Chapter 14 is here! Please let me know what you think. And don't worry, wet dreams of the Creepy Dragon Lady or me, the awesome narrator guy, are completely normal. I think I was on 7-Up when I wrote this. Maybe Sprite. Both do things to my body that aren't natural. Enjoy! (And review!)
Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic
Chapter 14: The Random Randomosity of the Random Side of Randomness
“What does the jail space do, CDL!” demanded Yami, after the CDL had been laughing for the time between writing the last chapter and starting this one.
“Wow. That’s a long time.” remarked Ryo.
“Fine! Since I already landed on the jail space, I’ll tell you what it does!” rants the CDL. “Whenever a player lands on the jail space, or gets sent to jail, they must remove one article of clothing! I call it...the stripping jail space! Insert evil laughter here!”
“Um, that’s not really original. And there was no parenthesis marks around that last sentence.” comments Duke.
“I know. But I didn’t feel like laughing all over again. It tends to get repetitive.” defends the CDL. “And what would YOU call a space of jailing that demands the shedding of clothing?”
“Um, the Mental Institution of Nudity?” Duke throws out.
“Well that’s just stupid!” jeered the CDL. “And just for that, I’m going to remove one high-heeled shoe!”
“Since when did she have high-heeled shoes on?” whispers Tea to Yami.
Yami just shrugs. The CDL proceeds to taking off her shoe. But, since it’s been so long since she last wore any kind of feminine gear, it took a while. An entire season of Yu-Gi-Oh! passed before she was done with the daunting task.
“There! Victory is mine!” she yells.
“I think I became an even better Duelist from that last tournament!” says Joey, enthusiastically.
“Why won’t this story just end already?” begs Tristan.
Pegasus is fast asleep on the table.
“It’d be better if we all just die now and end everyone’s misery.” suggests Bakura.
“I second the motion!” says the CDL and Yami Marik, who randomly decided to show up just to say those words, then leaves using the back door.
The camera turns back to the rest of the cast, who are now all snorting snuff up their noses, except for Serenity, who’s still on the table, doing Su Doku. The dashing and awesome narrator/author/director/porn star lowers his head in shame and defeat and decides to fast forward to a point where there is actual stuff happening.
Later... Many turns have now passed. Each of the players now owns several pieces of property, and each of them are in several stages of undress. Yami has managed to successfully maintain a monopoly on the west side of the game board. All the players can now move their game pieces with relative ease, for they are now all buffed up from all the heavy lifting. The CDL, because of it, now looks even more like a man, with really long hair, gigantic milk containers, lipstick, and really long eyelashes.
“Ewwwwww...” everybody says.
“Just you wait! Once I land on the stripping jail space enough times to show off my assets, you’ll all be mesmerized by my superior feminine beauty!” says Mai...I mean, the CDL.
“Watch it bud!” warns Mai. “I’m still on the game board, remember?”
Doesn’t mean that you can’t take your top off.
“Do it! Do it! Do it!” chants the male audience members (and the feminist members as well).
...I’m gonna get hung for all this, aren’t I?
“Yep.” says the cast, crew, and audience.
Oh well. Back to the story.
“It’s my turn now! Dice roll!” says Yami, heroically (or is he constipated? I could never tell). “It’s both! And I rolled a perfect 12! Now I’ll move Bakura to...the jail space again?”
“Baka! Never in either of my lives have I ever touched a jail so many times! What’s with you, pharaoh? Do you get some sort of sick pleasure from all this?” yells Bakery...I mean, Bakura.
“Actually, yes I do.” answers Yami.
“Must...resist...urge...to...kill...main...character...and...our...financial...support...” stammers Bakura.
“Gotta love the financial support status.” says Yami. “And now, since I have no shoes or socks left on me, I must remove my shirt!”
Nobody pays any attention. Then again, if they didn’t pay any attention to him when he was running around nude, I doubt they would be paying any attention while he still has his pants on.
Why does nobody find me attractive?, thinks Yami.
I’m sure Kaiba thinks you’re somewhat attractive., replies Yugi, via thought-speak.
Why else would he go through all the trouble of seeing you again, under the pretense of yet another tournament? Somewhere else in the world, probably in the Playboy Mansion, Kaiba gets a sudden chill down his spine.
“Somebody’s talking about me, Mokuba.” he says. “And, based on the intensity of that sudden chill, they were probably close to the truth.”
“Who shall I sue, big brother?”
“Start with Warner Bros. Then go after Pixar for good measure.”
But back to the actual game (yay, page fillers!).
“Look! I managed to land myself once again in the jail space!” cries out the CDL. “And, seeing as how I no longer have any shoes on or any sort of jewelry on, I guess that I have no choice but to remove my Millennium Brassiere!”
All eyes snap to her direction. She slowly takes her time unsnapping the back of her golden melon holders, making sure to make her face seem as seductive as possible. Much to the dismay of (most) of the male characters, crew, and audience, there is an extra bra on underneath the sacred relic. Much to the pleasure of (most) of the male characters, crew, and audience, the bra is peach colored, almost perfectly matching the CDL’s skin color, and barely covers any of the skin to begin with.
“I’m suddenly so thirsty.” whines Joey.
“No one is allowed to leave this table until the end of the game! That is one of the many house rules that I employ.” says the now more appealing CDL.
“This was your plan to begin with, wasn’t it!” demands Yami.
“Of course! There is no way that any mortal men could direct their eyes away from these babies! Your overall perverseness will ultimately be your downfall! (Insert feminine, evil laughter here)”
“You forget that Mai and I are still playing this game, too!” asserts Tea with force.
“Are you sure that you’re not
jealous of these pretty things?” taunts the CDL, thrusting her chest out at Tea.
“Why would I be jealous of those grotesque monstrosities?” queries Tea.
“It could buy you a lot of
friendship.” replies the CDL, invitingly.
“R...really?” questions Tea. “I could always use more friendship...”
“Tea! Don’t give in!” warns Yami. “Don’t give in to the evil!”
Tristan has already rolled his dice and made his move. Yami is just now starting to see how truly dangerous this new foe is. Never before has he seen something so big...I mean, never has he seen a person so diabolically evil.
“Why must you insist on overusing that joke structure?” implores Pegasus.
Because I’m running out of ideas and need to fill up my page limit. And I’m just lazy to begin with. Now then, stop asking questions or I’ll put more clothes on Duke!
“Noooo!” yells Pegasus, dramatically.
“And now I’m going to throw in another random plot twist!” shouts the CDL randomly. “This particular room acts as the vortex of the accelerated time-space continuum. Therefore, the purpose of the program is exceeding its mean base structure.”
“Oh no! That’s terrible!” yells Serenity.
“Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?” demanded Mai.
“That was a mean, dirty trick. I can’t believe you kept that from us!” shouts Tea.
“You mean that you all actually got that?!” asks a bewildered CDL.
“Well, yeah. I mean, it was blatantly obvious and kept in lame man’s terms.” says Joey.
“Um, then can you explain it to me? I don’t get it at all.” asks the CDL.
“Basically, it means that time moves even faster in this room than in the entire island.” explains Yami.
“Oh. Hey, that’s a good thing for me!” cheers a happy CDL.
“I’d like to propose that everyone does an anime drop.” calls out Tristan.
“Second!” shouts numerous people.
“Motion granted.” says Yami.
They all do an anime drop.
“Speaking of sporadic,” says Duke. “will there be any more dragons in this story?”
I dunno. Go ask the author.
“That’s you too.”
Oh yeah...I dunno.
“You owe me $1,200 for landing on the Theme Park of Nefariousness!” exclaims Yami.
“Dag nabbit!” Joey says, revitalizing an old phrase. “You’re supposed to be on my side, Yug.”
“I’m sorry but that’s how the game goes. I’ll loan you some money if you get too low.”
Apparently, the rest of the players have already gone back to playing the game. According to data we’ve gathered thus far, the dice have an unusual attraction for Mai’s breasts, for they have mysteriously fallen in the crevice another 5 out of the past 7 turns. Wait, make that 6 out of the past 8.
“Are you purposely aiming for my (insert synonym for breast here), Tea?!” demands Mai.
“I don’t mind it at all.” drools Joey.
“Joey, I’m surprised that you’re still conscious, with all the half-naked girls surrounding you.” chastises Tea.
“Yeah. I mean, you can’t even make it one hour inside a Hooters.” adds Tristan.
“Hey! That was my first time! How was I supposed to know that the girls would be that hot? They got great chicken too, you know.” says Joey.
Tea just ignores him and moves Mai to the appropriate space. Luckily, she landed on one of her own spaces, so she didn’t have to pay anything. She did, however, decide to upgrade it. But none of you care about that, do you?
We eventually get back to Joey’s turn. He rolls the dice and moves Serenity carefully to the Space of Doom...OF DOOM!!! He then proceeds to unbuckling his pants.
“What on earth are you doing, Joey?!” admonishes Tea. “You’re not on the jail space!”
“But what if Mai wants to see me naked?” offers Joey. “I can’t disappoint her.”
“Hon, why would I want to see YOU naked when I could find bigger sausages on my pizza?” shoots Mai.
“What did you say?!?” yells Joey. He knocks her off the table.
“Penalty!” shouts the CDL. “You are not allowed to strip outside the jail space, AND you’re not allowed to touch other people’s game pieces! For your punishment, both you and I must remove one article of clothing...from each other!”
“WHAT?!?” everybody but Joey yells.
“YAY!!!” Joey yells.
“What kind of punishment is that?” says Yami.
“Nothing really. I just feel like taking off even more clothes.” replies the CDL cooly.
She goes up to Joey, who is now standing next to her. She reaches out, grabs onto his boxers, which are still beneath his pants, pulls hard, and rips them off his body, leaving his pants still intact. The rest of the players applaud at her cool trick.
“That really hurt the Wheeler Dynasty.” complains Joey, who is still thrilled that the CDL touched him there.
“Now then, Joey.” the CDL says in her most seductive voice. “You must choose which article of clothing you want to remove from me.”
“Do I have to remove them with my hands?” he says in a dream-like voice.
“Joey!” warns Yami. “Don’t give in to the evil! She’s trying to play with your mind! She’s trying to distract you from the game!”
“She want to play with my what now?” says a far off Joey.
“Joey’s doomed.” says Tea, Tristan, Mai, and Duke.
Joey can no longer hold back his perverse desires and launches his hands for the CDL’s barely there bra. His grubby, little hands reach their mark, squeezing with delight as a creepy, perverse grin spreads across Joey’s face. In one swift move, he rips off the confinement, leaving the evil, disproportionate-in-a-good-way, woman topless.
Joey stares in wonder before reaching for them again, but this time the CDL smacks his hands away.
“Don’t touch there! Pervert.” she exclaims before moving back to her seat.
“But...but...I wanna...” Joey whines, eyes never leaving the glorious site before him.
And now for a commercial break. Buy Marik-Os, Thailand’s number one serial for death row inmates! Buy them or we’ll release the inmates and tell them where you live. Part of a nutritious breakfast. And now, back to the show! The entire cast is holding hands and dancing around the table, singing the opening song from the “Smurfs”.
...Where on earth did I go wrong? (Pops pretty colored pills into mouth and chews them up real good before swallowing with a glass of pure vodka.) Alright! I’m in the directing mood now! On with the show!
The scene goes back to the game room. Joey, because of his horniness combined with absolute stupidity, is down to almost no money left. Several times, he has thought that Mai’s breast were dice (a likely story), and reached out to grab them, instead of the dice, which half the time were already in his hands. It is once again Joey’s turn.
“Come on, big brother!” cheers Serenity. “You still have time for a comeback.”
“Yes Joey.” says the CDL in her seductive, Angelina Jolie-like voice. She is also conveniently gyrating on a stripper pole that suddenly came from out of nowhere. “Make your move. You could still come back from the brink of defeat.” Now she is licking her lips in a certain, pornographic way.
“Umm...umm...uh...” Joey stammers, dropping the dice on the table. Since Joey is incapable of thinking at the moment, Serenity just gets up and walks to her next location, which was about 1/3 of a step away.
“Muahahahaha! You landed on the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Margerine!’ space! I own that space, along with the hotels, casinos, hospitals, ranch, NASA research center, and bar there! You owe me...the rest of your money! And I repeat, muahahahaha!”
Joey doesn’t hear anything, but he hands over his money anyways. The next thing the players know, the CDL’s nipples begin to glow and shoots a white beam straight at Joey and Serenity’s chest. They begin to glow and the beams retract back to the CDL, taking Joey and Serenity’s soul with them. They both collapse on the table. Everybody else is just now starting to get worried. They did not expect their lives to be in jeopardy in this story, or for anything serious to be taking place.
One team down and three to go! The final battle is just starting people, and there’s more excitement, horror, and breasts just around the corner! (Peaks around corner for a good look) Hehehehe. Good stuff. Who will be the next to go? Will there be any more surprise appearances by second or third rate characters? Will there be any more dragons? Or Millennium Items? Which character just recently shaved her head and went on the Jerry Springer Show just before typing began? Remember to play safe with others and wear latex for the next chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be continued...
