rate_review Reviews

Your story was good--until the rape scene.

So far you've kept the characters fairly true to their form, which, under the circumstances, is impressive, so please don't think I ryinrying to belittle you. There are some things that I have to say, and while they take a long time to write, the good heavily outweighs the bad!

The only thing is you have just crossed a line where you won't be able (while keeping them in character) pair Jou and Kaiba together. As we all know, Seto Kaiba is vindictive and aggressive, and I would not be able to picture him simply forgiving Jou after a rape. Not only is it humiliating and degrading (two things our proud lil CEO will not tolerate) it takes your fic from BDSM comedy *scratches line* to dark/rape fic. Seto by nature is volatile and emotionally unstable, so it would be more likely he would scheme a way to have his revenge upon Jou with violence and cruelty. Also, with the entire power of Kaiba Corporation's legal department behind him (and also being a genius) I don't see how Jou could truly box him in with no way out.

I don't know if you're going to leave it or revise it, but I suggest revising it because with these last few chapters you've erased any possibility of Set/Jou. My advice to you would be to step into the character's shoes for a moment and think how you would feel, act, and say. It helps a lot--trust me. ^-^

Again, this is not a flame, not a rant, just some advice--if you want it.

I look forward to more of your writing.

--Amy :)

That was pretty good. keep it up. ^.^ Hmm, I wonder what is gonna happen with the parents..
and I hope Seto and Jou warm up to each other, I think they'd be perfect for each other. :)

I like your story but I hate Jou now. I'm tempted to just jump into your story and kick several different types of shit out out him! >_<

:Tears of joy: Thank you! Thank you so much for the update? Can there be more Kaiba punishment? Please? I hope he gets majorly busted and beaten! Can't wait til next update. Thank you again!

To those who sugest that Seto is OOC by not getting cloaths and runnin wou would agree he is slight OOC for not thinking of it, though he's had his life flipped topsy turvy you know? But why do I not consider it OOC that he doesn't run? Simple, if he does everything that he had endured at Jou's hands up to that point would have been worthless. He cannot, in his state force Jou to give him the card, even with proof of contract breach.

Why? Seto doesn't trust people, so he won't go to Yami who's "job" it is to enforce this thing. (look at the Batsu games, getting one of Yami's is because A) you lied B) Cheated C) Stole D) threatened/hurt his other's friends E) Looked at Yugi funny or worse *sarcasm people!*) And even if he did he would have had to reveal dirty secrets as it were. So Seto is dicked here becuase there's nothing forcing Jou to give it to him later.

Also, I have, on some reflection, figured out WHY this fic gets on some people's nerves. It's Noncon pretending to be con, or at least it was. Rape, in fiction, can be hot, S&M rape as well. Someone getting raped and liking it is bad writing and is not hot, in fact it's disturbing. Rape doesn't turn you into a whimpering spineless thing, but it can, espically under the circumstances Seto is under, nameepeaepeated rape and torture. Don't glamorit oit or make it any less evil than it is. Rapn ben be done well, and done well it leaves deep emotional scaring that IS NOT fixed by a quick fuck with your true love/savior.

Touch will be a bad thing, crowds will be a bad thing, being alone with people will be a bad thing. Trust will be a long time in coming.

Who am I to say this? Well I'm a psyc major in college, but even when I was in highschool I would have said the same thing. No I've never been raped, praise all things, but I did write a rape fic, and it was reviewed by a friend who, at the time I did not know, was a rape victim, and she praised it, that's my athority to say this. (here's the link BTW, it's Megaman X yaoi fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=324246 )

I agree with Sae that rape seems likely and that Seto will hate jou. But Seto isn't the type to cry, even at this, at leats not at first, he's go cold and shivering and not move. Weep perhaps, tears of shame and humiliation, if Jou isn't out to hurt him physically.

And I vote Jou get the same treatment from Yami that Seto did. Aka getting part of his soul removed like what happened to Seto that one time.


--Nemi

First of all, I want to get it clear that I love how you write, you do very well with keeping the characters IC (specially poor Seto), and the whole idea of Seto-neko is the best thing ever. Now, I just have to say, while I like S&M, donyou you think Jou is being the biggest jerk ever? Nonconsensual relationships is my thing, but eventually I like the two to actually sorta like each other... Seto is already cold enough, without having to now be all messed up with being beaten like that and stuff. He's already sorta messed up... ~pout~ Jou needs to learn that stupid saying, 'You catch more bees with honey than vinegar' or whatever. And on second thought... so does Seto. >.>;; Yes, I know you warned us about it being loaded with stuff like S&M and all, but I think there should be sweet stuff eventually too. Yaoi and S&M is hot, but so is at the end, actual love or something. Maybe Seto can escape, then be like "I'm just going to move away so I never see you again you stupid jerk" and Jou can be like "Fuck that! There's no way-" and then they can ride off into the sunset and-

Uber Seme Jou Supporters: ~kill Sae~

Sorry for reviewing... again, but I have more to say. XD and I'm alive again, yay!

Uber Seme Jou Supporters: Grrrr

Ahem, I think both The Dragon and Nemi have points. I believe Seto is in character mostly, unlike The Dragon, but yes.. after all this... I don't think he really cares about being a CEO or naked. Now that his arms are locked up, and he knows Yami will help him, he should just get away. The also sad part about my agreeing with Dragon, is that I really don't see romance at this point. Seto is going to just hate Jou forever~! ;_; Which is WORSE than what Jou is doing to Seto! ~poutpout~

I still really like this fic, and this is my opinion! Please don't tat ast as a flame! >.> I'm just saying, Jou needs to seriously realize what he's doing to poor Seto, maybe just rape him again (That's evil still though!) and like Seto should start crying and suddenly Jou realizes what a creep he's being. He can still do the S&M thing.. but geeze... >.> He needs to learn the magic of Lite S&M ^~

THIS IS NOT A FLAME! o.o

Uber Seme Jou Supporters: ~kill Sae... again~

IIIII LOVE THIS!!! PLEASE REVIEW SOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!

heh heh.....nothin like an uke Seto tied up,and at...*sob* Jounichi's disposal!I wish it was Yami,but oh well.

Seto going to crazy with all this torture.HA!

HAHAHA!

Back again, I usually wait about an hour thinking about how I would mail you, but lasviewview I did it on inst, st, so I need to add on and clarify.

First, I don't think Seto would go catatonic, not without more abuse at least. I think he would go into deep day dreaming. We've all done it, when you don't even realize it until your buddy has to push you to snap you out of it. And when you do snap out of it you have trouble recallign just exactly you were thinking about.

Rape is bound to be more and more obviously rape as it's going to be hard to slip him pills now.

I'm worried more and more about Seto, Sex hasn't made a good impression on him. It takes away his ability to reason. It takes away his power of choice. It humiliates him. It hurts him. And it's just getting worse and worse.

A bit of Randomness: I keep assoiciating Seto with Aldonza from Man of La Mancha (The play of Don Quixote) Specifically her two major songs which are more than a little bitter. "It's all the Same" which has lyrics that include:

"Onir oir of arms is like another"
"I'll go with you or your brother"
"I do not like you or your brother"

And Aldonza, where she's just saying she's a whore and how tired she is.

if you want the lyrics if you want them.

A Poem that might, correction, would appeal to Seto, by Marianne Moore:

-O to Be a Dragon-

If I, like Solomon, ...
could have my wish--

my wish...O to be a dragon.
a symbol of the power of Heaven--of silkworm
size or immence; at times invisible.
Felicitous phenomenon!

Not the power, but being small, invisible, so no one can hurt him.

Seto's pride is having power, being dignified. But before that, before he had that pride he had the pride of preserverance, that "I'm here, I'm still here." The fact that he lasts, and though that he wins.

*hugs Seto*

Nemi