Going On

Disclaimer - You already know I don't own them, and are probably rejoicing over the fact. Besides, does anyone really read this damn thing?

Author's Notes - *huddles in bomb shelter* I'M NOT COMING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! You all are going to kill me . . . oh hell no! I am not emerging from this thing, except to read reviews. Unless you offer me creme horns . . . now those, I might emerge for. Anyway, here's another chapter, and just a reminder . . . if you kill the authoress, I can't do a sequel! If there's going to be one . . . I refuse to give away anything!!!!!!!

Chapter 17 – At The End of All


Stepping forward slowly, Marik moved to kneel beside Yugi’s sobbing, shivering form, intent on comforting his small charge. Not a single dry eye remained in the room . . . Ryou was sniffling quietly against Bakura’s chest, and even the yami’s bore traces of their own tears.

They had failed. They had lost Yami. It was like a blow to all of them . . . even though they had tried to face it, tried to prepare for it, each of them had harbored some small hope that it would be possible to save the Pharaoh, to somehow free Yami and destroy Kage.

Kage was dead . . . but so was Yami, and they all mourned the loss as they stared at the broken body Yugi huddled over in shock. It was surprising, then, when Yugi suddenly bolted upright, amethyst eyes widening before the pale face turned quickly toward the desk, where the Puzzle still lay gleaming underneath the thick cotton shirt Malik had thrown over it.

Yugi staggered to his feet, his lithe form practically diving across the space to rip the cover away, revealing the glimmering Puzzle beneath.

The silence was almost palpable as he turned back to face them all, the item pressed desperately and protectively against his heart. The fact that there was a wondering, bright smile on Yugi’s face threw them, and they feared that the young hikari had lost his sanity, before Yugi spoke.

“He’s here,” the youth whispered, amethyst eyes bright with hope. “I can feel him . . . Yami’s still alive!”

“Yugi,” Marik murmured, stepping toward him carefully, “that’s not possible. He was trapped inside his mind with Kage. He’s gone, Yugi.” The tri-colored hair waved as Yugi shook his head, the smile never leaving his face as he met the concerned gaze of his guardian.

“No he’s not,” Yugi replied quietly. “I don’t know how, but he’s here. I can sense him. He’s still here . . . it’s weak, but I can feel him.”

The others could only stare at him helplessly, unsure what to say. They didn’t want to hurt him further, but there was no way Yami could still be alive. His body was dead, and he had been trapped within it with Kage. It wasn’t possible that the Pharaoh still existed . . . Yugi was simply feeling the echo’s of his link with his dark, unable to accept that his love was truly gone forever.

Yugi sensed their worry, and shook his head, his smile dimming only a little.

“You’ll see,” he said, and walked slowly from the room in a daze, leaving them all staring after him with worry.

“We’re losing him already,” Marik whispered, feeling Malik come up behind him and shuddering helplessly as his dark wrapped him within strong, bronzed arms. “He can’t accept that we’ve lost Yami. He’ll never be able to.” Silently, the others began to move, setting about cleaning the mess . . . but nobody wanted to touch the fallen body. It was too soon, and too fresh. Yami was gone.


*-------*-------*-------*-------*


Yugi was sleeping peacefully by the time they were done, Kage’s body having been deposited in the Shadow Realm and burnt religiously by the remaining two yami’s. He lay curled around the Puzzle, the golden item gleaming softly were it rested, cradled between loving hands and the warm body of it’s owner.

Marik stared down at him sadly, unsure of what to do. Yugi was happy now . . . but at what price? Had his mind cracked when Seto had accidentally killed Kage, who took Yami into oblivion with him? He, Bakura, Malik, and Kaiba had all tried to get something from the Puzzle, some sense of whatever it was Yugi was talking about, but there was nothing. No stirring, no sense of anything but emptiness. Had Yugi gone mad?

*You’re worrying too much about it, hikari,* Malik murmured into his mind. *Come to the den. We have to break the news to the others, who are now gathering. We will need your assistance, I suspect.* Marik nodded sadly, leaving the lone figure silently to rest as he made his way down the stairs.

As his yami had said, the others were gathered, and there was a sense of foreboding in the air. They already knew something had happened . . . why else would they have been called back so suddenly after just returning to their homes and the lives they had left so abruptly with Kage’s reappearance? But could they even begin to suspect just how bad things were now? Could they begin to comprehend that they had lost not one friend, but two?

“Kage is dead,” Bakura began abruptly. He stood beside the fireplace, staring into the flickering flames. His own hikari was upstairs sleeping as well . . . Ryou was taking Yami’s loss nearly as hard as Yugi was, more for the pain his friend was going through than anything. “But . . .” He paused, unable to get the words out past suddenly numb lips. He wanted to scream suddenly, to bring Kage back so he could kill him with his own hands for doing this to them all.

‘Damn you, Pharaoh,’ he raged in his mind silently. ‘Just as I had the chance to undo my past . . . now I’m cursed to carry the burden of our hatred forever.’ He wiped at a tear that slid down his face harshly, angry with the show of weakness, but helpless to stop it. He hadn’t realized just how much he wanted to get to really know Yami until now.

“Yami’s dead too, isn’t he?” Duke said quietly. “That’s why you’re all less than happy with this. Kage managed to take Yami with him.”

“Yes,” Marik said, going to stand beside his own dark at the window. “It . . . was unexpected, and accidental. We didn’t have a chance to separate the two of them. Yami . . . the Pharaoh is gone as well.” The reactions were to be expected, but it still tore open his own wounds to see the tears and outcries that arose from his announcement. He felt Malik’s arms come around him, and leaned into his dark gratefully as his own tears welled up.

“Where’s Yugi?” Tea asked, and Marik sighed, unable to meet her eyes.

“He can’t accept it,” Malik replied for his hikari. “He believes he can still sense Yami . . . that the Pharaoh is still with him. He’s upstairs, sleeping.”

“Can he . . .” Joey began, and started when his lover spoke from behind him, where they both lay on the couch.

“None of us can sense anything, mutt,” Seto said quietly. “Yugi . . . is clinging to a dream.” Sapphire met lavender and violet, before moving to red-brown solemnly before turning back to the gathered friends. “He’s going to need all of us to pull him through this, to bring him back to himself. We have this time for our own mourning, and then we must turn our attention to him. Or we’ll lose him forever.”


*-------*-------*-------*-------*


Yugi turned away from the door, tears glimmering in his amethyst eyes as he clutched the Puzzle tightly to his chest. So, the other’s couldn’t sense Yami as he could. What did they know anyway, right? He could still sense Yami, and that was all that mattered . . . didn’t it?

He sobbed suddenly, shoving a fist in his mouth to keep the sound from reaching the others. What if it was a lie his mind had concocted? What if Yami really was gone, and he was clinging to a false hope? He tried to concentrate on that dim feeling that he’d gotten from the Puzzle, tried to analyze it, but it kept slipping away from him. He couldn’t really grab hold of it and study it, and that bothered him.

What if his friends were right? Was he going insane, unable to cope with having lost his dark forever?

“It can’t be!” he whispered fiercely, his fingers tightening around the Puzzle until his knuckles were white with the force of his hold. “You can’t be dead . . . you just can’t!” Was it just him, or was there an answering pulse of warmth from the item?

He found himself running suddenly . . . running from his doubts and fears, running from the sorrow of his friends, running from his life. He couldn’t go on without Yami . . . he didn’t want to go on without his love! They had been so close to everything they had ever wanted!

The mansion’s kitchen, the door to the gardens, the garden itself . . . it all passed by in a blur of tears as he ran from everything behind him, from all the reminders that maybe he was going insane. He lost himself in the hedge maze, finding himself in the center, sinking onto the bench with a heartbroken sob. He bent over the Puzzle, clutching it to his stomach desperately.

“Please . . .” he whispered. “If there is any god out there . . . any at all . . . don’t let Yami be dead. Please . . .” He whispered it over and over, like some sacred mantra, finally falling to his knees as sobs wracked his frame, tears running freely from his amethyst eyes as he howled his agony at the sky.

“WHY!?” he screamed, his voice resounding and bouncing off the heaven’s in a cry of rage and pain, the Puzzle digging painfully into his flesh.

*Aibou . . .*

Amethyst eyes widened, shock painting the pale features as that voice whispered in his mind. Was he hearing things?

“Yami?” he murmured hoarsely, bringing the Puzzle up to where he could stare at it. Was it just his imagination, or was there a flicker of fire along its golden surface? There was no answer, no further words whispered into his mind. Had he really heard it? “Yami . . . if you’re really there, please, answer me!” Nothing . . . no answer to his plea. He sobbed, wanting to throw the Puzzle away from him, wanting to do something to let this agony and sorrow go. But he couldn’t . . . the Puzzle was his last link, his last reminder of what he could have had with his dark.

“You promised me . . .” he whispered, his voice choking on the despair that threatened to pull him under. “You promised you would come back to me.” The silence of the hedge was his only answer.


*-------*-------*-------*-------*


Marik stared out the window at the coming night, his arms wrapped around his waist to keep the chill of sorrow at bay as he gazed into the future . . . and saw nothing but pain.

He couldn’t keep his thoughts off of Yami. Had his death been painful? Had he felt what Kage did, or had he simply just drifted into darkness forever? Which was worse?

They had found Yugi in the hedge maze hours ago, after a frantic search upon discovering that his young charge was gone from his room. They’d been scared to death that something had happened to him, especially considering the mental state the young former duelist was in. Finding him collapsed in the maze hadn’t done much to assuage that fear, and getting him back into his room and into bed had been a trial, considering that he wouldn’t release the Puzzle from his death grip upon it.

The others had all gone home again . . . mainly because there was nothing they could do here at the moment. Yugi was still in shock, obviously, and they were all trying to come to terms with their own sorrow.

The door behind him opened, but he didn’t bother turning to look, already knowing who it was. His dark. Gods, how painful would it be for Yugi to see Bakura and Malik, and know that his own dark was forever lost to him now?

“Stop thinking about it,” Malik growled, sinking onto the bed behind the unmoving figure of his light self. “You’re not helping anyone by doing so.”

Marik shuddered slightly, but didn’t turn around. He and his own dark had yet to have talked about what had happened between them as well. Where would they go from here? He’d said what he had in a fit of rage, and somehow he had to fix this, but he didn’t know where to start . . .

He jumped as dark arms wrapped around him, lifting him easily from the window and carrying him to the bed before dropping him down on it. Lavender looked up into violet warily, unsure as to what exactly his yami had planned, especially when Malik was grinning from ear to ear. That look did not bode well for most people.

“What you said was the truth, hikari,” Malik rumbled, his face sobering. “I shouldn’t have been as blunt as I was . . . that’s Bakura’s job, after all.” He chuckled slightly at the startled look on his light half’s face. “And you have every reason to doubt me, and my actions have not done anything to prove to you otherwise.” He flopped onto the bed beside Marik, crossing his hands behind his head as he gazed up at the ceiling. “I don’t know how to go about proving these changes to you, Marik. I don’t even understand them myself.” There was silence between them for several moments before the taller blonde shifted, raising up one elbow so that he was once again leaning over his smaller self.

Marik arched an eyebrow at the considering look on his dark’s face, wondering what was going through that demented head of his. Nothing came to mind however, and he was surprised when his dark ran a finger over his cheek, tracing a line of fire down the sensitive skin.

“You truly are a beautiful creature, Marik Ishtar,” Malik murmured. “And you aren’t weak, no matter how many times I have called you that. You are stronger than I ever realized.” Their lips met in a gentle kiss, an unhurried exploration of each other that left neither with any breath, purple eyes darkened with passion in twin faces. “I do love you, Marik. Does the how or why really matter?”
Marik smiled softly, reaching up to cup the back of his dark’s neck, bringing those delicious lips down for another session of play.

“No, I don’t suppose it does,” Marik whispered finally, releasing his yami. “Because I feel the same way about you. The why or how will always escape us, I’m sure . . . but it doesn’t really matter, as you said. I’m incomplete without you.” He smirked suddenly, before light hands dragged the black t-shirt Malik was wearing over his head, leaving him gloriously bare to the lavender gaze.

Marik traced the planes and contours of his dark’s torso lightly, teasingly, and Malik bit back a moan as those playful fingers brushed over his nipples.

“Shall we see just how well this new body of yours turned out?” Marik whispered. “I do believe Bakura interrupted us earlier.” He shoved Malik onto his back, moving to straddle his dark before dipping his head down to take one pert nub in his teeth, nipping at it teasingly before engulfing it in wet warmth.

“Marik,” the yami whined slightly, arching into the intimate caress wantonly. “Do you really think . . . this . . . is the time . . . for such things?” he panted. Marik leaned back, looking down at him seriously, lavender eyes dark with passion . . . and pain.

“I need to now you’re really here,” he murmured, his hands drifting up to cup Malik’s face lovingly. “I need . . . I need to know I’m not alone anymore.” Malik groaned before wrapping his arms around the lithe body above him, pulling it into a rough hug, his hikari’s head coming to rest on his shoulder, mouth pressed against his throat.

“You were never alone, Marik,” he said softly, tangling his hand in the platinum blonde locks gently. “I was always with you, in some way. And you’ll never be alone again . . . I promise.” He sighed, one hand drifting over his light’s back to settle at the base of his spine. “We’ll do everything we can for Yugi, little one,” he murmured affectionately. “But promise me you won’t let his loss drag you down with him. Sometimes you let other people’s pain affect you too deeply, my light. I don’t want to watch you fall into the pit with him if we can’t bring him out of this despair.”

“I’ll try,” Marik whispered against his throat, sending shivers through his dark’s frame. “That’s all I can promise, Malik. I just . . . how do we help him? Would it just be better to let him live in this dream world?” Malik shifted against him, sighing slightly as he closed his eyes, relishing the feel of his light self against his body.

“We’d be doing the worst thing possible if we allow him to retreat from reality like that, Marik,” he said finally. “His entire life would center around something that is no longer there. It would only destroy him in the end. As much as it will hurt him, we have to make him face the fact that the Pharaoh is gone. If we don’t . . . we’ll only be putting off the inevitable. You know that.”

“I know,” the young Egyptian murmured finally. “I just wish . . .” He sighed, unable to continue that thought, but Malik understood what he was trying to say.

“I understand, little one,” he replied. “I understand.”

And then, there was nothing left to say.


*-------*-------*-------*-------*


Ryou awoke slowly, his eyes swollen and red from crying, feeling gritty and painful. He blinked at the darkened room, loneliness swamping through him before pale arms came to wrap around him, pulling him back into the muscular chest of his yami.

“I’m here, kitten,” Bakura murmured in his ear. “You’re not alone. I’m always with you.” Ryou sighed, snuggling back against his dark, seeking the comfort only the nearness of his beloved could give.

“Oh ‘Kura,” he whispered brokenly. “What are we going to do? Yugi’s . . . he’s never going to heal from this.” Bakura sighed, his breath ruffling the white hair on the back of his light’s neck as he shifted the lithe body against his, getting more comfortable.

“We can only be here for him, my aibou,” the former thief said finally, his voice soft in the darkness. “We can only give him what support he will accept. It will be a long time before he will accept it, but that’s all we can do. We can’t bring Yami back for him, and we can’t replace him. That leaves us with little options.” He shifted again. “I could always try to go steal the Pharaoh’s soul back from Osiris,” he muttered.

Ryou laughed slightly.

“You may have been the King of Theives,” the hikari murmured finally, “But I don’t think even you could accomplish a theft from a god.” Bakura snorted, nipping lightly at the back of Ryou’s neck in reproach.

“Do you doubt my skill?” he growled playfully. “I stole your heart, didn’t I? And everyone would have sworn that was an impossible task.” Ryou smiled, shaking his head slightly.

“You can’t steal what’s freely given, you moron,” he rebuked his dark mildly. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“I don’t know,” Bakura murmured playfully, one hand slipping underneath his hikari’s shirt to play with one pebbled nub teasingly. “Perhaps I need another lesson.”

“Yami!” Ryou gasped, arching into a light pinch on his sensitive flesh. “How can you even think of that right now?!” He felt Bakura move, rolling over onto his back so he could stare up at his dark, loving how what little light there was seemed to catch in the dark eyes, making them glow softly.

“Because it seems I need to remind you just how real I am, and that you are never alone,” he growled lightly. “I will never leave you, Ryou. You are the other half of my soul, and I would sooner die than lose you.” He ran a finger gently over the scars on Ryou’s forearms, drawing the light’s attention to the one time he HAD thought he was truly alone. “This will never be necessary again, Ryou,” he whispered lovingly. “Never, ever again.”

Ryou shuddered at the reminder of what he had tried to do when he’d lost his own yami . . . or he’d thought he had, at any rate.

Pulling Bakura down on top of him, he clutched his dark to him tightly, and swore silently to himself that he would help Yugi . . . before Yugi could wander down the same dark path he had taken two years ago.


*-------*-------*-------*-------*


Near silent crying could be heard from the bathroom of the abandoned bedroom, a lone figure hunched desperately over the Millennium Puzzle.

“I can’t live without you, Yami.” The words echoed off the passionless tile, wrapping the young hikari in the pain of isolation. “I won’t live without you.”

Yugi set the Puzzle down carefully, running his fingers across its golden surface lovingly one last time before turning to his task . . . his final decision. He couldn’t live with this pain, this emptiness. His feeling of Yami still with him had to be nothing more than his delusional mind, and he couldn’t take it anymore. At least while Kage had been living there had been some hope, some spark of light in his existence. But Kage was gone, and so was his love, and that light had faded back into the darkness of despair and loneliness. He couldn’t live like this anymore . . . couldn’t go back to his dismal existence without Yami by his side.

The tub was already run, and he slipped into the heated water fully clothed. No need to burden the others with having to dress him after this, now was there? He looked at the knife dully, amethyst eyes watering slightly before he turned his eyes back to the Puzzle. It was glimmering again, a bright shimmer along the golden surface. He wished his mind would stop playing with him . . . but that would be all over soon too.

No more mind tricks, no more pain . . . maybe Yami would be there to meet him on the other side. Spending eternity beside his dark was the only thing he wanted now.