House of Cards

Disclaimer: Is Yu-Gi-Oh X-rated? No? Well, I don't own it, then.

Warnings: Read the warnings from the first part, since I'm terminally lazy. Yup.

Author: Koneko Shido

A/N: Well, I finally sat down to write part two of this, hope you like it. Also, if anyone is having trouble with the cards, just say so in a review and I'll put up some descriptions or something so you know what they look like. Anyway, prepare for more weirdness from the deepest recesses of my twisted little mind. Yummy.
Added Note: I'm seriously screwing with Change of Heart. You have been warned...

House of Cards 2
By Koneko Shido

"Oh, my, what a big, shiny sword! Can I touch it?" A sexy purr of a voice issued from behind Flame Swordsman. He blinked and turned around, but the only other person in the room was Change of Heart, and she was humming softly to herself as she sat in a corner and quietly read a book about sewing. Besides, she was so sweet and innocent; she'd never say anything like that, right?
"Is something the matter?" She asked, smiling softly as she looked up from her book, noticing the confused look on the warrior's face. He blinked again.
"Err... No. Nothing. Just, uh, thought I heard something. It must have been the wind." He grinned, then turned and went back to polishing his sword, which was indeed big and shiny.
"You're so strong, I'll bet you could keep shining your sword like that for hours without even breaking a sweat." The sexy voice said a few moments later, and Flame Swordsman gulped, blushing a little as he turned again.
"Do you have a fever? You look awfully hot," Change of Heart said in a worried voice, putting down her book and clasping her slender little hands together, her eyes big and concerned.
"I-I'm fine." Flame Swordsman stammered, confused. Something was going on. He shrugged, taking a deep breath to calm himself, and once again turned back to his sword.
Behind him, unseen as he continued to polish his blade, Change of Heart suddenly smirked, her white angel's wings blurring for a moment to become black, bat-like wings instead. In fact, everything about her seemed a little... darker. She gave a soft, psychotically evil giggle, and licked her lips, creeping up behind Flame Swordsman, who was oblivious to everything that had just happened.

* * *

"So, could you please do something about that thing?" Mystical Sand gestured to Relinquished, who was still stubbornly refusing to move from in front of the television. Dark Elf was sat on the sofa, sulking and digging down the sides of the pillows for loose change, which she then threw at Relinquished. It bounced off with a clang and rolled onto the carpet, sitting there innocently for a moment before a little flap of the green rug was pulled back and a floorboard lifted up to reveal a wide-eyed Kuriboh, who quickly darted out, snagged the shiny coin, and disappeared back beneath the floorboards as though it had never been there. Dark Elf snarled.
"Uh, she's in a bad mood because she missed Pokemon. Do you think there's anything you can do?" Mystical Sand asked Gaia the Fierce Knight, who was staring up at the huge form of Relinquished, a lance in each hand.
"Sure." He shrugged, and handed his precious lances to Mystical Sand, who almost dropped them because they were so heavy. Freed of his weapons, Gaia placed his palms on Relinquished's back and gave one, huge shove. Since it was balancing on a point, rather like a big spinning top, Relinquished swayed for a moment, looking as confused as a huge, useless lump of metal can look, then slowly toppled over in slow motion. Unfortunately, since it was so heavy, Relinquished hit the floor with a deafening crash and went straight through in a great cloud of splinters and sawdust. Gaia blinked as the sound of a Kuriboh being squished was heard, a sort of sharply cut off squeak.

"Oh, very funny." Magician of Faith muttered, staring flatly at the enor cre creature that'd just crashed through to the basement and landed in the middle of the game of monopoly she happened to be playing with Enchanting Mermaid and Spirit of the Harp. The entire game table was now a pile of splinters, on top of which lay Relinquished and some sticky-looking slime that used to be a Kuriboh.

Dark Elf looked at the huge, gaping hole in the floor and sighed.
"Happy birthday to me, I am SO not paying for that..." She sang, then wandered off to amuse herself elsewhere, or look for Swordstalker, who was still missing in action, the only trace of him being the occasional insane snicker from behind someone, who would then turn around and find nobody there. It was rather unnerving.

Dark Magician and Celtic Guardian didn't even notice that the ceiling had just caved in. They were enjoying themselves WAY too much to stop for something as minor as a car-sized, incredibly heavy creature falling through the floor a few feet away.

Mystical Sand peered down through the dust cloud that had risen, waving cheerfully at Enchanting Mermaid and the others.
"Erm, sorry!" She grinned, then shrugged and went off to follow Dark Elf.

Gaia picked up his lances from where Mystical Sand had dropped them in surprise at the floor caving in, and dusted them off, giving a satisfied nod. Another job well done, and the added destruction only made it more interesting. Smirking, he switched on the television, walked around the huge hole in the floor absently, then sat down on the sofa to watch a cookery program.

* * *

Swordstalker giggled crazily, hiding in the closet and watching Mystical Elf cleaning up, as usual. He smirked. It was great being him. Not only was he completely and utterly insane, he also knew a lot of things that made his life a lot more fun. Such as what each and every person in the house's worst fear happened to be, and exactly where he could get his hands on the things they were afraid of. Which was why, at that moment, he was watching Mystical Elf through a crack in the door, holding a kiwi fruit in his hand.
"Hmm, hmm hmmmm..." Mystical Elf hummed to herself, dusting the counter in the kitchen. A few feet away Gyakutenno Megami was making cookies, while Succubus Knight was stirring six different pots at once, sinhe che conveniently happened to have six arms. Mystical Elf smiled and picked up her broom to clean the floor, turning around... and freezing. There, right in the middle of the floor, was a brown, furry kiwi fruit, just sitting there doing nothing, waiting. She twitched. The kiwi fruit didn't move, but she was sure it gave her a threatening look. Dropping her broom, Mystical Elf backed up slowly, trembling violently as she kept her eyes locked on the evil fruit. Finally, after backing up a few more steps, she bumped into Gyakutenno Megami and screamed.
"IYAAAAAAHH!!!!"
Succubus Knight blinked as the piercing scream rang out and one of the glasses drying on a rack beside the sink exploded into dust.
"Uh-" She began, cut off as Mystical Elf sprinted past her in a blur of blue skin and irrational hysterics. "Right." The warrior shrugged, turning to Gyakutanno Megami. "What was that?"
"Now how did this get here?" Megami was murmuring as she bent over and picked up the innocent-looking kiwi fruit. Suddenly she yelped as Swordstalker burst out of the closet, cackled triumphantly, then bounded off to wreak more havoc.
"Oh. That explains it, then." Succubus Knight muttered, going back to cooking.
"Oh, dear." Megami sighed, shaking her head. She then calmly placed the kiwi fruit on the counter and stabbed it with a large knife, passing half to her cooking companion, who took it, and eating half herself.

* * *

"No... Oh, no, please!" Celtic Guardian gasped. "You-you can't!" He begged. Dark Magician just laughed wickedly and advanced on him.
"I think you'll find I can." He hissed, narrowing his blue eyes evilly.
"Ahh... I-I'll do anything, just don't do this! Please! You know I can't bear it!" The poor elf pleaded, turning his head to the side and closing his eyes as Dark Magician gave a low chuckle of pure sadistic pleasure and bought his secret weapon up to run along the side of Celtic Guardian's face, very gently so that he could only just feel it brush against his sensitised skin.
"No..."

"He must be very ticklish," Enchanting Mermaid commented, staring at thng, ng, pink feather Dark Magician was torturing Celtic Guardian with.
"Sure." Said Magician of Faith, rolling her eyes. Since their Monopoly game had been prematurely bought to an end by Relinquished, the three women had decided to turn their chairs, or in Enchanting Mermaid's case her bathtub, around to watch the action. That was, after they'd wiped off the Kuriboh guts that had splattered all over them. Spirit of the Harp was murmuring along softly to Marilyn Manson on her headphones, smiling blankly and not really paying attention.
"When's dinner?" Magician of Faith asked, sighing. She was sure there must be something better to do than watch those two perverts molest each other in the basement.
"About an hour." Enchanting Mermaid replied, offering her some salmon-flavoured popcorn. Magician of Faith sighed and politely declined, listening to Celtic Guardian's anguished screams and Dark Magician's wicked cackling.

* * *

"I, er, I wouldn't go out there." Mystical Sand informed Dark Elf, catching up with her as the spellcaster reached the back door.
"Why not?" Dark Elf asked her girlfriend, looking out through the window into the back yard, where an entire herd of Kuribohs were milling about, occasionally getting eaten by some of the more... carnivorous plants.
"Curse of Dragon." Mystical Sand sighed. Dark Elf groaned.
"PMS-ing again? Oh, lovely." She muttered, peering out of the window again in time to see said dragon swoop down out of the sky and land in the middle of the herd of Kuribohs, stomping on three and splattering them all over the grass. It then blew a jet of flame out of its nose and roasted a few more of the little creatures as they tried to flee. Still not satisfied with its little massacre, Curse of Dragon leant down, picked one last Kuriboh up in its mouth, and clamped its jaw shut with a crunch, smirking. Seeming to have sated it's premenstrual bloodlust for the time being, Curse of Dragon sprang up into the air and spread its wings to fly circles arothe the house, looking for more innocent creatures to kill.
"Riiiight. So I'm stuck in the house, great. Can't we just get Red-Eyes and Blue-Eyes to chase that thing away for a while?" Dark Elf asked.
"They're sleeping out front, and you know what happens if you wake them up in the middle of their nap time." Mystical Sand said.
"They destroy things. And eat people."
"Yup. Come on, let's go see how dinner is doing."

* * *

Dark Elf stepped through the door to the lounge, where Gaia was still watching television, and stopped. Entering the room behind her, Mystical Sand wondered what was going on and peered over Dark Elf's shoulder, her face turning pale.
"...ARGH!! BUG!! Kill it!" She cried, clinging to her girlfriend as Dark Elf watched Hunter Spider skittering about on the other side of the room, having crawled up out of the basement through the gaping hole in the floor, through which could be heard a strange mixture of pleasured groans and gasps, along with crazed laughter.
"Maybe you should trap it under a glass," Succubus Knight murmured, coming up behind Mystical Sand and looking over Dark Elf's other shoulder. Mystical Sand took a moment away from her hysterics to turn to the warrior and blink, trembling.
"That thing's like seven feet tall, YOU trap it under a glass!" She pointed to the spider, which wiggled a furry, orange and black leg at her, clacking its fangs toge.
\.
"Eww. That's just gross." Dark Elf said. Then, out of nowhere, Gaia sat up from his comfy position on the sofa, picked up one of his lances, and threw it at the spider before settling back to watch the end of his cookery show and learn the finer points of cooking scones.
The razor-tipped lance made a cring ing nose as it impaled Hunter Spider, pinning it against the wall. The three girls in the doorway watched in morbid fascination as its legs flailed a little then fell limply to its sides and green slime began to ooze slowly out from the wound and dribble onto the carpet.
"Oh, that's just not right." Dark Elf said, looking a little green herself.
"I think I'm going to be sick." Mystical Sand whimpered.
"Join the club," Succubus Knight added.
Luckily, at that moment, a startled cry and a thump from the room above them distracted them from the disgusting sight.
"That was Flame Swordsman." Dark Elf said.
"Sounded bad." Mystical Sand supplied helpfully, looking up with everyone else at the ceiling, which was now shuddering with each thud.
"Bet you ten dollars it's Change of Heart." Succubus Knight smirked, two of her hands on her hips, two supporting her against the wall and two behind her head.
Having six arms can be confusing, she decided.
"You're on." Mystical Sand grinned, then glanced over at Hunter Spider and quickly looked away. "I am SO not cleaning that up." She said firmly.

* * *

TBC

Ok so far?? I live for feedback, so reviews are always appreciated. ^_^