Sexual Frustration
Raphael
The silent guard
It had been many days since he had seen the light of day. It rained a lot at the Doom Headquarters.
Raphael had been observing Dartz’s mirror. He liked watching the other man walk through the mirror and change clothes in an instant. Sometimes he tried to do it too, but it never worked.
The best he got was an old Halloween costume of James T. Kirk with his traditionally ultra cool and ultra manly ripped shirt. It seemed Darts was either a large fan of Star Trek, or just a lover of Kirk’s immense, god-like and ultra manly physique. Nevertheless, Raphael quickly changed out of the costume, appalled at Darts’ choice in fashionable apparel.
Suddenly he realized that Varion had been gone for a very long time. “I’d better find that wascally wabbit!” He exclaimed with much exuberance. He liked Looney Toons, and sometimes watched it with Pegasus.
Soon he heard the sound he had waited for all day… the ice-cream man’s truck. “Coming!” He shouted, running after the truck with his fifty dollars for an ice cream bar.
Malik smiled and waved. “Yo! So what’ll it be today? Fudge ripple or those little Mickey mouse ears?”
“The little Mickey mouse ears please.” Raphael replied, hopping aboard the truck. “Oh, and you wouldn’t have happened to see a guy named ‘Varion’ would you?”
Malik thought. “Well, now that you mention it, a strange guy did drop by my house earlier today, but he never told us what his name was.”
“That must be him!” Raphael said, comparing the description to a mental picture of Varion. “Let’s go!”
“Right!” Malik exclaimed, driving the icecream truck quickly past the neighborhoods with kids in it, watching them wail despairingly since they couldn’t catch up.
After driving through the barren wasteland that was
Raphael gladly left the creepy ice cream man and entered his house. “Varion! Are you here? Vaa…. Oh by ra! What in the holy angel’s name are you doing?!!”
Varion didn’t even bother looking over at Raphael. “Go away Raphael! Find your own waffle iron!”
Numbed, Raphael stepped back to find that he had stepped on a little boy’s foot.
“Ouch!” Cried Ryou.
“Oh I’m sorry little boy.” Raphael apologized. Then, he blinked, realizing what was so strange about this house. “You… none of you are wearing any clothes!”
“Oh, we’re very open around here. Please, feel free to strip.” Ryou bowed politely, then jumped on Yami Malik’s back. “No no no! Bad yami! Get off my sink!”
“No! I must have sex! Sex sex sex!!!” Yami Malik said hysterically, his eye stretching to the far end of the screen!
They’re a bit nutty around here, aren’t they Raphael?
Raphael whipped around. “Who said that?!”
Ryou sighed. “There goes another one.”
Why, it’s me. Don’t you remember me Raphael? We shared so many fond memories.
“Why yes, you fried my weenies!” Raphael smiled, petting the buttons on the handy machine.
Yes… yes I did… and I have room for one more…
“I see now, you always cared for me, I just never knew it… oh holy angel! What have I done! Forsaking you for these long barren years!” Raphael screamed, tearfully embracing his one true love.
The microwave.
Oh yes… yes do that… mmm… that’s so good…
The microwave began to warm up, heating itself to level three, emitting a few gamma rays to warm Raphael up.
“Aah! You’re shocking.” Raphael murmured softly, heeding Ryou’s advice and losing his clothing very quickly.
Indeed. The microwave jumped up to level 7, heating Raphael further, caressing him with invisible alpha, beta, and gamma rays. (Not to be confused with magnet warrior alpha, magnet warrior beta, and magnet warrior gamma, those are Yugi’s.)
“AAhh! Mikey! Mikey!!!” Raphael cried, pounding himself into the door of the microwave as it continued to slowly roast his weenie. A slow and tender roast.
The microwave finally heated up to level 10!!! With one last powerful cry, he came, spurting his seed onto the microwave door, watching it fry quickly into smoke from the alpha, beta, and gamma radiation.
Raphael… please don’t forget about me… The microwave said softly. It threatened to cry tears of electricity with the thought of the tall man with odd sideburns leaving.
“Forever my love. Forever.”