Do not attempt to adjust your computer screen. Or try to kill yourself. Or have sex with that one person who looks like they just crawled out from under a bridge they've been staying under for the past month and a half. This chapter is coming to you LIVE, a whole week early! Why? Because I said so (and to coincide with my other story)! I based the new villain off of my one friend and Mune-Mune from the anime/manga series Abenobashi: Magical Shopping Arcade. If you know her, you'll understand. I just tell my friends (who DON'T live inside my head; those friends understand me better) "Think Pamela Anderson after drinking a gallon of Mountain Dew." It's pretty accurate. There will be confusion at the beginning of this chapter, so let me explain. Starting with "The gang is tied up...", the text alternates between the general narration and the author (me) talking. So I say "Wait a minute." This goes on until the permanent flashback. Make sense now? Okay! Let's get the breasts, I mean "show", on the road!
Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic
Chapter 12: Evil Shows Her Face...And Her Enormous Breasts
“Muahahahaha!” laughs the mad woman.
The gang is tied up in one bundle and hanging over a pit of ravenous sharks. Then the evil lady goes and fills the pit with water, so the sharks don’t die and can eat the group.
Wait a minute.
Everybody looks at the narrator.
We’re getting ahead of ourselves here. Let’s backtrack to where we left off.
The audience then sees everything rewind itself like a tape.
And the evil character should’ve had aquatic dragons, not sharks.
“They’re not cheap, you know!” she says.
A few minutes earlier... “So! You think that you can defeat ME, and save yourselves from the curse I placed upon you?!” yells Evil Character #62. “Number 62?!? I should be #1!”
“Ummm...ignoring that; yes, I will defeat you and break your fiendish curse!” says Yami. By now he is in his adrenaline rush of speaking heroically.
“Fools!” she begins.
“Well, duh.” remarks Bakura.
“Do you know who I am?! Do you not know the proper fear that should be consuming your heart right now?! I am called ‘The Abeno-Seimei of the Dragon, minoring in Foxes’! Or Kayla. Whichever works. (Insert diabolical laughter here!)”
Everybody just stares at her. Suddenly, Mai speaks up.
“Oh my gosh! It’s the Creepy Dragon Lady!”
“NO! MY NAME IS...”
“The Creepy Dragon Lady, or CDL, is probably going to be our most difficult opponent yet!” says Joey.
“NO! MY NAME IS...”
“The CDL is scaring me.” Serenity says, hiding behind Joey.
“NO! MY NAME IS...”
“Slim Shady.” concludes Pegasus.
“Enough!” shouts the CDL. “To insult me like you did, you leave me no choice but to use my Millennium Items!”
“What?! You have Millennium Items?!” Yami replies; shocked, somehow, that there are more than the 1,000 Millennium Items he’s seen already.
“Hahahaha! Yes, mortal, I have mystical powers too! Behold! My Millennium Wine Cup!”
Out of nowhere, the CDL brandishes a golden goblet with the Millennium symbol on it. It is stained with spaghetti sauce encrusted on it.
“I can feel the power radiating from it!” exclaims Pegasus.
“What kind of powers does it have?” wonders Tea.
“I’m glad you asked.” replies the CDL. “Gaze in bewilderment for this Millennium Item’s power is that...it will never spill.”
Everybody does an anime drop while the CDL pours Jones Soda into the cup.
“See!” she proclaims, thrusting out the cup, causing the pop to spill outside the cup. “Oh. This one’s defective too.”
She throws the cup, still with contents in it, over her shoulder and goes to her dresser. She opens up one of the drawers, where inside are hundreds of identical Millennium Wine Cups, and takes one out.
“Muahahaha! Behold it’s power!” she goes on.
The gang is back on their feet and staring at her like she’s crazy or something.
“Oh my gosh, she’s insane.” whispers Tea.
“Ummm. So what’s your other Millennium Item?” asks Yami, cautiously.
“Oh yeah. It’s my Millennium Brassiere!”
“I’m afraid to know what kind of power THAT has.” says Tristan.
“Then prepare to feel dread like no other, for I shall tell you its awesome power!”
Despite their better judgement, the gang leans in closer to hear her better.
“The power of the Millennium Brassiere is that...it makes my jugs grow to epic proportions!” she says, thrusting her chest, which only contains the two two-liters, at them. “Behold my power!!!”
And despite their sexual standings, everybody can’t help but to stare and admire the twin Pamela Andersons. Even Mai is captivated. Serenity is the first to break the silence.
“Joey, will I have big ones like that someday?”
Everybody then imagines Serenity with huge breasts and immediately are shaken out of their reverie.
“You better not, Serenity!” answers Joey. “You know that Mom isn’t like that, and neither is Grandma. Do you want to end up like Mai?”
“WHAT?!?” says an infuriated Mai.
She then proceeds to beat Joey to a bloody pulp.
“Owwww...” groans Joey.
“I see the innocence of someone may be your strongest asset to beating me.” says the CDL.
“Oh. You’re still here?” replies Duke.
“WRATH-LIKE RAGE!” yells the CDL.
She pulls a random lever, releasing several caged dragons. They all look ferocious.
“Sic ‘em boys!” she yells.
The dragons race over to the group. Pegasus picks one of the one-foot dragons up off the ground and uses it to light a cigarette. The others pick up the other dragons and start playing with them like they were stuffed dolls.
“They’re sooo cute!” coos Mai. “Where did you get them? I want one.”
“I got them on sale (a dozen for $5) at Dragons ‘R Us. But that’s not the point!” hollers the CDL. “How dare you turn my precious little dragons into slaves for your amusement!”
“Geez. In denial much?” asks Tristan.
“Constantly!” replies the CDL. “You brave warriors have left me with no choice!”
“I think she’s run out of material.” whispers Yami to Tea.
“Brave warriors? This group? She MUST be delirious.” mumbles Bakura to no one.
“Must be.” says No One, as he runs out of the room.
Bakura just stares on.
“No more under-cooked T-bone steaks after midnight for me.”
But back to the situation at hand.
“NO! I want more camera time!” Bakura yells.
But it is too late. The CDL has already done her spiel and has been laughing maniacally for the past couple of minutes straight.
“When do you think she’ll stop?” asks Duke.
“I don’t know.” answers Tristan. “I’ve never seen somebody laugh so long. She must have a great set of...”
“Don’t say it!” warns Tea.
“I was gonna say lungs, I swear!” counters Tristan.
“At least she
thought you were going to say ‘breasts’.” Duke says. “That must be saying something.”
“Would you two stop saying sweet nothings into each other’s ear while I’m laughing like a lunatic?!?” comes the CDL suddenly.
“WE’RE NOT GAY!!!” came the usual unison.
Suuurrreee...
“Anyways...now seems like an appropriate time to tell you bunch about the ‘game’ that I mentioned earlier as Strings, while we all have our attention span focused on this conversation.”
“Too late! Mine’s already gone.” Joey said.
“Well get it back on track!” says Mai, while slapping Joey on the head with the fan (harisen, I believe is the correct term) from Chapter 1.
“Shut up, all of you! This is why I take medicine! Even though I neglect to take them at all.” shouts the CDL. “Now then, about this ‘game’. It will test your limits to the very limits of your limits!”
“Huh?” came everyone.
“It’s very hard.”
“Oh.”
“We will play the most devilish, life-threatening, pain-driven, agonizing game ever spawned! We will play...Monopoly!”
The CDL then goes over and flips on the evil-lightning-in-the-background switch again.
“Muahahahahaha!!!”
The camera goes over to Tea and Yami, who are busy reading their scripts at the last minute. They look up and see that they are being filmed.
“Oh! Ummm...oh yeah. Oh no! Not that! Not Monopoly!” stumbles Tea, fake fear dripping off of her.
“Um, yeah. You evil fiend. How dare you jeopardize our lives with such a pointless...I mean, diabolical Shadow Game.” fumbles Yami, who is still visibly reading his script.
“Read your scripts beforehand!” shouts an annoyed CDL.
“Easy for you to say. You don’t have a script. You’re just acting off of drugs.” counters Joey.
“It’s called crack, and there’s nothing wrong with that!” counter-counters the CDL.
“Do you have any to spare?” says Bakura, always looking for a new way to get wasted/plastered/high/drunk/dizzy/horny.
“I snuffed it all before shooting began.” replies the CDL.
“Awwww...” moans everyone, except for Serenity.
“What’s ‘crack’?” she asks.
“I’ll tell you when you get older.” replies Joey. “What I CAN tell you now is that it’s the best snuff...I mean, ‘stuff’ in the world.”
Tea slaps him in the head.
“Don’t poison her mind like that! She might actually have a chance at not going to a ‘special rehabilitation center’ when she gets older, unlike the rest of us!”
“Am I ever going to get more lines?” asks Pegasus out loud.
“Are we ever going to get to the whole ‘Monopoly of Doom’ thing?!” asks the CDL, to the narrator.
NEVER!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA(insert subliminal Pepsi ad here)HAHAHAHA!!! Okay, go on.
“Suddenly, I feel like having a nice, refreshing, ice-cold Pepsi. And vandalizing property owned by the Coca Cola company.” says Tristan.
“Please shut up.” remarks the CDL, as she pops yet another pill into her mouth. “This time, it’s an Advil!”
“You know what would go great with Advil? Pepsi.” says Ryo, who, for some strange reason, has come out of hibernation.
“OK! DEATH TO YOU ALL! IT’S TIME TO PLAY...THE MONOPOLY OF DOOM!!! I could only afford two ‘o’s in the word ‘doom’, so excuse me if it doesn’t sound as evil.”
“Ahhh!! Who said that?!” said all the blonds in the room.
“Who do you think?!” said Bakura, who is now getting dizzy from switching back and forth between him and Ryo.
Allow me to explain the rules to the Monopoly of Doom.
“Oh no you don’t! I’LL explain the rules. After all,
I’m the one who’s initiating it.”
Suddenly, the CDL is standing in front of a chalkboard, with a teacher’s desk in front of her. The rest of the characters are sitting down in their seats, desk in front of them. Only a couple of the “students” have a notebook on their desk. Joey is sitting on a stool in the corner, with a “DUNCE” hat on top of his head.
“Alrighty then.” says the CDL, as she uses her pointer to point at the chalkboard. “My PowerPoint isn’t working today, so I’m going to do this the old-fashioned way. We will all participate in this game, in some way or another. Here’s how it works. We...”
And that concludes this chapter!
“Hey, wait a minute! You can’t cut me off like that!”
How is this final game going to work out? It’s too bad that time ran out just before that was being said! I guess it’s only coincidental that this chapter ended in a cliffhanger. NOT MY FAULT AT ALL (said with extremely fake genuine concern)! Oh! Here’s the script for the next chapter! Hmm...well, the readers will certainly be surprised. Now go into your cryogenic-tubes and freeze yourself so that you don’t age between now and the next time you read the next chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
“I have rights!” cries the CDL.
To be continued...
