An Author's Downfall
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Yu-Gi-Oh › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,255
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Yu-Gi-Oh › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
1,255
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
*I* will call this chapter 'Bob.' Because that is just as relevant.
‘Chapter’ 2. Fur [Aren’t these chapter titles just wonderful?]
Yami went to the cabinet, he slowly opened it.
[They read the next chapter, they went slowly insane.
A comma does not go there.]
Putting his hand on his gun.
[Is a sentence fragment.
And if a cop is about to open a door and thinks there may be something dangerous on the other side, he will have his gun in his hand before he opens the damn door.]
Inside a furry thing sat in the back of the cabinet.
[Ah, I see we have another member of the department of redundancy department here.
If the fuzzball is inside the cabinet, we KNOW he’s not going to be in the back of the dishwasher.]
“What in the hell is that thing!” Honda screamed.
[Honda is a pussy.]
Missy looked in the cabinet.
[The furball attacked.]
“Aww he’s scared, Poor thing.
[If I had been thrown into this fic, I’d be scared too.
That poor comma just keeps getting misused.]
Come here little guy,” Missy called holding her hand out to the furry little creature.
[I hope it bites her bloody hand off. That might make her character a bit more interesting.]
The creature slowly went to her, Missy picked it up.
[Okay, look at your keyboard. See the key next to the L key? It should have ‘;’ at the bottom and ‘:’ at the top. See it? Okay, the bottom symbol is called a semicolon. Say it with me now…se-mi-co-lon. Very good! Do you know what that punctuation mark is for? Apparently not. You use a semicolon to separate two independent clauses that are in the same sentence. Get it now? Good.]
“Hey little guy,”Honda smiled.
[And just a moment ago he was probably ready to jump on Missy’s head to get away from it.]
Honda ried to pet the creature, it pulled back, shivering.
[He ried? What is that?
I REALLY feel for the poor commas here.]
“He’s terrified,” Missy said.
[Thank you, Captain Obvious.]
The creature looked at Yami. Then it saw the body that lying on the floor.
[Well, we know the furball can pass its eye exam.]
“Reak! Reak!” It yelled jumping beside Yugi, tears in it’s eyes.
[Lit. translation: It yelled jumping beside Yugi, tears in it is eyes.
‘It’s’ is a contraction for the phrase ‘it is.’ ‘Its’ shows possession.]
“Reak! Reak!” It sobbed.
[I feel your pain.]
“It must’ve been the boy’s pet,” Honda said.
[Really? A pet? I thought it was Jii-chan.]
“Poor little thing,” Missy sighed.
[Yeah. You found him.]
Yami kelt down beside the creature.
[One of these words doesn’t really exist. Can you guess which one?]
“He’s gone,” Yami rubbed the creatures’s fur trying to calm it.
[Yami is rubbing fur that apparently belongs to more than one creature. Weird.
Yami is trying to calm fur. Shouldn’t he be calming the creature instead?]
The creature turned to Yami and jumped into his arms burring it’s head into Yami.
[Burring: v.: 1. To remove burrs from. It’s not removing anything. In fact, it’s acting like a burr…clingy.
2. To pronounce with a burr. The little fluff isn’t speaking at the moment.
“…burring it is head into Yami.” You REALLY need to learn about possessives and contractions.]
“Shh its alright shh.”
[Huh? Who is speaking? The fuzzball? But that makes no sense.
Who or what is he talking about and what is an alright shh?]
Suddenly a strange chill went through Yami making him gasp.
[Did you leave out the comma again, or is ‘making him gasp’ Yami’s very ODD last name?]
“Yam, you okay?” Missy asked.
[Yam…. It’s Yam-Man!]
“Yea, Just a strange feeling.
[You do not capitalize ordinary words after commas.]
Hey I know it’s name, Kuriboh,” Yami said.
[Lit. Trans: Hey I know it is name, Kuriboh.
Or: Kuriboh, I know it is name.
He knows what is name? And who is he calling Kuriboh? It’d better not be either of the people in the room. That would be very insulting to poor Kuriboh.]
“How do you know that?” blinked Honda.
[Was he blinking in Morse code or something? He should do an SOS instead.]
“Just a feeling.” Yami whispered.
[I…I’m hooked on a feeling….]
“Your weird. That’s like Missy’s telepathy with wolves,” Honda said.
[His weird what? Honda doesn’t seem to like finishing sentences.
How is it like her telepathy?]
“Lets see.
[Lit. trans: Allows see. WTF?
You DON’T know the first thing about contractions, do you?]
Kuriboh come here,” Missy called.
[Poor neglected comma. It should always come after someone’s name if that person is being addressed in dialogue.]
Kuriboh jumped to Missy rubbing against her.
[So we have Yami Making Him Gasp and Missy Rubbing Against Her. This is starting to sound like a VERY bad porno.]
“Well hello, Kuriboh,” Missy smiled.
[Ooh, she can smile in Morse code. That’s even more impressive than Honda’s blinking.]
“Missy, we can use this creature. He probably saw what happened to little Yugi here,” Yami said.
[From inside the cabinet?]
“Yea your right!” Missy gasped.
[Kuriboh must have started rubbing her the right way.]
Missy kelt down beside Kuriboh.
[That wasn’t a word before, and it still isn’t.]
“Kuriboh, did you see what happened to Yugi?” Missy questioned.
“Your asking that Furball?!” Honda blinked.
[Again with the Morse code. Oi.
Someone owns an asking the Furball? There are some seriously fucked up items in this fic.]
“He might be able to help,” Yami said.
[How do you know it’s a he?]
“I dougt it,” said Honda.
[Dougt? What the hell kind of a response is that?]
“Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak!” Yelled Kuriboh. It headbutted Honda in the stomach.
[Good Kuriboh! Go after the author next!
Head butted is NOT a compound word.]
“Ow you little cretin!” Honda yelled.
[Ow would be an interjection. There should be an exclamation point after it.]
“Seems you angered it,” Yami snickered.
[Ya think?]
“Come here Kuriboh,” he called.
[Is he using a cell phone or a cordless?]
Kuriboh went to Yami.
[Good boy.]
“Reak,” It whimpered.
[I thought its name was Kuriboh.]
“Now did you see what happened?” Yami asked.
“Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak!” Kuriboh shrieked.
[Uh-huh. Now, tell me about your mother.]
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
[Hey, for all you know it could be saying “What the fuck do you think? I was in a fucking CABINET!”]
At that moment two uniformed men came into the room caring
[In Care-a-Lot….]
a stretcher.
Katsuya Jouonchi and his partner Seto Kaiba.
[What about them?]
“Hey Jouonchi,” Missy smiled.
[I know there’s no standard form of romanji for Japanese words and names, but there IS an ‘o’ sound after the ‘n’ in his name.]
“Hey guys, still nothing?” Jou replied.
[Yep. This fic is a whole lot of nothing.]
“Nothing. Except for this little guy,” Yami pickedKuriKuriboh.
[If there is an exception, then you really didn’t find nothing, now did you?]
“What the hell is that thing?” Jou gasped.
[A Kuriboh is not impressive enough to warrant a gasped reaction.]
“His name is Kuriboh, the victum’s [VicTIM’s] pet,” Yami told him.
“A furball,” Kaiba laughed.
[Seto…laugh…. *shakes head* You CAN make an AU without having the characters OOC, you know.]
“Ah well lets get this body out of here.”
[Okay, you just need to stop and think every time you have a word ending in ‘s’. If the word you are using is two words put together or a name or item possessing something else, use an apostrophe. If not, don’t use one. Exceptions: hers, his, and its. I believe that these are the only possessives ending in ‘s’ that do not need an apostrophe.]
Yugi was placed into a body bag on the stretcher.
[And all the YGO characters are insanely jealous. He got out of the fic.]
“REEEEAK REAK REAK REAK!” Kuriboh shrieked.
[Dude, I don’t think you want to keep your master around. He’s gonna start to smell after a few days.]
Kuriboh Headbutted Kaiba hard in the chest.
[Head butted is still 2 words.]
He grabbed Kuriboh.
[Kuriboh grabbed himself? Okay, we do NOT need him emulating the style of Michael Jackson.]
“You little hairball!” Kaiba yelled.
“Kaiba leave Kuriboh alone!
[You need to read the chapter about comma placement, too.]
Its been through a lot and is worried about It’s master,” Missy said.
[Do I have to say it again? Do I?
‘It’ is not a proper noun. Only capitalize it at the beginning of a sentence.
It’s a bit late to worry about Yugi.]
Kaiba sighed letting the hairball go. It shrieked and ran to Missy hiding behind her legs.
[Well is her last name Rubbing Against Her or Hiding Behind Her Legs?]
“Kuriboh, Yugi has to go now,” Missy said picking Kuriboh up. “It’ll be okay we’ll catch this guy that hurt your Master, I promise,” Missy promised.
[Department of redundancy department.
The guy did a bit more than just hurt Yugi.]
*Master, we will catch him* The wolf at her side said.
[You are not E.E. Cummings; punctuation is not optional.
It’s not a wolf. It’s only part wolf. Or can you not pay enough attention to this fic, either?]
Yami went to the cabinet, he slowly opened it.
[They read the next chapter, they went slowly insane.
A comma does not go there.]
Putting his hand on his gun.
[Is a sentence fragment.
And if a cop is about to open a door and thinks there may be something dangerous on the other side, he will have his gun in his hand before he opens the damn door.]
Inside a furry thing sat in the back of the cabinet.
[Ah, I see we have another member of the department of redundancy department here.
If the fuzzball is inside the cabinet, we KNOW he’s not going to be in the back of the dishwasher.]
“What in the hell is that thing!” Honda screamed.
[Honda is a pussy.]
Missy looked in the cabinet.
[The furball attacked.]
“Aww he’s scared, Poor thing.
[If I had been thrown into this fic, I’d be scared too.
That poor comma just keeps getting misused.]
Come here little guy,” Missy called holding her hand out to the furry little creature.
[I hope it bites her bloody hand off. That might make her character a bit more interesting.]
The creature slowly went to her, Missy picked it up.
[Okay, look at your keyboard. See the key next to the L key? It should have ‘;’ at the bottom and ‘:’ at the top. See it? Okay, the bottom symbol is called a semicolon. Say it with me now…se-mi-co-lon. Very good! Do you know what that punctuation mark is for? Apparently not. You use a semicolon to separate two independent clauses that are in the same sentence. Get it now? Good.]
“Hey little guy,”Honda smiled.
[And just a moment ago he was probably ready to jump on Missy’s head to get away from it.]
Honda ried to pet the creature, it pulled back, shivering.
[He ried? What is that?
I REALLY feel for the poor commas here.]
“He’s terrified,” Missy said.
[Thank you, Captain Obvious.]
The creature looked at Yami. Then it saw the body that lying on the floor.
[Well, we know the furball can pass its eye exam.]
“Reak! Reak!” It yelled jumping beside Yugi, tears in it’s eyes.
[Lit. translation: It yelled jumping beside Yugi, tears in it is eyes.
‘It’s’ is a contraction for the phrase ‘it is.’ ‘Its’ shows possession.]
“Reak! Reak!” It sobbed.
[I feel your pain.]
“It must’ve been the boy’s pet,” Honda said.
[Really? A pet? I thought it was Jii-chan.]
“Poor little thing,” Missy sighed.
[Yeah. You found him.]
Yami kelt down beside the creature.
[One of these words doesn’t really exist. Can you guess which one?]
“He’s gone,” Yami rubbed the creatures’s fur trying to calm it.
[Yami is rubbing fur that apparently belongs to more than one creature. Weird.
Yami is trying to calm fur. Shouldn’t he be calming the creature instead?]
The creature turned to Yami and jumped into his arms burring it’s head into Yami.
[Burring: v.: 1. To remove burrs from. It’s not removing anything. In fact, it’s acting like a burr…clingy.
2. To pronounce with a burr. The little fluff isn’t speaking at the moment.
“…burring it is head into Yami.” You REALLY need to learn about possessives and contractions.]
“Shh its alright shh.”
[Huh? Who is speaking? The fuzzball? But that makes no sense.
Who or what is he talking about and what is an alright shh?]
Suddenly a strange chill went through Yami making him gasp.
[Did you leave out the comma again, or is ‘making him gasp’ Yami’s very ODD last name?]
“Yam, you okay?” Missy asked.
[Yam…. It’s Yam-Man!]
“Yea, Just a strange feeling.
[You do not capitalize ordinary words after commas.]
Hey I know it’s name, Kuriboh,” Yami said.
[Lit. Trans: Hey I know it is name, Kuriboh.
Or: Kuriboh, I know it is name.
He knows what is name? And who is he calling Kuriboh? It’d better not be either of the people in the room. That would be very insulting to poor Kuriboh.]
“How do you know that?” blinked Honda.
[Was he blinking in Morse code or something? He should do an SOS instead.]
“Just a feeling.” Yami whispered.
[I…I’m hooked on a feeling….]
“Your weird. That’s like Missy’s telepathy with wolves,” Honda said.
[His weird what? Honda doesn’t seem to like finishing sentences.
How is it like her telepathy?]
“Lets see.
[Lit. trans: Allows see. WTF?
You DON’T know the first thing about contractions, do you?]
Kuriboh come here,” Missy called.
[Poor neglected comma. It should always come after someone’s name if that person is being addressed in dialogue.]
Kuriboh jumped to Missy rubbing against her.
[So we have Yami Making Him Gasp and Missy Rubbing Against Her. This is starting to sound like a VERY bad porno.]
“Well hello, Kuriboh,” Missy smiled.
[Ooh, she can smile in Morse code. That’s even more impressive than Honda’s blinking.]
“Missy, we can use this creature. He probably saw what happened to little Yugi here,” Yami said.
[From inside the cabinet?]
“Yea your right!” Missy gasped.
[Kuriboh must have started rubbing her the right way.]
Missy kelt down beside Kuriboh.
[That wasn’t a word before, and it still isn’t.]
“Kuriboh, did you see what happened to Yugi?” Missy questioned.
“Your asking that Furball?!” Honda blinked.
[Again with the Morse code. Oi.
Someone owns an asking the Furball? There are some seriously fucked up items in this fic.]
“He might be able to help,” Yami said.
[How do you know it’s a he?]
“I dougt it,” said Honda.
[Dougt? What the hell kind of a response is that?]
“Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak!” Yelled Kuriboh. It headbutted Honda in the stomach.
[Good Kuriboh! Go after the author next!
Head butted is NOT a compound word.]
“Ow you little cretin!” Honda yelled.
[Ow would be an interjection. There should be an exclamation point after it.]
“Seems you angered it,” Yami snickered.
[Ya think?]
“Come here Kuriboh,” he called.
[Is he using a cell phone or a cordless?]
Kuriboh went to Yami.
[Good boy.]
“Reak,” It whimpered.
[I thought its name was Kuriboh.]
“Now did you see what happened?” Yami asked.
“Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak! Reak!” Kuriboh shrieked.
[Uh-huh. Now, tell me about your mother.]
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
[Hey, for all you know it could be saying “What the fuck do you think? I was in a fucking CABINET!”]
At that moment two uniformed men came into the room caring
[In Care-a-Lot….]
a stretcher.
Katsuya Jouonchi and his partner Seto Kaiba.
[What about them?]
“Hey Jouonchi,” Missy smiled.
[I know there’s no standard form of romanji for Japanese words and names, but there IS an ‘o’ sound after the ‘n’ in his name.]
“Hey guys, still nothing?” Jou replied.
[Yep. This fic is a whole lot of nothing.]
“Nothing. Except for this little guy,” Yami pickedKuriKuriboh.
[If there is an exception, then you really didn’t find nothing, now did you?]
“What the hell is that thing?” Jou gasped.
[A Kuriboh is not impressive enough to warrant a gasped reaction.]
“His name is Kuriboh, the victum’s [VicTIM’s] pet,” Yami told him.
“A furball,” Kaiba laughed.
[Seto…laugh…. *shakes head* You CAN make an AU without having the characters OOC, you know.]
“Ah well lets get this body out of here.”
[Okay, you just need to stop and think every time you have a word ending in ‘s’. If the word you are using is two words put together or a name or item possessing something else, use an apostrophe. If not, don’t use one. Exceptions: hers, his, and its. I believe that these are the only possessives ending in ‘s’ that do not need an apostrophe.]
Yugi was placed into a body bag on the stretcher.
[And all the YGO characters are insanely jealous. He got out of the fic.]
“REEEEAK REAK REAK REAK!” Kuriboh shrieked.
[Dude, I don’t think you want to keep your master around. He’s gonna start to smell after a few days.]
Kuriboh Headbutted Kaiba hard in the chest.
[Head butted is still 2 words.]
He grabbed Kuriboh.
[Kuriboh grabbed himself? Okay, we do NOT need him emulating the style of Michael Jackson.]
“You little hairball!” Kaiba yelled.
“Kaiba leave Kuriboh alone!
[You need to read the chapter about comma placement, too.]
Its been through a lot and is worried about It’s master,” Missy said.
[Do I have to say it again? Do I?
‘It’ is not a proper noun. Only capitalize it at the beginning of a sentence.
It’s a bit late to worry about Yugi.]
Kaiba sighed letting the hairball go. It shrieked and ran to Missy hiding behind her legs.
[Well is her last name Rubbing Against Her or Hiding Behind Her Legs?]
“Kuriboh, Yugi has to go now,” Missy said picking Kuriboh up. “It’ll be okay we’ll catch this guy that hurt your Master, I promise,” Missy promised.
[Department of redundancy department.
The guy did a bit more than just hurt Yugi.]
*Master, we will catch him* The wolf at her side said.
[You are not E.E. Cummings; punctuation is not optional.
It’s not a wolf. It’s only part wolf. Or can you not pay enough attention to this fic, either?]