schedule
July 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
OMG that was AMAZING, I was hooked- I seriously haven't slept at all tonight. Can't wait for more!
schedule
July 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Due to the length of this chapter, some of my comment is written as I read, so I don't miss anyting. :D
I have to say, when I started reading this story this morning, I was immediately hooked. I like how you didn't simply tell the readers about Jounouchi's job, but that you started of showing us solving one of his cases. Having the different character's stories of the past year revealed slowly as the main plot goes on is very interesting.
I like how you portray Jou as having grown up also through how he acts. He still blows up from time to time, which is just in his nature, but he can stay calm a lot more than he used to. Kaiba is also pretty much in character, I think, which is not at all easy to maintain.
"It was my fault for expecting competency." <- That sentence had me grinning like mad. It's a line just screaming Kaiba.
Mai has given me goosebumbs. Holy fuck. It's so great to see, for once, somebody not just write her off as a gold digging bitch. It's obvious she was affected by their son's death, so that gives her at least a minimum of sympathy points. But dude, Kaiba is right, go to the doctor!
I wanted to bang my head on the desk during that scene in the limo with Kaiba mentioning the wax. Oh. My. God. xD I like how you use the OCs, the cats etc. not just to add something of your own, but to show some other sides of Kaiba as well. :3 And haha, fits that Kaiba would put something in the system to know what Jou was talking about him, ahahahaha! xD I like how you really show all the clues, what Jou is uncovering bit by bit. Many authors lack detailed descriptions in these kind of scenarios or don't make sense with them, but you're doing great so far.
That little scene in the cafeteria is cute. xD It's always nice to hear things from Kaiba's employees' POV.
Ahaha, I'm glad I've read The Half-Blood Prince a long time ago, or this would have been a murder spoiler. xD
Hm, I'm not sure how I feel about the maid calling her boss "Kaiba-souchou". For one, if the story is in English, I don't need Japanese terms in there when there is an English synonym that fits. Using "-san" and the like I don't mind at all, but apart from that... For the upper police officers you used the English terms, so maybe it's best to keep everything in one style. Also, what I noticed from fanworks is that Japanese fans tend to call Kaiba "shachou", which means "head of a company", "president of a company" or also just "boss". This might fit a little better, if you don't want to use "CEO". :3
Okay, I kind of like Ai or rather Jounouchi's exchanges with her. But the way she's threatening him makes me think of the Red Queen in Resident Evil, ahaha. 8D And wow, it's so great to see her developing like that, and with a reason as well. Lovely!
Oh, the solid wall and isn't one at all! Did you get the idea from the movie Labyrinth? It sure makes me think of it, haha. Images of Kaiba as the Goblin Kind in tights... uh...
Aw, I like the explanation of Seto's Ka and Ba and his situation just being different from Atemu's. Basically I believe the same thing and I don't like if people just carelessly make Seto have a yami as well etc. It might be nice for a oneshot with no further background, but for a story that takes what cannon offers seriously, this is an important thought imo.
“One thing’s for sure, this ain’t no ordinary pyramid.” <- To me this sounds like "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." xD
Hmm. When Jounouchi finally sees Yuugi again, I was hoping for a bit more of emotion from him. :/ I mean, he did "see" him before, his note and all, but being able to hug him again, I would have liked to have, like, one sentence telling us how reliefed he his or something, you know?
"Bad sex was no reason to suck the soul out of someone." <- Ahahahahahaha! *gigglesnorts* Best line ever.
Okay, I'll be honest. I generally don't really like when too much magic stuff is put in fanfictions for this fandom. Probably because authors mostly toss it around however they want or it seems like copied from a book about magic. When those first 'happenings' came about, like Yuugi appearing before Jou, I still hoped you would only let some ghosts show him the way and that's it. Well, you did do more with it, and compared to what I have seen in the past, it was nice and you obviously made an effort to have everything fit the plot, all the loose threads coming together there. I had been really anticipating what the big mystery about Yuugi vanishing is.
I like how you ended this with Honda. :D It's good to know the buddies will be back together, wrecking havoc, I guess, lol. Also, I like your idea of having him at Jounouchi's side when he tries to solve his cases. Nice touch there.
Uff, okay, this got way longer than I wanted, it's almost midnight here and I spent a good part of the day just reading, haha. But I do appreciate the pace you set for the development of both the plot and the characters. I would really like to read more from this universe. :D Oh, just as a side note: I noticed quite some commas missing and sometimes the speech marks where not complete as well. You might want to check that again. :3 Overall a really nice story that I will now put to my favorites! :D
I have to say, when I started reading this story this morning, I was immediately hooked. I like how you didn't simply tell the readers about Jounouchi's job, but that you started of showing us solving one of his cases. Having the different character's stories of the past year revealed slowly as the main plot goes on is very interesting.
I like how you portray Jou as having grown up also through how he acts. He still blows up from time to time, which is just in his nature, but he can stay calm a lot more than he used to. Kaiba is also pretty much in character, I think, which is not at all easy to maintain.
"It was my fault for expecting competency." <- That sentence had me grinning like mad. It's a line just screaming Kaiba.
Mai has given me goosebumbs. Holy fuck. It's so great to see, for once, somebody not just write her off as a gold digging bitch. It's obvious she was affected by their son's death, so that gives her at least a minimum of sympathy points. But dude, Kaiba is right, go to the doctor!
I wanted to bang my head on the desk during that scene in the limo with Kaiba mentioning the wax. Oh. My. God. xD I like how you use the OCs, the cats etc. not just to add something of your own, but to show some other sides of Kaiba as well. :3 And haha, fits that Kaiba would put something in the system to know what Jou was talking about him, ahahahaha! xD I like how you really show all the clues, what Jou is uncovering bit by bit. Many authors lack detailed descriptions in these kind of scenarios or don't make sense with them, but you're doing great so far.
That little scene in the cafeteria is cute. xD It's always nice to hear things from Kaiba's employees' POV.
Ahaha, I'm glad I've read The Half-Blood Prince a long time ago, or this would have been a murder spoiler. xD
Hm, I'm not sure how I feel about the maid calling her boss "Kaiba-souchou". For one, if the story is in English, I don't need Japanese terms in there when there is an English synonym that fits. Using "-san" and the like I don't mind at all, but apart from that... For the upper police officers you used the English terms, so maybe it's best to keep everything in one style. Also, what I noticed from fanworks is that Japanese fans tend to call Kaiba "shachou", which means "head of a company", "president of a company" or also just "boss". This might fit a little better, if you don't want to use "CEO". :3
Okay, I kind of like Ai or rather Jounouchi's exchanges with her. But the way she's threatening him makes me think of the Red Queen in Resident Evil, ahaha. 8D And wow, it's so great to see her developing like that, and with a reason as well. Lovely!
Oh, the solid wall and isn't one at all! Did you get the idea from the movie Labyrinth? It sure makes me think of it, haha. Images of Kaiba as the Goblin Kind in tights... uh...
Aw, I like the explanation of Seto's Ka and Ba and his situation just being different from Atemu's. Basically I believe the same thing and I don't like if people just carelessly make Seto have a yami as well etc. It might be nice for a oneshot with no further background, but for a story that takes what cannon offers seriously, this is an important thought imo.
“One thing’s for sure, this ain’t no ordinary pyramid.” <- To me this sounds like "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." xD
Hmm. When Jounouchi finally sees Yuugi again, I was hoping for a bit more of emotion from him. :/ I mean, he did "see" him before, his note and all, but being able to hug him again, I would have liked to have, like, one sentence telling us how reliefed he his or something, you know?
"Bad sex was no reason to suck the soul out of someone." <- Ahahahahahaha! *gigglesnorts* Best line ever.
Okay, I'll be honest. I generally don't really like when too much magic stuff is put in fanfictions for this fandom. Probably because authors mostly toss it around however they want or it seems like copied from a book about magic. When those first 'happenings' came about, like Yuugi appearing before Jou, I still hoped you would only let some ghosts show him the way and that's it. Well, you did do more with it, and compared to what I have seen in the past, it was nice and you obviously made an effort to have everything fit the plot, all the loose threads coming together there. I had been really anticipating what the big mystery about Yuugi vanishing is.
I like how you ended this with Honda. :D It's good to know the buddies will be back together, wrecking havoc, I guess, lol. Also, I like your idea of having him at Jounouchi's side when he tries to solve his cases. Nice touch there.
Uff, okay, this got way longer than I wanted, it's almost midnight here and I spent a good part of the day just reading, haha. But I do appreciate the pace you set for the development of both the plot and the characters. I would really like to read more from this universe. :D Oh, just as a side note: I noticed quite some commas missing and sometimes the speech marks where not complete as well. You might want to check that again. :3 Overall a really nice story that I will now put to my favorites! :D
schedule
July 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
That sentence had me grinning like mad. It's a line just screaming Kaiba.
Mai has given me goosebumbs. Holy fuck. It's so great to see, for once, somebody not just write her off as a gold digging bitch. It's obvious she was affected by their son's death, so that gives her at least a minimum of sympathy points. But dude, Kaiba is right, go to the doctor!
I wanted to bang my head on the desk during that scene in the limo with Kaiba mentioning the wax. Oh. My. God. xD I like how you use the OCs, the cats etc. not just to add something of your own, but to show some other sides of Kaiba as well. :3 And haha, fits that Kaiba would put something in the system to know what Jou was talking about him, ahahahaha! xD I like how you really show all the clues, what Jou is uncovering bit by bit. Many authors lack detailed descriptions in these kind of scenarios or don't make sense with them, but you're doing great so far.
That little scene in the cafeteria is cute. xD It's always nice to hear things from Kaiba's employees' POV.
Ahaha, I'm glad I've read The Half-Blood Prince a long time ago, or this would have been a murder spoiler. xD
Hm, I'm not sure how I feel about the maid calling her boss "Kaiba-souchou". For one, if the story is in English, I don't need Japanese terms in there when there is an English synonym that fits. Using "-san" and the like I don't mind at all, but apart from that... For the upper police officers you used the English terms, so maybe it's best to keep everything in one style. Also, what I noticed from fanworks is that Japanese fans tend to call Kaiba "shachou", which means "head of a company", "president of a company" or also just "boss". This might fit a little better, if you don't want to use "CEO". :3
Okay, I kind of like Ai or rather Jounouchi's exchanges with her. But the way she's threatening him makes me think of the Red Queen in Resident Evil, ahaha. 8D And wow, it's so great to see her developing like that, and with a reason as well. Lovely!
Oh, the solid wall and isn't one at all! Did you get the idea from the movie Labyrinth? It sure makes me think of it, haha. Images of Kaiba as the Goblin Kind in tights... uh...
Aw, I like the explanation of Seto's Ka and Ba and his situation just being different from Atemu's. Basically I believe the same thing and I don't like if people just carelessly make Seto have a yami as well etc. It might be nice for a oneshot with no further background, but for a story that takes what cannon offers seriously, this is an important thought imo.
“One thing’s for sure, this ain’t no ordinary pyramid.” <- To me this sounds like "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." xD
Hmm. When Jounouchi finally sees Yuugi again, I was hoping for a bit more of emotion from him. :/ I mean, he did "see" him before, his note and all, but being able to hug him again, I would have liked to have, like, one sentence telling us how reliefed he his or something, you know?
"Bad sex was no reason to suck the soul out of someone." <- Ahahahahahaha! *gigglesnorts* Best line ever.
Okay, I'll be honest. I generally don't really like when too much magic stuff is put in fanfictions for this fandom. Probably because authors mostly toss it around however they want or it seems like copied from a book about magic. When those first 'happenings' came about, like Yuugi appearing before Jou, I still hoped you would only let some ghosts show him the way and that's it. Well, you did do more with it, and compared to what I have seen in the past, it was nice and you obviously made an effort to have everything fit the plot, all the loose threads coming together there. I had been really anticipating what the big mystery about Yuugi vanishing is.
I like how you ended this with Honda. :D It's good to know the buddies will be back together, wrecking havoc, I guess, lol. Also, I like your idea of having him at Jounouchi's side when he tries to solve his cases. Nice touch there.
Uff, okay, this got way longer than I wanted, it's almost midnight here and I spent a good part of the day just reading, haha. But I do appreciate the pace you set for the development of both the plot and the characters. I would really like to read more from this universe. :D Oh, just as a side note: I noticed quite some commas missing and sometimes the speech marks where not complete as well. You might want to check that again. :3 Overall a really nice story that I will now put to my favorites! :D
Mai has given me goosebumbs. Holy fuck. It's so great to see, for once, somebody not just write her off as a gold digging bitch. It's obvious she was affected by their son's death, so that gives her at least a minimum of sympathy points. But dude, Kaiba is right, go to the doctor!
I wanted to bang my head on the desk during that scene in the limo with Kaiba mentioning the wax. Oh. My. God. xD I like how you use the OCs, the cats etc. not just to add something of your own, but to show some other sides of Kaiba as well. :3 And haha, fits that Kaiba would put something in the system to know what Jou was talking about him, ahahahaha! xD I like how you really show all the clues, what Jou is uncovering bit by bit. Many authors lack detailed descriptions in these kind of scenarios or don't make sense with them, but you're doing great so far.
That little scene in the cafeteria is cute. xD It's always nice to hear things from Kaiba's employees' POV.
Ahaha, I'm glad I've read The Half-Blood Prince a long time ago, or this would have been a murder spoiler. xD
Hm, I'm not sure how I feel about the maid calling her boss "Kaiba-souchou". For one, if the story is in English, I don't need Japanese terms in there when there is an English synonym that fits. Using "-san" and the like I don't mind at all, but apart from that... For the upper police officers you used the English terms, so maybe it's best to keep everything in one style. Also, what I noticed from fanworks is that Japanese fans tend to call Kaiba "shachou", which means "head of a company", "president of a company" or also just "boss". This might fit a little better, if you don't want to use "CEO". :3
Okay, I kind of like Ai or rather Jounouchi's exchanges with her. But the way she's threatening him makes me think of the Red Queen in Resident Evil, ahaha. 8D And wow, it's so great to see her developing like that, and with a reason as well. Lovely!
Oh, the solid wall and isn't one at all! Did you get the idea from the movie Labyrinth? It sure makes me think of it, haha. Images of Kaiba as the Goblin Kind in tights... uh...
Aw, I like the explanation of Seto's Ka and Ba and his situation just being different from Atemu's. Basically I believe the same thing and I don't like if people just carelessly make Seto have a yami as well etc. It might be nice for a oneshot with no further background, but for a story that takes what cannon offers seriously, this is an important thought imo.
“One thing’s for sure, this ain’t no ordinary pyramid.” <- To me this sounds like "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." xD
Hmm. When Jounouchi finally sees Yuugi again, I was hoping for a bit more of emotion from him. :/ I mean, he did "see" him before, his note and all, but being able to hug him again, I would have liked to have, like, one sentence telling us how reliefed he his or something, you know?
"Bad sex was no reason to suck the soul out of someone." <- Ahahahahahaha! *gigglesnorts* Best line ever.
Okay, I'll be honest. I generally don't really like when too much magic stuff is put in fanfictions for this fandom. Probably because authors mostly toss it around however they want or it seems like copied from a book about magic. When those first 'happenings' came about, like Yuugi appearing before Jou, I still hoped you would only let some ghosts show him the way and that's it. Well, you did do more with it, and compared to what I have seen in the past, it was nice and you obviously made an effort to have everything fit the plot, all the loose threads coming together there. I had been really anticipating what the big mystery about Yuugi vanishing is.
I like how you ended this with Honda. :D It's good to know the buddies will be back together, wrecking havoc, I guess, lol. Also, I like your idea of having him at Jounouchi's side when he tries to solve his cases. Nice touch there.
Uff, okay, this got way longer than I wanted, it's almost midnight here and I spent a good part of the day just reading, haha. But I do appreciate the pace you set for the development of both the plot and the characters. I would really like to read more from this universe. :D Oh, just as a side note: I noticed quite some commas missing and sometimes the speech marks where not complete as well. You might want to check that again. :3 Overall a really nice story that I will now put to my favorites! :D
schedule
July 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
To me this sounds like "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." xD
Hmm. When Jounouchi finally sees Yuugi again, I was hoping for a bit more of emotion from him. :/ I mean, he did "see" him before, his note and all, but being able to hug him again, I would have liked to have, like, one sentence telling us how reliefed he his or something, you know?
"Bad sex was no reason to suck the soul out of someone." Ahahahahahaha! *gigglesnorts* Best line ever.
Okay, I'll be honest. I generally don't really like when too much magic stuff is put in fanfictions for this fandom. Probably because authors mostly toss it around however they want or it seems like copied from a book about magic. When those first 'happenings' came about, like Yuugi appearing before Jou, I still hoped you would only let some ghosts show him the way and that's it. Well, you did do more with it, and compared to what I have seen in the past, it was nice and you obviously made an effort to have everything fit the plot, all the loose threads coming together there. I had been really anticipating what the big mystery about Yuugi vanishing is.
I like how you ended this with Honda. :D It's good to know the buddies will be back together, wrecking havoc, I guess, lol. Also, I like your idea of having him at Jounouchi's side when he tries to solve his cases. Nice touch there.
Uff, okay, this got way longer than I wanted, it's almost midnight here and I spent a good part of the day just reading, haha. But I do appreciate the pace you set for the development of both the plot and the characters. I would really like to read more from this universe. :D Oh, just as a side note: I noticed quite some commas missing and sometimes the speech marks where not complete as well. You might want to check that again. :3 Overall a really nice story that I will now put to my favorites! :D
(Sorry, had to put several reviews due to length or forbidden characters?!)
Hmm. When Jounouchi finally sees Yuugi again, I was hoping for a bit more of emotion from him. :/ I mean, he did "see" him before, his note and all, but being able to hug him again, I would have liked to have, like, one sentence telling us how reliefed he his or something, you know?
"Bad sex was no reason to suck the soul out of someone." Ahahahahahaha! *gigglesnorts* Best line ever.
Okay, I'll be honest. I generally don't really like when too much magic stuff is put in fanfictions for this fandom. Probably because authors mostly toss it around however they want or it seems like copied from a book about magic. When those first 'happenings' came about, like Yuugi appearing before Jou, I still hoped you would only let some ghosts show him the way and that's it. Well, you did do more with it, and compared to what I have seen in the past, it was nice and you obviously made an effort to have everything fit the plot, all the loose threads coming together there. I had been really anticipating what the big mystery about Yuugi vanishing is.
I like how you ended this with Honda. :D It's good to know the buddies will be back together, wrecking havoc, I guess, lol. Also, I like your idea of having him at Jounouchi's side when he tries to solve his cases. Nice touch there.
Uff, okay, this got way longer than I wanted, it's almost midnight here and I spent a good part of the day just reading, haha. But I do appreciate the pace you set for the development of both the plot and the characters. I would really like to read more from this universe. :D Oh, just as a side note: I noticed quite some commas missing and sometimes the speech marks where not complete as well. You might want to check that again. :3 Overall a really nice story that I will now put to my favorites! :D
(Sorry, had to put several reviews due to length or forbidden characters?!)
schedule
July 25, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Glomp...gush...squeeeeee
Oh, um, great fic ... Poor kisara ... Need to get her a wig and a furry kitty coat for when she stresses ... LOL
Love how Jou finds people but too bad about his kid.
Oh, um, great fic ... Poor kisara ... Need to get her a wig and a furry kitty coat for when she stresses ... LOL
Love how Jou finds people but too bad about his kid.