House of Cards
folder
Yu-Gi-Oh › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
2,144
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Yu-Gi-Oh › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
2,144
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
House of Cards
House of Cards
A/N: Umm, I have absolutely no idea where this came from; I think I've been drinking too much tea again. This is a very strange, perverted (Some of it, anyway) and twisted fic, not about the main cast of Yugioh, but about the cards. In their own house, since they have to live somewhere, right? And it's Dark Elf's birthday! ^_^
House of Cards
By Koneko Shido
Mystical Sand sat next to Dark Elf on the sofa, staring blankly at the huge form of Relinquished, which happened to have parked itself between them and the television.
"Hey, will you get your huge butt out of the way, you waste of space? Go hold a door open or something!" Dark Elf yelled at it, but she was ignored. This pissed her off even more, so she jumped up with a cute little growl and stomped over, trying in vain to shove the enormous being out of the way.
"Move... Your... Huge... Ass... I... Wanna... Watch... Pokemon!!" She ranted between grunts as she struggled to push Relinquished out of the way, making absolutely no progress at all. Mystical Sand just watched, blinking, as her girlfriend resorted to kicking Relinquished over and over again, screaming.
"Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!!!" Dark Elf yelled, looking royally pissed off.
"Eeek!!" Mystical Sand suddenly screeched, hopping up onto the sofa and staring, wide-eyed, as Mystery Hand dragged itself across the floor towards the kitchen.
"RARGH!" Dark Elf snarled, whirling on the unfortunate disembodied arm and stalking over to it, picking it up, then throwing it at Relinquished, who continued to stand there like a statue. Seeing that it had absolutely no affect on the huge monster, Dark Elf glared at the hand for a moment, then stomped on it, squishing it into the carpet with a growl. Mystery Hand's fingers twitched a few times, then it lay still, and Dark Elf began to feel a little better. Even more so when Feral Imp, who had been hiding in the daloseloset waiting for someone to bite, burst out and picked the limp hand up in its teeth, drooling, and bounded out of the wide open window to annoy Blue-Eyes White Dragon, who was sleeping on the front lawn with Red-Eyes Black Dragon draped across him, rumbling contentedly.
"Hmph. I'm going to find someone to move this thing." Dark Elf muttered, giving Relinquished another kick for good measure. "Where's Dark Magician? He still playing S and M torture games with Celtic Guardian in the basement?" The purple-haired elf asked, running a hand through her hair in frustration. Mystical Sand nodded, slowly climbing down from the sofa when she was sure there were no more body parts crawling around the place.
"Uh, yeah. If you listen really hard you can still hear the screams so they haven't stopped yet. I think I saw Summoned Skull wrestling with Koumori Dragon in the back yard; they might be able to help. Oh, and Flame Swordsman is upstairs trying to hit on Change of Heart. And I think Harpie's Brother is on the roof with Ansatsu. I don't know what they're doing up there, but I don't really *want* to know, so that's ok."
Dark Elf scowled.
"I'm going to find Gaia the Fierce Knight. If someone doesn've tve this thing soon I'm going to let Swordstalker out of his straightjacket, I SWEAR!" The elf growled, looking up towards the attic. "How long has he been hanging up there, anyway?" She asked.
"Two weeks. Ever since he got hold of that pink spray paint and decided to tag Thousand Dragon while he was sleeping. He *wasn't* amused, and he said if he ever sees Swordstalker again he's going to eat him and use his bones to decorate the garden." Mystical Sand said, grinning. Shant ant in to Dark Elf for a quick kiss and smiled happily. "Happy Birthday, by the way. I guess I should get started on the food, huh? Magical Ghost said he'd help, he's haunting the toaster at the moment."
"Charming. That guy has some real problems, you know that? Hmph. I'm off to find Gaia. See you later." Dark Elf huffed, stomping out of the room. She hated birthdays, especially her own.
"Well, time to get started learning how to cook from a guy who's haunting a kitchen appliance. I wonder how Celtic Guardian's doing? I almost feel sorry for him..." Mysticand and muttered to herself, walking off to the kitchen with a swirl of red robes and green hair, whistling to herself.
Meanwhile, in the basement...
Dark Magician smirked wickedly at Celtic Guardian, who was chained up against the wall, his wrists shackled abovs hes head and his face flushed, his breath coming in heavy gasps. Without all that armour on the elf was actually quite small and slender, which made him all the more delicious to look at, and even better to touch.
"Do you give in yet?" Dark Magician asked, licking his lips when the elf raised his head weakly and opened his hazel eyes, panting.
"N-no... I think you'll have to torture me a little more..." Celtic Guardian gasped out, throwing his head back and moaning when Dark Magician pressed right up against him and bit down hard into the soft skin of his shoulder, licking away the blood like some sort of evil cat.
"I have no objections to that..." Dark Magician hissed, clawing his long nails down the blonde elf's naked chest and enjoying the way his prisoner arched beneath him, groaning in pleasure.
"You guys are sick, you know that?" Said Magician of Faith, who was playing monopoly with Enchanting Mermaid and Spirit of the Harp on the other side of the room.
"Yes?" Both Dark Magician and Celtic Guardian said innocently, then went back to their little torture games as if there weren't three other people in the room. Enchanting Mermaid, who was sitting in a bath full of cold saltwater, blushed and tried to concentrate on the game while the two young men across the room moaned and gasped and did very perverted things to each other. Magician of Faith muttered something about 'unhealthy amounts of perversion' and Spirit of the Harp said nothing. She was listening to Goth metal music on her Walkman, and wasn't really paying much attention.
Back upstairs, in the kitchen...
"Are you sure the spaghetti sauce needs this much garlic in? And why is it blue?" Mystical Sand asked, stirring the dubious-looking concoction with a wooden spoon. Magical Ghost sat on the counter next to his beloved toaster and began rifling through the cupboards, reading various packets and labels.
"I just like that colour. Anyway, you're the one who put the blue food colouring in it, I *was* joking, you know. And yes, it is supposed to have that much garlic in. It keeps the vampires away." The spirit said in a muffled voice, his head in the cupboard.
"I'm not even going to bother asking what you're talking about." Mystical Sand muttered, sighing as she turned down the heat and stirred the pasta.
On the roof...
Ansatsu stared silently at Harpie's Brother, who was watching with his hawk-like eyes as Feral Imp chased Baby Dragon around the back yard, still chewing on Mystery Hand as it bounded along in a happy ball of green fur. The assassin's pure white eyes wandered over Harpie's Brother's lithe body, his large, red and black wings and his spiky black hair.
'Pretty', he thought.
With a rustle of feathers, Harpie's Brother turned and stared at Ansatsu, narrowing his eyes. Then, with no warning whatsoever, Ansatsu snapped and darted forward to kiss the winged young man, pinning him down on the roof. Harpie's Brother gave a startled gasp but allowed himself to be pinned, arching his head back for Ansatsu to kiss his throat.
Down on the front lawn, Mystical Elf happened to look up as she was talking with Green Phantom King and Ancient Elf, and her blue skin blushed bright pink, earning her a number of worried looks. Ancient Elf followed her gaze up and caught sight of what was going on, as did Green Phantom king. The two of them watched for a moment, then slowly moved their gazes to stare at each other silently, contemplating. Mystical elf noticed that the two were now staring at each other deeply and sighed, shaking her head in exasperation as she wandered off to find someone else to talk to.
Green Phantom King and Ancient Elf stared at each other for a few minutes longer, then suddenly snapped out of their dazed trances and began making out right there in the middle of the lawn.
Right next to thBlueBlue-Eyes White Dragon cracked a big, sleepy eye open and focussed slowly on them. It wished, for a moment, that it could speak to tell them to get a room. Rolling its eyes, Blue-Eyes snorted and went back to sleep.
Back in the kitchen...
"Uh..." Mystical Sand said, her eyes wide as she watched the entire oven go up in flames.
"Yeah," Magical Ghost agreed, also watching, doing nothing at all to help.
"You know what's really weird? I wasn't even using the oven..." Mystical Sand said, watching the flames rise to lick at the ceiling, which was already covered with black marks, as though this wasn't exactly a rare occurrence.
"How is it that you manage to set the kitchen on fire every time you set foot in here?" Gyakutenno Megami asked softly, appearing at the door to see why black smoke was pouring out into the back yard.
"Umm... Bee I e I suck at cooking?" Mystical Sand suggested, shrugging as she watched Megami pour water over the oven to douse the flames.
"Would you like me to help you?" The fairy asked, smiling.
"Well... Magical Ghost was supposed to be helping me," the green-haired witch explained, looking guilty.
"Ah. That explains a few things. Let me help you, you still have the cake to make." Megami offered, grabbing an apron from the back of the door and tying it neatly around her trim waist, ready for business. Mystical Sand grinned gratefully, glaring at Magical Ghost, who went back to haunting his toaster.
"Thanks. Uh, have you seen Dark Elf, by the way?"
Megami smiled happily, mixing ingredients in a bowl, and nodded.
"The last time I saw her, I think she was on her way to the attic."
"Uh... Oh, shit." Mystical Sand muttered, hearing an insane, bloodcurdling scream from above, followed by a long bout of deranged cackling. "I think she let Swordstalker out..."
TBC
This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I changed my mind. ^_^
Ok so far? If you have any requests for cards you'd like to see in the story that I haven't used yet, or monsters/cards you'd like to see more of, or even just suggestions (I need them!) let me know, and I'll see what I can do. And I'm not sure if Swordstalker is actually insane or not, but he looks it, and I thought it would be funny, so...
Please review, and make me a happy bunny!
Next Time: Stupid Phobias, Change of Heart's split personality problem, and how to move Relinquishelso.lso... What will Swordstalker do now that he's been set loose?
A/N: Umm, I have absolutely no idea where this came from; I think I've been drinking too much tea again. This is a very strange, perverted (Some of it, anyway) and twisted fic, not about the main cast of Yugioh, but about the cards. In their own house, since they have to live somewhere, right? And it's Dark Elf's birthday! ^_^
House of Cards
By Koneko Shido
Mystical Sand sat next to Dark Elf on the sofa, staring blankly at the huge form of Relinquished, which happened to have parked itself between them and the television.
"Hey, will you get your huge butt out of the way, you waste of space? Go hold a door open or something!" Dark Elf yelled at it, but she was ignored. This pissed her off even more, so she jumped up with a cute little growl and stomped over, trying in vain to shove the enormous being out of the way.
"Move... Your... Huge... Ass... I... Wanna... Watch... Pokemon!!" She ranted between grunts as she struggled to push Relinquished out of the way, making absolutely no progress at all. Mystical Sand just watched, blinking, as her girlfriend resorted to kicking Relinquished over and over again, screaming.
"Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!!!" Dark Elf yelled, looking royally pissed off.
"Eeek!!" Mystical Sand suddenly screeched, hopping up onto the sofa and staring, wide-eyed, as Mystery Hand dragged itself across the floor towards the kitchen.
"RARGH!" Dark Elf snarled, whirling on the unfortunate disembodied arm and stalking over to it, picking it up, then throwing it at Relinquished, who continued to stand there like a statue. Seeing that it had absolutely no affect on the huge monster, Dark Elf glared at the hand for a moment, then stomped on it, squishing it into the carpet with a growl. Mystery Hand's fingers twitched a few times, then it lay still, and Dark Elf began to feel a little better. Even more so when Feral Imp, who had been hiding in the daloseloset waiting for someone to bite, burst out and picked the limp hand up in its teeth, drooling, and bounded out of the wide open window to annoy Blue-Eyes White Dragon, who was sleeping on the front lawn with Red-Eyes Black Dragon draped across him, rumbling contentedly.
"Hmph. I'm going to find someone to move this thing." Dark Elf muttered, giving Relinquished another kick for good measure. "Where's Dark Magician? He still playing S and M torture games with Celtic Guardian in the basement?" The purple-haired elf asked, running a hand through her hair in frustration. Mystical Sand nodded, slowly climbing down from the sofa when she was sure there were no more body parts crawling around the place.
"Uh, yeah. If you listen really hard you can still hear the screams so they haven't stopped yet. I think I saw Summoned Skull wrestling with Koumori Dragon in the back yard; they might be able to help. Oh, and Flame Swordsman is upstairs trying to hit on Change of Heart. And I think Harpie's Brother is on the roof with Ansatsu. I don't know what they're doing up there, but I don't really *want* to know, so that's ok."
Dark Elf scowled.
"I'm going to find Gaia the Fierce Knight. If someone doesn've tve this thing soon I'm going to let Swordstalker out of his straightjacket, I SWEAR!" The elf growled, looking up towards the attic. "How long has he been hanging up there, anyway?" She asked.
"Two weeks. Ever since he got hold of that pink spray paint and decided to tag Thousand Dragon while he was sleeping. He *wasn't* amused, and he said if he ever sees Swordstalker again he's going to eat him and use his bones to decorate the garden." Mystical Sand said, grinning. Shant ant in to Dark Elf for a quick kiss and smiled happily. "Happy Birthday, by the way. I guess I should get started on the food, huh? Magical Ghost said he'd help, he's haunting the toaster at the moment."
"Charming. That guy has some real problems, you know that? Hmph. I'm off to find Gaia. See you later." Dark Elf huffed, stomping out of the room. She hated birthdays, especially her own.
"Well, time to get started learning how to cook from a guy who's haunting a kitchen appliance. I wonder how Celtic Guardian's doing? I almost feel sorry for him..." Mysticand and muttered to herself, walking off to the kitchen with a swirl of red robes and green hair, whistling to herself.
Meanwhile, in the basement...
Dark Magician smirked wickedly at Celtic Guardian, who was chained up against the wall, his wrists shackled abovs hes head and his face flushed, his breath coming in heavy gasps. Without all that armour on the elf was actually quite small and slender, which made him all the more delicious to look at, and even better to touch.
"Do you give in yet?" Dark Magician asked, licking his lips when the elf raised his head weakly and opened his hazel eyes, panting.
"N-no... I think you'll have to torture me a little more..." Celtic Guardian gasped out, throwing his head back and moaning when Dark Magician pressed right up against him and bit down hard into the soft skin of his shoulder, licking away the blood like some sort of evil cat.
"I have no objections to that..." Dark Magician hissed, clawing his long nails down the blonde elf's naked chest and enjoying the way his prisoner arched beneath him, groaning in pleasure.
"You guys are sick, you know that?" Said Magician of Faith, who was playing monopoly with Enchanting Mermaid and Spirit of the Harp on the other side of the room.
"Yes?" Both Dark Magician and Celtic Guardian said innocently, then went back to their little torture games as if there weren't three other people in the room. Enchanting Mermaid, who was sitting in a bath full of cold saltwater, blushed and tried to concentrate on the game while the two young men across the room moaned and gasped and did very perverted things to each other. Magician of Faith muttered something about 'unhealthy amounts of perversion' and Spirit of the Harp said nothing. She was listening to Goth metal music on her Walkman, and wasn't really paying much attention.
Back upstairs, in the kitchen...
"Are you sure the spaghetti sauce needs this much garlic in? And why is it blue?" Mystical Sand asked, stirring the dubious-looking concoction with a wooden spoon. Magical Ghost sat on the counter next to his beloved toaster and began rifling through the cupboards, reading various packets and labels.
"I just like that colour. Anyway, you're the one who put the blue food colouring in it, I *was* joking, you know. And yes, it is supposed to have that much garlic in. It keeps the vampires away." The spirit said in a muffled voice, his head in the cupboard.
"I'm not even going to bother asking what you're talking about." Mystical Sand muttered, sighing as she turned down the heat and stirred the pasta.
On the roof...
Ansatsu stared silently at Harpie's Brother, who was watching with his hawk-like eyes as Feral Imp chased Baby Dragon around the back yard, still chewing on Mystery Hand as it bounded along in a happy ball of green fur. The assassin's pure white eyes wandered over Harpie's Brother's lithe body, his large, red and black wings and his spiky black hair.
'Pretty', he thought.
With a rustle of feathers, Harpie's Brother turned and stared at Ansatsu, narrowing his eyes. Then, with no warning whatsoever, Ansatsu snapped and darted forward to kiss the winged young man, pinning him down on the roof. Harpie's Brother gave a startled gasp but allowed himself to be pinned, arching his head back for Ansatsu to kiss his throat.
Down on the front lawn, Mystical Elf happened to look up as she was talking with Green Phantom King and Ancient Elf, and her blue skin blushed bright pink, earning her a number of worried looks. Ancient Elf followed her gaze up and caught sight of what was going on, as did Green Phantom king. The two of them watched for a moment, then slowly moved their gazes to stare at each other silently, contemplating. Mystical elf noticed that the two were now staring at each other deeply and sighed, shaking her head in exasperation as she wandered off to find someone else to talk to.
Green Phantom King and Ancient Elf stared at each other for a few minutes longer, then suddenly snapped out of their dazed trances and began making out right there in the middle of the lawn.
Right next to thBlueBlue-Eyes White Dragon cracked a big, sleepy eye open and focussed slowly on them. It wished, for a moment, that it could speak to tell them to get a room. Rolling its eyes, Blue-Eyes snorted and went back to sleep.
Back in the kitchen...
"Uh..." Mystical Sand said, her eyes wide as she watched the entire oven go up in flames.
"Yeah," Magical Ghost agreed, also watching, doing nothing at all to help.
"You know what's really weird? I wasn't even using the oven..." Mystical Sand said, watching the flames rise to lick at the ceiling, which was already covered with black marks, as though this wasn't exactly a rare occurrence.
"How is it that you manage to set the kitchen on fire every time you set foot in here?" Gyakutenno Megami asked softly, appearing at the door to see why black smoke was pouring out into the back yard.
"Umm... Bee I e I suck at cooking?" Mystical Sand suggested, shrugging as she watched Megami pour water over the oven to douse the flames.
"Would you like me to help you?" The fairy asked, smiling.
"Well... Magical Ghost was supposed to be helping me," the green-haired witch explained, looking guilty.
"Ah. That explains a few things. Let me help you, you still have the cake to make." Megami offered, grabbing an apron from the back of the door and tying it neatly around her trim waist, ready for business. Mystical Sand grinned gratefully, glaring at Magical Ghost, who went back to haunting his toaster.
"Thanks. Uh, have you seen Dark Elf, by the way?"
Megami smiled happily, mixing ingredients in a bowl, and nodded.
"The last time I saw her, I think she was on her way to the attic."
"Uh... Oh, shit." Mystical Sand muttered, hearing an insane, bloodcurdling scream from above, followed by a long bout of deranged cackling. "I think she let Swordstalker out..."
TBC
This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I changed my mind. ^_^
Ok so far? If you have any requests for cards you'd like to see in the story that I haven't used yet, or monsters/cards you'd like to see more of, or even just suggestions (I need them!) let me know, and I'll see what I can do. And I'm not sure if Swordstalker is actually insane or not, but he looks it, and I thought it would be funny, so...
Please review, and make me a happy bunny!
Next Time: Stupid Phobias, Change of Heart's split personality problem, and how to move Relinquishelso.lso... What will Swordstalker do now that he's been set loose?