To Find a Hidden Love

Title: To Find a Hidden Love

Author: Daisey

Rating: R

Pairing: Atem/Katenen (Yami/Jou); mention of Yugi/Katenen (Yugi/Jou), Atem/Seth (Yami/Seto)

Beta: Akuchan **hugs**

Spoilers: None that I'm aware of

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or it's characters, just a few keepsakes, cards, and daydreams that are precious to me... (not to mention VHS tapes, DVD's, manga... ^__^ )


A/N: I have included some Egyptian/Arabic words in the text to add to the feel to the story; explanations/definitions will be listed at the end of the chapter.

Katenen's head rose at the sound of approaching footsteps. Despite the fact that he barely knew the guard called Herihor, he couldn't help but feel a bit relieved as the stocky brunette approached him. That quick flash of a grin that had shown itself when the soldier had compared him to... Tears rose unbidden in Katenen’s eyes again as he thought about his love. Never again would he be able to hold him... kiss him... make love to him. And then there were the things that he would miss even more: the laughter; the sparring; the way that his Merwet had been able to read his mind and soul with one flash of those beautiful eyes... A sob caught in Katenen’s throat, and the blonde dropped his head again, his body shaking with sorrow.

A wave of pity washed over Herihor as he gazed upon the broken man before him. His mind shifted suddenly to his Hemet, Anhay, and an image of him grieving the cold, empty shell of his own Merwet flashed across his mind's eye so vividly that it almost seemed a vision sent to him by the gods. Crouching down, he blinked back the tears that pricked the corners of his eyes and spoke around the lump in his throat. "Please...Katenen..." Herihor swallowed harshly, trying to rid his voice of the husky tenor that it had taken. "I know you are broken. I know your heart grieves. But you must stop your weeping, if just for the moment. Atem ~himself~ wishes to speak to you." Herihor paused and, taking Katenen by the chin, raised his lowered head. Taking a look at the other's face, he sighed and smiled gently. "And you are ~far~ from presentable." The guard's expression changed to one of surprise as Katenen angrily jerked away from his touch.

"I could wash my face a thousand times over and ~still~ my sorrow would show," he claimed passionately. "And I could care less what the ~Almighty Atem~ thinks of my appearance." Herihor's jaw dropped open in shock at the daring words that the other spoke, but he quickly recovered.

"Because of your ianew-ib, I am going to let those words pass," he said sternly, rising to his feet. "But I suggest you hold tighter reins on your tongue. Others are not as forgetful... or forgiving as I." Relenting slightly, Herihor smiled again, offering a hand up to the other. "Now come. Atem Nisu awaits." His grin widened as, after hesitating a moment Katenen accepted his hand, offering a shaky smile in return. Despite his sorrow the gesture brought a light to the young man's face and Herihor's breath caught slightly. Before Anhay had captured his heart and made him eternally hers he had desired both females ~and~ males. And, while he would rather face Ammut herself than continue his life without his Merwet by his side, he couldn't help but feel a stirring of arousal at the sight of that smile. Dropping Katenen's hand quickly, he silently praised Ra that the other was in his current piteous state; he couldn't ~imagine~ the effect that seeing that smile in all its glory would have wrought.

They journeyed in silence to the throne room and Katenen paused outside the large doors, making a sound of surprise when Herihor continued to walk. "Atem desires a ~private~ meeting," the guard explained lowly once Katenen had caught up. "One ~without~ the presence of priests and guards. It is to his living chambers that I lead you." For the first time since their meeting, fear flashed across the blonde man's face. "Do not worry Katenen," Herihor assured, sensing the trepidation of the other. "I have been instructed to remain outside the door." He smirked slightly. "If Atem Nisu were planning to have you executed, my presence would not be requested."

"Why does that not put my mind at ease?" Katenen quipped, flashing a wry smile.

Herihor let out a hearty laugh, followed by a pensive sigh. "You truly are like him you know," he said softly. Unable to help himself, he reached his hand out to touch the golden hair that was such a rare find in his country. "And you are beautiful." Herihor blushed slightly and dropped his hand. "I can see how you captured his heart. I am sorry," he apologized, noticing the tears rise in Katenen's eyes once again. "I did not mean to cause you more sorrow." The blonde waved the apology away.

"My ianew-ib is already so great that you could not add to it," he said thickly, his voice heavy with pain. Katenen drew a tremulous sigh. "My Yugi was ~always~ telling me I was beautiful,” he explained huskily. "But even in death, he is far more beautiful than I." The two remained silent until Herihor halted outside of a massive set of doors.

"We are here." Herihor turned toward the blonde, his expression a mixture of anxiety and encouragement. "May the gods show favor toward you as you meet." Katenen nodded his thanks and went to push open the door, only to be restrained. "Mind yourself, Katenen,” Herihor warned. "This is no kitchen guard that you are about to face. This is Atem Nisu, King of the lands and Son of Ra himself." Katenen nodded again and the guard released his arm, permitting him to enter the room. The sun shining into the chamber blinded him momentarily after the cool darkness of the hall and he hesitated, shielding his eyes. Unable to determine where in the room the god- king was, he took a tentative step forward, then another.

"Did no one teach you manners, kalb?" An arrogant voice hissed in his ear from behind. Katenen froze. "Refusing to bow in my presence is a crime punishable by death."

A wave of anger washed over the blonde. "And how was I to bow when I knew not where you sat?" he demanded, refusing to turn toward the taunting voice. "The ~last~ thing I would wish to do would be to dishonor the almighty Atem Nisu by bowing the wrong way and exposing my..." Katenen was cut off when a hand tangled roughly into his hair and jerked him to the ground.

"Insolent fool," Atem growled, slowly making his way around Katenen's body to stand at his head. "How ~dare~ you speak to me in such a loose-tongued manner? I should have you killed for..."

"Then do so." Atem gaped at the blonde, shocked beyond speech at the impertinence of the other. "Execute me and be done with it." The mocking expression in the blonde's amber eyes flared into one of passionate pain. "Nothing would bring me more joy than to have my ka set free to join my Merwet's in the beautiful west."

Instantly Atem's hand was in his hair again, dragging him up to speak into his ear. "My Sen was ~not~ your Merwet!" he spat, fiercely throwing the blonde back to the floor. Katenen remained still for a moment, refusing to satisfy the other by showing any sign of pain.

"He was," he finally declared, slowly dragging himself to a seated position. "And I offer my life as forfeit if I fail to prove so."

Atem eyed Katenen curiously. No one had ~ever~ treated him with the flippancy that the stranger before him had. ‘No one except Yugi...’ he thought half in fondness, half in sorrow. The similarity between the two made him wonder if the man was telling the truth after all. ‘But why would my Sen keep such a secret from me?’ Shaking his head, he put the worrisome thought aside.

"Your life is ~already~ forfeit," he replied coolly. "But I am ~always~ in the mood for a game." Atem strode to a small dais and sat on a chaise, smirking at the blonde on the floor. "Proceed, kalb. Tell me. Convince me you held Yugi's heart. Convince me that I was correct not to execute you at the start." Atem leaned back into the chaise, hiding himself in the shadows once again. Katenen remained silent for so long that the god-king began to think he was yet again defying him. But, just as he opened his mouth to call for the guards, the man began to speak.

"Where shall I begin, Merwet?" he began softly. Atem's eyes narrowed at the blonde's words, but he remained silent. "Shall I begin with the obvious... the you that all of Egypt knew? Or shall I begin with the secrets that are mine alone to tell?" Katenen paused a moment. "You were beautiful Merwet," he finally continued, his voice husky with tears. "Each time we met I told you so." The god- king watched the blonde close his eyes as if picturing his love. "Your beautiful hair... so soft and yet so wild with its regal coloring." Atem was surprised to hear the man chuckle. "Time and again you cursed its unruliness- the way it stood from your head like a star." Katenen sighed. "I loved your hair, Merwet- so like you it was: soft and wild... regal and unruly. And your eyes... gods Merwet, your eyes...it was as if Ra himself had taken everything that was pure and good and playful and sensual and filled your eyes with their essence. I swear your eyes could see to my very soul."

Atem started at the stranger's words. Several times he had accused his Sen of stripping him of his secrets by a mere glance. ‘But still...’ he thought, unwilling to believe so easily, ‘Pretty words are not necessarily truthful ones. Anyone who has laid eyes on Yugi could make the same comments ~he~ does.’ He silenced his thoughts as Katenen continued his lament.

"How I miss your sweet mouth, Yugi... miss your gentle lips and smile... miss the tender kisses and lilting voice that issued from within. And your body." Again the blonde chuckled and again his voice was husky, but with an entirely different emotion than sorrow. "To the world it appeared as a child but to me...~anything~ but. Such a ~man~ you were, Merwet," Katenen purred huskily, causing Atem to cross his legs against the unbidden throb he felt in his groin. "So masterful with your loving... I never felt more complete than when I was filled and surrounded by you." The blonde's purring voice broke off in a desperate sob. "But your brother, Merwet..." he continued once he had contained himself, "He still doubts our love. I can feel it from here. Shall I tell him our secrets? Convince him that we were true?" Atem found himself leaning forward, entranced against his will by Katenen's lament.

Suddenly the man's head snapped up and Atem fell back, feeling the weight of those eyes. "My Yugi was petite," he began coolly, stunning the god-king with the change of demeanor and voice. "As were his It and his Mewet." Katenen smirked. "As is his Sen. He told me once that your height is kept secret, lest the masses refuse to bow to a king of such small stature." Atem gaped as Katenen exposed his first secret- one that the god-king had shared with his Sen alone. "His hair was tri-coloured in regal tones of nub and desher and kem," the other continued. "His eyes were as amethyst gems that had captured the rays of the Sun itself. My Merwet often spoke of how you longed for your eyes to be colored as his were, instead of the blood color of your Mewet's It." This secret was spoken in almost a goading tone and Atem had to refrain from acting on the anger it provoked. "Yugi's body was perfect," Katenen went on. "Smooth and unflawed, save for a large scar across his buttocks, put there by..."

"Put there by me in a training accident," Atem interrupted with a growl.

"So your Mewet was told," Katenen taunted. "And so she believed to her dying day. But I know the truth." Atem's blood ran cold as the blonde grinned almost ferally. "How your It made a law that no member of his house could take a mate of their own gender because the very thought disgusted him. How he happened across you and your cousin in a guest chamber one day. How he stopped in the doorway and his cry of repulsion at your activities alerted you to his presence." The blonde's tawny eyes burned with contempt.

"Silence," Atem commanded, his voice barely a whisper.

"How Seth fled out the window while you escaped through the servant's entry." Katenen's voice grew louder. "How you ran to my Merwet, your `Sen', and begged him to bear the accusation and punishment you knew was to come lest you lose your claim to be King."

"Silence!" The command came again, louder this time and more desperately.

Katenen pushed on. "How, out of love for you and respect for who you would one day be, my Yugi convinced your It that it was him that he saw with Seth that day." Katenen's voice neared a fevered pitch. "How your It flogged him until his tender skin broke and bled..."

"Silence!" Atem cut him off with a roar, standing so abruptly that his headdress skewed off to the side. Grabbing hold of the cumbersome item he threw it angrily to the ground. But it seemed that the blonde had succumbed to a madness borne of his grief. He could not... would not be silenced.

"I have not yet finished Atem Nisu," he cried, rising to his feet and taking a defiant stance. "For I have not yet told how my Merwet came across you and Seth speaking months later. How he heard you vow yourself to your cousin in a rite of fidelity, despite the fact that, according to your It, it was your Ra-given duty to produce an heir. How you whispered to Seth as you spread your legs for him that Yugi would always be there... that the duty could fall to him." Tears rolled down Katenen's face as he stared blindly into the shadows. "Have you not wondered ~why~ we meet for the first time on the day of his death?" he demanded, his voice breaking with emotion. "Despite the deep love Yugi held for me, the love he held for his Sen and King ran deeper. Loathing the thought of disappointing the one he held so dear, my Merwet hid his inclinations from you and in turn, hid me- all so that you could live happily and rest comfortably in the knowledge that he would be there for you to use as needed- just as you always had." Now Atem-Nisu..." he concluded, drawing himself up proudly. "I have spoken my peace. If you still do not believe, execute me. If you believe and wish to reward me for winning your `game', execute me. Either way I'll end up in the Beautiful West where my Yugi... my Merwet awaits.”

Blinded by grief and fury, Atem stormed down the dais toward the defiant blonde, intent on striking him down. Katenen held himself upright, watching as the god-king stepped into the light. His chest tightened and his face drained of color as he saw Atem emerge from the shadows. Suddenly the world around him blurred, and he felt himself falling to the ground, one face in his mind and one name on his lips. "Yugi?"

*TBC*

Translations as they appear:

Hemet- Wife

Merwet- Love

Ianew-ib- heart's sorrow

Nisu- King

Ammut- devourer of souls found unworthy to pass to the beautiful west

Kalb- dog

Ka- soul

Sen- brother

It- Father

Mewet- Mother

Nub- gold

Desher- red

Kem- black