It's time for the magical 10th chapter of this YGO fanfic on crack! I really hate my computer. I was almost done uploading this chapter and it decided to log itself out of AOL. I had to redo the entire coding process for italics and such, which takes about an hour for me to do. I really hate my computer. Someday, I will write down all the parodies and such that I put into this story. I don't even know everything that I put in. I just added a new reference to this chapter today, and I wrote this chapter out months ago. So for now, sit back, relax, and let's see how Serenity and Bakura are handling this situation.
Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic
Chapter 10: When Innocence Is Challenged By Bloodlust
You guessed it. Meanwhile... “I wonder when we’ll find the others?” ponders Serenity.
“Maybe we’ll never find them. Maybe we’ll walk these hallways for all of eternity.” replies Bakura.
“No. That’s just silly. We’ll find them eventually. We just got to keep a positive outlook.” beamed Serenity.
“My Ra. She’s as bad as Tea.” mumbles Bakura.
This is how it’s been for the past couple of hours. Every time Bakura tries to put Serenity in a bad mood, she says something that keeps her positive mood going. Bakura, whom by now has completely taken over while Ryo is off shooting his own movie, cannot stand to see someone so happy. It has almost come to the point of...murder.
Okay, it already has. Bakura has been thinking of every possible way of disposing Serenity. Now he just needs to pull them off.
“I’ll finally be free of this hippy-in-the-making and be able to concentrate on more important matters...LIKE TAKING TOTAL CONTROL OF DISNEY WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
“What about taking total control over Disney World?” asks Serenity.
“Um, nothing.”
“Oh, okay. Have you ever been there before? It’s huge! They have all sorts of rides and...”
“What...have...I...unleashed?” Bakura says to himself.
For the viewing pleasure of the audience, for the rest of the chapter, you may view the rest of this as if it was a Wile E. Coyote/Roadrunner cartoon.
Serenity is happily skipping down the dungeon hallway, singing a made-up song consisting of “la-la-la”s, when she suddenly spies a basket full of nutritious fruit. She fails to see the spikes on both sides of the wall, barely being held back by a single rope, which is being held by Bakura.
“Oh look! A basket full of nutritious fruit! Like they always say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” says Serenity.
She goes over to the basket and picks up an apple. Bakura, seeing this, lets go of the rope, while grinning wildly. But, nothing happens. The spikes fail to puncture Serenity like Swiss cheese. When Bakura looks over at the scene, he finds that some of the spikes are shorter than others, and that the spikes are symmetrical to the opposite wall. The result is a space between the spikes in the perfect form of Serenity, leaving her unharmed. Bakura does an “anime fall” and Serenity, who doesn’t notice the spikes all around her, goes along her merrily way.
Later on, we see that the sweet, innocent girl, who apparently has forgotten that Bakura was with her, is still skipping along the beaten pathway. Suddenly, she comes upon a clearing. This apparently was the heart of the island, but that’s just a theory. She keeps on walking until she suddenly stops, realizing that she is lost.
“I am lost.” says Serenity.
Little does she know (wow, double entendre there) that she is standing next to a steep cliff, on top of which is a big boulder, which has Bakura right behind it.
“I’ll flatten you like an egg! Then let’s see your sunny side up!” he says.
Bakura then pushes the boulder down the cliff, heading straight for Serenity. Just then, Serenity sees another apple off to the side of the road. Where do these apples come from? They’re in a freaking dungeon here! Anyways, as she moves, the boulder just misses her and rolls up a symmetrical cliff on the opposite side of the road. It goes rolling up that cliff, then comes back down and heads back towards Bakura. It rolls up the first cliff and, before Bakura can get away, crashes down onto him.
“Owwwwieee.” he mumbles, as his black and white socks curl up into the rock.
Moving on. Soon we see Serenity walking along a rocky path. She comes up to a bottomless pit and peers down into it.
“My! What a deep hole that is! If you fell down in it, you might reach Canada in the end!”
“No, you idiot!” says a voice, coming from inside the pit. “If you fell all the way through, you’d reach Mexico, not Canada! And while you’re there, help me out of here! I fell in and am holding on for dear life!”
“Okay! Just keep holding on! I’ll go try to find something to pull you out.”
Bakura is creeping up behind Serenity, ready to push her into the bottomless pit. Just before he gets close enough to push her in, she turns around and sees him.
“Oh! Bakura! Quick, help me find something to get this nice man out of this hole.”
“Please hurry!” says the man.
Bakura thinks fast as to how to get her to jump in the hole.
“I don’t think that the hole is very deep, Serenity. It’s just very dark. You could just jump in and help the man out.”
“The hole seems to be very deep, not shallow at all. And it is quite well lit.” replies the voice.
Baka!, thinks Bakura.
Why did I include that in my message that I recorded on the tape recorder? “Well then, you could just climb in there and grab onto him, and drag him out of there.” suggests Bakura.
He then waits to see if his recording has anything to say about it.
“Sounds like a good idea to me.” it says.
“Okay! Hold on. I’ll be right down!” says Serenity.
She gets into the hole and starts to climb down. Bakura, seeing this, gets out a shovel, conveniently located near the wall, and starts to fill up the bottomless pit, which should be impossible since it is a bottomless pit.
“Since when did logic ever matter in this fanfic?” says Bakura.
He has a point. While he is digging, Serenity appears again, holding onto the hand of a man.
“We did it! We got you out of there!” chirps Serenity.
Bakura just stands there, looking flabbergasted.
“Thank you so much for helping me out of that pit. I thought I was done for! I don’t know how to thank you, both of you.”
“See! Bakura is still helping. He’s filling the hole so that no one else falls in!”
“Well I’ll be! I know this isn’t much, but here, little girl. Have a sack o’ money. It should be around 1 million yen. And for you, young man, here’s an ancient, cursed, evil, rusty, shiny saber sword.”
Bakura is still wondering about what happened to his tape recorder when he hears what the gentleman is saying. He suddenly gets doey-eyed and develops his own sword in his pants.
“I promise to be good forever.” he says in a dream-like state, with eyes glazed over.
The gentleman leaves and Serenity and Bakura walk on. Bakura, still fawning over his new weapon, falls into the pit.
Insert fanfic logo, starting out small, then going up to the screen, then back away again, a la the “between the scenes” Batman logo... Serenity is still walking onward. In the near distance is Bakura dressed only in a man thong and a Bill Clinton mask.
Emergency scene change activated! Whew! That was a close one. Only the truly disturbed would want to see that. What is the next scene like?
Serenity is now running and dancing wildly down the dungeon pathway, singing “Mary Had A Little Lamb”. Right behind her is Bakura, with his saber, slashing wildly at her, yelling madly and missing each time he swipes at her.
“WHY WON’T YOU DIIIIIIE!!??” he yells.
“...THE LAMB WAS SURE TO GO! COME ON EVERYBODY! IT FOLLOWED HER TO SCHOOL ONE DAY...”
This goes on for at least an hour, but we don’t have time for that, so let’s move on.
Serenity is now tired, so she is sitting against the side of the wall, resting her feet.
“My feet are tired. I think I’ll rest here for a while.”
Ummm...okay. The scene pans out to a targeting screen, which is focusing on Serenity’s position. Bakura, now in a camouflage military uniform, is seen inside what appears to be the inside of a military base. He types some numbers up on the screen to confirm Serenity’s location.
“It’s a good thing that the Yugoslavia government owed me big time. Now then, coordinates set! Target acquired! Initiating firing sequence! Ten, nine...one, FIRE!”
There is a rumbling noise, then all is quiet.
“What’s happening? Why isn’t it fir...”
Then the whole base blows up, sending Bakura skyrocketing.
“Stupid Yugoslavian weapons of mass destructioooooon!” he yells in the distance.
And now for a commercial break...BREAK’S OVER!
“I guess I’ll just have to do this the old-fashioned way.” Bakura says, while opening an Acme Build-It-Yourself Flamethrower Kit For Kids. “I’m cheap, okay!! I don’t want to pay for the whole shebang!”
“One, two, buckle my shoe. Three, four, shut the door.” we hear coming from around the bend.
“Good. Here she comes. I like to see her escape this!”
As Serenity comes around the corner, Bakura jumps out from the side and turns on the flamethrower. The fire shoots out of the opposite end and ignites Bakura’s face instead.
“Oh Bakura! How thoughtful of you. Your hair looks like a Menorah, lit like that. It’s good to know that some people are considerate of other people’s views.”
Instead of strangling her right there, he just stands there in a crispy trace. It looks like he’s knocked out.
Alright then, let me check my notes. What’s this? I haven’t put a dragon in this chapter yet? Oh well, I suppose I should throw that in here too. It would at least help with the word minimum for this chapter.
Bakura now comes riding in on the back of a two-legged, invincible dragon. Why? Because I said so! The dragon roars loudly while Bakura laughs menacingly.
“It looks like you’ve got nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, Serenity. I’ll have this dragon roast you alive. But don’t worry, I won’t eat you. I only eat raw meat, and burning you alive would only ruin the quality of the taste. Once this dragon kills you, I’ll be able to concentrate more on building my dream house...of DOOM, and less on hearing nursery rhymes from you. Now then, my almighty dragon, attack! Burn her alive!”
But when he looks down at the floor, he doesn’t see Serenity anywhere. In fact, the whole area is deserted.
“Oh my freaking Ra. She’s in another room!” he yells in anguish.
Okay, let’s fast forward this thing. Bakura tries to use a cannon, tries using the forces of the undead, tries hula dancing, tries using snakes, tries telling Serenity that the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist, takes up hula dancing, tries throwing a really sharp stick at her, and finally concludes with a climatic duel, which ends with blowing up the immediate area.
As the dust settles, Bakura groans in pain as he gets up from the rubble. He hears Serenity shouting with joy: “Yay, yay! I won! I won the duel. Joey would be so proud of me right now. Thank you, Dancing Fairy!”
Bakura, finally snapping and just wanting to end this thing, goes over to her to just strangle her, or stab her, or something of the like. When he finally gets to her, he sees her dressed in a cute, fluffy rabbit outfit.
“Must...kill...but...so...fluffy...” he stutters.
Suddenly, they both see a light coming from one of the holes in the walls.
“Look! There’s light over there. I bet that it leads to the others.” says Serenity.
“Oh thank merciful Ra! Other people! I can finally be rid of this demon and be with people I can really torment! Quickly, girl, let’s go!”
Okay, that was probably one of the toughest chapters that I ever had to write. It’s a lot harder than you think it is, people! And I don’t know if the subsequent chapters will be as long. Ow, my brain hurts, especially my frontal lobes. A quick fun fact: When I type this up, the spell check says that the word “Bakura” should be “bakery”. Well, everybody’s been covered, so it’s time to get them back together again. What will happen? Who’s changed since they were last seen? Who did the nasty while everyone else was gone? These questions, and more, are answered in...the characters’ autobiographies. So read those, and once you’re done with that, you’ll be better prepared for the next chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be continued...
