Whoo-hoo! The final chapter in the Monopoly of Doom saga! Does three chapters count as a saga? Well, it does for me! Who will win? Who will fall? All will be revealed below! One more chapter after this. Enjoy the show! (Hey, that rhymed.)
Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic
Chapter 16: Final Showdown! Creepy Dragon Lady vs. Our Salvation!
Tristan and Duke look up at the big, fancy title, which looks exactly like the famous Las Vegas welcoming sign, breaking copyright rules in the process. But the narrator will just shift the blame to Yami, who has more money in the bank than him.
“Ouch.” says Tristan. “Hurts being so rich and all. And finally, a title that actually gets right down to the point.”
“I’m still confused about the last chapter title.” complains Duke.
“I really don’t think you want that explained, Dukie-boy.” said Pegasus.
“I want more pirate porn!” shouts the CDL, randomly.
“Arrggh.” growls the pirate captain. “I be still needin’ more time to recuperate.”
In both of the CDL’s breast, there is an anime fall.
“Quiet, all of you!” yells the CDL, as she runs flat up against a wall, mashing her ta-ta’s into the drywall. She backs up and repeats the process over and over again.
“When do you think we should stop her? She might actually be hurting our friends.” whispers Duke to Tristan.
“With all that padding, I doubt that the guys are feeling a thing. And I think that it’s rather comical to see her do this. Let’s see how long she can keep this up.” whispers back Tristan.
Meanwhile, in the awesome narrator/author/omnipotent being/astronaut’s office... Omigosh! How should the rest of this chapter go?!? I’m drawing a blank here! How should I have Tristan and Duke beat the CDL? A rainbow-colored laser beam? No, laser beams would be too offensive. Randomly throwing the dice into the CDL’s cleavage, blocking the flow of ultimate evil and freeing the others? Can’t do that. Other souls, like Hitler, Hussain, and Barney are in the breasts as well, and I can’t let them out. Um...um...uh...where on Earth is my 203
rd can of Mountain Dew?!? I really should get my mind off of this and put it in another, more productive kind of leisurely activity, like stalking hotties. In fact, let’s go do that right now! To the bushes, Robin!
Um...okay. That was weird. Anyways, back to the story. (In a whisper) Remind me never to change scenes to the author’s office ever again. We find Tristan and Duke turning down yet another closeted celebrity that will go unnamed for the sake of me being wrong...again. The CDL is still smashing herself against the wall.
“Why do guys keep coming on to us?” asks Duke.
“I don’t know. Maybe we give off that certain aura that those guys can pick up.”
Yeah...that’s it. There’s NO other, more obvious way that they can sniff you two down like hounds. (Sarcasm, duh.)
“I’m getting dizzy.” laments the CDL, not flattened one bit.
“Can we just finish this already?” moans Duke.
“I wonder if I left the oven on?” ponders Pegasus out loud.
Scene change to Pegasus’s remote island, which is completely engulfed in flames and is burning everything to the ground. Nothing is said here, so back to the action! “Oh well. I’m sure that all of my bodyguards that I chained to the floor no more than one inch away from the oven will shut it off if necessary.”
Scene change back to...you know what? I don’t think we really need to see that image. Back to the Gameroom of Doom. “It’s my turn now. I’ll roll the dice.” says Tristan.
Tristan moves Duke to the Inexplicably Creepy Church of Dolls, which I heard was inexplicably creepy. He pays the CDL $2,300, for it is a church and all and ends his turn. The CDL makes her move.
“I make my move!” says the oblivious CDL. She then starts to jig.
“What are you doing?” asks Tristan.
“This is my move.” says the jiggling CDL. “My DANCE move!”
“Can I just hand her the money so that we can just lose and die in peace already?” begs Duke.
“I really don’t want to spend all of eternity inside a 4 x 4 prison chamber. And besides, we’re already winning.” defends Tristan.
“Keep in mind that Yami was also winning before he suffered defeat.” says the CDL.
“I thought that was Tea.” challenged Duke.
“I don’t care! They lost regardless! Now then, get inside my twin resort!” bounced the CDL (yes, she is bouncing).
We’re running out of film. While the dashing, awesome narrator guy sends one of his minions to South America to harvest the shedded skins of the endangered film yak, we have to speed this up so that we don’t run out of film. So we’re skipping this non-important chatter to an hour later, when the CDL actually rolls the dice.
“And that’s how I plan to rule the world using only a toothbrush, a laundry basket, a stuffed woodland critter from Scotland, 5 milliliters of glucose, the powers bestowed upon me by the great Ganesh, and a purple sweater. And now I roll the dice!”
“I can’t seem to find a flaw in her plan.” whispers Duke to Tristan. “Maybe we should get in on this.”
The dice roll a 10. The CDL moves Pegasus to, surprise, the stripping jail space. She gives a hoot...
“Woot!”
...and decides that, even though it won’t help her win, but it will help the ratings, she should take off her last article of clothing- her barely there, black g-string.
“Cue the porn music!” shouts the experienced CDL.
Snoop Dog music suddenly blares from the stereos. Everybody is immediately turned off.
“Turn it off! For the love of all that is holy and sacred, turn it off!” pleads the CDL.
The inhumane music is turned off.
“Great! Now I don’t even feel like stripping to nothingness anymore!” the CDL complained.
“Oh
whatever shall we do?” comments Tristan sarcastically.
“I can’t do the swapping souls thing with you two, either.” adds the CDL, still upset about the lack of stripping libido in the room. “Oh! I know! I’ll make Tristan strip!”
Going unnoticed by everybody else, Duke’s ears perk up. NOT going unnoticed by everybody else, Pegasus attempts to persuade the CDL to make Dukie-boy strip instead.
“Jeez. He’s not even trying to hide his interest in me.” says Duke.
“I feel sorry for you, Duke. You must have bodyguards around you at all times, just because of him. Do you have a restraining order against him?” Tristan says.
“Five hundred feet. But apparently, this island null-and-voids that. I’m surprised that he’s still conscious and thinking coherently, being so close to me and all.”
“I’ll give you a Toon Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon card!” offers Pegasus. “There’s only two in the world! I sold the other to the Canadians before they turned feral.”
“The answer is still no. Only the ‘real’ players can strip in the Monopoly of Doom.” replied the stern (for once) CDL.
Everybody looks expectantly at Tristan, waiting for the big show. Tristan, being the only one who actually knows how to play the game, takes off his other sock, for he hasn’t been on the stripping jail space that often.
“Awwww....” moans a disappointed cast, crew, and audience (give or take a few).
“Alright. Seeing as how it is my turn, I guess I’ll roll.” says the would-be sex symbol known as Tristan the Big. “Now I’m scared.”
Tristan rolls and gets a 1. He moves Duke to the “??Mystery Space??” space.
“Huh. I don’t remember that being there before.” examines Tristan.
“What does this space do?” asks a perplexed Duke.
Both of the boys look at the CDL. She is confused as well.
“Don’t look at me. I’ve never seen that space before.”
The space begins to glow and, lying on the floor, both the Millennium Brassiere and the Millennium Wine Cup start to flash as well. Combined, the Millennium Items start to react in weird ways, causing a blinding light. When the light subsides, the CDL’s breasts start to swell up even more.
“Ohhhhh.” groans the poster-girl for extreme breasts implants. “I feel like I’m about to explode!” she yells.
Her nipples glow white and suddenly, the left one spitted out Bakura’s soul, which reached his body.
“FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, FREE AT LAST!” he yells.
The nipples continue to spurt out the rest of the previously devoured souls until there is none left. The CDL’s bowling balls have now become raisins. They are barely there anymore. The CDL is horrified at this sight.
“What happened?! My breasts! My beautiful, bouncy, boisterous breasts! There nothing now! With all my muscles I gained from lifting Pegasus, now I look even more like a man, with lipstick, painted fingernails, and long hair.”
“Ewww...” proclaims everybody else.
“Look! Words are appearing on the ‘??Mystery Space??’ space, right below Duke’s juicy buns!” says Pegasus.
Duke, looking peeved, reaches over and slaps Pegasus across the face.
“That felt good.” said both Duke and Pegasus.
Duke, upon hearing this, gets ready to punch Pegasus, but is now having second thoughts.
Meanwhile, the cast is now looking at the text.
“In the case that a player actually lands on this space, which only appears on one turn every 2,000 years, any opposing players that are still in the game, have two different Millennium Items, and have starred in straight, bi, AND lesbian porn, must relinquish all money and copies of the pornos to the player that landed on this space.” reads Tea.
They all look at the de-breasted CDL.
“What?” she asks innocently.
“Come on now. Admit it. There’s no other reason why a Monopoly space would be that specific.” says Mai.
“Monopoly? I love Monopoly! Let’s play! I’m really good at it. I’m good at ALL games. I’m a Duelist King!” says the annoyingly chirpy voice of Yugi.
Yami is quick to take over.
“Sorry about that. Sometimes I don’t know why I even let him out.” he says.
“It’s okay. We don’t blame you.” they all say.
“Besides, keeping him the Puzzle 24/7 is kinda like animal cruelty, isn’t it?” adds Joey.
“Yeah.” admits Yami.
Meanwhile, Tristan is taking all the money from the CDL.
“Um, guys? I won. Guys? Over here. Yo, are you even listening to me?!” shouts Tristan.
“I could see Yugi as a small, woodland critter. Maybe a squirrel or something.” says Ryo.
“It’d be so funny to see Yugi with buck teeth.” laughs Serenity.
Tristan drops his head in shame.
“Why do I even hang out with these people? I should’ve just kept them inside the CDL’s jugs. I’m going home now.”
“Wait!” says Duke, who is, not surprisingly, the only one listening. “We still have to lift that curse, right?”
“Oh yeah. Should we inform the others? Or should we just lift the curse from just ourselves?” says Tristan.
They both look at the group, who is still talking amongst themselves and ignoring them.
“I’d say go for the latter.” remarks Duke.
“What happens to me?” asks Pegasus. “Technically, I lost the game along with the CDL. Do I get the curse lifted as well?”
“Oh Gawd, I hope not.” mutters Duke.
“What did he mutter?” questions Peggy. “Was it something about how much he misses me and wants the curse to be lifted from just the two of us so that, while everybody else dies a horrible and slow death, especially Tristan, we will survive and can go back to my, hopefully not burned to the ground and corpse-filled, island so that we...”
He is then gagged and tied up by Tristan and Duke. Lifting him up, they drag his squirming body over to a nearby window and throw him out it.
“I wonder how high up we are?” ponders Tristan.
Duke looks out the window.
“We’re pretty high up.”
“Good.”
“Hey!” shouts Joey. “We still gotta get that curse thingy undone.”
“Yeah! Let’s do that right now!” yells everybody else.
“Tristan! Duke! Stop looking like a romantic, committed, monogamous couple over there, looking at the setting sun out the window, and come over here! Don’t you guys want to be cured too?” Joey hollers.
Tristan looks back at the window.
“We ARE pretty far up, aren’t we?” he asks. “I don’t think I could survive if I suddenly decided to jump out the window and fall to my wet doom.”
“We aren’t even standing near each other!” yells Duke at the same time. “We weren’t looking at the sun! Didn’t any of you notice us dumping Pegasus’s body out the window?”
“Nope. Now get over here.” says Joey, plainly.
Both the guys under suspicion sigh and begrudgingly walk over to where the CDL has been counting the tiles on the ceiling for the past several minutes.
“Oh, hi guys! What can I do for you?” she says, animatedly.
“You lost the game, CDL. So lift the death curse from us.” demands Yami.
“Oh, okay.” pouts ASotD,MiF (remember her official name?). “But you have to say ‘please’.”
“Pleeeease.” everybody says, in a strained and irritated voice.
“Okay!” the CDL says cheerfully.
She claps her hands twice.
“All done!”
Worldwide, there is an anime-drop.
“That’s it?!? That’s all that we needed to do if we wanted to end the curse ourselves?!?” roars Mai.
“Yep!” replies the CDL.
Mai then proceeds to strangle her, while the others try to pry the two away from each other.
So, the game is officially over...or is it? ...Yep, it is. Only one more chapter to go! What could possibly happen there? Loose ends might be fixed, a confession made, and a surprise guest appearance! Who could it be? What will happen to the CDL? Did the curse lift from Pegasus also? Did he survive his plunge to Davy Jone’s locker? A vigil will be made for all of Pegasus’s bodyguards who bravely lost their lives due to being chained to the floor while everything around them was burning to the ground, and were too stupid to gnaw their leg off. So, keep them in mind while you wait for the final chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be concluded...
