To Lose

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh Gx. I do not own the basis for this fanfiction, the concept is taken with permission from “Yami’s Chan” fanfiction ‘Slut’. I make no money from this.


To Lose
By 11


Chapter 10
Slut

“Take a shower.”

It was an order. It was the only thing Jaden said when he set Chazz down back at the slifer dorms – Jaden’s room. Chazz didn’t hesitate given the opportunity to seal himself inside the bathroom.

He needed a shower; he had so much gunk on him. The water and the soap was a welcome relief – but Chazz couldn’t stand still to enjoy it. His nerves were shaking, he was too anxious, and he tried to hurry – washing everywhere he could reach.

His blood was too fast, and there was too much in his head too fast. He couldn’t focus on any one thought. Jaden hated him now. He had to. Jaden saved him? Was Jaden still going to fuck him? Chazz turned the water cold partway through – that was not among the things he should be thinking about!

He tried to scrub everywhere while still being quick – he might have missed somewhere but he couldn’t think where. His backside was empty and rinsed now – his face was clean – there were still bruises on his hips, the ones on his wrists from earlier were fading.

He checked his reflection quickly to try to fix his hair after he ran a towel over it. He wished he hadn’t looked in the mirror. He looked horrible – but he’d kept Jaden waiting too long – he still didn’t know what was going on. He felt like he should know but he didn’t.

There wasn’t a change of clothes in the bathroom so Chazz just took the towel with him when he exited slowly; his eyes were searching for Jaden – not sure if he really wanted to find him.

Jaden was sitting on the egde of his bed. His elbows resting on his knees his hands hanging down. His head hung similarly with his hair over his face. But he looked up when he realized Chazz was out.

Chazz might have been able to breathe then – but Jaden’s eyes didn’t even meet his, quickly jerking away as he stood and motioned toward the desk. “You can wear those.” Chazz glanced over to the change of clothes Jaden pointed out.

The brunette’s voice betrayed nothing – but it wasn’t his usual voice, it wasn’t light, it wasn’t free – it was careful and controlled. He already knew something was wrong but it was tangible in the room and suffocating.

“I’m sorry.”

Chazz froze staying absolutely still. Jaden knew… Jaden knew…

“So that’s a ‘slut’…” Jaden took a breath, still not meeting Chazz’s eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

Jaden knew… and now everything was going wrong.

“I didn’t know about those guys…”

Jaden had to hate him now.

“So that’s where those pictures came from? They were real… and I-…”

Jaden hated him.

He still wouldn’t meet his eyes and Chazz’s throat was too tight. If he even tried to speak he knew some strangled unintelligible thing would emerge instead. Then sunset eyes swooped up and locked on his.

Chazz shuddered half shocked and still bewildered, because there was nothing there. Almost every other time he could tell what Jaden was thinking what those eyes were saying – when they glowed or flashed or laughed. There was nothing there.

“I’m sorry, Chazz.”

Jaden was standing less than a few feet away. Chazz couldn’t read his eyes. Jaden never communicated well with words anyway – if he’d just hug him or smile or anything he’d know! It didn’t sound like he was sorry. It sounded like he was saying goodbye.

Jaden really hated him now.

Chazz felt the tremors begin in his knees. It was over. Everything was over. This would be the point where he’d fall apart? He couldn’t accept this. Jaden would never be near him again?

He didn’t need to hear his rising breath in the night to help him sleep – he didn’t even need the annoying lunch conversations or his pestering to eat more! It would be enough just if he said hello, still sat by him during class – still clapped him on the shoulders in the morning!

He couldn’t accept this. Chazz would not accept this. And then again as before the question he could never answer: “how?”

He hadn’t noticed before when he first came in – Jaden had been sitting then – but the bulge from before… it hadn’t gone away, not yet.

“I’m sorry too,” Chazz started, eyes concentrated on the singular point – the only path left to pursue - “that you had to see that…”

Chazz wasn’t even thinking anymore – he couldn’t be, because this was crazy. But maybe it would work…? He swallowed but his throat still felt dry. His tongue unconsciously licked across dry lips.

“…I’ll take care of that for you…”

“What?” Jaden’s voice broke Chazz’s strain of thought and he froze. He’d said that out loud? He felt his face burn and didn’t dare look back up at Jaden’s face. Chazz could have sworn he saw it twitch – but maybe he’d imagined it. Because now he had to; or lose Jaden forever.

Jaden was only a few feet away, and his body moved to retreat. But it was now or never and Chazz refused to let ‘never’ happen. He closed the distance.

Jaden started, and Chazz registered the brunette’s short gasp when his hands gripped the sides of his jeans. Now he was sure he saw Jaden’s member twitch.

There was no way Chazz was thinking anymore – but as long as Jaden didn’t leave, as long as Jaden didn’t leave him he would do whatever he needed to. It was with that single purpose in mind that he removed the brunette’s jeans and boxers.

The other made an odd squeak-yelp as he was stripped and startled half-sat half-fell back onto the bed. Chazz clearly heard the sharp intake of breath when his mouth closed over hot flesh.

It tasted different somehow, hot, slightly bitter – that was the same, but there was something different about it. Just a little. His tongue moved over the pulse and the muscle quivered against his tongue as Chazz dragged it up the length.

Jaden choked and moaned and his hands fisted on the bed. “Ch-Chazz…?” Jaden managed between shaky breaths. Chazz knew he was moving too slowly just now – but it was different and he couldn’t tell why. But he had to make Jaden stop – he didn’t want to be told ‘goodbye’ – he had to erase every thought.

Chazz swallowed around him and Jaden’s voice cut off on a groan as Chazz laved his length moving up and then moving back down. Jaden gasped and a high keen slipped past, the sound shot straight through Chazz’s blood lighting something he thought had gone out entirely.

Jaden’s hand clamped over his mouth at the sound. Chazz drew back and moved his tongue over him stroking with his hand kneading tender flesh where his tongue didn’t reach. Jaden’s breath sped and vein against Chazz’s tongue leapt and pulsed.

He couldn’t breath with his hand over his mouth and Chazz could hear his breath faster, and small choked moans as Chazz moved over him. His skin drawing taught over his length the half-hard member fully erect as Chazz stroked the length and tongued the tip.

Jaden managed to choke out his name again – a whisper, and a shiver and Chazz hummed into the flesh in his mouth. Jaden gasped and matched that moan – louder, and Chazz hummed into him coaxing the steady streaming of liquid trails from his pink and leaking tip.

He even tasted different somehow – still bitter, slightly salty, but he didn’t feel sick with it – and every sound the brunette made was from a dirty waking dream – and he didn’t feel sick at all. He felt hot and his blood raced, if Chazz wasn’t hard when he started he was now.

Jaden moaned and his hips jerked slightly against Chazz grip as he teased his slit and pumped his length. Jaden’s body tensed, “Chazz-!” his voice was too soft and strained and Chazz shuddered with it. Just after Jaden’s muscles twitched and that pulse against Chazz’s tongue tightened and Chazz’s mouth was filled.

Chazz’s lips tightened over him and Jaden moaned at the constriction of swallowing around his member. It was viscous and fluid, and bitter, and Chazz didn’t even think about it until he was drawing back and licking Jaden’s length and drinking in the brunette’s gasps and moans, his tongue following every muscle’s twitch and stroking each pulsing vein to life.

He didn’t stop even when he realized what he was doing. It felt good, and he was humming into the skin, half-moaning his own length unreleased and sitting tight and heavy between his thighs.

Chazz didn’t normally do that – normally the stuff that came out tasted disgusting; he didn’t like the bitter and the salt – but somehow Jaden was different. But though his hands had stayed fisted in the sheets, and he never touched and pulled at Chazz’s hair, had he really tasted different, or was this just… different.

Chazz only paused midstroke his tongue and lips laving over the tip again, Jaden’s hand was on his shoulder now. Gently pushing, not enough to make him move though – his fingers and arm shook slightly.

Chazz met his eyes. It was strange seeing the brunette’s face flushed and red and his eyes open – sunset in a misty haze with too clear a reflection of light and heat. It looked molten and Chazz nearly moaned at the sight alone.

Jaden’s breath was still ragged, “Chazz…” his eyes blinked through the mist as if he could clear it from his eyes and head.

No. He was still going to leave?!

The hot in Chazz center nearly faded, but he still had the upper hand, and Jaden was hard again. Chazz ignored the hand on his shoulder and his tongue twisted back around the hardening flesh, his hand pumped faster too. Jaden yelped and his hips jerked in response. His fingers tightened but his grip was weaker.

It had only been a little while ago, Chazz’s backside hadn’t healed yet but he hadn’t tightened up a lot either. Chazz moved forward over Jaden, only one shaky arm keeping his upper body propped up off the bed, the other weakly holding onto Chazz’s shoulder.

Chazz moved over him and his hand reached between them to guide the Jaden’s tip to his entrance. Jaden’s eyes shot open then and stared up at Chazz over him – his breathing too fast, his face flushed and his eyes too wide – impossible to read, and Chazz didn’t want to chance that there could be anything there but pleasure.

Chazz refused to see it if it was disgust or horror – that couldn’t be there, because Jaden’s body responded. Jaden wanted him – and Chazz had to make sure Jaden knew it – so he wouldn’t leave.

Jaden started to speak but Chazz cut him off, “It isn’t much, but you can put it there,” he said as he lowered his hips, Jaden’s breath hissed in as he was slowly pressed inside, “Since it’s been used,” Chazz reminded himself bitterly, “But maybe you’ll still accept it.”

Chazz hissed as the skin pulled and stretched his opening – Jaden was still a little wet from his release and Chazz’s tongue, but it would probably still be a little painful. It always was though, one way or another, but Jaden should feel fine. Chazz could stand it.

Chazz pressed down more, and Jaden gasped and groaned, his hand tightening on Chazz’s shoulder. Chazz held onto the hiss of breath as he forced himself lower. But Jaden’s eyes were clearing – he wasn’t going fast enough.

With a deep breath he let his weight drop him halfway down. He cried out and stopped only halfway in. It stung, and Jaden felt bigger there than he had in his mouth. He felt his walls contract around him and Jaden moaned gripping tighter on Chazz’s shoulder. Chazz breathed, he could stand this – he knew he could.

But then it was too late. Jaden’s grip was stronger now and he pushed Chazz’s body to the side. Chazz gasped and cried out as their positions were reversed. Chazz was on his back and Jaden was on top of him, his hands on either side of him – but at the time they moved Chazz’s insides burned and Jaden cried out as he did as his length drove all the way inside as their weight shifted and closer.

Chazz felt the sting and his muscles clamped down despite that he knew he had to relax for minimal pain. But Jaden wasn’t moving either, his body shook slightly over Chazz and his breath was too fast. Chazz could feel him pulse inside him, and he tried to relax around the girth.

It hurt. He knew it would – but-! Chazz hissed again as Jaden pulled out. Chazz’s hands fisted into the sheets – this was fine, it always hurt. He knew that. But Jaden was pulling farther back, he was leaving. Chazz froze and couldn’t even bring himself to move forward to stop him.

Jaden moved away – he was gone. Chazz choked a whimper of loss before it could pass his lips. His eyes suddenly stung worse than his back side. He should have gone fast anyway! Now Jaden was leaving!

Except-! Jaden was back.

Chazz’s breath hissed in when his leg was raised again and something warm and wet prodded at his backside. Chazz’s opening fluttered and clenched at the prodding fingers and the soothing wet they brought with them.

Jaden was… still here.

Chazz looked up – confused, but Jaden’s bangs covered his eyes. “Don’t be so rough on yourself,” he said after a moment, and Chazz felt completely frozen. “Take it easy, okay?”

Chazz still couldn’t respond if he wanted to. This made no sense, and those fingers felt oddly good-!! Chazz gasped and moaned with a shudder as the fingers pressed inside him and curled. The wet soothed against his walls and the pressure moved against something… very sensitive.

Chazz moaned and shuddered as Jaden’s fingers moved the wet around his walls steadily applying pressure to that spot every other moment until the paler youth thought he’d turned into a malleable mass of gelatine or goo. Every stroke sent blood shooting through his nervous system and flush in every nerve before it pooled back to his groin and the pressure tightened there.

But there was more – because Jaden’s lips were so soft, and they were all over Chazz’s cheeks, his eyelids. His tongue and lips pressing soft touches and caresses over his neck and jaw.

Jaden’s lips covered Chazz and he had to gasp and moan at new sensations between the strokes that Jaden’s tongue made to his own. Jaden’s mouth, his tongue and lips, tasted very different… they were just as hot and they were all cinnamon and spice and the smell of licorice and sweat and sweet tang on his tongue and in his breath.

Chazz drank it in, and he breathed him in, shuddering as he was assaulted from every facet. It felt wonderful, and Jaden’s warm body against his own, moving in him, over him. It made Chazz shudder and moan and his mind felt detached somehow.

It felt so good. Did it ever feel like that before? Chazz couldn’t even think that this was… what he’d thought it was. There was no way it ever felt like this before – no way. So this was all Jaden.

Chazz groaned and suckled the brunette’s lips and tongue as those fingers pressed delicious sparks from his insides all through his nerves lighting up fireworks behind his eyelids. They broke for air and every moan was Jaden’s name before his arms twisted around him and pulled the brunette closer to taste and breath and touch.

Chazz felt too hot and he knew his pale skin would be flushed too dark but he couldn’t think enough of it to be embarrassed or otherwise. He just didn’t want this to stop. It felt too good – and it had never felt like this before.

Jaden’s fingers drew back then, and Chazz groaned at the loss. But Jaden’s hands moved to grip Chazz’s thighs better, and a hotter shaft began to press at Chazz’s entrance instead. Chazz tensed slightly, expecting pain, but Jaden’s mouth kissed his and his tongue danced crimson cinnamon spice and tang into every sense.

Chazz arched to him and he only knew Jaden had slipped entirely inside him when his inner walls flexed back around a hot hard pulsing rod lodged deep inside. Chazz moaned and his walls pressed tight around him. Jaden groaned in return and one hand freed his hip to wrap around Chazz’s shoulders and bring his mouth closer.

They were completely crushed to each other – Jaden seated deep inside him, not yet moving. It should have been uncomfortably but it was the best feeling Chazz could yet associate with physical proximity.

Even the stretch of his insides felt good around Jaden, and he was slow, easy, and now he was waiting for him to adjust – and it felt good. Chazz’s arms tightened around him – their skin growing too slick with sweat.

His body shook but it felt good, and if he didn’t hold on tight that this wouldn’t last, somehow this would be ripped away from him again. Jaden shifted and Chazz moaned his hips pressed back to Jaden shifting again to mimic the hot slide of the flesh inside him – he shivered – even that felt good.

Jaden groaned and breathed against his neck before his hips shifted again. Chazz moaned as Jaden drew out of him rocking back in just as gently. Their hips moved again and this time Chazz shifted to meet him driving him back in deeper. He groaned – why did that slick drive feel so good? It was like Jaden was caressing him from the inside out.

Jaden’s lips moved over Chazz’s jaw nipping and pressing leaving small wet burns that buzzed a pleasant sensation all over Chazz’s skin. Their hips moved faster and Chazz’s breathing matched Jaden’s – all gasps and moans and heavy breaths thick with want and need driving their pace ever faster.

Chazz felt his shaft tighten and spasm release even as Jaden’s hips finally picked up – he cried out gasping and moaning, clutching the brunette ever tighter, every time his length drove inside pressing against a spot on Chazz’s inner walls sending liquid heat straight through him and tightening his coil until it finally burst in white mess between their chests.

Chazz body shuddered and rocked, his eyes half open and closed as he held tight straining to meet that hot sweet heat still pressing inside him. He released and his body was still too hot and Jaden was still inside him stroking every sweet place and making his body tremor and sweat and burn.

Ever breath he had Chazz was saying his name; Jaden – and the heat burned deeper in him when every breath of Jaden’s was saying his name: Chazz, Chazz, Chazz. Lips covered his own and he shifted again.

Chazz cried out as Jaden angled higher on the bed pulling Chazz’s knees over his shoulders – and his length pierced deeper inside so Chazz felt every muscle turn wobbly and weak all over again.

Jaden’s hand was stroking him between them – and his hand was hot and strong and it stroked too hard and too slow over the skin so Chazz thought his mind might burn off into oblivion.

Chazz knew he had to have reached the edge of oblivion when he heard Jaden’s voice saying, “…I love you…”

Chazz’s eyes stung and his breath caught and his muscle tightened. Jaden was driving too deep and he felt the shudders rack his body first before he released again and clamped down hard as Jaden drove inside.

He heard Jaden’s cry and then the hot sliding flesh of Jaden’s length was nothing compared to the burning liquid that filled inside him, and his body shuddered around it, his muscles clenching down and fluttering out from the hard length to clamp back down again.

Jaden remained buried deep inside him for a moment and they stayed coated in heat and sweat and wet just breathing in each other and their satiation. With a shuddering breath Jaden finally pulled out of him and Chazz fell back to the bed, followed closely by Jaden lying beside him with his arms still wrapped tight around the paler boy – Chazz as equally entangled with the brunette.

Then Jaden pulled him close and his mouth covered Chazz in a moment, a small chaste kiss his lips pressed a caress to Chazz’s and then pulled them both tiredly into the bathroom. The water was still warm, and they rinsed together – not bothering with anything beyond the immediate fluids, sweat, and then toweling dry in less than a few strokes of cloth before tumbling back into bed beneath the covers.

Jaden’s arms were wrapped back around him and Chazz returned the tight hold pressing close to Jaden. This… this was good. Jaden couldn’t leave him like this – not when they were this tangled together.

It felt strange and wonderful and Chazz loved being pressed up against him like this even after the demanding heat began to wane to a warm comfortable cushion of comfort. He loved feeling like this – he loved Jaden.

He bit his lip from saying it aloud – Jaden’s arms were still wrapped around him, and they were both breathing more slowly now. He felt like he was going to sleep – but would Jaden be here when he woke up?

He had to risk asking, “Jaden,” the brunette made a soft sound to let him know he was listening, “You’re going to stay with me, right?”

The lazy grin over Jaden’s mouth widened and he curled around Chazz nuzzling into his hair and neck as he did so. “Of course I will.” His eyes opened and Chazz froze seeing the strange unreadable distance in them again. Why? Why didn’t he erase that from him?! “I’m just… so sorry.”

Not this again – please no! It still sounded like goodbye. But Jaden’s arms tightened around him, and his lips pressed to Chazz’s temple. “I won’t ever let those scumbags touch you again.”

It was that same strange tone but it didn’t sound like something Chazz had to be afraid of anymore. It sounded strangely… decided. Chazz nuzzled closer to the brunette still holding him.

It was only a few moments then – and they were nearly both asleep. “I love you, Jaden. So much…” he admitted to the sleeping slifer as he curled in basking in the warmth and feeling of safety letting it lull him to sleep.

Chazz loved him, he knew that – it couldn’t be anything else that made him want to hold onto this so tightly. He loved him – and Jaden wasn’t going to leave him.

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