"Yugi?"


How long have I stood here beside you?
I lived through you
You looked through me...


I still hadn't bothered to respond. Instead, I ripped off my spiked wrist-bands, the arm-warmers, and the bandages, dropping them where ever on the floor, before going into my bathroom, (the one inside my room), and closing the door behind me. I glanced at the reflection in the mirror for a moment, taking in the defeated look in my eyes, the sallow skin and the unhealthy thiness of my face. My cheeks were sunken, the baby fat my genetics had eternally cursed me with had vanished sompletely, my skin now clinging to the bones of my face, making it appear hollow, and the bags under my eyes from little to no sleep every night didn't help much either.


Solitude,
Still with me is only you
I can't stay away from you


I sighed, and looked around my bathroom. Where was it? Then I remembered. I'd hidden it in the medicine cabinet. Irony right there, people. I pushed the mirror away, and took out the razor. The glinting metal made me smile ever so slightly, though it wasn't a happy smile. It was one of relief. And weariness. I looked at my wrists. There were cuts that hadn't fully healed, and scars that were very old, showing I'd been doing this for a long time.


How many times have I done this to myself?
How long will it take before I see?
When will this hole in my heart be mended?
Who now is left alone but me?


Slowly, almost as if in a trance, I lifeted the razor, and set it against my right wrist, and digging deeply into my skin as the pain hit me, and then instant calm relief. I let out a sigh, and dragged it through my skin until it was on the other side of my wrist. Then, I switched hands, and gave the same treatment to my left wrist, moaning as the pain was swept away by the strange pleasure that washed over me when I finished cutting.


Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Only you, only true


I closed my eyes for a moment, and let out a low sigh, before realizing I couldn't open my eyes again. I didn't panic though. No, instead, I let myself slip. It was getting dark. And that was nice. It was quiet, and peaceful. No pain... Not worrying... Yes, this was very nice...

"~gasp~ YUGI!!!! AIBOU!!! Oh gods, Yugi!!!"

And then, I blacked out.







Drip-Beep-Drip-Beep-Drip-Beep-Drip-

I opened my eyes, and groaned when I was blinded by white light. A hand placed itself on my shoulder. And I, not thinking very clearly, obviously, moaned, trying to pull away, saying, "No, Yami, five more minutes! I don't wanna wake up for school yet!" There was a sort of half-chuckle at that.

"Aibou, you're not going to school today."

I gave a half grunt. "Good, now let me go back to sleep." I mumbled, and tried to roll over.

Pain raced up my veins, making me gasp, and open my eyes in shock. Atemu was looking at me worriedly.

"Aibou? Are you alright?"

I blinked and looked at my left arm, which had been the one to pain me. There was a red tube leading up to a red sack hanging on a metal pole/perch/hanger/thing. Then I realized it was an IV, and the tubes were blood. I frowned slightly. When did we ever keep an IV? I looked at Atemu, and then I again realized he had called me 'aibou'. When did that start? (In case you didn't know, when I first wake up, it takes a long time for my brain to register anything.)

Atemu was looking at me, concern still etched on his face. I gave him a weak smile. "Hai. I'm fine." I said, and looked at the ceiling, which I regretted because the lights were really bright. I frowned at them, and then cleared my face of emotion, silence allowing me to check over what happened mentally. I remembered cutting, and then... closing my eyes... and the calm... and then...


"~gasp~ YUGI!!!! AIBOU!!! Oh gods, Yugi!!!"


The silence broke when Atemu asked a question. "Aibou... why were you cutting yourself?"

I snorted in reply. "Like you care." I said bitterly, and looked at the door. I didn't see Atemu's look of hurt. I didn't recognise the door. It wasn't mahogany wood, like at our house. It looked like the waxy stuff you find in official buildings... and hospitals. Then it hit me. Ah, so we were at a hospital. Duh... Atemu spoke up again.

"How could you think I didn't care about you, my hikari?"

Hikari? I looked at Atemu, and now saw the pain in hid face. Immediate guilt hit me. I was causing my love pain. 'BAD ME!' I mentally yelled at myself. I didn't answer his question. "Gomenasai, Atemu-sama." I said. I never used suffixes when using Atemu's name. We were simply too familiar for that... but... "I promise you I won't hurt you like that again."

Atemu looked at me, confused. But he didn't say anything. And I closed my eyes once more. Maybe jumping off the clif on the edge of town was a good place to stop causing him pain... I thought to myself before letting sleep fully claim me.