I Never Should Have Left

[Edit : Again, just had errors fixed x.x;; Now I am tempted to update... Bah.]

YRE: Ooo, yay! People like the idea ^_____^

Yami: Joy, oh joy…

YRE: ^_____^ seems like the pairing for the fic is still up for grabs, there are YY/Y and YY/K ballots, I’ll do either or others happily, just continue to suggest/vote ^^;; Oh, random thought, I think Evanescence’s ‘Bring Me To Life’ is an excellent theme song for this fic *nodnod* ^_____^ Now, read, try and forgive me for the slight Yami abuse, and review…pleasy? ^^;;

Yami: And she don’t own a thing but the friggin’ plot…Ra helps us all if she owned anything else -_____-;;

YRE: Final note, there’s a part where the writing may seem choppy and even incorrectly punctuated and spaced, it’s meant to be that way. I’ll explain further at the end so as not to ruin it ^^;;

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The pain of realization made his heart clench tightly about the truth.

“Yami…are you still-”

“Y-yeah.” His voice came out coarse and raspy from a spit dry throat, a weak rattle of once upon a time greatness, courage, figure of good morals and brilliant dreams, Yami had been able to make the impossible happen…but now-

“I just…how are you?” the soft voice of neglected innocence tore the dark apart. Strand by strand, every moment Yami had been gone came crashing into him like a poison tipped spear, welded by none other than himself.

“Hey, Baby,” Yami’s head snapped toward Keith, smug grin etched on his bristly face “I’ve got two hundred bucks with your name on them, three if you hang up on the jackass who interrupted us.” The blond motioned toward the youth’s phone as he stood and cockily descended the broken steps.

“Yami, who else is-”

“I should go.” His crimson eyes shut as the hungry need for money clawed at his throat, making him sound just about as broken as he felt. It was his living, his thrill, the rush he couldn’t live without, he didn’t care if it was dirty, risky, degrading, he loved it…didn’t he?

“I’m not going to stand here and wait around for you all day, Baby.” Keith’s blue eyes flashed irritatingly toward the tricolor youth, trails of smoke following him as he stalked closer to Yami. “Who the hell is it anyway?”

Yami swatted the man’s hand away from his phone, glaring as he stepped away. “Listen, it’s…I have to go, you caught me at a bad time.”

“Oh, I…I’m sorry, are you at work? I mean, you have a job, right? I’m sorry, I just, I just needed to-”

“Fuck, there are plenty of other whores I can go to, Atemu! And they don’t ask for such high rates.” Keith snapped when Yami managed to wriggle out of his grasp, the youth shoving the blond away angrily.

“Why don’t you go fuckin’ shove your dick up someone else’s ass then?!” Yami screamed, wrenching his arm from the other’s iron like grip, no one touched him without permission, he’d had enough of the blonde’s repeated rule bending, and annoying the hell out of him now was not a good idea, especially since Yami was currently submerged in a blind, panic laced rage.

“Listen you little dipshit,” Keith fisted his hand in the long strands of scarlet tipped black, Yami crying out as the taller shook him violently, slender neck twisted as the blond made Yami look at him “If I want to fuck you in the middle of the street, I will. You’re nothing but a slutty, little bitch that does nothing but whine in heat all day.”

Yami kicked and flailed in the other’s arms, growling when his attempts got him no where “You better let me go, NOW, Keith!”

“Or what?” the blond sneered and let got of the youth, pushing him hard so Yami stumbled back, legs shaky and holding him up uncertainly. “You going to go hump a big shot’s leg and tell them I was mean to you? Yanked on your chain too tightly?” Keith took large, menacing steps toward Yami, crimson eyes widening in slight fear at the taller man. “Frankly, I think you like it that way, when johns like me make you bark and-”

“Shut up!” Yami’s fists were trembling, knuckles white, and eyes glaring murderous rage at the other, tears kept in check by practice alone.

Keith narrowed his eyes at the smaller, cracking every bone in his hands as he sucked on the last of his cigarette, the butt flaring an angry red. “What?”

“I said shut the fuck up.” Yami hissed, slits of scarlet staring coldly at the taller man.

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Yuugi heard a sharp snapping sound in response to Yami’s cutthroat answer, a vague whimper, and heavy thud as something, or someone, dropped to the ground. His mind raced, this whole time he had remained in stunned silence, choking back tears as he listened to some Keith guy viciously chastise Yami, who held his own and screamed back, apparently forgetting he had an audience over the phone. But it wasn’t the tone they were using against each other which had startled Yuugi, it was the words they used, the meaning they held, the slow unraveling of the lie he had been telling himself for the past two years.

Yami wasn’t ok, he wasn’t doing well, he hadn’t gone off to become whatever it was Yuugi had been holding him back from. That’s what he had believed, the petit duelist had always blamed himself for his dark’s sudden departure, telling himself that if he hadn’t been such a burden, such a heavy weight of dependency, that maybe Yami would have stayed, would have wanted him, wouldn’t have broken the hikari’s heart and disappeared one day, with nothing but a scrawled out note and an empty promise.

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~Flashback~

Amethyst stretched open reluctantly, it was Monday morning, the first day of summer vacation, and he was still in the horrid routine of waking at the crack of dawn. Yuugi stretched and kicked the stifling blanket off him, untangling the mess so he wouldn’t trip on his way to stand up…again.

He yawned and stared blankly at his clock, grumbling about how early it was as he sluggishly made his way to the bathroom, wincing as his bare feet touched the cold tiles. Grandpa had the air conditioner on full blast and Yuugi didn’t like the below zero temperature when it was supposed to be warm, especially since he loved the outdoors enough to never waste a single day over summer.

Yuugi raked his slender fingers through his bed head, silly grin on his face as he looked at himself. He had grown a bit, nothing to be overly thrilled about, but enough to at least be closer to his yami’s height.

“Oh, Yami!”

He had been so enthralled with nothing in particular; he had forgotten his dark for a moment, quite a momentous occasion considering how often the pharaoh played in the young boy’s thoughts nowadays. Yuugi flushed and watched as the pink cast a soft glow on his face, splashing some cool water on himself before venturing out to rouse his other.

“Yami!” the boy smiled and bounded down the stairs in his pale blue boxers and white t-shirt. His yami was something like an early bird, night owl hybrid, up well before the sun even thought about rising and staying up way past the heavy chime of midnight. Yuugi figured the dark would be downing about his twelfth cup of coffee in the kitchen, pumping himself up for Ra knew what, but the boy was surprised to find the room empty, coffeemaker not even appearing to have been used. “Yami?” he looked about in the yard, sometimes the dark would be out there watching the sunrise with breathless enthrallment, but no such luck this time.

Yuugi padded around the house, checking the living room, laundry room, bathroom, even the shop, asking his grandpa if he had seen the scarlet-eyed yami, the elder Mutou replying in the negative. The small hikari skimmed his link, finding the other end was sealed to a degree where it appeared as though he didn’t even have one. He then began to panic, an icy sweat of worry making his body clammy, shirt sticking to his chest and back as he raced up the stairs and knocked harshly on Yami’s bedroom door. It would seem silly to check there last, but his dark was never in his room unless it was for the three hours of sleep he somehow survived on, but maybe, maybe Yami was sick, or hurt, or…

There was no reply, and although he had promised himself he’d never barge in on his other like this, Yuugi quickly flung the door open, soft cry escaping his lips as he stared in disbelief.

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Angry tears filled Yami’s eyes as he stared intently at the ground, avoiding the chillingly smug look of satisfaction on Keith’s face. He breathed heavily, nose flaring and fingers screaming as he dug them into the pavement, Keith had backhanded him across the face, sending the youth to the ground, Yami’s cheek slashed a bright red while his jaw trembled in pain. It wouldn’t have been the first time he was injured, or the most severe, but nonetheless it was humiliating, far more horrible than the acts he committed with dozens of men a week.

“Well, that shut you up.” Keith grinned, spitting at the smaller so the glob of saliva hit the youth’s cheek and quivered on the injured skin in a hot, sticky mass. “I’ll let you off the hook this time, Atemu, but there better not be any more of your freakin’ flare ups, because next time I won’t be so nice.” The blond curled his lip in disgust and kicked the sprawled youth’s legs, the boy weakly whimpering as he drew his knees to his chest for more protection incase the blue-eyed man decided to torment him further.

But Keith left with a coarse laugh, flicking his finished cigarette behind him so it landed on Yami and burned his arm, the youth biting his lower lip as he shook the glowing ember off himself, wisps of smoke spilling like entrails as the cigarette rolled across the sidewalk.

“Stupid, fucking bastard…” Yami shut his eyes and willed any more possible tears away, feeling as the sharp sting of salt resisted going back.

“Yami!?”

The scarlet-eyed youth looked about in puzzlement, scanning his surroundings for the whereabouts of the tiny, frantic voice.

“Yami! Yami! Are you ok? Oh gods, Yami?!”

The teen finally looked toward his phone, scratched up, but still tightly held in his fist. He hadn’t let go. “Shit…” Yuugi had heard it all, heard Keith treat him like he always did, heard Yami break. Sniffling softly, the tricolor youth raised the small phone to his ear and winced at the other’s shouting. “Yuugi…”

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~Flashback~

Yuugi,

I’m not sure what to write.

I’m not sure why I’m doing this.

Hell, I’m not even sure if what I’m doing is right

But I have to.

I’m sorry, Yuugi. I didn’t want to do it this way, I didn’t want to do it at all

But

I’m sorry.

I’ve gone over this in my head a hundred times, each and every time it seems perfect, justifiable

But I now know

This isn’t easy, this’ll never be easy.

Yuugi, I’m going. By the time you read this, I’ll be gone, taken on a trip without direction or necessity. Don’t think it’s anything you did, or anything you didn’t do, because trust me, if you still can, just believe in me, Aibou, I’m leaving because it feels right, the world calls to me and I can’t ignore it.

I’ve always wanted to go, always wanted to see with my own eyes what has become of the place I once thought I ruled, and today just called me forth with more strength than I can ever comprehend.

Yuugi, please, don’t cry. I’ve shed enough tears for the both of us and I need you only to accept my departure and not look for me.

I will be back. There is no question about it, I’ll return to you a better Yami than you could have ever realized. I don’t promise riches, I don’t promise fame

But what I do promise is me.

I’ll come back, and I’ll endure your anger and hate for all it’s worth

Because I’ll deserve it after doing something so terrible.

Yuugi

I haven’t abandoned you, please don’t ever think that. My life now is

It has no words. I’m not myself, I’m not what I was, nor can I ever hope to be.

What I can look forward to is only the thought and wish that someday we’ll cross paths again, someday we’ll look back on this as only a rough patch, a smudge on our grand canvas of life.

I know it sounds

Pathetic, overdone

But it’s the truth nonetheless.

I don’t know how to explain further

I don’t think there is anything I could say that would make it easier.

But

All I can say is this

Yuugi, don’t ever doubt what we had. We are one, now and forever. I am your Yami, and you, my Yuugi. We will always be this, no matter how long it takes to

Find me

We must both work at this goal, but let me carry the burden of it. I’ll find myself, and you’ll find me when I’m done. I believe in destiny, Yuugi. That’s why we’re together, that’s why we’re one soul, one heart, one mind.

You’ll know when I’m ready to be found. You’ll feel it and I’ll come home when you ask.

Have no doubt, no fear

I have to go now, the sun’s almost back from its journey, and I must begin mine.

Yuugi

You’re my aibou.

Never forget that I love you.

Yami

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Yuugi began to cry when he heard his name, spoken for the first time in two years by the only person who had ever meant more than the world. His dark purple eyes filled with tears, knees buckling so he slumped against the wall and to the ground, every fiber of him that had been strong since his dark’s departure suddenly snapping and reverting the youth to a crumpled heap of heartache.

“Yuugi?!” and like a rush of never severed time, Yami became the boy’s protector once more, eyes wide and frantic, searching and reaching for his little hikari when he heard the boy’s crying, muffled by miles of distance. “Yuugi, are you-”

“Come home!” Yuugi sobbed across the line, tear streaked cheeks flushed with anger and hope and need.

“I-”

“No! Just come home! You said you would, you said, you promised!” Yuugi sobbed even harder, frail body shaking violently as he huddled against the wall and begged his dark to return. The other end remained silent, quiet tears of misery and regret trickling down Yami’s face as he listened to his hikari’s heart wrenched pleas. “You…you promised…you said…”

“Yuugi-”

“No! Yami it’s been two years! You said! You…you said ‘and I’ll come home when you ask’, Yami, I’m asking! I’m begging! Please!?” there was a pitiful tone in the boy’s voice, tear racked and starved with too long a deprivation of another half, something within him, his already strained heart, shivered with the fear of rejection. “Yami, please…you’re ready to be found.” Yuugi sniffled, his cries having quieted as he was immersed in sad hope, if his dark didn’t want to come, he wouldn’t, but it would take everything the smaller could muster to not scream again. “I feel it now…I can feel you. Just please, come home.”

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~Flashback~

Yuugi reread the letter a thousand times as he just stood there, stunned and grief stricken in Yami’s room. The letter had been left unfolded, placed upon the dark’s nightstand, just beneath the soft orange glow of the lamp. A worn picture of the pair, smiling happily on their ‘Yami And Hikari Anniversary’ and caught up in each other’s arms was just beside the letter, the elegant script not in the least making the truth any less painful.

Yami’s room looked as though the storm of the century had blown through it, papers and books and just about everything else the dark had possessed strewn about in a blind rage. Nothing had been left intact, the soft down from his pillows lay scattered, the single mirror that hung on his wall was broken, slivers of glass littering the dark blue carpet like diamond dust.

What scared Yuugi the most was the fact that all of Yami’s Duel Monster cards were shredded to bits, yet meticulously arranged so every card appeared whole until touched, the pieces of the tattered pictures shifting with the lightest touch so it warped the image and revealed just how many times Yami had torn into each individual card.

Yuugi shut his eyes, refusing to see any more of what would only flood him with sorrow. The letter in his hands made a soft crinkling sound as his fists tightened and he began to tremble, tears smearing some of the black ink, but the words forever now etched within his mind, their voices and their meaning left to haunt the void he felt.

Pressing the crisp pages to his heart, Yuugi stifled a sob with his hand as he turned around and fled from the room, shutting the door with a loud slam, and leaning heavily against it, breath heaving his tiny chest as he fruitlessly tried to calm himself. “YAMI!” the boy continued to scream hysterically even after his grandfather bolted to his side, taking the violently shuddering Yuugi in his arms and rocking him gently. He managed to catch a glimpse of the letter and tried shushing the youth with apologies and promises, promises that meant nothing because they were coming from the wrong person.

Eventually he fell asleep from pure exhaustion, Yuugi whimpering quietly while never letting go of the now twisted sheets of paper.

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The deafening silence began to take a toll on Yuugi, his mind shutting down as he steeled himself to be forgotten again, but this time he would make sure both mind and heart would be numb, protected, incased from further pain.

“Yuugi…”

Said hikari just sniffed in response, small fists rubbing the sting and tears from his amethyst eyes.

“You’re my aibou.” Yami’s voice was audibly laced with sorrow, the teen cradling himself against the scratchy surface of a brick building. “Never forget that I love you…”

“You…you remember? The letter…” Yuugi spoke softly, almost as though he was afraid he would frighten the dark away, turn him into a quivering shadow too terrified of his own light to draw near.

“Yes.” Yami opened his eyes, soft look of serenity melting over the once vacant daze of self-disgust. “Yuugi.” There was a silent answer, something of a comfort in Yami’s jumbled life that made him smile, a gentle and sincere grace upon his lips that hadn’t been there for years now. “I’m coming home.”

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YRE: -_____-;; Merf

Yami: Yuugi!! *runs w/arms wide open* I’m coming home!!

Yuugi: ^^…*slaps Yami* Bastard, you shouldn’t have left in the first place

Yami: ;_;

YRE: -_-;; Yeah, okies, the choppy part was Yami’s letter ^^;; hope that was clear. I mean, when you write a letter and it’s rather early, and your basically running away, you don’t exactly have the best sentence structure, plus it emphasized stuff…Sorry for the general badness of this chapter, but don’t think for a second this is over, oh no, Yami’s my favorite puppet to punish XD

Yami: o.o;;

YRE: And so he shall be getting into interesting situations…and eventually fall in love w/someone somehow…oh, the reference between love w/Yuugi was at that time purely yami/hikari stuff, nothing serious then, but depending on the ultimate pairing, you get the point ^^;; Oh, and the ‘Atemu’ thing will be explained in the next chapter incase anyone’s confused, thought if you think about it, it should be rather clear why Keith called Yami that…^.^

Thankies:

~Kat: LoL, glad the change in Yami has been approved by you XD

~silent angel: ^^;; Hope this was updated soon enough for you

~Sansi: Thank you for thinking that ^^ Yes, we’ll see how this turns out in the end, hope you enjoy it regardless of the pairing

~Blue: XD *glomps* *snickers* Sorry to scare you, I grow attached to people easily ^^;;;;; Well, I hope this chapter didn’t disappoint you cuz of the YY/Y tone to it, just for you I promise to have YY/K interaction ^_____^…XD knowing me, it’ll be more than just a little interaction. But again, I won’t know the end pairing for a while yet *sweatdrops*…*blushes* thank you for thinking I’m good ^^;;;;;

~Hikari_inu: Thank you ^____^ LoL, oh, well, then that’s a good think, cuz Yami’s gonna have a bit of action before the end of this. Again, I hope you enjoy it regardless of the pairing.

~LadyDementa: ^^;; Hope this was soon enough for you, glad you’re enjoying it ^____^

~aspiker: XD Ooo, dark and Yami-kins left alone? Sounds interesting, though Yami hates me enough as it is…this will be tucked away in the back of my mind for further thought ^^ Thank you very much for thinking that.

~Phizzy-chan: Yay for originality XD Well, there will be YY/K later, but the ending is still up for grabs. Oh, and I like your idea XD making Yuugi a drug and/or sex addict could be interesting XD fun fun.

YRE: ^_____^ Thanks a ton for the reviews everyone!! And look, I updated far quicker than normal, be proud of me XD Next chappy won’t be happy, not depressing, just…darkish ^^;; Hope you enjoyed this one and let me know what you think…Oh! And the thought of giving Yami-kins a run through w/Bakura/Marik may just make it in too XD You know it just can’t get sunshiny w/either of those two in here, especially when it’s me writing about Marik…Mwaha…Anywho, thanks for reading, hope you liked it at some point ^^

~YamiRynEnjeru