My life my pain

Normal POV

‘Oh god, he just touched me and smiled at me and said I was cute! Oh god, calm down heart, calm down,’ Marik ordered his heart desperately. It was times like this that he thought his hopeless infatuation with his tattooed step brother wasn’t so hopeless.

Marik had been in love with Odeon since…forever, even before the whole thing with the evil spirit - and that episode had just strengthened his feelings. He knew without Odeon he was nothing. That’s why he never told him of his feelings. It would hurt too much to be rejected and he couldn’t stand it if Odeon left him or if the air between them got awkward. So here he was, showing his friends from Japan driving home while he tried to ignore his fluttering heart.

The party soon arrived at the Ishtar’s. Since they’d come back from Japan after Battle City they had changed homes. They’d left the sad, dark catacombs and moved into a house not too far from the city but still near to the pyramids.

“We should get straight to the point,” Ishizu started after she had led everybody into the living room. “Everything is ready. We just need Kaiba to learn his part and we could start.”

Yugi and Ryou made big eyes. They had hoped rather then believed they could start the ritual as soon as they landed in Egypt. “However,” Ishizu continued and the two lights looked disappointed, “I think you all should rest for the rest of the day- especially Ryou, Yugi and Kaiba. You three must be at the peak of health tomorrow. Ryou and Yugi must lead their Yamis to this realm and Kaiba needs to be mentally and physically strong. Marik will show you your rooms.”

“We don’t have that many free rooms for all of you to get one. I thought Otogi, Honda, Yugi and Ryou could share and Kaiba and Jou would get one of their own. Is that okay with all of you?” Marik looked around and everybody nod in agreement, although Kaiba looked a bit disappointed. Strange.

Marik wasn’t the only one who had noticed Kaiba’s look. “Jou can stay in our room,” Honda said, giving Kaiba an evil eye. “I don’t think it’s safe for him to stay alone; you never know who could ‘accidentally’ mistake their room for Jou’s and ‘accidentally’ slip into his bed. It would give him the fright of his life.”

“What?” Both Jou and Otogi looked angrily at Honda.

“Why not? I bet there’s enough room for three people and Ryoichi and I would like company. Right?” Honda looked expectantly at his boyfriend who glared at him.

“You now what, I feel like sleeping alone tonight. I’ll take Jou’s room and you two can do what you want.”

“But…”

“I don’t think so. I don’t feel like staying with Honda right now. You two will share a room as agreed.”

“No, I won’t…” Otogi said stubbornly. He really was angry at Honda and not just a bit jealous. Why couldn’t Honda leave Jou alone? Wasn’t he enough?

Kaiba, who had been quiet the whole time, chimed in. “Jou and I can stay in one room if that’s okay with him, and Otogi and Honda could stay in the other.”

Honda opened his mouth to disagree but was stopped by Ishizu. “Then we will do it like that. Really, we have more important things to worry about than the sleeping arrangements. All of you go unpack and rest.” ‘Why are gay men such queens?’ she thought to herself.

Otogi walked down the hall to his room and slammed his door shut. Honda knew better then to follow his boyfriend when he was this angry. It had taken almost three weeks for his screeching marks to disappear after the last huge fight they had. He sighed. He didn’t really understand what Ryoichi’s problem was. Sure, he had liked to be alone with his boyfriend too, but how could he leave Jou at Kaiba’s mercy?

As he turned around to persuade Jou to stay with him instead of Kaiba, he was met with an empty hallway. Everybody had gone to their own rooms already.

POV Kaiba

As we entered the room the first thing I realised was that there was just one bed. Sure, it was king sized, but it was still only one bed. How would I survive the night that close to a body that I couldn’t have? I looked over at Jou and he didn’t look any less uneasy then I.

“I hope this is really okay with you. If not I’m sure I can use the sofa in the living room.”

“Don’t be silly, there’s no problem with sleeping together…gah, did I just say...? I just meant that I’m okay with me sleeping with you…I mean sleeping in one bed…that is.”

Jou went a lovely shade of red and I had to turn away. Wouldn’t help any if he could see my leering face. Thankfully Jou was so distracted by his own embarrassment that he didn’t realise what his words had done to me.

“Why don’t you go to bed early? I still need to prepare for tomorrow’s ritual and there’s some work for Kaiba Corp. that needs to be done, so…”

“I don’t think so, Seto. You heard Ishizu, you need to rest for tomorrow, and I know you’re tired. Don’t think I haven’t notice you trying to hide your yawning ever since we arrived here; I bet you’re still sore from when your soul returned to your body. Come on, we’ll rehearse the text together and then go to sleep.”

I was astonished. His concern for me moved me deeply and I felt ashamed of myself. How did he know me so well? How could he care so much for me? I had been nothing but an asshole almost the whole time we’d known each other. “You never cease to amaze me Jou. I can’t believe I could never see what a great person you are- or maybe I did see it, and was just angry that you didn’t show your kindness towards me. Maybe that’s why I was such a bastard towards you- I…can’t stop thanking you for giving me the chance to be your friend; I know I don’t deserve it.”

…I can’t believe I just said that. I have never been one to display my feelings, but to voice them…what was it that Jou possessed that made me want to pour out my very soul?

“Why don’t you stop blaming yourself? We both were young and too proud for our own good, but we have a new chance now.”

I hadn’t realized we had both sat down on the bed; Jou was right next to me, petting my back. I turned my head to face him and my eyes were immediately caught by his lips…they were so close to mine. I couldn’t help but lean in.

When our lips met it was everything and nothing, like I had dreamt them to be. They were so soft and smooth and I wanted more of them. I wasn’t aware of what I did; I just needed to feel Jou. I tried to deepen my kiss and Jou responded, but then suddenly he shoved me away. “Seto, I’m not…”

My head cleared the instant Jou’s lips left mine. “You’re not gay; I know…I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Actually, I know what came over me, but I don’t think you want to know that.” I tried to smile but failed immensely, so I let my head hang. God, what had I done? Would Jou ever forgive me?

“Seto, it’s not that, I just don’t know how to explain…”

Just then Jou was interrupted by knocking on the door. Nervously I got up and Jou moved to the other corner of the bed. “Come in.”

Two nervous lights were standing in the doorframe. “Mhh, good evening Kaiba, we…we’re sorry if we’re disturbing you and Jou, but…Yugi and I wanted to thank you again for helping us. We know it must be inconvenient for you to leave your business behind just to help us and…we’re really grateful. And no matter how everything turns out we’ll be forever in your debt and…just…thank you very much.”

“And if there is anything we can help you with, don’t hesitate to ask,” Yugi added.

“I…you’re welcome.” What else could I say? Yugi and Ryou said good night happily and I was alone with Jou again.

Clearing my throat, I turned to him. “Does your offer to learn the script with me still stand? I want to get this over with as soon as possible…I think my heart is really going to melt with all this sweetness around me.” My attempt to lighten the air between us seemed to have worked, because Jou flashed a brilliant smile at me.

“They really are sweeter than any candy, aren’t they?” I suppressed the urge to tell him he was too. “Let’s get started then.”

We started reading and with Jou’s help, I soon had everything memorized (my photographic memory did help a lot too, but I enjoyed working with Jou very much).

“We really should go to bed now,” Jou said when he saw me rubbing my eyes. Damn, had there ever been somebody so considerate of me? Not even Yuki noticed when I was tired, and he had been my boyfriend for almost two years.

“Are you still okay with the two of us sleeping in the same bed?”

“Why wouldn’t I…oh…about that…” Jou seemed to want to say something but then he changed his mind. “No, I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Good, I will go change then and take a shower,” I said and went to the small bathroom attached to our room.

When I was finished and entered our room I was surprised that Jou was already lying in bed looking freshly showered. “There was another bathroom across the hallway,” He said when he noticed my questioning gaze.

Same time, Honda’s room
Normal POV

No matter what he did, he couldn’t fall asleep. He worried about Jou and…screw that, he didn’t worry about him at all. He was much more concerned for his boyfriend. At times like this someone had to make priorities, and Ryoichi was always top priority to Hiroto, even before Jou.

Was he crying? He had been so upset before, Honda wouldn’t wonder if he were; Otogi was someone who cried easily. But why had he been upset?

Honda didn’t understand.

Not being able to stand one more minute without his love when he didn’t know Otogi was alright, Honda made his way to his boyfriend’s room.

“Honey?” He asked when he knocked at the ebony haired boy’s door.

A muffled voice came from the other side. “What do you want? Get back to your Jou and leave me alone.” It was evident by Otogi’s voice that he was crying.

“Honey, I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m alone in the room, and I was worried about you. What’s wrong?” Suddenly the door was flung open and Otogi’s tear stained but angry face appeared. He bounced his fists against his boyfriend’s chest.

“What’s wrong? You ask what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you!?! I give you everything, I’m devoted to you. I even came along on this stupid trip just because you didn’t want to leave him alone! I love you like HE never will and still you care, love him more than me. What did I do wrong? Tell me!” By now Otogi had stopped pounding against Honda. He was now sobbing hard, head hanging between his outstretched arms, hands grasping his boyfriend’s shoulders.

Honda was confused. Who was his love talking about? Then it hit him: Ryoichi thought he was still in love with Jou!!!

Honda gripped the other boy and took him into his embrace. “How could you ever think I love him more than you? Sure, I care about him, I love him as a friend; have loved him once as more than a friend, but that’s long over. I would never, ever choose him over you, love. You are my everything. I couldn’t live without you. I’m so sorry I haven’t shown you enough. I swear that will change. Please stop crying!”

“You’re not lying to me?” Otogi whispered into Honda’s tearstained shirt.

“Never.”

Otogi looked up into Honda’s face and saw nothing but love there. “You’ll have to make up for it. I want a holiday as soon as we’re back in Japan, and you’ll have to spoil me for the rest of the trip here.”

“With pleasure.”

“And you’ll have to leave Kaiba and Jou alone.”

Honda winced at that but nodded his head nonetheless. Otogi, seeing his love’s reaction, sighed. “I know you’re concerned, but I think Jou needs Kaiba right now. You know as well as I that Jou has problems he won’t tell anybody, but he seems to deal with them better since he became friends with Kaiba. I don’t know what it is that Kaiba gives him that the rest of his friends can’t, but as long as it helps him you should accept it.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you; you’re right as always. I…I will try and leave them be. There’s just something about Kaiba…I don’t know, but I’m sure his intentions towards Jou are not simple friendship and in the end, with Jou not liking boys, one of them will get hurt.”

“Then it will be. You can’t protect him from everything, Hiroto.” Tired of this subject, Otogi kissed the brunette deeply. “What do you say, want to share a room? You know what they say about makeup sex, right?”

“Amuse me.” Honda grinned.

Otogi whispered something in Honda’s ear which made him blush.

Suddenly the door next to Otogi’s room opened and an angry Ishizu looked out. “They say its great and hot and you will go at it like animals. I swear, if I hear any of it I will throw you out in the desert. Now let me sleep.” And with that the door slammed shut.

Not sure if Ishizu would make her threat true, they tried to be quite and…failed miserably. In her bed, Ishizu mumbled something about fucking fags and put her earplugs in.

POV Jou

I couldn’t help but stare at Kaiba. It was too hot to wear proper pyjamas, and like me Seto had decided to sleep in his boxers. But unlike me, he wore a tank top which made me curious as to what it hid. God, how can it be that it turns me on more then him being bare-chested? The top was just too tight, and showed a defined six-pac underneath and strong muscular arms.

“Jou, are you okay?” Shit, he caught me staring.

“Ung…yeah, just…you look hot…with all these clothes, I mean.” Damn, what’s wrong with me? Ever since that kiss…no, ever since Seto offered to share a room I can’t stop thinking dirty; he must think I’m disgusting.

“Yeah, you’re right; it’s kind of…hot…” He said absently, and with that he removed his shirt. God, had I said I was more turned on with him half dressed? Scratch that. Seto Kaiba with just his boxers on was…the hottest thing I had ever seen. He looked ripped, but not overly so. The path of soft dark hair that started at his navel and disappeared at his waistband was just too much. I hadn’t gotten any in some time and Seto was just so…everything I wanted and even more. When he moved into the bed to lie beside me I couldn’t help but let out a whimper when I felt my cock rising.

Seto’s sharp eyes met mine; there was no way that he could mistake my whimper for anything but my lust and need.

“Jou…what…”

“I…its just that I’ve been alone for so long and…you’re so close and…” How could I tell him NOW that I was gay?

“What…what can I do, Jou? Tell me what you need, I’ll help.” I wanted so much at this moment. I wanted his hands on me, his lips on mine, his cock inside me but there was something else, something much less extreme but so much more important to me.

“Could you just…you know, hold me?”

To my surprise, Seto looked genuinely happy. “I would be very happy to,” he said and moved his arms around me.

I laid my head on his now bare chest and sighed deeply. There had never been a time when I had just cuddled like this before. Normally everything was about sex. Not that I had ever complained; on the contrary, it was always me who got cold whenever one of my sex partners tried to make more of the sex.

“That’s nice,” Seto whispered. “It has been ages since I had someone to cuddle. In fact, ever since Mokuba stopped having nightmares. My ex had never been a fan of it, but I always thought that…this is the best way to show affection. It hurt every time he would roll away from me at night…” Seto’s voice creaked but he wasn’t crying.

“You really did love him, didn’t you?” I asked, feeling a bit jealous despite myself.

“I had thought so, but I’m not so sure anymore. I…no, never mind. Let’s go to sleep. We have a long day before us.” I wanted to know what Seto had been about to say; somehow I had the feeling it was important, but I didn’t press it. There were things I didn’t want to talk about either.

“Good night then,” I said, and Seto nuzzled my head in response.

The next morning came and I found myself in the same position I had fallen asleep in. In Seto’s arms, my head on his chest. Seto woke up as well, and his face was lit up with a smile when our eyes met. He kissed my forehead affectionately but began blushing as soon as he realized what he had done. He untangled his arms from around me and I, realizing that he wanted to move, sat up. He moved his legs over the edge of the bed and looked embarrassedly at the floor. “Sorry,” he mumbled, “was a reflex.”

“It’s okay, I quite like our reflexes,” I said and moved in front him to kiss his forehead too.

He still looked a bit embarrassed, but smiled brightly at me.

I took a deep breath. I had to tell him. “Seto, I…”

The door opened suddenly and Honda stormed in. Whatever he had wanted to say died on his lips as he stared at Kaiba and I, half-naked state and standing so close to each other. He seemed to struggle with himself but then he said, “Breakfast is ready,” before quietly closing the door.

I groaned; would he ever be able to tell?

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Betaed by blackwidow- thank you so much