My life my pain

“Was that why you were kissing that brown-haired boy?” He asked with twinkle in his eyes.

Oh god did he just…oh my god, he saw…is he…is he grinning?

“You saw?” Katsuya asked sheepishly.

“Oh yeah, had the best view from here- passed out after a few seconds though. Guess it was a bit much for me.”

“Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. So… Was that your boyfriend?”

“No…yes…maybe, I don’t know, I mean I want him to be, but we are just friends and he doesn’t know that I’m gay.”

“Well, I think he might have guessed something from the way you were shoving your tongue down his throat.” My father laughed.

“Dad!!!”

“What? It was like that wasn’t it?”

“…Yeah, but…do you have to talk like that? You make me feel embarrassed.” I said half jokingly, half serious. I mean, it’s great that we can now talk so openly, but come on. He is my father. Fathers are not supposed to talk that way. Right?


POV Kaiba

It has been two days since that day in Mr. Jounouchi’s room. Though Jou had called me to inform me that his dad was now okay, I haven’t seen him since then. I still just can’t believe what happened between Jou and me and for some time I was afraid that everything would turn out to be just a big mistake…But how could that be a mistake? Jou had been the one to kiss me. How…

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of my mobile phone.

“Yes?”

“Hey Kaiba babe.”

I rolled my eyes. “…Bakura, what do you want?”

“Aww, you’re always so rude. Anyway, Yami and I wondered if you were interested in clubbing tomorrow.”

“I’m busy…you know, work.”

“Are you sure, cause I just called Mokuba and he said you had the evening free…he is coming too, by the way.”

“…”

“Can’t think of another alibi?” I heard Bakura laugh. “Come on Kaiba, it will be fun and it’s our way of saying thank you. You don’t have to stay long, but everyone will be there.”

“Bakura, I really don’t…wait everyone? Who is everyone?”

“You know, me, Yami, Yugi, Ryou, Jou, Honda and Otogi and Mokuba of course.”

“I will come.”

“You will?” Bakura sounded surprised.

“Yeah, see you then.”

Who am I to waste an opportunity to see Jou in whole clubbing gear?


Normal POV- Kame Game Shop

“And?” Yugi, Yami and Ryou were looking expectantly at Bakura.

“He said yes.”

The blinked. “Just like that?”

“Yeah, after I mentioned who would be there he agreed and hung up.”

“Maybe he really wants to see us and have fun.” Yugi said naively.

Yami didn’t look very convinced. He thought he knew the reason why Kaiba had agreed and it defiantly wasn’t because he wanted to have fun with the whole group- it was because he wanted to be with one individual of there group. He had seen the looks Kaiba would give Jou from time to time. “Hey guys, are you sure we should do that? I mean setting him up for a blind date he doesn’t know of?”

They had planed to do that shortly after they had arrived back in Domino. The four of them had decided that they wanted to do something good for Kaiba. They had thought long and thoroughly abound it and decided it had to be something money couldn’t buy, as Seto had more money then all of them put together.

“Don’t be a party-pooper. He will be grateful in the end, you will see- and if it doesn’t work out he will at least have someone to fuck.”

“Don’t talk that way about sex Bakura, that’s disgusting.” Ryou scolded, looking angrily at his yami.

“Sorry love, but they do say that a good lay is…”

“Shut it!” Ryou snapped and Yugi and Yami looked at him in surprise and Bakura hurt.

“Ryou I…I’m sorry...”

Ryou took a deep breath. “I’m sorry too.” He didn’t want to snap at Bakura, but his comments… Why did he have to speak so dirty about sex?

Bakura nodded slightly, but didn’t look at Ryou. He was hurt, and he didn’t understand his hikari’s antics.

Yami saw that Ryou needed someone to talk to, and his Yugi was the person Ryou would open up to most likely. “Hey Bakura, lets go to the supermarket and buy some food- we have nothing to eat at home. See you later Yugi, Ryou.” He and Bakura exited the room.

“Ryou? Are you okay?” Yugi asked as soon as he heard the front door closing.

“Yeah, everything is fine.”

“No its not! I never saw you snapping at someone like that, and you look like you’re about to cry. Please tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.”

“That’s nice of you Yugi, but I don’t think this is something you can help with.” Ryou sniffled.

“Try me.”

“Oh Yugi I…I can’t stand it if someone speaks so casually about sex because…because…” Ryou started but his throat was like cord up, he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“Shh, Ryou, stay calm, nobody is here expect for me, and you can tell me everything. Just take a deep breath.”

“Yugi, I…you remember, I…there was the police report that I rescued that girl from being raped by killing the criminal, right?”

Yugi nodded.

Ryou looked at Yugi and then nervously around the room as if to make sure they really were alone. “Well, I…I did kill him, but it wasn’t the girl he assaulted, it…it was me. I…I was on my way home and then suddenly I was dragged into some dark ally. That guy threw me against the wall, was restraining my hands…he…he made me do things to him…you know, with my mouth and…then he…ripped off my clothes and…raped me. He took what was most precious to me. What I had always wanted to give the person I loved. It was awful. When he…he finally finished and was to destracted to hold me down I…I just took the opportunity and gapped the knife I always had with me, and I just…just stabbed him again and again, till his body sunk limply to the floor. God, there was so much blood, all over me and I just sat there looking at the dead man before me, the man I had just killed and I didn’t…I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel sorry I killed him. That’s how the police found me, all bloodied and half naked staring at the dead guy.”

Ryou couldn’t believe he had been able to say all that without breaking down. Oh, of course tears were streaming down his face and he had curled himself into a tight ball, but at least his breathing was almost normal, even if somewhat raged.

Yugi had been quite the whole time Ryou had talked, and Ryou had almost forgotten he was even there, but when he heard a pained sob that didn’t come from his own throat, he looked to his right and saw his best friend sobbing in his hands.

Ryou crawled over and leaned his head against Yugi’s shoulder, not finding the strength to comfort him.

Yugi felt the weight on his shoulder and turned his head slightly. With a loud cry he flung himself around his friend’s neck. “Oh Ryou, I’m so sorry something like that happened to you. I’m sorry you had to kill someone too, but I’m glad that guy is dead- he deserved that and much more.”

Ryou nodded. Grateful for his friend’s acceptance. Together they continued crying in silence. Yugi cried because of the horrible things that happened to his friends and Ryou because this crime forced on him was destroying his relationship with Bakura.

After some time when Yugi had finally gotten a grip on himself he turned to Ryou. “Ryou I…I know that what happened to you makes sex look dirty and disgusting and it was…but sex can be so much more. It can feel bloody fantastic when you do it with the right person. When Yami…when Yami and I do it… it feels like…like reaching heaven. Like there is nothing else on the world expect him and me, nothing expect for pleasure and love. When I’m with him…when he is in me it feels like he can reach my soul, like he is one with me and we share all the pleasure and happiness we feel at that moment.” Yugi blushed when he saw Ryou’s flustered expression. “I’m sure with Bakura it would be the same for you. I’m sure he would make you feel like you are the most precious thing in his world.”

“I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet, Yugi.”

“And you wont be till the moment arrives, but when it’s there you will know.” They were silent after that again and soon they feel asleep. Ryou thought how he wished that his relationship with Bakura was as easy and happy as Yami and Yugi’s. He fell asleep with tears in his eyes.


With Bakura and Yami

Yami and Bakura were wandering around at a nearby park. They hadn’t said a word since they left the Game-Shop. Finally Yami couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Hey Bakura, what happened?”

Bakura glanced sideways at Yami and at seeing the genuine concern he decided to tell Yami what was breaking his heart. Two years ago he would never have considered telling Yami anything serious, but the two of them had spend so much time together that they had developed a steady friendship where- even though they were getting on each others nerves pretty soon- they trusted each other. “To be honest, I think Ryou regrets having me back, or at least he regrets the relationship we have. I…I think he doesn’t love me the way I love him.”

Yami looked unbelievingly at the other spirit. “What makes you think that?”

“Well, you see…I…Have you had sex with Yugi yet?” Bakura asked bluntly.

Yami blushed. Of course they had. Actually as soon as they were alone they had striped off each other and fucked like rabbits in all possible positions and ways…for hours. Yami blushed even harder. “Why do you ask?”

“Well you see, we haven’t. We haven’t had sex or anything remotely comparable. The most he allows me to do his kiss him and hold him in his sleep. And whenever I start talking about sex…he just looks angrily at me.”

Yami couldn’t believe his ears. “And that’s why you think he doesn’t love you?”

“Well yes, if he loved me he would want to have sex to be near me, right? Why are you looking at me like I have three heads?”

“Because Bakura, for a moment, I forgot what an emotional cripple you are. Love isn’t about sex, neither is sex about love. Tell me, have you loved all the people you had sex with?”

“Of course not. How could I? The only one I love is Ryou.”

“So why do you think Ryou must want sex if he loves you. You can have sex with everyone, not just the one you love.”

“Well yes, if you say it like that… but you have to agree that sex does play an important role in a relationship.”

“Of course it does, but Bakura, have you ever considered that Ryou is maybe not ready. That it’s maybe his first time and that he is nervous? Or even worse that he has had a bad experience with sex?”

Bakura looked down sheepishly. “Why haven’t I thought of that possibility?”

“Because you are a selfish asshole and just thought of your own desire.” Yami said half jokingly, but regretted it when he saw Bakura´s sad expression.

“I don’t deserve him.” Bakura whispered.

“But he deserves you, doesn’t he? So please, do yourself and him a favour and start considering his feelings. If you don’t understand some of his actions, ask him about it.”

Bakura nodded and then grinned. “Hey Yami, do you have any problems with Yugi? I may not be so good with feelings, but I am pretty good in the sex department, so if you need any help satisfying your Hikari…”

Yami simply rolled his eyes.

They walked around for a bit more, and brought some ice-cream at a convention store, and made there way home.

The house was quite and when Yami opened the door to his and Yugi’s room he knew why. His love and Ryou had cuddled up on the bed and were fast asleep.

Bakura walked over and sank to his knees in front of the bed, facing Ryou. When he caressed his cheeks he noticed that they were slightly wet. ´He has cried because of me´ Bakura thought sadly. This wasn’t how he had imagined his reunion to be. He had wanted Ryou to be happy all the time, wanted to protect him from everything that would hurt him, and here it was him that had made him cry.

“Hey Yami, I will take him to our room. Night.”

With that Bakura carried Ryou across the hall. The two of them were living in the Kame Game shop for now as Ryou´s father had sold the house shortly after Ryou´s hospitalisation and they had no were else to stay.

When Bakura laid Ryou down the boy stirred. “Hey.” Bakura greeted when Ryou´s eyes had fluttered open. “Hey to you too.” Ryou smiled.

“Ryou listen, I’m…I’m really sorry for…for making you cry and being so inconsiderate…”

“Don’t apologize, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was. I spoke with Yami and he told me I should be more considerate of your feelings. He made me realize that not everybody is so comfortable and open with sex as I am and that you maybe have made some bad experiences and…”

“What are you talking about? I have no bad experiences, not at all, how…why did he say that? What made him say that?” Ryou interrupted Bakura in a high pitched nervous voice.

“Nothing, he was just speaking theoretical…Ryou why…did something bad happened to you?”

“NO!”

“Ryou…?”

“There is nothing. Stop asking.”

“If there is nothing then why are you crying?” Bakura asked tenderly.

“I…I…” Ryou stammered and touched his cheeks, discovering that he was indeed crying.

“Ryou, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here now and will not hurt you, not with sex or with anything.” He moved Ryou into his lap. “Was it an ex boyfriend of yours? Did he not make it enjoyable for you?” It hurt Bakura to think that Ryou had once trusted someone so much that he had slept with him and that then this person hadn’t even treasured that gift enough to make sure that Ryou enjoyed the act too. “You know, sex doesn’t have to hurt, he probably just forgot to prepare you right and…”

Bakura was interrupted by Ryou´s almost manic chuckling. “You think that an ex boyfriend did this? Bakura, there was never anybody but you in my heart, how could I have allowed anybody to do that when the only one I could think about was you?”

“But Ryou than why…No!” Bakura looked in his Hikari’s sad face and knew it. “You were…someone forced himself on you?”

Ryou nodded and told Bakura his story.


“Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods...” Bakura was sobbing. “I’m so sorry. So terribly sorry.”

“It’s not your fault…”

“Yes it is, had I been there I could have protected you. I would have cut his throat before he even laid eyes on you. I would have cut off his hand as soon as he had touched you. I could’ve, I could’ve…” Bakura cried, unable to wrench out words between his sobs.

“Shh, its okay. I’m okay now. He is gone and you are with me. I’m happy now.”

“Are you? Even though I’m so insensible?”

“Yes I am, so please, stop crying.”

Bakura looked up directly into Ryou´s comforting face. “I’m awful; I should be the one comforting you. Not the other way around.”

Ryou smiled. “So comfort me. Give me a kiss.”

Bakura leaned forward and planted a sweet kiss on Ryou´s lips and leaned back again.

“Kiss me again.” Ryou whispered and closed his eyes. Bakura repeated the action but stayed a bit longer. “Again!” Ryou whispered, eyes still closed.

Bakura took Ryou´s face in his hands and kissed Ryou again. This time deeply. He invaded Ryou´s willing mouth with his clever tongue and stroked the insides. Ryou moaned softly and moved his arms around Bakura´s neck, urging him on to kiss him even deeper.

Bakura felt himself heating up. Reluctantly he let go of Ryou´s lips and mouth. “We should stop.” He said with regret evidently in his voice.

“Why?”

“Because the longer this goes on the harder it will be for me to stop.”

Ryou looked at him. He worried his bottom lip as if considering something. Then he said: “Then don’t stop at all.”

Bakura smiled sadly. “Do you even realize what you’re suggesting?”

“I…I talked with Yugi a bit and he told me…he told me how wonderful it was when he and Yami made love, how good it was and how connected he felt with Yami when they do it. I…I want to feel that too.”

Bakura studied Ryou and saw no doubt in his eyes. He grinned. “Ryou, I can make you feel all that and even more. Believe me, Yami may be good in bed, but I am simply fantastic. I will make you feel cherished, loved, treasured and all thinks in between.

“You are all hat and no cattle. Show me what you got.” Ryou laughed.

And with that a night of love and pleasure began. Old, bad memories were erased by new sensations.


As always, thanks to KitsuneSeven for beeing such a wonderful beta.


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