The Heat of a Card
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Yu-Gi-Oh › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,587
Reviews:
20
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
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Category:
Yu-Gi-Oh › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,587
Reviews:
20
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The next day...poor Seto gets involved
Like I said before, I don't own Yugioh.
thinks Yugi.
[Yugi is thinking that he doesn’t own Yugioh? Oh, oh wait…. That’s the DISCLAIMER, isn’t it? I thought it was part of the chapter. My mistake.
So, what IS Yugi thinking? Hmm…. The phrase “Why me” comes to mind.]
"What the hell is wrong with you?
[That’s what I’d like to know.]
A duel monster doing out not in a duel?" one person yells.
[A sentence typed out not in proper form?]
"If you say anything bad about my boyfriend I will personally send a spell so far up your ass that it will go out your throat" she yells.
[#1. Who is ‘she?’ With as much info as we have so far in this chapter, it could be Anzu for all we know. *shudder*
#2. Who is being yelled at? Yugi thoughtethiething, then this person yells. Maybe he’s overhearing some random argument. Kinda like the random building where Yugi and the BMG ended up in the last chapter.]
"Hey whos the weird broad who dressed in a Dark Magician Girl costume?" Another asks.
[Hmmm…. “Hey whom does the weird broad who dressed in a Dark Magician Girl costume belong to?”
Or maybe… “Hey who is the weird broad who dressed in a Dark Magician Girl costume?”
The second makes sense to me, but maybe it’s the first one. That would fit the pattern of the fic better.]
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?"
[Did your shift key stick?]
she yelled her staff glowing as she sent a spell that hit the guy square in the chest.
[“WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN COMMA USAGE?” she yelled her eyebrow twitching as she typed an MST with a sticky shift key that would be posted later that day.
And once again, dear readers…the Time Warp.]
"Ughhhhh!" he cried in pain.
[Can I see a show of hands for how many people here care whether this person cried ugh, argh, or wolf?]
Yugi jumped back in fear.
[I’d flee in terror, but that’s just me.]
he said to Yami.
[“Ra, no! I’m still in this damn fic!”]
Yami said back to Yugi.
[“And that’s not all, Aibou. We’re suddenly in all italics again for no good rea”] ”]
"Hey Yugi! What's up-Holy Shit its the Dark Magician Girl!" said Joey with Tea and Tristan.
[What about its the Dark Magician Girl? To whom does this ‘the Dark Magician Girl belong?’
Did they all say it at once or what?]
Tea ran up to Yugi and hugged him thankful he's alive.
[“Let’s do the Time Warp again….”
Okay…if she’s worried that he might have been dead, Jou must have told her about Yugi getting struck by lightning. Either she cares about Yugi more than Jou does {Yeah right…she only hangs around him ‘cause she wants in Yami’s pants. Guess what bitch…he loves YUGI!!!}, or it took them this long to figure that getting struck by lightning might have actually hurt him.]
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?"
[Damn sticky shift key.
What the fuck does she think about her doing? What is a doing, and why is the fact Anzu has one so relevant now?]
Screamed the Dark Magician Girl.
[I think they can all hear her perfectly fine. Screaming like a banswon’won’t make them listen more. Much like typing lines of dialogue in all caps doesn’t make me any more eager to read.]
"Huh? Who's tha-that's the Dark Magician Girl."
[Very good, Anzu! You get a cookie!]
said Tea frightened.
[And here I thought her last name was Mazaki. Or Gardener, depending on which version you have access to. Maybe that’s her last name in a different dubbing.
Who on earth could be frightened of THAT? She’s cute, perky, and she uses pink hearts!]
"DON'T TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND." DMG screamed.
[Um…I hate to ask, but did you get off on typing the first chapter so badly that you fucked up your keyboard?
Exactly WHEN did Yugi say he was her boyfriend?]
meanwhile while Tea pleaded for her life Joey whispered to Yugi
[She never said she was going to KILL Anzu. I wouldn’t mind if she did, though….
Meanwhile while…? Department of redundancy department.]
"Yo who's that dressed in the DMG outfit?"
[It’s gotta be uncomfortable running around dressed as a book.]
"Sorry Joey but thats the real thing!" whined Yugi.
[Why is he apologizing? Does he have that big of an inferiority complex?
Apostrophes are STILL free. Guess where one should go.
I have never heard someone exclaim and whine at the same time. What does that sound like, pray tell?]
"Cool!" said Joey.
[Um…not really]
"And she has all her powers too!" said Yugi.
[Sucks, doesn’t it?]
"What?" said Joey "Yeah.
[Yugi didn’t exactly answer the question here.
Yugi: What?
Yeah.
Yugi: Huh?
Exactly.]
And just between us.
[And just a sentence fragment.]
I was kinda forced to have wild sex with her last night." he whispered.
[There’s another word for that: Rape. And Yami would NEVER let his Aibou get sexually assaulted.]
"No way"
[Way.]
said Joey thinking this was some April Fool's joke.
[I wish.
I said wondering where in the hell it is written that this takes place April 1.]
"No, I'll prove it." said Yugi whispering.
[Some things are just better left unproven.]
"Hey Dark Magician Girl." said Yugi.
[These cards really need nicknames.]
"Just to see if you can do magic could you try blasting that trash can over there into tiny peices" said Yugi.
[I before E except after C
Did you know that trashcan is a compound word? Well, you do now. Use this knowledge.]
"Ok" she said as she pointed her staff towards the trash can.
[Poor defenseless trashcan.]
A great big purple heart beam
[Purple? That’s the Black Magician’s colour. She uses pink.]
came out of the staff and hit the trash can which was disinagrated.
[How can it hit the can if it was already DISINTEGRATED?]
Meanwhile Joey, Tristan, Tea and everyone else in the vinicty [VICINITY] had their mouths open.
[Good way to catch flies. Eww….]
"Y-y-yy-you really had sex with her last night?" said Joey to Yugi silently.
[Unless he has telepathy or used sign language, he didn’t ask silently.
Okay, she blasts a purple heart at a disintegrated trashcan and THAT proves Yugi had sex with her? No wonder they always believe the evil characters in the series. They are either dumb as dirt or gullible beyond belief.]
DMG heard this and came over and whispered to them.
[So much for the telepathy theory. Jou must have just whispered to Yugi.]
"Yep and it was the best orgasims I've ever had!" she said.
[Again: There is no I in orgasm.]
She left and Yugi whispered so silently to Joey that even the DMG couldn't hear.
[Okay, some definitions for the word SILENTLY:
1. Marked by absence of noise or sound; still.
2. Not inclined to speak; not talkative.
3. Unable to speak.
4. Refraining from speech
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but based on these dictionary entries, if Yugi is whispering silently, Jou won’t have the 1st fucking clue as to what the boy is saying.]
"Yeah and now I can't get rid of her. It happened when the duel disk malfunctioned." said Yugi.
[Still haven’t learned your lesson, I see. Seto’s going to ruin your entire family’s finances for this.]
"Dude we have to talk to Kiba about this" said Joey.
[Seto’s gonna LOVE this. First you fail to capitalize the name of one of his company’s products, THEN you have the audacity to misspell his name!
Brief Japanese lesson: While the romanized versions of Japanese words and syllables generally have no fixed standards, the single vowels do. Single vowels are A {‘a’ as in ‘father’}, E {‘e’ as in ‘bet’}, I {‘i’ as in ‘machine’}, O {‘o’ as in ‘horse’}, U {‘u’ as in ‘put}
So, the spelling of ‘Kiba’ is pronounced ‘Kee-ba’. It is supposed to be KAIBA. The 1st syllable is a vowel COMBINATION, not a single sound. Now, vowel combos vary… Arigatou and arigatoo are both correct. The 1st is a combination that looks right to most Americans, and the 2nd is a literal romanization…there are 2 ‘o’s because the vowel sound is stretched out.
Ye gods, even the DUBBERS got that spelling right!]
"Yeah." said Yugi.
[Yugi might think of that, but Jou would never want to ask Seto for help if his life depended on it at this point in the series.]
Joey, Yugi, and The Dark Magician Girl went up to try to find Kiba.
[Hmm…wonder if this could count as misrepresentation or libel. Seto probably didn’t even get a say in this, did he?
And where the hell did Anzu and Honda go? Did they just disappear or what?]
"We wish to see Seto Kiba" said Yugi.
[Yeah, like Yugi would speak like that.]
"What for?" the guard said. "He's too busy for the likes of you" he said.
[If you would recall, during battle City, Seto is running around dueling people just like the rest of them. There were no guards around him, just Mokuba.]
"Oh h-honey could you come here please?" said Yugi trying still to grasp the fact that his girlfriend is a over protective sexy Duel Monster.
[She’s not overprotective; she is as possessive as all get out. And she is STILL not sexy by any stretch of the imagination.
And when the hell did they become an item? She used magic to basically RAPE him, and now she’s acting like a damn stalker.]
"Sure baby" she said and the guard literily pissed himself.
[As IF. By now, his staff has probably seen some pretty fucked-up shit, and a cutesy magician card isn’t about to make anyone piss himself.]
"Uhhhhhh, I'll get him for you." he said as he contacted Seto by radio.
[Dammit, now poor Seto’s getting drug into this farce. Malik and his Yami better not get involved.]
Meanwhile.
[Meanwhile WHAT?]
"Mr. Kiba there is a message to you from guard 1A."
[Who is stationed outside apartment 3G]
"Alright what is it?" said Kiba clearly pissed.
[Can’t say I blame him.]
"Mr. Kiba sir. You need to come down here and see this. A Yugi Moto and Joey Wheeler are with a Duel Monsters card." he said
[Mouto or Mooto…the long vowel is in the 1st syllable.
Is the GUARD telepathic? They never told him their names.]
"You call me down just to see some card? What the fuck are you thinking? Consider yourself fired" said Kiba even more pissed
[Well, at least that’s in character.]
"Sir, I mean a real live Duel Monster, The Dark Magician Girl if I am correct and she seems to be kissing Yugi Moto." he said.
[Seto: Then might I suggest a new job writing for the tabloids. You’re FIRED!]
"WHAT?" "I'm coming down here immeadiatly" Kiba said.
[Why the hell would he CARE? He just wants the gods cards.]
"Yes sir." the guard said. he thought as he made his way down.
[“I am going to sue the pants off of the idiot who wrote me into this fic.”]
"There sir" said the guard shaking and pointing at the female Duel Monster.
[Why is he shaking?? She hasn’t done anything other than speak and kiss Yugi. She could just be a cosplaying Duel Monsters fan for all the guard would know.]
"Looks like another hologram to me" said Kiba pissed
[I’d like to know how his systems create holograms fort he cards he’s never even seen before. The God Cards, for example.]
"Well for your information I am real" she said suddenly making Kiba jump back.
[Shit doesn’t startle him that easily.]
"Alright what the hell is going on here?"
[Who the hell is speaking here?]
"It must be some weird girl in a DMG costume you nitwit" he said to the guard.
[That is a sensible conclusion, considering the info he has at present. He should fire the guard anyway…the moron assumes she’s the real thing with no proof whatsoever.]
"Can some girl in a costume do this?" she said blasting a statue.
[Well, if she put on a Harpy Lady costume and used her wand, she could still do that. So yes, some girl in a costume could. But that is a very disturbing mental image, so I shall let the matter drop now.]
"Aaaa-aahhhhhh" said Kiba.
[Seto doesn’t have strong reactions to this kind of stuff. He didn’t scream when he saw Ra for the first time, now did he?]
"My duel disk malfuctioned [malfunctioned] when lighting struck it and she appeared in real life next to me." said Yugi.
[But you never went to the hospital, so maybe this is one big shock-induced hallucination.]
"But-but this can't be!" said Kiba trying to think of some way to prove that this is fake.
[He’s a fucking genius and a skeptic to boot; that wouldn’t take long.]
"Guards, take Yugi and Wheeler away.
[Um…why?]
Then get this Duel Monster for testing." said Kiba.
[Are they going to probe her? Kinky! But it’s the Black Magician Girl…. Bleh.]
"I DON'T THINK SO!NO ONE TOUCHES MY BOYFRIEND!" she said as she sent spells at all the guards.
[The shift key AND the space bar stuck some this time. I think you need a new keyboard.
She sent spells? Snail mail, fax, or email?]
"Oh Kiba one thing. She's a bit over protective and well............" said Yugi but couldn't find the right words.
[How would the rest be relevant anyway?]
"He gave me the greatest orgasim in history" she finished for him
[I have decided that she must be a very self-serving little bitch. Every time she mentions orgasms, it’s just ‘I, I, I, I….’]
and then Kiba hit the floor. When he came too he was shocked beyond all belief.
[I think he was shocked beyond belief before he hit the floor…that’s kinda why he acted so out of character and fainted.]
"Well you did it Yugi, you did something that most perverted men dream about.
[How does Seto know what Jii-chan dreams about? *shudder* I don’t even want to THINK about what goes on in that old man’s head.]
You actually made love to the sexiest Duel Monster female Dark Magician Girl."
[She’s CUTE! Dark Necrophia is sexy in comparison!
Female Dark Magician Girl…you mean there’s a male version? *snickers* “He’s just a sweet transvestite…”]
said Kiba who like yugi was trying to grasp the fact that it actually happend.[happened]
[Or trying to grasp the fact that they are actually participating in this.]
Then out of the blue DMG kissed Yugi on the lips and Kiba was disgusted.
[She’s been doing everything out of the blue. Her alignment: Chaotic Stupid.
I’ve BEEN disgusted.]
Yugi went over to Kiba and whispered "can you get her back into the card?"
[ONEGAI??]
and Kiba whispered back "No I can't, looks like you'll have to deal with her." he said.
[He’d want to try. It’s HIS technology that is partially responsible for this. He’d want to find out more.]
she thought.
[“Yeah! I can have more sex!”]
"So what's it like to be a duel monster?" Joey asked her finally speaking.
[He’s actually spoken a few times, just not to her.]
"Kinda cool and yet it kinda sucks. You get all these powers and some duelists love you and you love them back
[“…and I love them for loving me and they love me for loving them and we just love each other…”]
but you can show it, except me now." she said.
[So…she CAN’T show it now?]
"I think we're all really high on some pot or something." said Joey.
[And it was laced with some BAD shit. Maybe snake venom…they used to do that. Caused all sorts of trippy things in addition to just getting high.]
"Nope this is real life dipshit." she said.
[Well, isn’t she sweet? Yugi wouldn’t like his best friend getting badmouthed like that.]
Well take some tests on her and take Yugi away.
[Is someone talking here or what?]
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOYFRIEND" she yelled in which she got really pissed and used her staff.
[Buy a new keyboard, hon. This is a real problem here.
In which? What the hell is she in? And how’d she use her staff? No, wait…bad mental image. Don’t wanna know]
Yugi sunk even lower when she said boyfriend.
[Are they on the Titanic now?
Why the hell can’t he just tell her he doesn’t like her that way and for her to leave him the fuck alone?]
Meanwhile....
[That is now how you use that word in a sentence.]
Joey walked outside
[Didn’t know he was ever inside.]
and suddenly a lightning bolt struck his duel disk
[And with no storm this time. Someone’s in a hurry to finish the chapter. Oh well, it can’t get much worse. Rush away.]
and soon out poped
[Poped? When did the Roman Catholic Church get involved here?]
a lady assilante [Assailant] of the flames.
[Of Flames not THE flames.
He doesn’t even have that card in his deck. Actually, I’m not sure that he has any female cards. Except for his Red Eyes. The dubbers fucked it up {as usual}, but he calls her his ‘Goddess of Victory’ in one episode.]
thought joey.
[“What the FUCK?”]
Well the lady assilante
[It’s still Assailant, and the names of all cards should be capitalized. Or do you want Industrial Illusions to sue, too?]
just grabbed joey and took him off somewhere.
[How wonderfully vague.]
"What are you doing?" Joey asked.
[Do you really wanna know?]
"Well don't you wanna make love to me?" she said.
[I have that card. She’s not all that attractive, either. I’d say no. I’m straight, but if a seriously hot card like Dark Elf was coming onto me, I might be open to experimentation, but not the Lady Assailant of Flames.]
"Damn difficult question. Set me down so I can think." he said.
[Jou…when she puts you down, RUN! Run far, far away, and never return to this fic.]
thinks Yugi.
[Yugi is thinking that he doesn’t own Yugioh? Oh, oh wait…. That’s the DISCLAIMER, isn’t it? I thought it was part of the chapter. My mistake.
So, what IS Yugi thinking? Hmm…. The phrase “Why me” comes to mind.]
"What the hell is wrong with you?
[That’s what I’d like to know.]
A duel monster doing out not in a duel?" one person yells.
[A sentence typed out not in proper form?]
"If you say anything bad about my boyfriend I will personally send a spell so far up your ass that it will go out your throat" she yells.
[#1. Who is ‘she?’ With as much info as we have so far in this chapter, it could be Anzu for all we know. *shudder*
#2. Who is being yelled at? Yugi thoughtethiething, then this person yells. Maybe he’s overhearing some random argument. Kinda like the random building where Yugi and the BMG ended up in the last chapter.]
"Hey whos the weird broad who dressed in a Dark Magician Girl costume?" Another asks.
[Hmmm…. “Hey whom does the weird broad who dressed in a Dark Magician Girl costume belong to?”
Or maybe… “Hey who is the weird broad who dressed in a Dark Magician Girl costume?”
The second makes sense to me, but maybe it’s the first one. That would fit the pattern of the fic better.]
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?"
[Did your shift key stick?]
she yelled her staff glowing as she sent a spell that hit the guy square in the chest.
[“WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN COMMA USAGE?” she yelled her eyebrow twitching as she typed an MST with a sticky shift key that would be posted later that day.
And once again, dear readers…the Time Warp.]
"Ughhhhh!" he cried in pain.
[Can I see a show of hands for how many people here care whether this person cried ugh, argh, or wolf?]
Yugi jumped back in fear.
[I’d flee in terror, but that’s just me.]
he said to Yami.
[“Ra, no! I’m still in this damn fic!”]
Yami said back to Yugi.
[“And that’s not all, Aibou. We’re suddenly in all italics again for no good rea”] ”]
"Hey Yugi! What's up-Holy Shit its the Dark Magician Girl!" said Joey with Tea and Tristan.
[What about its the Dark Magician Girl? To whom does this ‘the Dark Magician Girl belong?’
Did they all say it at once or what?]
Tea ran up to Yugi and hugged him thankful he's alive.
[“Let’s do the Time Warp again….”
Okay…if she’s worried that he might have been dead, Jou must have told her about Yugi getting struck by lightning. Either she cares about Yugi more than Jou does {Yeah right…she only hangs around him ‘cause she wants in Yami’s pants. Guess what bitch…he loves YUGI!!!}, or it took them this long to figure that getting struck by lightning might have actually hurt him.]
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?"
[Damn sticky shift key.
What the fuck does she think about her doing? What is a doing, and why is the fact Anzu has one so relevant now?]
Screamed the Dark Magician Girl.
[I think they can all hear her perfectly fine. Screaming like a banswon’won’t make them listen more. Much like typing lines of dialogue in all caps doesn’t make me any more eager to read.]
"Huh? Who's tha-that's the Dark Magician Girl."
[Very good, Anzu! You get a cookie!]
said Tea frightened.
[And here I thought her last name was Mazaki. Or Gardener, depending on which version you have access to. Maybe that’s her last name in a different dubbing.
Who on earth could be frightened of THAT? She’s cute, perky, and she uses pink hearts!]
"DON'T TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND." DMG screamed.
[Um…I hate to ask, but did you get off on typing the first chapter so badly that you fucked up your keyboard?
Exactly WHEN did Yugi say he was her boyfriend?]
meanwhile while Tea pleaded for her life Joey whispered to Yugi
[She never said she was going to KILL Anzu. I wouldn’t mind if she did, though….
Meanwhile while…? Department of redundancy department.]
"Yo who's that dressed in the DMG outfit?"
[It’s gotta be uncomfortable running around dressed as a book.]
"Sorry Joey but thats the real thing!" whined Yugi.
[Why is he apologizing? Does he have that big of an inferiority complex?
Apostrophes are STILL free. Guess where one should go.
I have never heard someone exclaim and whine at the same time. What does that sound like, pray tell?]
"Cool!" said Joey.
[Um…not really]
"And she has all her powers too!" said Yugi.
[Sucks, doesn’t it?]
"What?" said Joey "Yeah.
[Yugi didn’t exactly answer the question here.
Yugi: What?
Yeah.
Yugi: Huh?
Exactly.]
And just between us.
[And just a sentence fragment.]
I was kinda forced to have wild sex with her last night." he whispered.
[There’s another word for that: Rape. And Yami would NEVER let his Aibou get sexually assaulted.]
"No way"
[Way.]
said Joey thinking this was some April Fool's joke.
[I wish.
I said wondering where in the hell it is written that this takes place April 1.]
"No, I'll prove it." said Yugi whispering.
[Some things are just better left unproven.]
"Hey Dark Magician Girl." said Yugi.
[These cards really need nicknames.]
"Just to see if you can do magic could you try blasting that trash can over there into tiny peices" said Yugi.
[I before E except after C
Did you know that trashcan is a compound word? Well, you do now. Use this knowledge.]
"Ok" she said as she pointed her staff towards the trash can.
[Poor defenseless trashcan.]
A great big purple heart beam
[Purple? That’s the Black Magician’s colour. She uses pink.]
came out of the staff and hit the trash can which was disinagrated.
[How can it hit the can if it was already DISINTEGRATED?]
Meanwhile Joey, Tristan, Tea and everyone else in the vinicty [VICINITY] had their mouths open.
[Good way to catch flies. Eww….]
"Y-y-yy-you really had sex with her last night?" said Joey to Yugi silently.
[Unless he has telepathy or used sign language, he didn’t ask silently.
Okay, she blasts a purple heart at a disintegrated trashcan and THAT proves Yugi had sex with her? No wonder they always believe the evil characters in the series. They are either dumb as dirt or gullible beyond belief.]
DMG heard this and came over and whispered to them.
[So much for the telepathy theory. Jou must have just whispered to Yugi.]
"Yep and it was the best orgasims I've ever had!" she said.
[Again: There is no I in orgasm.]
She left and Yugi whispered so silently to Joey that even the DMG couldn't hear.
[Okay, some definitions for the word SILENTLY:
1. Marked by absence of noise or sound; still.
2. Not inclined to speak; not talkative.
3. Unable to speak.
4. Refraining from speech
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but based on these dictionary entries, if Yugi is whispering silently, Jou won’t have the 1st fucking clue as to what the boy is saying.]
"Yeah and now I can't get rid of her. It happened when the duel disk malfunctioned." said Yugi.
[Still haven’t learned your lesson, I see. Seto’s going to ruin your entire family’s finances for this.]
"Dude we have to talk to Kiba about this" said Joey.
[Seto’s gonna LOVE this. First you fail to capitalize the name of one of his company’s products, THEN you have the audacity to misspell his name!
Brief Japanese lesson: While the romanized versions of Japanese words and syllables generally have no fixed standards, the single vowels do. Single vowels are A {‘a’ as in ‘father’}, E {‘e’ as in ‘bet’}, I {‘i’ as in ‘machine’}, O {‘o’ as in ‘horse’}, U {‘u’ as in ‘put}
So, the spelling of ‘Kiba’ is pronounced ‘Kee-ba’. It is supposed to be KAIBA. The 1st syllable is a vowel COMBINATION, not a single sound. Now, vowel combos vary… Arigatou and arigatoo are both correct. The 1st is a combination that looks right to most Americans, and the 2nd is a literal romanization…there are 2 ‘o’s because the vowel sound is stretched out.
Ye gods, even the DUBBERS got that spelling right!]
"Yeah." said Yugi.
[Yugi might think of that, but Jou would never want to ask Seto for help if his life depended on it at this point in the series.]
Joey, Yugi, and The Dark Magician Girl went up to try to find Kiba.
[Hmm…wonder if this could count as misrepresentation or libel. Seto probably didn’t even get a say in this, did he?
And where the hell did Anzu and Honda go? Did they just disappear or what?]
"We wish to see Seto Kiba" said Yugi.
[Yeah, like Yugi would speak like that.]
"What for?" the guard said. "He's too busy for the likes of you" he said.
[If you would recall, during battle City, Seto is running around dueling people just like the rest of them. There were no guards around him, just Mokuba.]
"Oh h-honey could you come here please?" said Yugi trying still to grasp the fact that his girlfriend is a over protective sexy Duel Monster.
[She’s not overprotective; she is as possessive as all get out. And she is STILL not sexy by any stretch of the imagination.
And when the hell did they become an item? She used magic to basically RAPE him, and now she’s acting like a damn stalker.]
"Sure baby" she said and the guard literily pissed himself.
[As IF. By now, his staff has probably seen some pretty fucked-up shit, and a cutesy magician card isn’t about to make anyone piss himself.]
"Uhhhhhh, I'll get him for you." he said as he contacted Seto by radio.
[Dammit, now poor Seto’s getting drug into this farce. Malik and his Yami better not get involved.]
Meanwhile.
[Meanwhile WHAT?]
"Mr. Kiba there is a message to you from guard 1A."
[Who is stationed outside apartment 3G]
"Alright what is it?" said Kiba clearly pissed.
[Can’t say I blame him.]
"Mr. Kiba sir. You need to come down here and see this. A Yugi Moto and Joey Wheeler are with a Duel Monsters card." he said
[Mouto or Mooto…the long vowel is in the 1st syllable.
Is the GUARD telepathic? They never told him their names.]
"You call me down just to see some card? What the fuck are you thinking? Consider yourself fired" said Kiba even more pissed
[Well, at least that’s in character.]
"Sir, I mean a real live Duel Monster, The Dark Magician Girl if I am correct and she seems to be kissing Yugi Moto." he said.
[Seto: Then might I suggest a new job writing for the tabloids. You’re FIRED!]
"WHAT?" "I'm coming down here immeadiatly" Kiba said.
[Why the hell would he CARE? He just wants the gods cards.]
"Yes sir." the guard said. he thought as he made his way down.
[“I am going to sue the pants off of the idiot who wrote me into this fic.”]
"There sir" said the guard shaking and pointing at the female Duel Monster.
[Why is he shaking?? She hasn’t done anything other than speak and kiss Yugi. She could just be a cosplaying Duel Monsters fan for all the guard would know.]
"Looks like another hologram to me" said Kiba pissed
[I’d like to know how his systems create holograms fort he cards he’s never even seen before. The God Cards, for example.]
"Well for your information I am real" she said suddenly making Kiba jump back.
[Shit doesn’t startle him that easily.]
"Alright what the hell is going on here?"
[Who the hell is speaking here?]
"It must be some weird girl in a DMG costume you nitwit" he said to the guard.
[That is a sensible conclusion, considering the info he has at present. He should fire the guard anyway…the moron assumes she’s the real thing with no proof whatsoever.]
"Can some girl in a costume do this?" she said blasting a statue.
[Well, if she put on a Harpy Lady costume and used her wand, she could still do that. So yes, some girl in a costume could. But that is a very disturbing mental image, so I shall let the matter drop now.]
"Aaaa-aahhhhhh" said Kiba.
[Seto doesn’t have strong reactions to this kind of stuff. He didn’t scream when he saw Ra for the first time, now did he?]
"My duel disk malfuctioned [malfunctioned] when lighting struck it and she appeared in real life next to me." said Yugi.
[But you never went to the hospital, so maybe this is one big shock-induced hallucination.]
"But-but this can't be!" said Kiba trying to think of some way to prove that this is fake.
[He’s a fucking genius and a skeptic to boot; that wouldn’t take long.]
"Guards, take Yugi and Wheeler away.
[Um…why?]
Then get this Duel Monster for testing." said Kiba.
[Are they going to probe her? Kinky! But it’s the Black Magician Girl…. Bleh.]
"I DON'T THINK SO!NO ONE TOUCHES MY BOYFRIEND!" she said as she sent spells at all the guards.
[The shift key AND the space bar stuck some this time. I think you need a new keyboard.
She sent spells? Snail mail, fax, or email?]
"Oh Kiba one thing. She's a bit over protective and well............" said Yugi but couldn't find the right words.
[How would the rest be relevant anyway?]
"He gave me the greatest orgasim in history" she finished for him
[I have decided that she must be a very self-serving little bitch. Every time she mentions orgasms, it’s just ‘I, I, I, I….’]
and then Kiba hit the floor. When he came too he was shocked beyond all belief.
[I think he was shocked beyond belief before he hit the floor…that’s kinda why he acted so out of character and fainted.]
"Well you did it Yugi, you did something that most perverted men dream about.
[How does Seto know what Jii-chan dreams about? *shudder* I don’t even want to THINK about what goes on in that old man’s head.]
You actually made love to the sexiest Duel Monster female Dark Magician Girl."
[She’s CUTE! Dark Necrophia is sexy in comparison!
Female Dark Magician Girl…you mean there’s a male version? *snickers* “He’s just a sweet transvestite…”]
said Kiba who like yugi was trying to grasp the fact that it actually happend.[happened]
[Or trying to grasp the fact that they are actually participating in this.]
Then out of the blue DMG kissed Yugi on the lips and Kiba was disgusted.
[She’s been doing everything out of the blue. Her alignment: Chaotic Stupid.
I’ve BEEN disgusted.]
Yugi went over to Kiba and whispered "can you get her back into the card?"
[ONEGAI??]
and Kiba whispered back "No I can't, looks like you'll have to deal with her." he said.
[He’d want to try. It’s HIS technology that is partially responsible for this. He’d want to find out more.]
she thought.
[“Yeah! I can have more sex!”]
"So what's it like to be a duel monster?" Joey asked her finally speaking.
[He’s actually spoken a few times, just not to her.]
"Kinda cool and yet it kinda sucks. You get all these powers and some duelists love you and you love them back
[“…and I love them for loving me and they love me for loving them and we just love each other…”]
but you can show it, except me now." she said.
[So…she CAN’T show it now?]
"I think we're all really high on some pot or something." said Joey.
[And it was laced with some BAD shit. Maybe snake venom…they used to do that. Caused all sorts of trippy things in addition to just getting high.]
"Nope this is real life dipshit." she said.
[Well, isn’t she sweet? Yugi wouldn’t like his best friend getting badmouthed like that.]
Well take some tests on her and take Yugi away.
[Is someone talking here or what?]
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOYFRIEND" she yelled in which she got really pissed and used her staff.
[Buy a new keyboard, hon. This is a real problem here.
In which? What the hell is she in? And how’d she use her staff? No, wait…bad mental image. Don’t wanna know]
Yugi sunk even lower when she said boyfriend.
[Are they on the Titanic now?
Why the hell can’t he just tell her he doesn’t like her that way and for her to leave him the fuck alone?]
Meanwhile....
[That is now how you use that word in a sentence.]
Joey walked outside
[Didn’t know he was ever inside.]
and suddenly a lightning bolt struck his duel disk
[And with no storm this time. Someone’s in a hurry to finish the chapter. Oh well, it can’t get much worse. Rush away.]
and soon out poped
[Poped? When did the Roman Catholic Church get involved here?]
a lady assilante [Assailant] of the flames.
[Of Flames not THE flames.
He doesn’t even have that card in his deck. Actually, I’m not sure that he has any female cards. Except for his Red Eyes. The dubbers fucked it up {as usual}, but he calls her his ‘Goddess of Victory’ in one episode.]
thought joey.
[“What the FUCK?”]
Well the lady assilante
[It’s still Assailant, and the names of all cards should be capitalized. Or do you want Industrial Illusions to sue, too?]
just grabbed joey and took him off somewhere.
[How wonderfully vague.]
"What are you doing?" Joey asked.
[Do you really wanna know?]
"Well don't you wanna make love to me?" she said.
[I have that card. She’s not all that attractive, either. I’d say no. I’m straight, but if a seriously hot card like Dark Elf was coming onto me, I might be open to experimentation, but not the Lady Assailant of Flames.]
"Damn difficult question. Set me down so I can think." he said.
[Jou…when she puts you down, RUN! Run far, far away, and never return to this fic.]