Carry On

A/N: A shorter chapter, but the next one more than makes up for it. At least… I hope that’s the response you guys will have! Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter, and a special thank you to all those who reviewed. Enjoy this next installment!

~ Ocean

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Carry On
By Ocean

Chapter Fifteen – Questions


Considering the carnival that had been the past few days, the following week was almost disappointing in the mundane way in which it passed. The game shop received a shipment of new board games, Gina was finally promoted to assistant manager at the bakery, and Atemu kept his early hours at Kaiba Corporations. The most noteworthy event was Yuugi’s sudden interest in getting a job. He now spent most of his free time gathering references, updating his resume, and scouring the internet for openings. When he hadn’t found a satisfactory position – one that he refused to name when asked what he was looking for – he’d thrown his hands into the air and shouted that he’d settle for a teaching position at the university.

This was a load of bullshit in his family’s eyes. Yuugi had never been the sort of person who just admitted what he wanted. He always had to make it some sort of forced confession; a settlement, if you will, one that you should be grateful he was making. And then, once his back was turned to you, he’d break out into hysterical laughter at your gullibility. The man was an oddity that made his family proud.

A focused Yuugi was a rarity in the Motou home, and the quietness that now followed his movements left Gina and Sugoroku in a state of mild confusion. Atemu appeared less concerned by the change, though he did offer his own perplexed gaze to Yuugi when the younger man had offered to do his laundry for him. Such an occurrence was becoming routine and it was taking a conscious effort for the household to adjust to the chores being split between four people instead of three. Since he had decided on working and was actively pursuing a job Yuugi had begun to act like the responsible adult his mother had always known was hidden beneath his boyish charm.

Little conversation had taken place between Atemu and Yuugi outside pleasantries and inquiries into the other’s day. There was a slight tension between them, but it wasn’t palpable, and in fact could be noticed only when the two of them found the other exasperating. But these moments quickly passed before they would fall back into amiable companionship.

Atemu had decided to come home on his lunch break, wanting to take advantage of his oasis away from the office to cook himself a lunch that wasn’t catered from a posh restaurant. Expensive food was good and all, but Atemu would always have a fondness for the home cooked meal, a leftover from his time in Egypt and the mouthwatering aromas that continuously wafted from his mother’s kitchen. After saying a quick hello to Sugoroku in his game shop, Atemu removed his jacket and tossed it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs, rolling the cuffs on both arms up to his elbows and setting to work collecting the pots and ingredients necessary for his dish.

After twenty minutes of cooking Atemu heard the screen door and turned towards the stairs to see who had come home. He brought a spoon to his mouth to taste the seasoning of one of the components of his dish, frowning at the flavor, automatically adding more garlic as he used his spoon to wave at Yuugi.

“I didn’t expect you home,” Yuugi said by way of greeting, removing his own jacket and tossing it over Atemu’s. He took hold of one of the chairs and spun it around so he could straddle it and easily look at the home chef. “What’re you making?”

“Koshary,” Atemu answered, lowering the fire under one of his pots before coming to take a seat at the table beside Yuugi. “My mother used to make it all the time when I was younger.”

Yuugi sniffed the air, trying and failing to deduce the components of the dish. “What’s in it?”

“Well,” Atemu said, raising his hand to tick off the ingredients on his fingers. “There’s macaroni, spaghetti, and rice, black lentils, chick peas, garlic and tomato chili sauce mixed together.”

Yuugi’s face said it all. “That’s… an interesting combination. Tomato chili sauce, huh? Is it spicy?”

“Oh, very,” Atemu said with a delectable smirk and wink, causing Yuugi to laugh at the purposefully bad drama. “And the best part is that it’s all topped with fried onions.”

“Ugh, I can hardly wait.” Yuugi brought a hand to his stomach and held it for emphasis, sticking out his tongue.

“And what makes you think you get any?” Atemu asked over his shoulder as he stood to tend the stove. “I didn’t know you would be here. I only made enough for myself.”

“Aren’t you generous?” Yuugi drawled. Stretching his arms Yuugi stood from the chair and turned it back around, leaving the kitchen to retrieve the briefcase he’d abandoned in the living room. He took a seat in his beloved recliner and set the case in his lap, opening it in search of the forms he still needed to complete. He worked quietly until Atemu joined him, lunch in hand in a steaming bowl of the odd concoction of ingredients. Yuugi wasn’t sure what to make of the spoon that appeared beneath his nose or the contents it held, but he eventually relented when Atemu refused to move until he tried the Koshary.

Chewing cautiously, Yuugi’s eyes widened in surprise at the burst of flavors that occupied his mouth. “Wow, that’s good,” he said around his full mouth, the words barely discernable. He swallowed and looked over to Atemu, whom had taken a seat on the couch across from him and was grinning knowingly. “You’re going to have to make that again sometime.”

“We’ll see,” Atemu said, stirring the contents of his bowl before eating several spoonfuls. “How did your interview go today?”

“Oh, it was alright,” Yuugi sighed, examining the application in front of him. “Dr. Hayashi’s a great guy. He was my advisor in college, lucky for me.”

Atemu nodded. “I would say so.”

“Mm. Anyway, he’s very influential when it comes to new hires and he doesn’t see any reason why I can’t be added on.”

Atemu watched Yuugi carefully, taking a slow mouthful of his lunch. “But?” he eventually asked.

Yuugi groaned, lightly irritated at the situation. “But I was stupid and didn’t go about this right. I had the opportunity to do a hell of a lot more student teaching than I did before graduating, and Dr. Hayashi thinks that my lack of experience may be the only thing that could hold me back.”

“So what’s the solution?”

At first Yuugi was perturbed that he wasn’t being given the customary sympathy for his dilemma, but then he realized that Atemu’s form of empathy was to solve the problem and he grinned, secretly pleased. “The solution is obvious, Até. I student teach.”

Atemu chuckled. “And you talk as though this great road block has been placed before you.”

“Don’t you make this sound reasonable,” Yuugi scolded, trying desperately to hide his good humor. “I was all prepared to be indignant about this.”

“Where are you going to teach, then?” Atemu asked. “It sounds like you have an in at the university in town.”

“Yeah, I suppose so,” Yuugi said. He lowered his eyes to the floor. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to teach, and at the university…”

“But?” Atemu again prompted.

“But…” Yuugi blew a sigh out his nose, glancing at Atemu from beneath his bangs. “What do you think about it?”

Atemu straightened his posture, surprised by the question. “Me?”

“Yeah, you. What do you think I should do?”

Narrowing his eyes, Atemu clinked his spoon against his now empty bowl, contemplating. He had the distinct impression there was far more to this than Yuugi looking for approval about the job and he voiced his opinion. “I’m not sure what question you’re asking me, Yuugi.”

Yuugi was quiet for a long moment before taking a deep breath and releasing it. He set his briefcase on the ground, to the side of the chair, and moved forward to the edge of the cushion, clasping his hands over his knees. He caught Atemu’s gaze and held it, his own eyes softening as he allowed himself to repeat the honesty he’d been trying to nurture ever since he’d confessed his love to Atemu.

“I don’t know what to do about you, Até,” Yuugi admitted sincerely. “I feel like we’re growing apart, and I feel it’s something I’m doing, only I don’t know what it is. I don’t like it.” He waited for a response but realized he was going to have to say more to get a reaction when Atemu turned his head to look at the wall. “I know we have our issues… But I thought we were beyond not talking about them. We don’t talk at all anymore, not like we used to when we first met. I miss talking to you. I miss you telling me things.” He bit his lip, anxious over his next words. “Are-… are you growing bored with me?”

This did get a reaction out of Atemu, a genuine look of regret pulling on his face when he turned to look at Yuugi again. “Oh, no, Heba. How could you ever think that?”

Yuugi sat back in his chair, pulling his feet to the cushion and pressing his knees into his chest. He turned his eyes away from Atemu’s compassionate face, unable to look at him and say his next words. “It’s what it feels like. This,” he rolled his wrist in the air, “is what it always feels like right before…”

You might as well say it out loud, Yuugi thought to himself. He already knows.

“It’s like right before I usually get tired of someone and ask them to leave. It feels like you’re leaving, and I don’t want you too. I don’t.” He said this last part quietly, the emotion behind it stealing his breath and forcing him to close his eyes against the strain.

Atemu’s lips parted when he heard the pain in that voice, and he berated himself for making Yuugi feel the inadequacy he had been assigning to himself. How careless must he be if he was making Yuugi feel this way? How dare he allow a man that took the time to love him feel this insecure about himself. But, god damn it, he really didn’t know what to say or what he could do to reassure Yuugi that wouldn’t be trite and dishonest. A sporadic kiss would be seen through; a hug would reveal his wounded pride; words would be awkward and unbelievable. There was really only one thing he could offer Yuugi that would be on the same level of trust and honesty that he’d been shown. It wasn’t a difficult choice.

Atemu closed his mouth and licked his lips, rolling them as he creased his eyes in preparation. “Heba. Ask me a question.”

Yuugi didn’t understand at first the implication of the invitation. It wasn’t until he looked at Atemu from the corner of his eyes that he realized that he was being allowed any question, meaning that the door was open to whatever he wanted to know. He repeated Atemu’s earlier response of having his lips part in surprise, only his eyes widened at the implication of what was being offered. His eyes stung with emotion and he had to swallow passed the enormity of Atemu’s generosity.

There were so many things he could ask, so many answers he could finally uncover in the pursuit of truth or vanity or simple morbid curiosity. Just where are you from? ‘Egypt’ hardly answers that question. What about your family? Parents? Siblings? Relatives or friends of any kind that care you are here in Japan and not in Egypt? Do you ever call them, visit them? Why business? Is it what you enjoy or just what you’re good at? What are your dreams? Likes, dislikes that you haven’t told me? And why are you in Japan anyway, because when I found you you certainly didn’t seem happy to be here. Are you happy here now? What are your future plans? Do you see us together? Do you?

Because I sure as hell do and it’s tearing me apart.

Yuugi didn’t ask any of these questions, or any of the dozen more that swirled in his head. None of the answers he would gain could possibly outshine the initial offer of vulnerability, and Yuugi found some of his insecurities waning because of it. Instead of voicing his gratitude he pushed himself off his chair and dove head first into Atemu, hiding his face in the other’s chest and curling into his lap. He was unaware of the quick maneuver Atemu made to get his bowl out of the way, focusing on pressing his face into the strong neck before him and balancing his legs on and around Atemu’s hips while wrapping his arms tightly around his chest. A harsh breath escaped him when Atemu grasped him in turn, rounding his shoulders and back to encase Yuugi as much as he was able, his head buried in Yuugi’s hair with a hand on the back of his head.

“Thank you,” Yuugi whispered, slight tremors causing his arms to shake and his breath to hitch in his throat. He relaxed when he felt Atemu nod in response and the arms around him tighten with thick emotion.

They didn’t move for another half hour, until Atemu simply had to go back to the office.

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Yuugi was in a rather cheerful mood on this Sunday afternoon, the sun present with a mild intensity that served to magnify the brilliance of the blue sky, lighting the world in vivid Technicolor. He was feeling poetic and had to refrain from allowing his thoughts to travel in metered rhyme around his head, though he was certain that the odd and possibly frightened looks he may have received from his mother and grandfather would have been well worth the sappiness he’d have to endure. As it was, he was perfectly content with his plan to go home, find his harmonica, and settle down to an afternoon of reminiscing in the worst notes he could find on the instrument.

Never had Yuugi imagined that spending an afternoon with his grandfather’s girlfriend would be so fulfilling. The woman was a born gardener and without trepidation had enlisted the help of the young man the moment Yuugi’d appeared on her doorstep. Yuugi himself had never had much of a green thumb nor the desire to acquire one - the only gardening chore he’d ever held talent for had been raking the dead leaves – but had inexplicably discovered that he had an eye for arrangement and had spent the day assisting Sarah to rearrange the plants in her backyard. The work had been strenuous and he’d been forced to exert muscles that weren’t used to doing more than lounging, and for that he was paying dearly with a persistent thudding ache that left a grin on his face. The dull pang that was constantly in his heart had been distracted with the physical labor and for that Yuugi was grateful. He’d needed a break from worrying over what Atemu was planning to do.

The woman was a pure delight to be with, but also had Sugoroku’s nagging affinity to know when something was bothering Yuugi and the advanced years not to worry about propriety when asking after him. Yuugi had merely smiled and shrugged when asked if he was alright, preferring to focus on the Japanese honeysuckle that needed to be transplanted.

“Love is a fickle thing, isn’t it?” Gina said in response to his silence. Yuugi distinctly heard the humor in her voice and instantly bristled.

“What’re you on about over there?” he chided.

“Nothing!” Sarah sing-songed, which made Yuugi instantly abandon his plant, cross his arms, and glare harmlessly at her. “You have the air of a perturbed lover.”

Yuugi chose the mature route and stuck out his tongue, brandishing his spade. “The only air about me is full of dirt, heat and sweat, thank you very much.”

“So what did he do?” Sarah pressed, too amused to let the matter drop so easily. “Make you sleep on the couch? What line did you cross Yuugi?” She couldn’t help the laughter that took over her voice at the image of Yuugi being kicked out of his own bed.

“Sarah,” Yuugi groaned, covering his face despite the dirtied gloves he wore. “Could we please avoid the topic of my sex life?”

Sarah gasped rather convincingly, bringing a hand to her chest. “You have one?! Does your mother know about this?”

Yuugi threw his head back and flung his arms behind himself imploringly. “Is there no peace for the wicked?” he asked the heavens.

Sarah conceded the moment, allowing her laughter to trickle out of her as she directed Yuugi where to place the honeysuckle. She’d heard about the family intervention that had taken place, how Atemu had completely broken down in the embrace of the three people who had become most dear in her own heart. Sarah had nearly come to tears when Sugoroku had recounted the event. She was so fond of Atemu, having bonded with the handsome man over the fact that both were outsiders to the Motou family, having fallen in love with one of its members. It was difficult to penetrate the coil that was Gina, Sugoroku, and Yuugi Motou, and having reinforcements was always a welcomed thing when the family would fall into dynamics that no outsider had a hope to understand. But with Atemu thrown into the mix, Sarah had found that infiltration had suddenly become assessable, if not an all too easy task. To hear that he’d experienced so much pain had troubled her greatly. The only saving grace of the whole ordeal, in her mind, had been Yuugi’s painfully late – her opinion again – admission of loving the Egyptian.

“You told him you loved him,” Sarah remarked quietly. She grinned when Yuugi paused his enthusiastic digging. “I’m glad to hear it. I’m sure he was too.”

Yuugi kept his head lowered, eyes cast towards the dirt though he wasn’t seeing it. “I dunno,” he said, eventually pulling himself from his hands and knees to sit on his heels, his hands lying tensely on his thighs. “I thought he would be, but, oh I think he already knew.” Yuugi scowled. “It’s an annoying habit of his, knowing things before I do.” Tightening his grip on his spade Yuugi raised his arm and stabbed the tool into the dirt, releasing it to stand on its own. “Why can’t I be the one to know these things and tell him about it?”

Sarah smiled. “Don’t worry too much about that Yuugi. This sort of thing shifts during a relationship. There’ll be periods where he knows the answer, and there will be ones where you know it all. It’s natural.”

“Hmph.”

“Now Yuugi,” Sarah scolded lightly. She walked over to him and placed her hands on both his shoulders. “What’s really bothering you?”

People asking me that, Yuugi wisely thought to himself. He took a deep breath and held it, rolling his head around his shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of his tension. “It’s nothing, really,” Yuugi said. He forced a smile on his face and looked at Sarah. “Stuff Atemu and I need to sort out, that’s all. Really,” he emphasized when Sarah raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “I’m fine and… and it’s between us, okay?”

Sarah studied him for several moments before nodding, squeezing Yuugi’s shoulders in support before stepping away and resuming her role as director by informing Yuugi that he had her sakura tree too close to the foundation.

That was one thing that had been bothering him, and was a recurring theme over the past few days. Though Yuugi had asked for help in breaking through to Atemu, he hadn’t expected that help to proceed past the initial penetration. Gina and Sugoroku were a constant stream of advice on how best Yuugi could proceed in his relationship with Atemu. The fact that he’d never before committed himself to someone was a point that was often raised, and was used as leverage for the need of advice to be imparted unto him. Not to mention the attention he was receiving from Anzu and Jou, neither of them happy with his choice to cut Honda out of the group, both for their reasons. Yuugi had tried to explain that he wasn’t putting any stipulations on their friendship, simply that he and Honda were not going to communicate anymore, but his friends refused to see the distinction and continued to sell to him why it was better to have Honda in his life other than out of it.

This didn’t include the comments he’d received when he’d accidentally let it slip that he was in love with Atemu. Needless to say, Yuugi was tired of hearing what everyone thought about him and Atemu. The only person he did want to hear from on the subject was being decidedly stubborn about sharing his opinion. And the longer he remained silent, the more fearful Yuugi became.

Yuugi clucked his tongue, pushing aside these tiresome thoughts as he opened the front door to his grandfather’s game shop. The welcoming bell chimed with its old tune when he entered the room, and Yuugi felt a sense of peace now that he was home. He craned his neck over the shelves in search of his grandfather, a slight frown appearing when he wasn’t able to immediately find him.

“Jichan?” he called out.

“Yuugi?” Sugoroku’s voice came from the backroom and had a ring of urgency in it that soured Yuugi’s stomach. When the elder man emerged and made his way around the counter towards him with an earnest expression Yuugi’s apprehension doubled. “Thank goodness you’re home.”

“Jichan? What’s going on?” Yuugi asked carefully, tilting his head to the side.

“Come here,” Sugoroku said, taking hold of Yuugi’s arm and guiding the young man to the landing in the back of the store, from where they could see into the backyard.

Realizing that he wasn’t going to be answered Yuugi took it upon himself to figure out what was happening. Gently he freed his arm from his grandfather’s hold and looked through the screen door that Sugoroku had so adamantly pointed towards. After a moment of observation he still didn’t understand what he was looking at.

“Jichan, who are those men talking with Atemu?” Yuugi’s voice was flat even in his own ears, but the emotion churning inside him didn’t allow for much else.

“They,” Sugoroku said with unhidden resentment, “are his family.”

“His family,” Yuugi repeated. “Huh.”

“Yuugi?” Sugoroku ventured when his grandson didn’t elaborate further. He was concerned about the situation before Yuugi had arrived, but now he found himself growing fearful of his grandson’s tense and stoic silence, with his eyes burning out towards the three men standing in the backyard. The tone of the conversation did not appear to be genial if one could tell anything from volume and pitch. The facial expressions, the body language, and some of the wild gesticulations were dead giveaways. There was little else to go on, considering no explanation had been given by any of the men and the fact that all of them were speaking Arabic.

A loud shout followed by exasperation and quick and heated words caused both Yuugi and Sugoroku to jump, and any premonition that either man had had in regards to going out into the backyard and intruding on the argument – for there was no longer any doubt that that’s what this was – was immediately quashed. Yuugi bit his lip, noticing the agitation in Atemu’s profile, the defensive and submissive posture his body exuded, and yet the bite his voice held when he did deign to speak. He felt rage spread from his gut to his head and to his toes, wrapping around his heart and turning his heated gaze towards the men standing in front of Atemu, one much older than the other two, but both looking so much like his beloved. He didn’t know what he was feeling, only that he didn’t like it, and he was growing in his dislike of it the longer he stood and watched what to him looked like a trial. The urge to jump through the screen door and protect Atemu against… them…

Yuugi blinked in sudden realization. The answers to so many of his questions were standing in his backyard. Atemu’s past, his pain, what he had been running from, all of it - all of it congealed in his heart and his body inexplicably slackened from the strain. Sugoroku had to reach forward and steady him before he fell against the wall as the enormity of what was playing out before him struck his core. But what was he to do? Rush out and interfere? Offer Atemu support against his greatest foe? Or should he let Atemu fight his own battles? The man was incredibly strong and had grown so much since they’d first met. Another loud shout made him jump. Damn it, what was the best thing to do?

“Yuugi? Are you alright? Yuugi?!”

“Ask me later Jichan,” Yuugi said dryly, trying to swallow around a tongue that abruptly felt two sizes too big. “There’re more important things to worry about right now.”

Lord, what should he do?

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to be continued…