Going On

Disclaimer - Do you honestly believe I might own them? Come on, I'm not rich.

Author's Notes - MUAHAHAHAHA! I see many of you were . . . a bit put out with me for that false ending. I couldn't help it, honest! All those death threats and 'this better be a happy endings!' . . . I just HAD to tweak you guys noses a little bit. But you guys were relatively good sports about it, so I won't follow my original plan of posting a second 'semi-happy' false ending, and I'll just get on with posting the true ending. So, here you . . . but this isn't the end, either. There will be at least one more chapter after this one. Please, do review. You make me so much happier when you do.

Chapter 18 – Phoenix


The knife froze within millimeters of the vein in his wrist, his hand no longer responding to his wishes. He tried to force it, tried to bear down with his will on it . . . and felt another will rising to fight his, a will that wanted him very much to live.

“Yami?” he whispered, his heart in his throat as he felt that loving presence, that indomitable will that kept him from completing his plans.

*Aibou . . .* Yami’s voice, Yami’s presence . . . it flooded through him, and he sobbed, dropping the knife to clutch his hands to his head in agony as they became his own again.

“No more,” he moaned, fighting back the hope that welled within him. “No more games . . . please, I can’t take this anymore . . .” There was a pull, a harsh separation in the depths of his soul, and his mind fell silent . . . only for him to jump as a hand clamped around his wrist, pulling him up and out of the tub in one smooth movement.

“I am here, little one,” a familiar tenor voice murmured, strong arms wrapping around him as he began to shudder helplessly on the cold tile floor, his clothes dripping water onto the white porcelain. “Sweet Isis, Yugi, why would you even contemplate such a thing?”

“You’re a dream . . . you can’t be real, you’re dead, the others said so,” Yugi whimpered, clutching at his comforter desperately. “Kage took you with him.” He didn’t dare open his eyes, didn’t dare to have the dream shattered so abruptly by facing reality. If he opened his eyes, there would be someone else there . . . someone else to comfort him, someone else to hold him, someone else to tell him that he wasn’t going insane with his loss. Strong hands cupped his face, forcing him away from warm body that held him, but he kept his eyes tightly shut. He didn’t want to see the truth.

“Aibou, look at me!” It was simply too much. All the pain, all the fear and loss, the belief that he really was delusional with grief . . . it pulled Yugi away from reality, the young mind unable to cope with anymore despair. And he went with it willingly, wanting to stay in the dream where Yami was still beside him.

Yami swore in his native tongue as his love went suddenly limp, cradling the youth to his chest gently. When he’d awoken, he’d been nearly sick to his very soul at the depths of his love’s despair and pain. But the fear of what he’d felt Yugi planning to do had forced his weary mind to move, to act, to reach out and take what little control he could to stop it before his love could complete his fatal mission. Yugi’s reaction had frightened him badly, and he was barely able to keep himself calm as he hugged his beloved hikari to him. That had been too close by far.

He stood slowly, drawing Yugi up with him tenderly before setting to work on peeling the wet cloth from his aibou, trying desperately to keep his mind on what he was doing and off of . . . other things. Like how smooth Yugi’s skin really was beneath his hands, and how good it felt to hold him . . .

Shaking his head, he snagged a towel from the nearby rack, brusquely rubbing the young body down before lifting him into his arms and striding back into the bedroom to set Yugi gently onto the bed. His poor light . . . gods, why did fate have to do this to them? Hadn’t they been through enough?

At this point, he wasn’t even sure how he’d managed to form a body of his own. He’d been desperate to stop Yugi, and when his hikari had dropped the knife, he had just willed himself into existence. He wasn’t sure how permanent this form was. Or if it was permanent at all, for that matter. He could still feel his connection to the Puzzle, and his connection to Yugi buzzed quietly in his mind, but otherwise he felt . . . human. Alive.

There would be time enough for those considerations later. For now, he needed to rest, and Yugi needed him nearby. Sleep beckoned, and he lay down beside his beloved aibou gently, curling himself around the lithe figure before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep, holding Yugi close. When he awoke there would be time enough to sort out exactly what was going on.

*-------*-------*-------*-------*

Yugi moaned, amethyst eyes fluttering open with the brush of charcoal lashes. His mind felt fuzzy, his eyes gritty as if he had been crying . . .

Then it hit him again. Yami was gone. Kage was dead, and had taken Yami with him to whatever hell awaited him. He wanted to curl into a ball and simply sob out his agony, but an arm draped around him prevented him from doing so.

Flashes of his last moments of consciousness fluttered across his mind, and he wanted to rip that arm away from him. Whoever it was had stopped him from joining Yami in death . . . had forced him to live with this agony! Didn’t they understand that he couldn’t! The other half of his soul was gone!

He needed to get away from whoever was in bed with him before he struck out in anger. He shifted, planning on sliding from the bed, and the arm tightened around him, holding him in place.

“Where are you going, little one?” a voice asked quietly, and Yugi froze. That voice . . . no, it couldn’t be! He was hearing things again. He looked over his shoulder slowly, feeling like a bad actor in a monster movie, but he couldn’t help it. He was terrified that who he’d see was not who that voice said it was.

Crimson eyes gazed at him calmly from a face that could have been looking at him from a mirror . . . except for the caramel skin tone and golden streaks that extended into the exotic hair. He rolled over carefully, reaching out with trembling fingers to touch that high arching cheek, and watched as the crimson orbs hid behind thick lashes, the figure practically purring with content at his touch.

“Yami?” he whispered, afraid to speak too loudly, to shatter the dream that lay beside him. “Oh, gods, please tell me this isn’t a dream . . .” The lashes fluttered upwards, revealing the dark orbs beneath, their depths swimming with love and warmth.

“I promised you I would come back, Yugi,” Yami murmured, reaching out to brush away the tears that fell like glittering diamonds down the pale face of his love. “Did you not believe me?”

“But Kage said . . .” Yugi began frantically, only to fall silent as Yami pressed a finger against his lips, shaking his head briefly with a soft, sad smile.

“Since when did you believe anything my shadow said?” he asked quietly. “You felt my return to the Puzzle, didn’t you?”

“The others couldn’t sense you,” Yugi whispered, his voice breaking slightly with the words, the remembered pain of disillusionment. “They couldn’t feel you at all. I . . . I thought I was just grasping at straws, delusional . . . like they said.” He hiccupped, trying to pull back his fear that this was a dream too, and failing miserably. But Yami heard his thoughts, and cupped a gentle hand to his cheek, his thumb brushing through the trail of tears tenderly.

“I’m real, little one. No delusion, no figment of your imagination . . . I am here, and will be here until the end of time. I am with you as long as you will have me, Yugi. I swear this to you on my immortal soul.” He leaned forward, lips brushing against lips in a feather-light kiss. “I love you with all my heart, my light. I will never leave you again.”

“Do that again,” Yugi whispered. Yami looked at him curiously, and he smiled, although it was a tremulous one. “Kiss me again.” Yami nodded slightly with understanding, and leaned forward again, pressing his lips lightly to Yugi’s. He was startled when Yugi cupped a hand around the back of his neck, holding him into the kiss as a wet caress begged permission to enter. He smiled against his light’s lips before opening his mouth, granting the entrance his hikari had silently requested.

Yugi moaned softly, exploring the warm cavern of his dark’s mouth. The taste was just as he remembered . . . smoke and mystery and exotic spice.

**Real . . . this is real . . .** he whispered in his mind, unable to believe it.

*Yes, little one . . . real,* Yami replied softly. *I am here with you. Forever.*

The kiss became a duel, a battle to see who could taste who the most, heated limbs pressing against each other as they struggled to get closer, to become one again. Light fingers drifted across buttons, finding smooth satin skin beneath as dark fingers caressed and touched, reaffirming reality from fantasy.

“Yami,” Yugi whimpered, as his dark’s hands drifted lower, making his skin burn. “Oh gods, I’ve missed you so much . . . I can’t believe this isn’t just another dream . . .” Yami pulled away, gazing down into glazed amethyst eyes lovingly.

“This time it’s no dream, little one,” he said softly, brushing the golden bangs away from that pale, flushed face gently. “We are together, in body, mind, and soul. No more running, no more allowing our past to stand between us.” He leaned forward, brushing his lips over Yugi’s once more before rubbing his cheek against his light’s, like a great, affectionate cat. “I wonder if you taste as good . . .” he whispered.

Yugi flushed, beginning to speak, but the words broke into a moan as his dark literally slithered downward, warmth suddenly engulfing his flesh. So familiar . . . yet so different, this damp heat, the suction of his love’s lips, the teasing nips and gentle caresses of tongue . . .

“You’re . . . wearing . . . too many . . . clothes again,” he finally managed to gasp out, in between panting for breath and moaning as his body felt awash in liquid flame. He whimpered when Yami drew away, opening his eyes even though he had no memory of closing them to look up into the smirking face.

“True, my hikari,” he said, and shrugged out of his shirt. Yugi had to ball his hands into fists not to reach up and run his hands over that smooth flesh, muscles flexing under the tight, golden flesh teasingly. Yami’s hand hovered over the button to his pants for a moment, the smirk disappearing as he gazed down at Yugi solemnly. “Yugi . . . are you sure this is what you want?” he asked quietly. Yugi smiled up at him, and let go of the sheets, reaching up to lay his hand over the bulge at the apex of his dark’s legs, loving the moan that his caress caused.

“I want to feel you,” he replied softly. “I want to know every inch of you, and prove to myself that this is real.” He squeezed gently, and a shudder wracked the body above him, making him feel powerful. “Please Yami . . . make love to me . . . here and now, in this world, not our soul rooms.” He met the crimson gaze, felt burned by the flames that had arisen in those garnet depths, but it didn’t scare him. It made him feel loved, and wanted . . . and protected.

However, that assurance didn’t keep him from squeaking as Yami pulled him up against his lean form, only to flop over on his back, putting Yugi on top.

“If this is what you want, little one . . . then show me. Prove to me that you have faced your nightmares, as I have faced mine.” Amethyst gazed into crimson for moment, shocked, before he nodded in understanding. Yami needed to assure himself that this was truly what Yugi wanted, not what he felt he needed in the heat of the moment, the joy of discovering that his other half was still alive.

Moving hesitantly at first, but with more assurance with each passing second, light fingers drifted across the tempting flesh of his dark, mapping the contours of the muscled chest with deft, gentle fingers, reveling in the play of muscle beneath his touch. Those crimson orbs had closed . . . Yami was entrusting himself completely to his light, leaving Yugi to move at his own pace, but Yugi could see his dark’s fists clenched tightly into the sheets, and it warmed his soul.

He shifted to one side, reaching between them to undo the button and zipper of Yami’s pants, loving the shudder that passed through the body beneath him with each touch against the growing bulge of his love’s erection. Yami lifted his hips to ease his struggle as he slid those pants over smooth, caramel colored hips, gazing in unabashed adoration as his dark finally lay completely revealed beneath him.

“So beautiful,” he whispered unconsciously, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as his eyes drifted across the lean, muscular thighs, the slim hips and trim waist, the waiting flesh that begged silently to be touched, to be worshipped. He reached out with trembling fingers, wrapping them gently around that stiff, pulsing flesh, and sighed as a moan was torn from Yami’s lips, his dark arching into the touch slightly.

“Yugi,” Yami murmured hoarsely, and he shuddered at the longing in that beloved tenor voice. Gods, how long had he waited to hear that, to hear his name in passion fall from his dark’s lips, to be the one to make his yami cry out in love? He dipped to take that waiting flesh into his mouth, and felt the spasm that passed through Yami’s body, a choked cry greeting his loving, wet caress. “Aibou, please . . .”

That plea, from a man he’d always known as strong and confident, threw him over the edge of reason. Shifting, he relaxed before taking his dark fully into his mouth, sucking and nipping hungrily, unable to get enough of the choked cries that he was the cause of. He felt the tension singing through the muscles under his hand, and backed off slowly, not wanting to cause his dark to let go too soon. He wanted something specific this time . . . and he wasn’t going to let it pass by him again. It was time to lay the nightmares to rest for good, and replace them with something better . . . something wonderful.

Moving carefully, he came to rest above his love, braced on his hands and knees as the crimson eyes flickered open, the garnet orbs glazed and unfocused with passion. He leaned down to brush his lips against his other’s, licking teasingly over the soft flesh before he whispered his request.

“I want you inside of me, love,” he said hoarsely, and the crimson orbs flew wide. There was a moment of stillness, as Yami searched his face for something, before those beautiful eyes flickered and the tri-haired head nodded briefly.

The request had startled Yami, and he was quick to examine that pale face, satisfied when he found only need and love . . . not a single trace of fear or hesitation. Yugi really wanted this, wanted him. And who was he to deny his love? He tapped Yugi’s knee in a silent request, and his aibou moved off of him, allowing him to slide from the bed. He strode to the bathroom, trying not to think of what they were about to do, the length of time and the trials they had been through to reach this point in their relationship. So much had happened . . . but it was over now, and they had only the future ahead of them – a future that could not begin until they had shown each other they no longer allowed the past to hold them in it’s grip.

He returned to the bed with a bottle of baby oil clutched in one hand, crawling into the bed with it before lying back down. Yugi looked at him strangely before he took one of his aibou’s hands, pouring some the oil into his light’s palm.

“You are in control here, love,” he whispered in answer to the unspoken question in those amethyst eyes. “We do this at your pace . . . not mine.” Yugi nodded in understanding, rubbing the oil in his hands to warm it before coating Yami’s hardened length with it. The former spirit hissed slightly at the deliciously smooth feel of his light’s hand on his throbbing need, coating his fingers with oil unconsciously as Yugi kneeled beside him.

Reaching around one slim hip, he ran a finger gently over Yugi’s cleft, hearing the sharply indrawn breath before the pale body relaxed into his touch. He slipped downwards, caressing and teasing gently, making sure none of his movements were threatening before he carefully slipped one finger into that velvet warmth. They prepared each other carefully, biting back moans as fingers touched and caressed, stretching and soothing over shivering, needing flesh lovingly.

Feeling Yami’s fingers withdraw from his insides, Yugi whimpered a bit in loss before positioning himself over the glistening, slick length of his dark’s manhood. With Yami’s hands resting on his hips to guide him, he slid downward slowly, and moaned as Yami filled him, his body adjusting to the intrusion as inch by burning inch he buried that hot flesh into himself.

“Aibou . . .” Yami hissed, fighting not to tighten his grip on that pale flesh as he was enveloped in welcoming, silken heat. Gods, Yugi was so tight! He’d never dreamed it would feel like this . . . feel this good. “Oh, sweet Ra . . . Yugi . . .”

Yugi’s head fell back onto his shoulders, amethyst eyes closing with the ecstasy of being joined with his dark physically. There were no flickering memories, no images of Kage . . . it was him and Yami, no lingering horrors to taint their final blessed union. Could he ever put into words how much he loved his darkness? Perhaps not . . . but he could show him, everyday of the rest of their lives together. Forever.

He began to move slowly, rocking against the lean body beneath him, establishing a rhythm that would feel good and yet make every wonderful moment last an eternity. Yami’s hands remained gentle and steady on his hips, helping him maintain his balance as he moved. Something was missing, though, and as he gazed down at his dark, he noted the clenched jaw and tightly closed crimson eyes, the tension singing through the golden body . . . that terribly still golden body. Yami wasn’t moving, other than the quickened breaths that made his chest rise and fall.

“Yami,” he whispered, pausing to lean over his love. Charcoal lashes fluttered upward, revealing garnet depths that burned with love and need. “What are you doing? Move with me . . .” Yami shook his head, his jaw slowly unclenching until he could actually speak.

“I . . . I don’t want to hurt you, little one,” he choked out, his breath hitching in his chest as Yugi shifted against him. He outright gasped when Yugi took one tan nipple into his mouth, suckling on it before biting down, fighting not to writhe, to tighten his grip on those pale hips and slam upwards into that tight heat.

Yugi heard that mental fight, and smirked slightly to himself. It made him love his dark all the more for the self-control he was exhibiting, but at the same time he wanted his yami to be an active participant in their final union. Now, how to go about doing that? He shifted to the other pert nub, laving it with the same care, paying close attention to his link with his dark, feeling that iron control steadily slipping beneath what he was doing to his other.

**I told you before, Yami,** he whispered into their link as he teased his dark mercilessly with tongue and teeth. **I don’t want your control . . . I want your love. I’m not afraid that you’ll hurt me.** That resolve was weakening, and he decided to play his last card. This was a duel like any other, and he was determined to come out the victor . . . for both of them.

Leaning forward even further, stretching until his lips ghosted across that clenched jaw, drifting along the smooth, tense skin until he was breathing gently against the outer shell of Yami’s ear, he whispered into it huskily.

“If you truly want me, my darkness, my love . . . then you’ll have to show me. You’ll have to let go of that control of yours.” In a move that he knew surprised Yami because he could feel it echo through their link, he moved off of his dark, biting back a whimper but knowing it was necessary. He wanted Yami’s whole-hearted participation in this.

Yami could only stare in shock as Yugi simply lay down beside him, acting for all the world as if they were doing nothing more than lying together and talking. He knew what Yugi was talking about . . . but he didn’t want to hurt Yugi, or cause any memories to resurface that would ruin things between them. Right now, hurting Yugi was a very real fear . . . because he wanted nothing more than to grab those slim, silken-flesh covered hips and bury himself within.

His shielding was obviously shot to hell at the moment, because Yugi heard that thought.

**Then do it, Yami. I want it.** The husky tone of Yugi’s mental voice, the need that was literally drowning him at the moment . . . his control simply snapped beneath the combined weight.

Yugi gasped as he suddenly found his dark looming over him, and moaned harshly as Yami grabbed his legs, draping them over his arms before sliding himself home once again. Oh gods, this was what he wanted from his dark . . . not simply the physical joining, but the passion and love that went with the actions.

“You have my love, Yugi,” Yami murmured, pulling out until he barely remained within the lithe body. “You have that, my trust, my respect . . . and my soul. I love you, Yugi.” Yugi cried out, arching wildly beneath him as he thrust back into that warmth with bruising force, finally brushing that spot deep within that made his light see stars.

The pace was anything but the slow one Yugi had begun, and it drew whimpers and keens of need from the smaller man’s lips as he met each thrust with his own upward movement, wanting to feel it all. So real . . . so very real, and so good . . . gods, he’d never dreamed it would feel so good . . . He unconsciously wrapped his legs around his dark’s waist, needing closer contact, needing to feel! The stain of fear and misery on his soul was washing away beneath the tidal wave of passion and love rising within him, and he welcomed it with open arms, finally feeling free after two years of pain, anguish, and nightmares.

“Yami,” he moaned, gasping as his vision began to flicker with the lightning of his inevitable release. “Oh gods, Yami . . . I love you, I love you so much . . .” His passion glazed eyes stared up into crimson, memorizing the sight above him.

Yami’s eyes were open, staring down at him with such love and need burning in their depths that they almost looked like they were glowing. The golden bangs that they shared were glued to the sides of his face, sweat glistening across the sun-kissed skin like diamond dust. So exotic . . . so very beautiful, and his! His yami, his other, his love. His gaze shifted downward, watching in awe the play of muscle underneath the smooth skin of his dark’s chest, the rippling of the muscles in his arms as he moved, and fell in love all over again.

The fire that had been burning within him hit the conflagration stage, and he nearly screamed as Yami rose against him again, like some Egyptian god, taking him to new heights and setting his soul free.

“YAMI!” Like a phoenix from the ashes, his soul arose from the chains of pain and fear that had held it prisoner for so long, rising back into the light of life now that he was whole and complete in mind and body once again. His dark was with him, forever.
Yami moaned as Yugi’s body shuddered under the assault of orgasm, feeling that silken heat tighten around his flesh to nearly unbearable proportions. His muscles shuddering with the need to join Yugi in the heights of ecstasy, he thrust against that tightened heat, seeking his own heaven.

It came upon him in a flood, crashing over his mind and body in wave upon wave of devouring flame. He felt his soul join Yugi’s, felt them entwine together into an inseparable oneness, and sighed in completion even as he collapsed, his head coming to rest on Yugi’s shoulder as his light’s legs unwound from his waist and fell boneless to either side of his thighs.

“Forever, Yugi,” he whispered, his breath puffing against the pale flesh of his light’s neck gently. “I swore to you forever . . . and I will never leave you. I love you, my light.”

“As long as you never break that promise,” Yugi whispered back, raising his arms weakly to wrap them around his dark. “I don’t ever want to be so alone again.”

“You never will be,” Yami replied quietly. “I swear it to Ra.” He shifted, planning to withdraw and lie next to his light, but Yugi’s arms tightened, holding him in place.

“Like this,” the younger man whispered, turning his head to breathe in the scent of his dark’s hair, loving the exotic overtones to the musky smell. “I want to sleep like this . . . whole, complete. Please.” He sensed his dark’s agreement in the relaxation of that golden body against his, the slight sigh that drifted from the sensual lips as he slipped his fingers into the black hair at the base of Yami’s skull, massaging the nape of his neck gently with his fingertips.

He was whole again. They both were. He took that thought with him into sleep, feeling Yami drift into slumber with him. The nightmare was over.