A New Story
folder
Yu-Gi-Oh › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
13
Views:
4,784
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Yu-Gi-Oh › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
13
Views:
4,784
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
reveiws
this is jsut a response to maggiemays review.....
*hearts new writer* Welcome to the fantastic, frustrating and fun world of fanfic writing. Harder than you thought isn't it? LOL... I am enjoying your story, but I have a few suggestions. First and foremost SLOW DOWN...it's not a race to be won. Give your characters some emotion, depth and detail. It may take longer, but it will definitely add to your story. Second, SPELLING COUNTS. I am far from perfect on this...but I can honestly say that I would enjoy your story a lot more if I didn't have to constantly deal with the spelling issues. Thirdly, research your issues. Anzu may have accused Jou, but any lover worth the title would have insisted on proof before accepting her word. There is the when, where, and how questions, not to mention the blood tests and genetic tests that the legal system would have insisted on in a paternity case.
Also, if Jou had been raped like that...he would have a whole host of issues to deal with...STD's, internal injury, infection etc. Also rape scars more than just physically, and incestuous mental and emotional rape scars worse. You treated a very serious issue very cavalierly. I know you wanted to get on with the romance stuff, but reality doesn't work that way and it just didn't jive.
You mentioned school...eh...I hope you are at least a senior in high school, because then you might be legal for this site. If you are younger than that...it would explain some inconsistancies in your spelling, grammar and...storyline.
I know you might take this as a flame, but it's not. REALLY NOT...consider it constructive criticism from a fellow author...who has been toasted a few times.
I just offered suggestions from my own experience. *Chuckles* not that I am perfect...far from it. Just a case of been there...done that.
Please continue the story...I look forward to more.
Maggiemay
i am over the age of 18, will be 19 this year. the spell thing, fuck it i failed ever spelling test they ever gave me. and joey didnt sleep with anzu she jsut accused him of it so she could make seto mad and brake up with joey. and i have taken everrything you said to heart this is the kind of reveiw i wanted so now my fic should be better.also, just to let you know i have a friend that was raped and they didnt have to worry bout that cuz they knew the person, just like joey knew, and also knew that person was clean, guess i should have metioned that huh. gomen ne. by the way i read some of your stuff and i liked it cant rememebr what it was though, if i heard the name i would know.
*hearts new writer* Welcome to the fantastic, frustrating and fun world of fanfic writing. Harder than you thought isn't it? LOL... I am enjoying your story, but I have a few suggestions. First and foremost SLOW DOWN...it's not a race to be won. Give your characters some emotion, depth and detail. It may take longer, but it will definitely add to your story. Second, SPELLING COUNTS. I am far from perfect on this...but I can honestly say that I would enjoy your story a lot more if I didn't have to constantly deal with the spelling issues. Thirdly, research your issues. Anzu may have accused Jou, but any lover worth the title would have insisted on proof before accepting her word. There is the when, where, and how questions, not to mention the blood tests and genetic tests that the legal system would have insisted on in a paternity case.
Also, if Jou had been raped like that...he would have a whole host of issues to deal with...STD's, internal injury, infection etc. Also rape scars more than just physically, and incestuous mental and emotional rape scars worse. You treated a very serious issue very cavalierly. I know you wanted to get on with the romance stuff, but reality doesn't work that way and it just didn't jive.
You mentioned school...eh...I hope you are at least a senior in high school, because then you might be legal for this site. If you are younger than that...it would explain some inconsistancies in your spelling, grammar and...storyline.
I know you might take this as a flame, but it's not. REALLY NOT...consider it constructive criticism from a fellow author...who has been toasted a few times.
I just offered suggestions from my own experience. *Chuckles* not that I am perfect...far from it. Just a case of been there...done that.
Please continue the story...I look forward to more.
Maggiemay
i am over the age of 18, will be 19 this year. the spell thing, fuck it i failed ever spelling test they ever gave me. and joey didnt sleep with anzu she jsut accused him of it so she could make seto mad and brake up with joey. and i have taken everrything you said to heart this is the kind of reveiw i wanted so now my fic should be better.also, just to let you know i have a friend that was raped and they didnt have to worry bout that cuz they knew the person, just like joey knew, and also knew that person was clean, guess i should have metioned that huh. gomen ne. by the way i read some of your stuff and i liked it cant rememebr what it was though, if i heard the name i would know.