The Shape Of My Heart

Hey people! This is my first fanfic, so please be gentle.
English is not my first language either, so if there are any mistakes, tell me
and I will correct them.

 

The story is rated R for violence in later chapters, at the
moment I’d say it’t PG13.

 

Anyway, please tell me what you think about it and whether I
should continue this or not.

 

 

 

Chapter One: A Heart Broken

 

 

I sighed and turned my head to look out of the wi. Ra. Rain.
Just great. Exactly what someone needs when you are already depressed. I sighed
again and cuddled a bit more into my blanket craving for the warmth it should
provide me. I was so damn tiered, not only physically but mentally. I wouldn’t
care if the world had stopped spinning that moment, what would it change for me
anyway?

 

 

Just as my physical tierdness wanted to claim my senses the
front door opened, revealing a totally soaked beauty, the protagonist of my
dreams, the person I long for or rather the person I want to hold me and never
let me go.

 



He smiled that overwhelming smile of his as he put the
umbrella, which didn’t protect him from the rain at all, away and slowly padded
over to where I was half sitting half lying on the couch. He smiled again as he
kissed my forehead, certainly assuming I was asleep. He gently lifted me in his
arms and carried me upstairs to the room we shared. He put me on the bed and
drew the covers over me kissing my forehead again. Then he exited the room,
softly closing the door behind him not to wake me. He’s so mindful of other
people, just too cute. If only he didn’t merely think of me as some weak little
kid or a brother he has to protect and care about. Of course I want him to care
but differently. I want him to think of me as an equal person, someone he
respects and cares about non the less.

 

 

I sighed for the hundredth time today turning and opening my
eyes. The storm had taken up a bit, the raindrops now pounding against the
window. I decided that it would be better to get up and help him a bit in the
store although one could not hope for a lot of costumers on a day like that. At
least we would get everything cleaned up and the new packages sorted.

 

 

I slowly padded down the stairs to the hallway hearing him
talking to someone on the phone.

“Sorry, but I have
to cancel. I have work today and there is no possibility to get away earlier
than eight pm . . . No, the weather doesn’t change a thing about that, there
could still be some costumers . . . You see, I cannot go today, maybe tomorrow
or Saturday. I’ll call you then . . . Yeah, sure. I love you, too. Bye.”

 

 

My heart constricted. That last phrase cut into my heart
like a knife. He didn’t see me and I didn’t want him to. I just wanted to
scream but I didn’t want to get his attention. This was my worst dream come
true, him telling somebody else that he s his him or her, whatever. It
shattered my heart into pieces to know exactly that I didn’t have a chance
anymore, that the last piece of hope I had was run over and destroyed to no
repair.

I ran up theirs irs I earlier walked down, right into my
room closing the door behind me, careful not to make a sound and let him know I
had been eavesdropping. I sunk down with my back against the door silent tears
running down my cheeks. This was so hopeless, so fucking hopeless. Why had it
to be him, it could have been anybody.

 

 

The little voice in
my head answered my question very clearly and without hesitation: Because it
was always him. He was your knight in shining armour. He shared your body so
long it just had to be him, someone you can trust with your heart and soul.

 

 

No, not with my heart. He just broke it. Without even
knowing. Because I wouldn’t tell him. It’s my own damn fault.

 

 

As this realization dawned on me I cried. I just cried my
soul out not being able to control the sobs wrecking my much too small body.
And guess what? There he is knocking on my door asking what was wrong.

 

 

“Nothing . . .please just leave me alone for a while.”

 

 

I couldn’t help myself anymore as I cried even harder. I
hated myself and it didn’t help much hearing his voice so full of concern for
me. He knocked again and tried to open the door but as I was sitting in front
of it, it wouldn’t let him enter.

 

 

He tried our mental link but I blocked him out. I didn’t
want him near me, not now. I had to sort this out for myself, even if only to
proof that I could handle things without him.

 

 

“Please,” I said once again my voice rugged from crying.

 

 

But he would not go. I heard him lean against the other side
of the door and then sink to the floor just like I did.

 

 

“Please tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you, you are my
dearest friend. I cannot stand you crying or being sad. You know that, so
please.”

 

 

I could perfectly picture him sitting there, arms hanging
losely over his knees, head hung between them contemplating what to do. I knew
him so well and he knew me, what made everything even more complicated. He
would not give in, remain stubborn like always and I would eventually give in.
It was always like that.

 

 

But this time would be different. This time I would not give
in to him.

 

 

He didn’t say anything for a while and slowly my sobbs
subsided. I could hear him breathing, back to back just the door separating us.


 

 

I felt childish after a while for not letting him in. Even
if I wanted to handle this myself I could have let him in. It’s not like he’d
done anything I didn’t want him to do anyway. So I slowly stood up my legs a
bit shaky from the awkward position they had been in earlier. I opened the
door and he fell backwards on the floor in front of my feet. I looked down in
startled, oh so beautiful crimson eyes. He blinkend a few times and then
hastily scrambled to his feet, a worried expression on his face. I could tell
from the look he was giving me that he would have worried himself to death if I
hadn’t opened that door anytime soon.

 

 

I gave him a weak smile and I knew my eyes were totally red
from crying. He lightly cocked his head to the side when he made a small step
in my direction and I made one back into my room. The confusion was written all
over his face and his eyes went wide when I took another step back shaking my
head. I couldn’t take it, couldn’t stand looking at him at the moment.

“Yugi?” he asked hesitantly, his voice an barely audible
whisper.

 

 

He tried to reach out for me but I backed away a bit
further.

 

 

“Please don’t. I don’t want to be touched right now.”

 

 

His eyes widened even more in shock. Never before had I ever
refused his touch or embrace. But I couldn’t let him touch me right now.

 

 

“Please just leave me alone for a while. I need time to
think.”

 

 

He didn’t buy it. I could tell by the look on his face but
he just nodded and took a few steps back to allow me to close the door again.
Once inside my room I leaned my forehead against the door and took a deep
breath. How could I ever be able to look him in the eyes again?

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for reading it till the end. I know it was
short, but please review.