Welcome to the special Mother's Day edition of Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic! There's nothing special about it. I only said that because it happen's to be Mother's Day. But it could be special for someone reading it out there! *crickets chirp* You're all so mean! *eats a tub of Ben & Jerry's* Two more chapters after this. Then it'll finally be over and you won't have to worry about seeing this on the front page again. Let's have fun out there, people!
Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic
Chapter 15: Fruits Vs. Parallel Lines
“What did you do to dear, sweet, little Serenity? And Joey, too?” demanded Yami.
“They lost the game, so I won their souls and have conveniently stored them in my enormous cans! And, as a side note, each time I ‘eat’ another soul, my juicy watermelons get even bigger! Muahahahaha! And it’s not like Joey is complaining in here.”
Mai reaches over and slaps the CDL’s right breast.
“Joey, you pervert! Stop enjoying your doom!”
Everybody else just stares.
“I think she’s the next one to go mental.” predicts Tristan.
“ANYWAYS, let’s get back to the game!” says the, now more confident, CDL.
Tristan’s up next. He rolls the dice and moves Duke. The other players are reading up on how to actually play this game, with it’s a million and one different rules. Tristan lands on the ‘Wretched Forest Deep Inside The Indie 500’ space, which is owned by Tea, and pays her, which goes completely unnoticed by her, and end his turn. We’ll probably put this in the “deleted scenes” section when it comes to DVD.
“I feel unimportant.” Tristan pouts.
“Dice roll!” shouts Tea, ignoring him altogether.
The dice go up into the air, Tea’s attempt to throw dice as dramatically as Yami, and fall downwards, heading for Mai’s bosom,
again. Mai sees this and starts running around the table, which isn’t much space to begin with, and add in the other four game pieces and there isn’t much space left. The dice seem to synchronize with her movements. Finally, Mai gets so dizzy that she passes out on the table, conveniently on the same space as where she started out on. The dice, of course, land between Mai’s twin mountains. Tea peers over to see the result.
“Yay! I rolled an 11! I roll Mai’s voluptuous body over to Nerd Central- Alpha, which sounds like a complete oxymoron to me. And I pay Tristan $666.” Tea says, as she drinks from her Aquafina bottle, now with 3% water in every bottle!
“I wanna strip again.” whines the CDL.
“NO!” shouts everybody else.
“Let’s just finish this!” yells Yami. He reached for the dice, which were still in Mai’s cleavage. Mai, still unconscious, didn’t mind. In the DVD, we’ll make sure to slow-mo this scene. (Most) of the male cast, crew, and audience members are now extremely jealous of Yami. “Roll dice!” he yells.
But, he was just a little too pumped up at all the excitement, and the dice never even hit the table before falling off and rolling on the floor.
“Oooh, oooh! I suddenly remembered another sudden rule! Actually, I’m making them up as I go along, but what enemy in this series doesn’t? The new, sudden rule is that the dice cannot be thrown onto the floor. For your punishment, we shall both take off...”
“I’m not going to fall for that rues, CDL!” roared Yami.
“Fine then! I’ll do this instead!”
She flashes her Millennium Wine Cup and Brassiere, which overpower Yami’s Millennium Puzzle, and forces the two souls that dwell in the Puzzle to swap places.
“Hi! I don’t know how to play games at all! Solitaire totally owns me!” comes Yugi’s chirpy voice.
The rest of the characters look at each other.
“We’re doomed.”
Meanwhile, inside the Millennium Puzzle... We find Yami listening to country music, while sipping on a margarita.
“Whatever happens from now on is totally NOT my fault.”
Scene change... In the time that it took for us to do that scene, Yugi has managed to lose over half of his money. This comes to a total of around $50K.
“Am I winning yet? I ALWAYS win games.”
Tea reaches over and gently pats Yugi on the head.
“Of course you do, Yugi. Of course you do.”
“I’m a Duelist King.”
Somewhere in the world, probably now in Area 51, Kaiba suddenly gets the stomach flu and pukes all over the floor.
“My dignity...” he gasps.
But back to the game room. Wait, what’s this? Yugi has, again, managed to half his money.
“I suddenly don’t feel too good.” says Pegasus.
“I don’t remember math being this much fun!” Yugi exclaims, excitedly.
“That’s because in school, math was for a grade. Here, it’s just for our lives.” explains Duke.
“Ohhhh....yay! Sounds like fun!” says Yugi.
“This is one of those times where I wish that my friendship speeches of death would work on me and drive
me to unconsciousness.” mutters Tea.
Yugi rolls the dice and lands on the ‘End of the World Formally Known as Pluto’ space. This, conveniently enough, and much to the pleasure of the cast and audience (I know, I didn’t mention the crew. We actually enjoyed working with the midget.), was owned by the CDL. Yugi had to pay the piper, which was $1 over what he had, proving that he really was the King of Games.
“I think that we’re all glad that this happened.” said the well-endowed villain. “Sorry, Bakura. But you know how it goes. You pair with the idiot, you’re bound to get punished.”
“I know, I know.” said the mourning Tomb Raider. He is then fined a considerable amount of money for being labeled a patented profession. “Just end me now. Please!” he begged.
“Can do! Stand back, everybody! Here comes the Breasted Grim Reaper!”
The nipples glow white, the beams shoot, and Yugi and Bakura’s soul is sucked into the Chamber of Breasts. Once the bodies fall limp, Yugi’s gets stiff again as Yami appears to possess his body once again.
“It appears that I’m still in the game.” he challenged.
“Not quite.” countered the CDL. “You still have no money. So you have two choices. Either you sit there and watch the rest of this play out, not saying a word (NOT AN AUTHOR’S ATTEMPT TO THINK LESS!!), or you go into the mammalian torture chamber.”
“I’ll be quiet.”
“Good boy.”
Suddenly, we hear a blood-curling scream coming from the CDL’s left nugget.
“OH MY FREAKING RA!!! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! THIS IS THE WORST TORTURE EVER CREATED BY MANKIND!!! HOW CRUEL ARE YOU, CDL?!? WHY AM I STUCK WITH SERENITY IN THIS SMALL CONFINEMENT FOR ALL OF ETERNITY?!? SOMEBODY PLEASE BEAT THIS MADWOMAN!!!” comes Bakura’s pleading voice.
Everybody just stares at the thing, for one reason or another.
“Okay...ignoring that. Who’s left? Just Tristan and Tea’s team? This should be easy.”
“We’ll be your toughest opponents yet!” says an enthusiastic Tea.
Tristan looks at her, at the three lifeless bodies around him, Yami’s face following a fly, and the very suggestive CDL, and stated his conclusion.
“I’m doomed.”
“I think we’re ALL doomed, including the audience.” added Duke, the generic, secondary character, boyfriend to one (or more) of the main characters. “Are you running out of ways to imply that Tristan and I are together?”
Yep. But it gets the point across. Wait for it...
“WE’RE NOT DATING! WE’RE NOT GAY!”
There we go.
“Hey! I’m still alive!” randomly shouts Ryo.
“What are
you still doing here?” demands the CDL.
“Like Yugi, I also share my body with a sadistic, reckless, sexually ambiguous spirit.”
Yami glares angrily at Ryo, but can’t say anything or else he gets the punishment only Elton John could withstand.
I’ll banish him to the Shadow Realm later., he thinks.
“The same treatment goes to you too, then.” says the CDL. “You either stay quiet, or you go in here.” She points to her breasts.
Ryo proceeds to open his mouth and speak.
...THE PROCEEDING FIVE MINUTES OF THIS FANFIC HAVE BEEN DELETED DUE TO RAUNCHINESS MATERIAL ONLY SUITED FOR THE GERMAN UNDERGROUND SOCIETY. CLIPS MAY BE VIEWED ON YOUTUBE.COM...
The camera focuses back in on the group just as Ryo’s soulless body collapses on the table for a second time.
“Pig.” mutters the CDL.
“Who knew that sweet, innocent Ryo could be so kinky?” said Duke.
Tea still had her mouth wide open. She didn’t know that there were others out there.
“Let’s get back to the game, already.” said a hefty CDL. “I don’t like it when one melon ball is bigger than the other.”
“Me neither.” says Tea and Mai.
“Silence game piece!” yells Tea. “Whoops. Sorry again.”
“It’s my turn.” says the lop-sided CDL. “Let’s go dice! Roll me a 12!”
The dice roll a 13.
“That doesn’t make any sense, but I’m not complaining! I move Pegasus to...jail! A place I’m sure he’s frequented often.”
“Now hooooold on thar, Baba Looey. I most definitely do NOT frequent jail all that often. Only on my anniversary.” defends Peggy.
“Yes, we all know how Bubba the Initiator gets when he’s angry.” replies the CDL.
“Yes...I mean no!” shouts Pegasus.
“Moving on.” says Tristan. “Can you please just take off another article of clothing and end your turn already?”
“Sure, hun. Anything for you.” says the CDL back, sweetly.
She then examines her body, trying to see what was left on her. Topless and barefoot, she decides to take off her mini mini-skirt.
“Okay!” she answers, energetically.
She takes them off to reveal another, barely there, article of clothing, this time in the form of a small, black g-string.
“I can’t tell whether that’s her secret garden or a patch of cloth.” exclaims Mai. “I like her style.”
“It’s from Calvin Klein!” remarks the CDL.
“Never mind.” Mai says as an afterthought.
Everybody then looks at Tea, who is captivated with the CDL’s daring move.
“Tea, dear. THIS is how you can obtain true friendship.” taunts the CDL stripper.
“It’s...so...beautiful to behold.”
“Oh give me a break.” says Tristan, snidely. “Tea, isn’t this what half of your torturous friendship speeches are against?”
“I was so wrong.” says Tea, still in a trance.
“Tea, you DO know what kind of friendship the CDL is talking about, right?” asks Mai.
“The best kind, Tea.” seduces the CDL. “No other kind of friendship compares. This one pays off
really well.”
“Whatever. Tristan, just roll.” says Duke.
Hmm...I’ll have to think of a different way to make those two lovers succumb to me., thinks the CDL (A coherant thought? Inside the CDL’s head? Shocker, I know!).
“WE’RE NOT GAY!!!” comes Tristan and Duke suddenly, for apparently no reason whatsoever. “Why did we feel compelled to do that?”
“Apparently, no reason whatsoever.” replies the CDL.
Whatever. Tristan rolls and moves Duke to “The Very High Icicle in the Middle of the Earth” space. There is no attempt in replicating real Monopoly spaces anymore. He gives Tea $1,000, which Tea promptly eats while still in her daze.
“We’re doomed.” says the two star-crossed lovers.
“WE’RE NOT GAY!!!”
Suuurrreee... I’m at least not bashing the idea here. Give me some credit.
“Well, good for you for being so open-minded, BUT WE’RE NOT GAY!!!”
Suuurrreee...
Tea rolls next.
“Must...obtain...ultimate...friendship...” she utters, hypnotically.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this but, Tea! Don’t give in to the breasts!” shouts Mai.
Tea, who is interestingly enough in the lead, rolls the dice. Or rather, they simply fall out of her hand and miraculously don’t fall into Mai’s cleavage.
“I can tell that this is a bad sign.” mutters Mai.
The dice dramatically roll and stop. They spell out Tea’s doom: 4! Mai, seeing as how Tea isn’t going to be moving her anytime soon, gets up and moves across the table, landing on a pitch-black space. It reads: “Black (Loop) Hole! Sudden Loss! NOT THE AUTHOR’S ATTEMPT TO WRITE LESS!”
“That can’t be good.” concludes Mai.
“It most certainly isn’t!” claims Pegasus. “I remember way back when, in my childhood, playing Monopoly with Michael Jackson and George Michael. That’s the dreaded “Black (Loop) Hole! Sudden Loss! NOT THE AUTHOR’S ATTEMPT TO WRITE LESS!” space. When a player lands on that space, they automatically lose all their money, are knocked out of the game, and have to sleep with the winner, even though it’s only 3:00 in the afternoon!”
I think that there is a flashback going on inside Pegasus’s head right now, but I’m too afraid to go inside and find out.
“Do I win the ultimate friendship now?” asks an innocent, yet totally fooled Tea.
“Yep.” replies the CDL, as her nipples glow. “And you can only get it in here.”
Her right nipple shoots the milky white, soul-stealing beam at Tea, bounces off of Tea’s metallic bra that she was wearing underneath her shirt, and hits Mai instead, who wasn’t wearing a bra at all. The CDL’s right berry twitches at the mentioning of this (for those who don’t get it, think about whose soul is inside there at the time). Mai’s soul gets sucked inside the CDL, making her righty twice as big as her lefty.
“Alright. Let’s try this again.” says the CDL, as she is tipping over to one side due to the disproportionate weight.
Her left nipple glows, shoots the beam at Tea’s head, and this time
correctly steals Tea’s soul. Moments later...
“FOR THE LOVE OF RA!!! NOW I’M STUCK HERE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY WITH TEA TOO?!? WHAT KIND OF SADISTIC, MASOCHISTIC, CRUEL AND UNUSUAL, AND ANY OTHER WORD MEANING THE SAME THING, PUNISHMENT IS THIS?!?” shouts Bakura.
The room is getting less crowded now. Well, not really. All the bodies are still there. It’s just that most of them are now soulless.
“And that leaves just Pegasus and me, and you guys.” says an eerily serious CDL, looking directly at Tristan and Duke. “And I’ll have to employ my most devious trick against you two.”
The two lone heros look at each other lovingly, (gets death glare from the two), fine,
worried, before replying.
“Uh-oh.”
It’s come down to this. Tristan and Duke versus Pegasus and the CDL. But really, Duke and Pegasus don’t have much say in the matter. They’d be better off being locked in a creepy, dark, secluded room together.
“Please don’t.” pleads Duke.
Will they emerge victorious (Tristan and Duke, I mean)? What is this new devious trick? Will it work? Is Yugi really that retarded when it comes to games? What will happen to Pegasus if he “loses”? I sense more plot holes coming up in the next chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be continued...
