My life my pain

POV Jou

“Hey guys” Yami said.

Hey guys? After not seeing him for two years all Yami has to say is ´hey guys?´

“I’m glad to be back, and it wouldn’t have been possible without all of you. Thank you.” That’s better, but…

“We didn’t do anything. Seto was the one to make all this possible.” I protested. I hated receiving undeserved credits, and I wanted to make sure Yami and Bakura knew who they owned this whole thing to. I was so proud of Seto right now and I wanted the others to be too.

Yami walked over to me and lay his hand on my shoulder. “I know that without Kaiba, none of this would had worked out, but I- we, Bakura and I- know, that the time without us must have been very hard on Yugi and Ryou. We still don’t know what happened exactly, but I remember being in a hospital room the first time my soul took over Seto’s body. Yugi looked so pale, so fragile and so…lifeless at that time, but you were there, supporting him as you are now. I know you have never abandoned Yugi and Ryou. You were always there for them and for that, Bakura and I are eternally grateful. We are no less in your debt than we are in Kaiba’s.”

“But…but I couldn’t do anything. My presence didn’t help at all.”

“That’s not true Jou. Yugi and I were very grateful for your presence. We were so happy that you hadn’t forgotten about us. I don’t know if we would have survived without you visiting us.”

“Ryou is right Jou, even though I was in a coma I could always tell when you were there. You gave me strength. You reminded me that even though Yami was gone there was still somebody that cared for me.”

“I…thank you.”

Suddenly Yami’s arms were around me and embracing me tightly. “No. Thank you, Jou.”

“And thank you too of course Kaiba.” Bakura cried out pompously. “Come here, let Uncle Bakura give you a hug- don’t squirm away I know you want it too.”

Bakura grabbed Seto’s collar and crushed the poor guy to his chest. Seto looked like he was either frightened or disgust. Probably both.

“Hey Bakura, I think you are frightening the poor guy- not that I can blame him.” Yami laughed and Bakura let go of Seto. Pouting he went over to Ryou and hugged him. “They are all so mean to me. Please, you have to help me rebuild my ego.”

“I think the one who needs a little bit of sympathy right now is me…” Said a ghostly pale Seto Kaiba.

“Aww, poor baby, how can I help you?” I asked grinning like mad. I really love my friends. How was it that they always knew how to cheer me up?

Seto smirked. “There is one thing you could do to make it all better.”

“Tell me…”

Seto opened his arms invitingly. “Come here.”

Happily I obliged and walked into his arms. “Are you sure that’s all you want? Just a cheap hug from lil´ old me?”

“A hug from you is not cheap, Jou. There are times when all I want is to be with you. To be able to comfort you to be able to let you comfort me…you…you have no idea how much you…I mean our friendship means to me.”

Friendship. Is that really Seto’s sole interest in me? I don’t really think so. His actions…his body language says otherwise. But maybe its just my wishful thinking that lets me see something that isn’t there. Seto has been alone for such a along time, maybe he really just needs a companion, and if he really is attracted to me…maybe it’s just physical…I don’t want to be just a fuck to him. I want to be so much more to him.

I frowned. Did I really fall for him already? I’ve known so many men in my short life. Have spent so much passion with them and I’m falling for my former school rival? Someone I have just shared one chaste kiss and a few innocent hugs with?

Seto’s arms tightened around me. “Jou please, tell me what’s bothering you. You keep frowning and wrinkling your forehead. Please, let me help you.”

I decided that moment that I would come clean- had to, if I ever wanted to be something more to Seto. I would tell him and my friends that I was gay…the sleeping around however I would keep a secret as long as I could…I know they wouldn’t judge me because I like men…hell, they all like men themselves, but if I told them of…of what a slut I am…would they understand? Would they see me differently? I don’t really think so but…I’m so ashamed. I’m so dirty…so tainted, how would anybody-least of all Seto Kaiba, want to be with someone as used as me?

I shook my head…one secret at a time. However, before I told them anything I wanted to talk to my father first. I needed to make sure he was all right with it. I knew he wasn’t found of fags and he would be angry and probably disgusted with me at first, but I think he would come around eventually- after all I am his only and beloved son.... Or so I hoped, and if not…well then I would have to work something out.

“I…” Then I felt it. I bushed. “Seto there…there is something vibrating against my…my leg.” Seto looked bewildered at me, but then he seemed to feel it too. He laughed. “Isn’t the 21st century something wonderful? I’m in the center of a freaking Pyramid, god knows how deep under the earth, and my mobile phone is working.” Laughing, he let go of me and fished his mobile out of his pants.

“Yes Mokuba, what is it…oh, hello…what?” Seto frowned. “Yes of course, just wait a second.” He held the mobile out to me. “It’s for you. Your sister, she sounds…distressed.”

My eyes widened and I griped the phone. “Shizuka, what’s wrong?”

“Oh Onii-chan,” she sobbed, “its dad, he…he had an accident. He was driving home and…somehow he got into an accident. He is at the hospital right know. The doctors…they tried, but they said his condition is unstable and…they don’t know if he will survive the next 24 hours. Please Onii-chan, I don’t… know what to do, please come back.”

I had barley registered that I was in Seto’s comforting arms yet again. “I…don’t worry Shi-chan, I will be home as soon as possible. Try…try to keep calm. I…I’m coming.”

I disconnected the call and turned my head to my friends. They were all looking concerned at me.

“Jou, what happened?” Seto asked still holding tightly like I would crumble every minute.

“My…my dad, he was in a car accident, and…I don’t know. The doctors said his condition is unstable and that he might not survive the next 24 hours. I…I need to go back to Japan…I need to… Please Seto, please. I’m sorry, please, let’s fly back.”

“Of course Jou, come on. Let’s get out of here and get our stuff, then we will drive to the airport immediately.


Two hours later we were at the airport, ready to enter the plane. The goodbye from the Ishtars was short. They said they would visit us in Japan soon. They told me that everything would be okay. Marik even hugged me, but I didn’t react to any of it. I felt numb. I couldn’t believe it. Just when it seemed that one part in my life started to work out another one was about to break down.

Seto sat next to me during the whole flight. Never letting go of my hand. Honda was eyeing us when I rested my head on Seto’s shoulder, but he soon looked away and kissed the sleeping Otogi on his forehead.

The Hikaris were cuddling with their Yamis, obviously happy to have their significant other back in their arm, but I was painfully aware of the tense air around them. They would glance at me with a concerned expression from time to time, as if to make sure I was still with them- mentally. I felt bad about spoiling their reunion, but was grateful at the same time that they left with me.

When we finally landed at Domino Terminal, twelve hours later, Seto lead me to his limo, waiting just a few meters from the jet. Yet again I was amazed how he was able to plan everything in advanced. The only thing I had thought of since getting Shizuka’s call was getting to Domino as soon as possible. I hadn’t thought of how I would get to the hospital from the airport.

To my surprise, everyone insisted on accompanying me to the hospital. “You don’t have to…I know you want to celebrate your reunion and the flight was exhausting…you must be tiered…I will be able to handle it alone…I don’t…you don’t have to…” I babbled.

“Do you really think we would leave you alone now Jou? You were always there for us, not just for me or Ryou, but for Yami and Bakura and Honda and Otogi. We know you would abandon everything just to help one of us, and we would do just the same for you.”

Tears were gathering at the corners of my eyes. Why was it that I always doubted my friends? They were so obviously as fond and protective of me as I was of them. Why did I ever feel the need to hide my sexuality from them? But that would change know…as soon as I have told my father, I would tell them.

We soon arrived at the hospital and I rushed inside. My friends all around me like my personal guards. Seto spotted Mokuba first and walked strait over to him, taking his younger brother in a loving embrace. If I wasn’t as concerned for my father, I think my heart would have melted. It was…what? Two days since we left and he had already missed his brother.

Mokuba detangled himself from his brother after a few second and turned to me. “Jou…you’re father is currently at the ICU. Shizuka and your father’s friend are with him…he is still unconscious…I just went down to get them something to drink. The two off them haven’t slept at all since the accident…Shizuka is very drained…please, talk to her.”

I just nodded slightly and Mokuba lead the way to my father’s room. As soon as the door was opened, Shizuka flung herself into my arms. “Oh nii-san. Finally, you are here. Dad he…he is still…they say he has a severe head injury…and they don’t know if he will survive…”

I swallowed hard. Trying not to break down into tears in front of my sister. She needed me to be strong right now, to lean on me. Over her shoulder I could see my dad, lying like a pale ghost under the white sheets. A huge bandage was wrapped around his head, looking like it’s purpose was to keep the cranium from splitting into two pieces.

“What happened?” I rasped out. My mouth was dry.

“I don’t know…it...it seems like his car was rammed by a truck…”

“Was he drunk?” I asked almost angrily. How often had I told my father not to drive while intoxicated?

“He wasn’t.”

It wasn’t Shizuka who answered, but the second person which I had almost forgotten about. Gino´s eyes were blood shut and his hands were trembling.

“I…we were together before the accident we…we had an argument and…and he left angry…he was almost hysteric…I shouldn’t have let him drive in such a state, but…but I was so angry with myself at the moment and I…I didn’t stop him…Oh god, if I had just stopped him…”

I was so exhausted at the moment I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to ease my father’s friend’s mind, but I was just so damn tired, so I just nodded and without another glance I walked over to the vacant chair next to the hospital bed. I sat down and starred at my motionless father.

“I….” Gino started, “Jou, you should know, your father and I… What our argument was about…”

“It doesn’t matter now Gino…I am not interested of what your fight with him was. What’s done is done, so just…just shut up for now and let me be.” I know it was cruel to treat Gino like that but I had no strength right now to comfort him. I just wanted some silence, wanted to hear the steady beeping of the pace maker.

Shizuka gasped “Jou! Don’t talk like that…”

I sighted. “You are right…I’m sorry sis…sorry Gino…I just…sorry.”

The door opened and a doctor walked in. “Are you Jounouchi’s son? Katsuya Jounouchi?” He asked me.

I nodded.

“I would like to talk to you for a moment. Would you please accompany me.”

I nodded again and we walked outside. Leaving my sister and Gino in my dad’s room. Outside, I was met by all my friends looking at me expectantly. I had totally forgotten about them.

“Just a moment please doctor.” I said and when he nodded I walked over to Seto. “Seto I…I am very grateful for bringing me back to Domino so fast, for thinking about everything, for comforting me during the flight, but…but I still have something to ask for…could you… could you please take Shizuka home with you…she looks so tired. She should get some sleep. I don’t want her to go to my dad and mine apartment…It wouldn’t be good for her to be alone, and she can’t go home to her mum alone…its too far away. Please…could you and Mokuba take care of her? I would ask Yugi, but…it wouldn’t be fair to him. He has waited so long for his Yami to come back and…please tell them to go home too. I…I need my space right now and…”

“Of course Jou.” Seto cut me off. “Go talk to the doctor. I will talk to Shizuka and the others. Don’t worry. Mokuba and I will see to her. Just…” He took my chin into his right hand and let his thump caress it. “Just take care of yourself…I will come back after I have made Shizuka comfortable at my home…okay?”

I smiled up at him. Yes, I wanted to be left alone to break down and I didn’t want anybody to see me like this, but if it was Seto…Seto with his wide shoulders…Seto who was always so strong, not just in body but also in mind…maybe he would give me some of his strength…and if not…maybe I could just lean on him for a while…be carried by his strength.

“Okay…” I almost whispered.

He smiled back at me and leaned forward and for a split second I thought he would kiss me, but then he leaned back again. Smiling at me, his thumb caressing now my lips. “I will be back soon.” He said, and with that, removed his hand and shoved me gently into the direction were the doctor was waiting for me.

Thanks to Kitsune Seven for betaing...she edited this chapter in less then 7h...I´m amazed!