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April 4, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I skipped reviewing Chapter 2, I'm afraid, because I went on to this one without realizing it until just now :(
In any case, good job. I'm baffled by the undertones in this story - but that's a good thing! I can see that the connections are there, I just haven't been able to put them together yet. I'm unsure of how it all means, but that give you the opportunity to be my guide in this story - I like that.
I'm very fond of the way that you can create attachments to sentiments, and it shows particularly in this chapter. You've characterized Seto in a way that I love, because it seems as though that's how Seto would really be. I'm a sucker for romanticism, but couplings without romance is a subject that's difficult for me to write. You're obviously better at it than I am.
I can't wait for more and to see where this story goes and what it changes into. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly!
In any case, good job. I'm baffled by the undertones in this story - but that's a good thing! I can see that the connections are there, I just haven't been able to put them together yet. I'm unsure of how it all means, but that give you the opportunity to be my guide in this story - I like that.
I'm very fond of the way that you can create attachments to sentiments, and it shows particularly in this chapter. You've characterized Seto in a way that I love, because it seems as though that's how Seto would really be. I'm a sucker for romanticism, but couplings without romance is a subject that's difficult for me to write. You're obviously better at it than I am.
I can't wait for more and to see where this story goes and what it changes into. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly!
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April 4, 2012 at 12:00 AM
...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
I was so surprised at the turn that this particular story took, but it made sense. I'm piecing it together now, but I have to say that I very strongly identify with Joey in this aspect of the story rather than Kaiba. I'm just as 'slow' as he is.
You do a good job of pacing in this story - nothing was too fast or too slow, and I could feel the build up. There's definitely emotional tension here, and the intimacy gives you something extra than simply straight smut. It's... arousing, but in a mental way, almost? I'm not phrasing that correctly, but I'm still reeling from the forces in this fic. It's just awesome.
Oh! I love this story so much. It's awesome. Good job, and keep up the great work!
I was so surprised at the turn that this particular story took, but it made sense. I'm piecing it together now, but I have to say that I very strongly identify with Joey in this aspect of the story rather than Kaiba. I'm just as 'slow' as he is.
You do a good job of pacing in this story - nothing was too fast or too slow, and I could feel the build up. There's definitely emotional tension here, and the intimacy gives you something extra than simply straight smut. It's... arousing, but in a mental way, almost? I'm not phrasing that correctly, but I'm still reeling from the forces in this fic. It's just awesome.
Oh! I love this story so much. It's awesome. Good job, and keep up the great work!
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April 4, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Best. Chapter. Ever.
You really, really got into the groove with this one; the way that you impart a natural atmosphere to the scene is amazing. That's really what it's like to have to juggle jobs - that's really what it's like when you masturbate with 'material'. Even with the image he conjured, it was very "real". It's impossible not to identify with Joey in some form or another, and that's what makes this so great. The text seems to suck you in and you just want to cling to it. I wish this chapter hadn't ended.
There were several quotes that caught my eye here:
"As far as he was concerned, these charities everyone worked so hard for did nothing to prevent his sister’s death. He owed them nothing."
"Part of him would be relieved if Kaiba showed up; it would imply that he was already over this awkward episode of their non-relationship."
"The irony - two fruits engaging in repeated displays of testosterone. Together. Wasn’t that funny? Wasn’t that hilarious as fuck?"
The quotes above just caught my attention while I was reading. They're all immensely powerful in terms of setting the mood and confirming the candidness of the story. I'm really blown away by this, really. I want more already!
Crit? Maybe?: The Americanization was a little heavy in this particular chapter, but it wasn't bad - just noticeable. I don't think it was a bad thing, though. It fits with the setting.
You really, really got into the groove with this one; the way that you impart a natural atmosphere to the scene is amazing. That's really what it's like to have to juggle jobs - that's really what it's like when you masturbate with 'material'. Even with the image he conjured, it was very "real". It's impossible not to identify with Joey in some form or another, and that's what makes this so great. The text seems to suck you in and you just want to cling to it. I wish this chapter hadn't ended.
There were several quotes that caught my eye here:
"As far as he was concerned, these charities everyone worked so hard for did nothing to prevent his sister’s death. He owed them nothing."
"Part of him would be relieved if Kaiba showed up; it would imply that he was already over this awkward episode of their non-relationship."
"The irony - two fruits engaging in repeated displays of testosterone. Together. Wasn’t that funny? Wasn’t that hilarious as fuck?"
The quotes above just caught my attention while I was reading. They're all immensely powerful in terms of setting the mood and confirming the candidness of the story. I'm really blown away by this, really. I want more already!
Crit? Maybe?: The Americanization was a little heavy in this particular chapter, but it wasn't bad - just noticeable. I don't think it was a bad thing, though. It fits with the setting.
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March 10, 2012 at 12:00 AM
my favorite detail to far is that he noticed the magezine pic was airbrushed, i hope you get back to this. im really looking forwarx to day five. dont leave us hanging too long! :3
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March 8, 2012 at 12:00 AM
another wonderful chapter. I loved how Jounouchi's thoughts kept going back to Kaiba as if he was fighting them and losing the battle. I loved the tug and pull of it. Jounouchi was very noble to say that Kaiba did all the work, but I'm curious on what Kaiba's going through. My favorite part of this chapter was the last line. It was beautiful and heart retching. I can't wait for more.
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March 7, 2012 at 12:00 AM
*I have an ominous feeling about this mention of cancer and not seeing Mokuba around* Seto obviously grieving and reaching out for a touchstone... ooh Jounouchi feels bad - GOOD. He deserves it. Walked away from our hurting dragon. *chuckles* Love the fact that he is only gradually waking up to his sexuality. Better late than never. 2 blond's blowing someone huh? Not even a bit of transference... *grins* Can you tell I'm loving this story?
Thank you for the good read.
Maggiemay
Thank you for the good read.
Maggiemay
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February 27, 2012 at 12:00 AM
wow great chapters, eagerly awaiting your next update :)
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February 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Waaahhh Jou walked away... Kaiba will be crushed. It took so much for him to open up. Oh gosh this had me almost in tears when Jou walked.
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February 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
oh my gosh I feel like I want to cry. Poor Kaiba. It took so much for him to do that and Jounouchi just gets up and leaves. I feel so bad for him. Great chapter. I'm still loving this story
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February 5, 2012 at 12:00 AM
wow, kaiba ain't looking good at all. so crap just approached from a different direction.